Monday, February 08, 2010

Blood, Guts, Snow, & Exploding Toilets

Ok, February is upon us. We have a lot going down this month. One, for all the sappy lovers out there, you get Valentine's Day of course. Two, Super Bowl time which ended yesterday. Three, for the cultural side of things, it's Black History Month. Four, we get one of my favorite weekends of the entire year, NBA All Star Weekend. That's a trip that is on my list one day, mark it down. Outside of that, I promised the usual movie reviews and the action that went down during last weekend's Toughman Contest in Clarksburg. Plus, a biggie just added is the snow blizzard report, a few good stories from Friday night on that. You're already being impatient and wanting me to start, so we'll start to break things down..

All week long, people were freaking out at this big snow we were supposed to get. It's not like we can do anything about it, but some think the world is going to end once a snowflake hits the ground. You better get your milk and bread because you might be locked inside your house for 2 months, please. Anyways, I get let out of work early on Friday, that's always a fun thing. Friday night, it started to bring it down hardcore. Four of us had movie night planned, but two dropped out. I was going to take one for team and see Dear John on opening night. It was the 10:00 showing and Whip and I were going to trek the snow regardless. I'll probably see it later in the week. If Cork doesn't mind me letting the world know that he manned up and saw it on Sunday, he said it wasn't too bad. I personally love to get out in the big snow and just rip through it. Some people freak at the thought of getting their cars in it, but come on. It was really bad, but I didn't have any problems, and that's a fortunate thing.

On the way there, I'll describe some areas for the locals. Going towards the mall, a little bit past the infamous Tate's Fruit Market was our first wreck we came upon. Somehow, a car was practically on its top in the ditch. We couldn't figure out how it was possible they even wrecked like that. He had to have been going like a madman, so props to him for at least not going 2 miles per hour. I guess he was the loser in the end of things though. Speaking of that, I have zero patience when it comes to people who have no clue of driving in the snow. That's one thing I need to work on for sure and then some. So we're driving along Meadowbrook Road and get to an area past the FedEx shop. What do we see? None other than a FedEx truck stranded. He was ditched as well and was waiting on help. He busted out the trusty flashlight and guided us through on our way. So far so good, right?

We're going up the road a bit more and come to where the massage place is at. Then we see yet another FedEx truck. What gives? We're the lead car and not many are behind us. We saw a state cop behind this truck and drove fairly close to it. Maybe I was being an idiot, but the other cars stayed behind a good distance. I just wanted to see what was up. After about a half hour or so of waiting and already being late for the movie, the cop backs down the hill a bit. "Uh, if I were you, I'd back down the hill a bit. If that trucks starts sliding down it, it's not gonna slow down." Probably good advice there. Then a bit later, the driver of the truck comes down the hill. They weren't having any luck towing the FedEx truck up the hill. He comes to talk to us and let us know the deal. He said it'd be at least another half hour because they had to get a bigger tow truck to get him up the hill. He told us we might as well turn around. By that point, it was well past time to go to the movie anyways. We get back into town and half of town had power out. Luckily, it came on a few hours later, so no biggie. My area got about 15 inches, big time, but not as big as some areas on the East such as blog contributor The_Freak who got about 30 inches and Philly got bombed too. Bring on the snow! Apparently, we have more coming on Tuesday and Wednesday, who knows.

Speaking of breaking things down, faces were broken, bodies were in shambles, and you always end up with a great time. Where's that? The 31st Annual Toughman Contest at the Nathan Goff Armory of course. Friday night has been a tradition for me to hit up for quite a while now. That's when you get to see it all. There were nearly fifty fights that night, how can you put a price on that? Plus, you get to see the bums who have no business being in the ring, then come in and get their block knocked off. It's always interesting to see the guys who think they are big and bad and then they get punished once they are in the ring. This was the first year in a while that I didn't get floor seats, I tried to get tickets just a bit too late. Either way though, I still nabbed some good seats, first row of bleachers. However, there were some not so good parts of these seats we had too. Cork and Spank joined the festivities with me, as I'm not sure why a lot more of my buddies don't get into this. It's one of our favorite things of the year.

Anyways, back to our seats. Behind me sat a dude that was every bit of 400 pounds, I kid you not. 400 is actually being generous, but I'll be nice for the blog. When you sit in bleacher seats, your back is going to become obliterated by night's end regardless. Then put a guy that size directly behind you to where his gut is literally hanging all on your back and it's not pleasant. Basically I paid to sit in a third of a seat as I was bent over most of the night with my neck and back getting sore as the night progressed. Not only that, but it seemed that 75% of the people here do nothing but get up and down, walk around, and be knuckleheads. For the entire night, I missed one round when I made a quick trip to the concession stand. I'm there to watch fights, call me crazy. Cork and I about lost our voice screaming at these idiots who would walk right in front of us and spill their beer everywhere. Spank was probably shaking his head, thinking he'd have to eventually protect us dorks for running our mouths. Hey, we just wanted a good view. Luckily, we were tame and didn't push anyone's buttons too bad, but it was fairly annoying.

I'm going to start by going into a crowd fight before I even mention the ring wars. To set up the scene, this was a few rows back from us, diagonally. I hear something going on and of course everyone looks in that area. The next thing I see is this dude doing ground and pound and just crushing another guy's face in with punches. He was laying the hammer and not in the porn sense of the nature, we're going fists this time. Not long after, the cops were all about it and did their job to break these guys apart. As they walked the one dude down, he was bleeding like Ric Flair, it was a mess and flowing like a faucet. It was dripping over the stands, on people, you name it. I can't make this up if I tried. They actually had to come over and mop up that section since blood was everywhere. You never know what you're going to see in this crowd. For those who have been to other Toughman Contests in the area, I've said last year, the type of crowd at Clarksburg and Morgantown are totally different worlds. Morgantown is more wide open with seating and less of a redneck/racist feel to the night. I've ranted before on how racist people around here become one of my huge things that get me fired up. You can't change people's opinions and it was in the air that night.

How'd the action in the ring go? It was pretty solid. With that many fights in a night, it's nonstop the entire time. As soon as one fight is over, the next fight's matchup is already waiting ringside to jump in. The kid who won the heavyweight, he also won last year too and is only 19 years old. Dude is 6'7"/260 and is the real deal. There weren't as many knockouts this year as compared to years past, so that was somewhat of a bummer. It does make it fun when you know a decent bit of the guys that are in these things. All in all, it's always worth the money to attend if you've never been. You see some characters and it's definitely a fun experience, at least I think so.

The ring girls you ask? I'm rarely ever much of a big fan of these in our area at least. Hear me out. Maybe I'm too picky or unlike most guys, but these girls are all the same to me. They're 90 pounds with ribs sticking out and no bodies to them. The anorexic chicks, someone else can go that route. The one we liked was some ethnic girl and I wasn't quite sure of what ethnicity to be honest. The other three didn't quite hit the spot, at least for me. Another girl didn't have an outfit all night that actually fit her. That'd usually be a good thing, but her bikini bottoms were baggy on her and she didn't have anything in there anyways for it to form to, thumbs down. Baggy bikini girl also got frustrated late in the night or so it seemed to us. The last hour anyways, she'd just do a quick walk around the ring and nothing else. Seeing some of these girls try to dance is always good entertainment though. I call it how I see it. Props to them for getting up there, but we need a variety of girls if you ask me, not the same cookie cutters, but what do I know?

Ok, now it's time to talk movies once again. Get your popcorn ready as Terrell Owens would say. He would've crushed Jerry Rice's records if he ever had a good quarterback with him, or so he recently mentioned. What's the movie of choice this time? It'd be When In Rome. This one is a quick 90-minute movie and I actually enjoyed it. It's a ton better than The Lovely Bones from the previous week if that counts for anything. Kristen Bell was looking great in this one and played her part just fine. The people that made it for me in this movie were Napoleon Dynamte and Dax Shepard. I thought each of them were hilarious and if you saw their characters in this movie, you'd probably think the same. The storyline is easy to follow, although predictable. It's nothing you'd have to give deep thought to while watching, it's fairly relaxing. My final grade for this movie, I'm going to give it 7.7 large buckets of popcorn out of 10.

This next story was brought to our attention from field reporter Kasher. He's always finding some quality stuff for our message board. You know you want to be part of it and I've talked about it countless times over the years. That means it's time for a cheap plug, it's what I do best. Of course we talk about all sports and have some of the best sports fans the interwebs can come up with. If you're not a sports fan, that's fine, we have a ton for you in there too. We have an Anything Goes forum, one on Music/Movies/TV/Video Games, and a Girls forum. The Anything Goes forum is enough to keep anyone busy. You name it, we talk about it. It's Lobstah, The Balls Empire. Get a login name and wait for TMac to approve and you're good to rock: So to the story I wanted to mention from Kasher. You knew I'd get back to it eventually. It is about a woman who is suing a train company after a toilet explodes. I kid you not. The opening paragraph has me cracking up. Maybe it's my middle school type humor and nobody else will like it, but I enjoyed it. Here is a quick preview: "A woman is suing Metra claiming the contents of a toilet 'exploded; and splattered her as she rode a Joliet-bound train." Yep, splattered. Here is the entire article for your enjoyment: Thanks again goes out to our buddy Kasher.

I bashed the Saints "fans" for a bit now. I never had a problem with the team. It's still funny to me how you never hardly saw a Saints fan in your life and then the past few weeks they're out of the woodwork and say they've been there the whole ride. I guess you get that with every team that starts winning, so I can't fault the system. I will admit here that my prediction was way off. I never gave the Saints credit all season and didn't think their D would hold up. I figured Manning would just pick them apart and mangle them something awful. Yep, I was wrong on that one. Somewhere out there, Frankie Saporito is partying in the streets. He's the only true Saints guy in my area that I can think of. Frankie even has a Saints tat, gotta respect that. Good to see a team that has never won it before go down and win it though. I was pulling for Manning a bit since I always felt like he's done it the right way, isn't a knucklehead, and just does his thing. Apparently a lot of people hate him and his bro though, maybe because they (he?) gets too much credit, hard to tell. The Saints won me over though when after one touchdown the players were dancing on the sidelines. What were they doing? I'll let our boy DerekHood tell us from a text he sent, "I think the Saints were just beating the beat back there coming back from the commercial." That's right, they were fist pumping, Jersey Shore style.

Bird's Dirty of the Week: 585 total pics. Is that enough for you? We get a big variety from this college chick in Indiana. What doesn't she like? We'll ask her and find out, "don't like *liars, *backstabbers, *two faced people, players, or *fakes. I hate when people try to be someone their not to please everyone else, be yourself who cares what people think. I don't put up with girls who think they are bad asses... Because more then likely they aren't. I think rumors are stupid, they SUCK. But the people who start them AND believe them are dumb and all I have to say is thanks for making me the center of your world!!!!! Drama is so overrated it's not a part of my life now that you're gone.. I LOVE how when girls get jealous because of what I have that they can't have they talk shit, I kinda just sit back and laugh bc if you know me you'll realize I don't care, and if you don't KNOW ME, you might think things that aren't right. But if you take the time to believe it and not the time to get to know me to know it's not true you're simply a waste of time!" That's a book, but that's what she said anyways, so we might as well post on it. Here ya go people,

Bird's Video of the Week: I had a Jersey Shore vid to post this week that is getting huge reviews, but I'll hold off onto that for later use. I talk enough about that show anyways. No worries, I'll get enough of that in soon, I'm always in Shore mode with those characters. Instead, to keep with the snow theme, we'll go to a vid that the great ManDingo shared with all to view. It's the Meteoreologist Freakout, not to be confused with The_Freak, although this was in his area. "Oh boy. I'm AccuWeather meteorologist Jim Kosek. Our paralyzing, crippling, RECORD BREAKING STORM COMES TODAYYYY!" "14 to 22 inches of SNOWWWWWWW!" His thing on shoveling the snow is awesome. This guy is great, trust me and watch for yourself..

3 Quick Thangs:

1. My favorite Super Bowl commercials this year? There were quite a few I liked. Doritos straight killed it though, no comparisons if you ask me. They nailed all of theirs (funeral, little boy talking to mom's boyfriend, in the gym, etc). Another I liked was Coke doing its thing with The Simpsons. There were definitely some cheesy ones out there, but those were a few I was into.

2. NBA All Star Weekend is upon us. Saturday night the action begins! I can barely contain myself. It's right up there on days of the year I love, to go along with the NBA Draft (greatest day of the year for me, hands down), the EDDFL Fantasy Draft, A#BA Fantasy Draft, and NBA Opening Night. Do we see a pattern here? The day that Call of Duty comes out as well as Christmas, each Monday at 9:00 for WWE RAW, and Opening Day MLB are high on the list too.

3. Time to end with some quick facts. Did you know that one quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet? How about the fact that you'll eat 35,000 cookies in your lifetime? The average American/Canadian drinks about 600 pops (sodas) a year. More people use blue toothbrushes than red ones.


DirtyKash said...

We've had this discussion many times, as far as soda vs. pop. I call them soft drinks. Or just by the brand name. "I'm drinking a Pepsi."

It doesn't confuse anyone. Hehe.

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