Thursday, April 29, 2010

"Lenny Kravitz, only with cholesterol added and talent subtracted."

It's time for another edition for the folks to read upon. This will be the last of the April blogs. Next month we'll have hit six years, but I'll talk more about that when the actual date comes. Anything else happening? Of course we're going to start out with a movie, then get into Idol which I haven't talked about much this year. This Idol report features some classic comments from a buddy of mine on last week's talent, the ever imfamous DerekHood. Even if you're not an Idol fan or don't watch, his stuff will have you cracking up. We'll also touch base on softball season opening soon for our crew and thoughts on Ben Roethlisberger, even though that story has been beat into the ground. Not beat into the ground Jersey Shore style by beating up the beat, but you know where I'm getting at. I'm not biting my fingernails now? Upcoming movies? We hit all of that, it's time to get business started..

It's time for another movie review. Saturday night at the scenic Meadowbrook Mall's cinema. What'd we end up seeing on this night? The Back-Up Plan. You've seen the previews if you aren't sure of the movie based on name. It's the Jennifer Lopez flick with not very many others I recognized in it. This is also going to be a tough review for me to do. How so? I'm not even sure how to classify the type of movie this is. Whip and I agreed it wouldn't be in the chick flick category, I can handle those. This one is a total girly movie though for the most part, I can't see too many guys being pumped for this one. A quick plot rundown is that J-Lo can't find the right guy and has been wanting a baby, so she goes to a donor shop to become pregnant. I didn't think it was bad though, but I'm sure girls would like it much more than I did. A funny cameo in this one was Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer. He had me laughing good in a few parts. Another role I was big on was Anthony Anderson. He didn't have a huge part, but you can't ever go wrong with his comedy, one of the funniest guys out there if you ask me. J-Lo looked good and she'll be 41 in July, kind of surprising. During this movie a few weird things went down. One couple brought in a tiny baby. I could see if this was an early movie. This movie started at 10:10. Yep, you guessed it, this baby was crying its eyes out, imagine that. Come on now. I don't even have to give my thoughts on that one. Another piece in the crowd was this guy behind us a bit who was out cold for practically the entire movie. Everyone could hear him snoring too, I'm surprised someone didn't walk up the aisle and crack him in the teeth, but I kept my patience as good as I could. Again, from a guy's perspective, this is a tough grade. I'm going to go 6.2 artificially inseminated girls out of 10. IMDB is bashing it, they have it at 4.2 out of 10 as of Wednesday. Ouch.

I haven't commented much on American Idol this season. I'm watching every episode still, so no worries there. Now that we're down to a handful of people, it's time to give an update of what I think of each and if they have much potential to win this thing. I'll also list some comments from the infamous DerekHood about last week's episode, as he's unique in his style and will let you know what he thinks in a humorous way. Also, his comments are uncensored, be ready. Consider yourselves warned. Even if you don't like Idol, you still might enjoy this little section before I move onto other things.

Bowersox: To me, she's on a completely different level of talent than the rest of this bunch. She's not your typical Idol style potential winner though, but I think that will be able to help her as we get to these final weeks. She's been my #1 seed since the beginning of this thing, so we'll see what goes down. It seems like they've done a little coloring on her teeth. Early on, her teeth in HD were all yellow and ugh. Derek, what do you have to say? "Bowersox was decent, but that decent was the performance of the night. She rolled out the 4/20 special mic stand, cried a little, had some forced cleavage and revealed a shitty back tattoo and paraded her white trash dad in front of the cameras. It was all a pile of shit."

Casey: All the chicks seem to be rooting for this dude. He has the greasy long hair and a guitar, so apparently that gets it done. Kara also drools over this dude or did in the beginning. I think he's a good talent, although his last few weeks he's slacked a bit on his song choices. I don't see him winning the title though, but there's enough time that he can change that around. I like his songs better with the guitar as with not. Derek's thoughts on Casey last week? "He was probably busy huffing smoke out of tubesox's mic stand bong all week to give a fuck to try to pick anything that required effort. But hey, he's good at playing electric guitar so leave him alone, dudes."

Lee: I never realized how tiny Lee was until he was next to Alicia Keys last week. Alicia was looking great by the way, even if she is way tall or so it seemed on TV. Talent wise, I think Lee is very good and seems to have a legit shot at this when all is over with. He has that rough gravely voice to an extent and plays it off well. Definitely not the same look, but I see a bit of Daughtry out of him or maybe Nickelback, Pearl Jam, or groups along that line. Derek? "Lee DeWyze got his coin purse licked by all the judges and all he did was go up there and sing "lalalaliellliillilillili there's a boxer lalalalallililililili" for two minutes. That's a moment? A moment I would like back."

Big Mike: Musically, I don't think he's top notch. He's good, but not going to shock the world with his voice. Personality wise, this dude has the tools for sure. I, like a lot of other people were surprised when he got booted a few weeks back, but they did use the save on him. I'm also convinced Big Mike's arms weigh more than my entire total body weight. That doesn't say a lot, but still. People like this guy. Derek with some choice words about Mike: "Titties Lynche went off the rails trying, for some god-awful reason, to recreate a Chad Kroeger/Nickelback/Whatever shitpile. That wasn't very good at all. It could have been, if he'd kept it simple and soft but no sir ... he had to show us he's a fucking rocker. It's like Lenny Kravitz, only with cholesterol added and talent subtracted."

Aaron Kelly: R. Kelly? Well, he did a Kells song last week if that counts. This kid is 16 (17 now, he corrected the judges this week) and he's an annoying little midget to me. I'll give him a bit of credit that he does have a voice. He doesn't have much else however. I just hope this goofball doesn't go much farther, he doesn't bring much to the table in my mind, but I could be in the minority. Derek gives his candid comments on Aaron, not for the weak hearted folks: "What's up with his hair? He looks like a goofy cloning failure of Brandon Walsh that got left in the dryer too long and shrunk up. Get a haircut, lose the gel, lose the makeup, lose your virginity to a man, and leave the fucking show. But hey it's country time next week, right in his wheelhouse, and Tim is gone so he'll get a larger chunk of the 'tween votes and the votes from fat old women who are reminded of their grandson when they see his AIDS-in-waiting ass up there on stage. So hooray for more Aaron."

Siobhan Magnus: Is this a made up name? It has to be, right? Anyways, this chick scores insanely high on the unique factor. It doesn't seem like many people care for her at all, at least of my crew, but she's hanging on each week. Singing ability, I think this girl is one of the best of the bunch. That's probably not saying much though. She's a weirdo though, but to each their own. Derek, you still there? "Magnus ... whatever. She needs to STFU. I don't want to hear her talk for five minutes after the judges have talked for 10, only to have the rest of the show be done in double time to make up for it. Don't let that weird bitch talk. She has nothing worthwhile to say and her lisp is irritating and her eyes are creepy as hell. And she has fangs. There is a pentagram tattoo somewhere on that girl's body." *Last night, she was the one cut for anyone that hasn't seen or is in a cave.

It's almost softball season, it's right around the corner. The past three years as you know, I was part of the Morgantown leagues as I played for Mario's Fish Bowl for a year and two years we were sponsored by Dyno Nobel. This year, we're moving shop to Fairmont and going to rip Windmill Park apart, or so we think anyways. We're sponsored by Gutter Connection and have a lot of the same crew we've been running with for the most part and then added some youth to the mix this season. I'm sure I'll have updates to bore you all on as the season goes on all summer long. If nothing else, we're going to look the sharpest in the league with our custom made New Era fitted hats, jerseys with a roided out dude swinging a gutter, and gear is pimped out. The past three years we've been in leagues where we had restrictions on the bats we can use. I'm excited this year that those restrictions are now pulled. I bought a few bats this year and one I'm loving as it's a green Easton Synergy Reveal. 34 inches, 27 ounces, it's crazy light and twice as good as the bats we've used in the past. I do miss the first year where we played in a wooden bat format though, that was fun. The other bat I have is a green Easton Cyclone, 34 inch, 27 ounces. It's a cheap bat that I bought just for the fun of it, but the Synergy is the real deal. Anyways, next week, season opens for the Gutter Sluts!

It's well after the fact, but I might as well give some opinions on Big Ben Roethlisberger. Is this guy a knucklehead? Sure. Has he made mistakes off the field? Definitely. One thing I don't get. You're a pro athlete. I don't care how ugly, weird, or whatever a person may be, you should never have problems getting chicks, ever. To the point that you have to get a chick in the bathroom and have your boys stand in front of the door on guard at a club? Get out of here. I don't have the issue with him hanging with college girls. It's not like the dude is 50 years old. He's 28, more likely than not, he's going after younger chicks, and college chicks aren't that much younger than him. I see you working there Ben and I can't argue. I think the suspension was warranted and he deserved it for his conduct. Take the girls home next time, it's not tough Big Ben. You're famous and are always going to be watched.

Also, it'll be fun to see how much trash talk he takes from visiting teams, that's going to be worthy indeed. All of last week's "rumors" of the Steelers trading this guy? I never believed that for a second, although I guess it could happen as with any player. Some sports fans act like a 2-time Super Bowl champion who is durable, accurate, and a consistent winner grows on trees. If he keeps this behavior up, maybe down the line, but for now, I personally think Pittsburgh would be stupid to trade him. It's football, not a choir group. Maybe my thoughts will change on this, but on the field, the guy delivers. He's just got to grow up off of it.

I'm currently on one of the longest stints of my life of not biting my fingernails. It's a terrible habit I've had basically for as long as I can remember. I can't stay still the way it is, so I'm always going to town on my nails. I've heard all the suggestions of what to do to beat it (like I'm a druggie in rehab or something), but none seem to do much. I've heard people say to put that gunk on my nails so when I bite them, it'd taste nasty. That wouldn't change much on my end. If I'm not biting them, I'm constantly picking at them like I'm nervous 24/7. I don't feel nervous anyways, maybe I'm just tense all the time and don't relax well. Either that or way hyper. To my knowledge, I've not used nail clippers ever on my fingernails. Yes, hard to believe I'm sure. Right now though, I'm moving in on a week without biting them, easily an all-time record. It's been a challenge for sure. By the time you've all read this, I'll probably have bitten all of them down to little nubs and blood coming out, you know how it goes.

It's been fairly quiet lately as far as movies that I'm wanting to see, but the upcoming ones seem worthy. Here's just a small list of things I'm interested in. Whether I see them or not before they come out on DVD, it's hard to tell. What are they? Robin Hood, just due to I doubt Russell Crowe can make a bad movie of that type. Just Wright seems decent due to the basketball tie-in, plus it has Common in it, hopefully he delivers it up. I can't see this being a big seller though, but who knows. Shrek Forever After. Yep, everyone has seen Shrek and has probably liked at least a bit of it. I admit, you can't really go wrong with those types of movies. It's a good change and this one looks interesting for sure. Those are all in the next month. The Karate Kid opens on June 11th and the Twilight people, Eclipse busts out on June 30th. For seeing both of the first two movies and reading all of the books, I've never seen one of these movies at the theater though for whatever that's worth.

Bird's Dirty of the Week
: I haven't put these up on a regular basis lately. One is that not many people it seems anymore are hardcore into MySpace. I know I'm not, I rarely ever even log into mine anyone and haven't made updates in ages, so I basically don't use it. It's more of a Facebook and Twitter era now it seems, although I'm sure that will jump the shark eventually too. Either way, we have a submission and it comes to us from a regular, Kristen in Florida. That's the same Kristen in Germany and soon to be Kristen in Alabama. Yep, confusing. This girl in the submission is from Panama City, Florida. She says she's ready for a new start. Is the new start as a stripper? What was the old life like? I digress. Some interesting pics to say the least. She's not shy. I just wish we had some classic quotes to go with this page to make it even better. Here's the link:

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: I was talking to good ol' Corndog and he asked if I've ever seen the Chapstick video? He sends the link and I've never seen it before and he was wondering how we've never seen it as much as we're online. Some slip through the cracks. Hopefully not everyone has seen it already, but who knows. Anyways, this is so bad it's good. "Where's the Chapstick?!" Yes, you know you're doing those stupid sounds as you sit next to your computer. And as this chick says at the end as she finds it, "I need to get a life." Apparently we do too, but anyways, this is good stuff. Or maybe it's our weird sense of humor.

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Random, but I'm becoming a bigger fan of sushi by the day. I'm willing to try most kinds of foods at least to see how it is. I like to switch it up when I order at a restaurant too. Sushi has been a hit lately and I see that staying in the regular rotation. Opinions on it are either you hate it or love it, no in between. My favorites early on are the Spider Roll which has soft shell crab inside mixed with other things and also an Alaskan Roll. Mmmmm, good stuff right there.

2. A month after Easter and I still have a ton of Cadbury Eggs left. Gotta stock em up like crazy since they don't sell them all year long. I never understood that one. Put em in the fridge and you can't go wrong, quality eats. Yep, I'll never grow up with my love of candy.

3. Tweet of the Day? Our winner is going to be Joe Rogan, comedian and UFC announcer. "Top 10 worst staph infections in MMA history: FUUUUUUCK!!" If you have a weak stomach, some of these pics might not be the best for you. These are messed up.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Hot Tub, Snakes, & Dark Cherry Mocha

Yes, I still exist. I guess I'm a busy guy or sometimes I like to think that way at least. Since the last time I wrote, I should have some goodies to throw into this edition. What will I be rambling on? I'm glad you asked. We will review another movie, which is becoming a regular part of the blogs now that I'm back on track to seeing regular theater movies again. Also, you'll get my 4-day getaway to the mountains on the annual Spring Break tradition. A few other things? MLB Extra Innings, my encounters with snakes and how I react, new Call of Duty maps, the end of EDDFL season, board game action, and the other usual things to toss in. Let's get it done..

I'll start with the movie theme yet again. It seems to be an easy way to get everyone's feet wet before we touch on other subjects. I had wanted to see it when I first saw previews and what is it? Hot Tub Time Machine. If you're not into cheesy comedies with not a lot of plotline, this probably isn't for you. If you're like me and like that goofy off the wall laughter, you should enjoy it. The casting of this movie was well done and the two guys I thought who did the best were Craig Robinson who played Nick Webber and Clark Duke who was Jacob. Team Edward versus Team Jacob? The "names" in this one are John Cusack and Chevy Chase if that does anything for you. Cusack has a big part, while Chase does not. It's a quick watch and won't take up too much of your time. That night, Whip and I were both almost falling asleep in the theater, we were in comas. However, the theater had a pretty good crowd and it was worthy enough. As I type this part up on Sunday, IMDB has it at a 7.5 out of 10. I personally find that a bit high and this is coming from a guy who likes these types of movies. My final grade? I'm giving this one 6.6 black Michael Jacksons out of 10. It's worth seeing, but it's not going to have you jumping out of your seat. Funny for sure though. As a side note, Corndog said it was hilarious and approves. Cork, in one I can't figure out, says it was way better than The Hangover. He's one of few who I know who wasn't too big on The Hangover.

There's a few things that I admit scare me and mine are fairly common with a lot of other people. Heights and spiders are two of my biggies. Not that I'm terrified completely of them, but they each make me uneasy if nothing else. The third? Snakes. I'll admit, I'm a big wuss when it comes to snakes. I'm not the type that is going to run and scream bloody murder when I see one as Mom does, but they will have me going in the other direction and it gets the heart pounding. I've seen two this year, which I guess isn't too bad considering our area. One was on the trail last week on one of my runs. It was a longer greenish snake, but wasn't thick. I didn't stay around to inspect it much further but as I was getting the run going, I look down and it's going all across the trail, ugh. Goosebumps and I did a little jump over it and kept going like a chicken with my head cut off. The other? I was in the mountains over Spring Break and was about to head into the stream to hit up another fishing spot. As I look down, I notice something wrapped around a tree and I kept glancing. The next thing I know as I make a step down the hill, this snake slithers (hey Corndog, it was Randy Orton style) its way down the tree and goes into the water where I'm about to stand. I still wanted to hit up that spot, but I stayed back for a minute to get my focus in order until I went down. I know people say they're just as scared as you as you are of them, but still, snakes, not good times for me.

Speaking of snakes, that gets me to the next topic. Since I was about 6 or 7 years old, it's been tradition to go with my parents over Spring Break to the "mountains" as people in my area call it. They have a place in Harman that we stay at a good bit. If it were up to Dad, during trout fishing season, he could live there and be totally happy. We stay there a good bit and like it, but during this week, we usually rent a place and all pitch in on it. This year we picked a quality setup in Timberline in the Canaan Valley area. 3 bedrooms, 3 baths, internet, a hot tub time machine, a big kitchen, deck and grill, all sitting with an awesome view of a lake. Come on people, you expected me to be gone for three or four days with no internet? I might not make it alive if I did that. You remember in the past when I've been gone that long, that I'd actually drive 20 minutes or so out of the way, park in a wi-fi area and get my web on. Yes, that's pathetic I know, but I'm an internet junkie, have admitted that for many many years.

We couldn't have asked for any better weather than we had. I'm talking 80 degrees plus every single day with no rain at all. The funny thing about it all was that there were areas up there that still had snow on the ground. My area got dumped big time this year with the snow as did just about everyone who lives in the eastern part of the country. Our mountain area of the state though, it's a completely different world up there. If you're not from around here, only words can say how bad it gets up there when it snows. Some of the biggest snow areas in the country are located there, but as far as scenery, it's a great place to stop. West Virginia gets a bad reputation, I know, but this area we go to features some of the best views and sites you'll see.

I won't bore people with too much of the trip though, but a big part of the trip is to hit up some good trout fishing. Some people say I don't look the part to be much of a fisherman, but people also say I don't look the part to be a huge rap fan either. The way I look at it, if I like it, I like it. I don't have to look any certain part, but those comments always get me laughing a bit. I'm not the type of fisherman to make up stories just to make them up. Many times, just like the rest of you, I've been out and not even had a bite. This week I did pretty well. We were there when they stocked all of our favorite streams, so that always helps. I ended up catching 15 in three days, so I'm happy with that for sure. Most of the ones on this trip were brook trout and I also caught a few rainbow trout. The bait of choice on the streams for me, almost always, minnows. For the locals, my favorite place to trout fish is either in Riverton on the North Fork, if not there, it'd be in the Franklin/Upper Tract/Smoke Hole area. I do hope to get some bass fishing going this summer though, that's easy fishing right there.

On Saturday it was time for the crew to get together to go out to eat and rock out some board games. We rolled 11 deep for a Shogun trip for great Japanese food. Since people like the roll call, who was in attendance? Ozzie and Maria set the night up, Kari (minus Matty Cakes who was sick), Cork and Kristin, The Fortneys with Gracey, Mudcat, Whitney, and myself. I'm the type that changes up my order a lot when I go out to eat, but I don't change too often at Shogun. You can't go wrong with filet and scallops if you ask me, so I went that route again and it received a big thumbs up. Fortney joked that he set the tables up so he'd sit beside me because I always have leftovers for the crew. I'm generous like that I guess, hah.

After we were done with Japanese, some of us made a quick coffee run to Starbucks on the way there. I wouldn't say I'm a huge Starbucks guy, but it has grown on me some, so a stop I hit up every now and then. I tried a new one, the Dark Cherry Mocha. I'd recommend this for sure. You can get it iced or hot, I chose hot for sure. The cold coffees, I'm not a fan of that. When it comes down to it, I'm not a huge coffee guy in general, but a cup or two here and there is no biggie. At work, I get a few cups every morning cranked with sugar just to get me going and get my teach on.

Then it was off with the entire gang yet again for board games, hosted by Ozzie and Maria. I'm very simple and low key, so a night like this is always great in my book. You get to BS around and plus we flipped between a few NBA games, so you know I'm in. If NBA is involved, I'm easily swayed to be a part of whatever it is. The game of the night? As the last time we played, we busted out Scattergories. A very underrated game if I must say so myself. Especially when we have that many people involved. Erica joined later in the night to bump our number up one more. Was it a repeat from the last time? It seemed to be. Cork was yet again crowned champion and gets to ride around in the next parade in town on his float as Scattergories King. Or something like that. Coming in second? Just like last time, Maria nabs that spot. These two own the game, no doubt. Ozzie and myself? Not so much. We both were at the bottom. I did well last time, but this one, brutal. Either way though, I'm a board game dork and had a blast. Thanks to Ozzie and Maria for having us all out again, much appreciated. Fortney and Ozzie, let's get to work on that Michigan/Notre Dame game this year, I'm down, regardless of price. We should bust out the van, Atlantic City style trip and relive it.

The Notre Dame comment has me in sports mode, but I'm always in that mode anyways. Now that baseball season is here, I'm super pumped up. At this time of year, at least for me, it's one of the better times for me as a sports fan. You have the NBA regular season ending and playoffs are already here. Also, we're a week plus into the baseball season. Every single year with DirecTV, I always make sure to order NBA League Pass, which basically gives you access to every game for every team all season long. That's the best money I spend every single year and this marked the 13th year in a row I've bought the package. For what you get, it's a steal at that price. I'm ripping DirecTV off big time it seems. Baseball I had never bought until this season. I'm not sure why either. I get a ton of Yankees game anyways nationally and here in this area we get most of the Bucs game. Now? I'm going the whole boat and ordered MLB Extra Innings. It's been amazing and I've only had it for a short time so far. One of the key features I love is Game Mix on the DirecTV setup. When you go to that channel, you have 8 screens up at once. When games are rocking, it's filled up with nonstop action that you can track all at the same time. If you want a closer look, just go to the channel that the actual game is on and you get full screen HD. Money well spent!

After a long wait, they've been here now for a few weeks. What's that you ask? Yep, the new Call of Duty maps, the Stimulus Package if you will. I'm not sure what took them so long to release these as we've all been itching to get some new maps to battle with online. I'm a big fan of these new maps and I like how they added a few of the old maps from the first Modern Warfare, Crash and Overgrown. Bailout, Storm, and Salvage are also part of the mix. There's not a one of these I dislike. I know I've written about these when they first came back, but that was pretty much before I had played them. My favorite of the bunch if I had to pick? That's a toughie, but I'm going to with Crash or Salvage since it's a smaller board. Since I play 99% Free-For-All, I much prefer the smaller boards that are tight instead of having a zillion miles to run arond. You know how it goes. Hit me up on 360 and look for Bird33WV if you want your head shot off with the P90 or any other gun of your choice.

To end, I'll get another sports piece in. My passion of fantasy NBA is now over for the season. I might even shed a tear. Our league that I run, the EDDFL is going as strong as ever. We ran 12-deep again and I'd still put it up against any league out there not automated by a computer. It takes an insane amount of work to do, but I still love each season we rock it out and I've been doing it now for roughly 20 years, true story, been doing stats by hand since I was 10. I have all records back on paper and computer from the 92 or 93 era, but nothing the previous few years before that. We'd like to send the big congrats out to Spank who had one of the best EDDFL seasons of all time. Coming in 2nd was Ozzie in his best finish ever and since he's joined our leagues, he gets better each season. I took the last money spot, 3rd Place as it's my third straight finish in 3rd Place, the irony. I'm due for a 1st Place win though, but still hold the mark for a 3-peat a while back. The rest of the gang? 4. Riley, 5. TJ, 6. ManDingo, 7. Mudcat, 8. Sidell, 9. Cork, 10. Fortney/Posey (TIE), 11. Fleece. I'm already awaiting October's EDDFL Draft Day, thanks to the guys involved for making it a blast for me to work on still.

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Kasher tweeted about this the other day. It's a short hockey clip, but to me, it's good stuff since it's so random. Yep, it's time for green men upside down..

3 Quick Thangs:

1. I try not to bring much religion or politics arguments into the blog. I will mention something from church the other night, although not religion related. Most know my stance on not caring to see people out and about all over each other. Get a room, but I saw this couple doing basically that during the church service. Really? Really?? Yep. I mean, they weren't all over each other, but they had their arms around each other, holding hands, and the dude gave her a kiss while stuff was going on. Maybe I'm wrong, but thumbs down to that couple, they fail.

2. Want a few weird facts? A crocodile can't stick out it's tongue.. many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.. Until President Kennedy was killed, it wasn't a federal crime to assassinate the president.. To sell your home faster, and for more money, paint it yellow. Who knew??

3. Softball season is back in gear very soon. Come May, our team moves from its Morgantown roots and now we'll be ballin' at Fairmont's Windmill Park. We're now sponsored by Gutter Connection and will be the Gutter Sluts, decked out in black and orange. I'll have reports through the year I'm sure.