Tuesday, April 21, 2009

No Internet, Cornhole, & Lack of Sleep

It's this time of year that I take my annual internet sabbatical. Spring break hits and off to do a little fishing with the parents. They have a place a few hours away, so it's fun to just get out, relax, and do whatever. It's not roughing it by any means because I probably wouldn't do too well with that style for a long period. I have everything I need there with the exception of no internet, but more on that later. I couldn't go without my sports and other shows I'm hooked on, so that's where the satellite comes in handy. I was able to watch Idol, NBA games, MLB games, and whatever else. We got there early Tuesday morning and I stayed till Friday evening. For those three nights, the latest I went to bed was 10:30. That's unheard of for myself who usually has crazy hours. Also, more on those crazy hours in a bit as well.

As far as the catching fish scene goes, a big thumbs down there. I'll be honest. I'm not one of these fishing dudes who is going to make up some wild lie about how I slayed them all week and had so many in my possessions that I could be put in jail for. I've been there many times over the years (not in jail obviously), but this week wasn't an occasion that I got into them. The first two days it did nothing but rain. One day I fished in the rain, but didn't get much luck. On a stream, if you get a bunch of rain, it's going to muddy up the water and make it really high, thus it makes for tougher fishing conditions. I won't bore you with that lingo though, just my rare times that I get to play redneck and enjoy it. Thursday and Friday turned out to be really nice as far as weather goes. In the day time, it got up to about 70 and I even had a little sunburn when I was finished. Ironically, there was still snow on the ground in some spots and one morning it registered at 30 with ice on the windshields, but felt tons colder out on the streams. I'm a cold weather guy as everyone knows, but it's the middle of April, time to end that until the fall. Through four days of trying to catch my limit and then some, I ended up only pulling in about 4 fish, not good odds. It happens though, still a fine trip.

Now to the internet side of things. If you've been reading the blog for a while now, you'll know what I'm about to say. I've probably said this at the end of every other spring break post I had. To set the deal up, you have to realize that when I go three days with no internet, that's a cruel and unjust punishment I put on myself. Where we stay at, there's no internet access. Last year, I actually drove about 20 minutes away and sat in an open parking lot in a rich boy section. You know the rest, the beauty of stealing free wireless internet. That there shows how ate up I am, but at least I admit it. I know you're thinking, he really went out there and sat in the car with his laptop and got online for a few hours? Yep, you know it. This year, I held off. I planned to come home on Saturday, but I tapped early and left on Friday evening.

Friday comes along and I finally get to the house around 4:30. I figured I'd be productive and what I ended up doing was mowing grass so I wouldn't have to do it on Saturday. See, I think ahead of time. I needed to finish up the last week of fantasy basketball stats as well, a league I still do by hand and it's probably my joy in life. Out of the 12 members this year, Spank was the big winner that was crowned champion, Big T comes in 2nd, and I round out the top bunch in 3rd Place. I'm lucky to be part of not one (EDDFL that I run and then the keeper league of the Lobstah bunch known as A#BA), but two VERY competitive fantasy NBA leagues that I'd put up against any other leagues out there. It's an obsession, right along the same lines as my internet cravings. Spank now gets to trash talk to the rest of the league for as long as he wants as this is a big honor with my boys. It's hard to describe if you're not part of a tight fantasy league, but winning this is what a lot of us strive for. Yep, big hopes here in Shinnston, the life we live.

Let's backtrack just a bit. Friday morning I woke up at 6:00 AM to hit the streams. I was home at 4:30 and then after I got done cutting the grass, it was time to see what I missed in the land of the internet. It's usually not much, but when you're off of it for a bit, you feel like you're missing out on something huge. In my mind, I guess I feel like I am. I got the last week's EDDFL figures tallied up, wrote up the 6-page year end report, and then around 10:30 it was time to be a bum. I was pretty tired by this point actually, but knew that my second wind would eventually kick in. I ended up just doing a whole bunch of nothing online for the entire night. What does that entail? Chatting around to everyone and their brother, fantasy sports, wrestling and MMA news, being nosy on MySpace and Facebook, and who knows what else. Daylight is approaching and you'd think I'd be ready to tap. Nope, I might as well catch up on time lost from the week with no internet. Morning rises and some of my buddies are waking up for the day. Quite a few were shocked I was up so early on a weekend and wondered what the deal was. When I told them I was still kicking, they probably thought I was an idiot, as do the rest of you. That opinion is cool with me, you know I don't get offended and just stay laid back.

After goofing off for a while longer and talking to some characters worldwide, I finally dive into bed at 11:15 AM. That's over 29 hours that I was awake for no important reason. No, that's not anywhere close to a record for me, but I took advantage of the time. I set my alarm for 2:15 and end up watching my Celtics get rocked in Game 1 against the Bulls. It's a totally different team without KG out there and I was almost put to tears. We'll see where the rest of the series turns out. Game 2 is in the books and it was a shootout with Ben Gordon against Jesus Shuttlesworth. Jesus hits the game winning 3. At 4:30, on 3 hours of sleep, I went to workout and had a pretty good one actually. Then more action was just starting up on Saturday night, such as...

Happy 30th Birthday to none other than Mudcat! Through his sisters' planning everything and having me get a hold of some of his buddies, it was a surprise all the way. It's not the wildin' out party that you're expecting, I'm not like that either, but we had an awesome time I thought. Mud pulled up to the place, saw all of our cars there and still couldn't put two and two together. I thought by that point the surprise would be gone, but it worked out really well. We're talking some good food, presents for The Mudder, a video presentation that was classic, and cornhole. Blog readers of this spot, you know that cornhole plays a pretty big part in our boredom from time to time. Look it up if you don't know what it is, I'm not going to get into explaining the whole deal, but it's so addicting and fun that you have to give it a try. Even if you're terrible at it, you still have a blast playing. At the right moments, with our crew, it can get pretty heated at times too and some good ol' fashioned trash talk won't hurt anyone. The cornhole champions of the night ended up being Team Thick. If you remember the June 26, 2008 post on cornhole battles at Matty Cakes' crib, that's where Team Thick was originated at. Tommy and Boyles weren't here for these festivities unfortunately, as they're both guys that will crack you up, but we made it work. Anyways, Team Thick is none other than Fortney and Spank. I teamed up with Clay most of the evening and we got rocked, but then again, most teams that faced Team Thick ended up not even close. All in all, props to the Mudcat Family for bringing some excitement to the streets of Enterprise, a good time indeed.

Saturday isn't over yet, so stick with me for a bit here. After that, it was home to get an hour or so of Call of Duty in before heading off to Posey's. While gone all week on the fishing trip, Spank had reigns of my house and had it made. Mom left him a fridge full of food and he had Call of Duty all to himself. To me, it doesn't get much better than that. Saturday night, I had to get back into my COD fix though since I missed out on playing. Next month, for the Wii fans, Punch-Out is released! Little Mac is back on the prowl. Most of the old legends are back, plus with many added twists. A downfall is that you can't play it online, but you can turn the controller old school style (or even use the old school version I hope) instead of shaking around like bandit. That might be a great time to cash in my GameStop gift certificate that I still haven't used since Christmas thanks to COD.

Now it's off to the scenic view of Tank Hill, high atop the town, home of the Posey palace. What'd we watch? UFC 97: Redemption. In attendance for the happenings were Posey, Scherri, the DelRio boys and their chicks, Porter, Pimpin' Money Mike (not the same from the WrestleMania crew), Ashley, and myself. It was a fun time as all the pay per views normally are. It gets us out of the house for one. The card itself turned out very strong with the exception of the main event which was so beyond brutal that I can't even describe. Shogun Rua just totally punished Chuck Liddell. Hey Liddell, it's time to give it up. That chin is like Glass Joe's. Sure, you can still make money, but save yourself some misery. Spider Silva and Thales Leites, you guys get this week's finger of shame. What a bunch of garbage this main event was, they should both be ashamed of what they did. They danced around like little girls and wouldn't hit each other. Spider was scared to get on the ground with Leites. Leites didn't want to stand up. So they danced around and that was that for 5 rounds. The Montreal crowd booed it the entire time and even erupted into some GSP (Georges St. Pierre) chants as their boy was in the crowd. Spider, I'm giving you one last chance to prove your old worth instead of this nonsense. If you want to dance around, fine, but at least do what you used to and knock heads whenever you want, Roy Jones Jr. style. What did I munch on at the show? Giant Cheetos and they were my first time trying, good stuff. These are huge though. I loaded the dogs up with a lot of these too. Lexi has been on my good side for a while now. Dex on the other hand, this guy is so out of control that I end up getting all tense and paranoid when he's going a zillion miles an hour the entire night. Even the shock collar doesn't affect him, he's on meth or something. Speaking of on something, as I type this section, today is 4:20 Day, April 20th. Don't even get me started on those idiots who start up the celebration of that day. Maybe I'm a prude in that manner for that topic, but just my opinion and there you have it. Anyways, after Posey's, I get home and go to bed at 2:00. I was awake for 41 of the past 44 hours. Nothing worth bragging about, more of me being stupid.

Here's a recommendation from Spank and Alicia. They had been hyping up this 4-inch mattress topper they both have on their beds. They got it for about 75% off on Overstock and I had to check out this bad boy for myself at that price. I immediately order it without even going to either of their houses and jumping around on it or whatever. It's one of those deals that leaves your handprint in the foam and it's top of the line. Order it for yourself, you won't be disappointed. It's like buying an entire new mattress. You really don't even need a pillow when you're laying on this thing, it's getting that rank from me. Serta Rejuventator. What are you waiting on? You can't put a price on a good night of sleep, even for people who don't get enough of it like myself, but this thing is the real deal, Evander style.

I know that nobody gets CDs anymore. I still like to get them just at least for the sake of throwing them onto the iPod. Either that or actually listen to someone's entire CD for once instead of singles and nothing else like some people do. Here's two new ones I got recently, not that you care, but I'll tell ya about em anyways.

Jadakiss: The Last Kiss. I heard on 106 & Park the other day that this has been 2009's best selling rap album thus far. It has lived up to the hype on my end, this is one awesome. Is there really no bad songs on this thing? That is very possible. But I still have to give you songs to download, that's my duty around here. Grind Hard featuring Mary J, What If featuring Nas, Cartel Gathering with Ghostface and Raekwon The Chef, and finally, Smoking Gun which might be the best on the whole thing with Jazmine Sullivan. That chick is straight up no joke. A real big thumbs up for this CD, go get it.

UGK: 4 Life. We all know that the late great Pimp C is no longer around. This is treated as a tribute to Pimp C. There's a thing in the intro that says he and Bun B are "back from the dead", creepy. A very good track list here, but it's not on Jada's level to me. Songs to go for? The Pimp & The Bun with Ron Isley, Purse Come First with Big Gipp, and Da Game Been Good To Me.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: I might as well take a turn and throw a dirty in. Usually other people have been sending them lately, but why not me? As usual, I'll consider anything you send. This one from head down is good stuff. Above that, I'm just not seeing it. Maybe other guys or girls will, but still a dirty nonetheless. http://www.myspace.com/tonileigh

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Uncle Wilbur is stepping up to the plate for this video. I guess they can show just about anything in other countries as far as commercials go. They can push the buttons. He insisted it go in, so we do what we can to please the people. As the Boston Sports Guy would say, yep, these are my readers.

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Reader submission time and it comes from The_Freak. How about a former Delaware football player charged with burglary? That's not newsworthy you're saying, right? I know, but there's more. This paragraph makes the entire article for me: "The suspect entered the unlocked apartment while the two occupants were sleeping inside and raided the refrigerator, taking 100 frozen chicken wings, a pound of frozen salmon, 18 frozen Hot Pockets and 20 hamburger patties worth a total value of $82, according to court records." If that doesn't get a smile on your face, you have no soul. http://delawareonline.com/article/20090416/NEWS/90416027&referrer=FRONTPAGECAROUSEL

2. You know what makes me mad? Littering. I just don't get it, but I guess I'm in the minority. I know I'm a neat freak, but it's not even that. How hard is it to keep your wrappers or bottles and throw them away when you get home? But no, not here in my state which gets a bad enough rap the way it is. Let's act all tough and throw beer bottles all over the highways. Very classy WV. Other states don't seem to do that as much.

3. A few facts to end the day on? The left leg of a chicken is more tender than the right one. Another animal goodie? A giraffe has the highest blood pressure of any animal. The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Easter, James Moats Mangled, & Steamboat

I'm not sure I can get all of these topics into one blog this time around. That's not a problem in my book, that means more stories for me to ramble on and on about. We're bringing the action right to your computer screens and some of it might shock you, some might entertain you, some might get you fired up at some parts, we'll hit all the emotions. For a preview of what you'll get: College basketball bracket money winner, Spank's entrance into the Toughman Contest, another ShamWow appearance, more Marine chinup challenges, WrestleMania, Fast and Furious, massages, and a RAWR car. Ok, now it's time for me to breathe and get into this madness. It's just tough to figure out where to begin..

Since it's action you want, I'll jump right to some fighting. That's right, we hit the Morgantown Toughman Contest last weekend and what a time it was. You always get your money's worth at these events, but even more so when you have people you know in the ring. I'll get more into that, but let's first compare the differences between this venue and the Clarksburg Nathan Goff Armory that we hit up for the Clarksburg Toughman Contest. The Morgantown building is a new place and I liked the setup. It had a ton of room and the parking was spaced out and not a mess. You could get to the concession stand or bathrooms really quick. The atmosphere though, I'm giving to Clarksburg. It is ten times more rowdy there and you never know what might happen. It is much more "rednecky" at Clarksburg than up north. The people at Morgantown also left a lot earlier. It seemed like they were there to see a guy they were supporting and rolled out. At Clarksburg, people stay the whole night. Both have their advantages and disadvantages, but overall, each are well worth the ticket price to go watch heads get crushed.

Now it's time for actual fight time. Friday night was the opening night, my favorite night to go as you get to see all the fighters go, even the ones who don't belong at all. Spank had been training like a maniac and approached this event in the right way. He wasn't an idiot who thinks he was going to go in and win this thing like half the people around our area do. He wanted to try it to say he did and have fun with it. Training wise, he was all over it. He was running a good 6-7 miles a day, sparring with several guys who have done the contests before, and the usual pushing of the weights. Cardio wise at Morgantown, I'd say he was definitely among the tops and the same goes for being ripped up versus the rest of the crew. It was time to play the waiting game after all the fighters weighed in to see who they are matched up against.

James Moats, step into the ring! This was Spank's opponent for the first night and we brought a big following of people to watch him. My car was rolling 7 deep at one point on the way home. I could list everyone who was there to see Spank, but most don't want to read every single name. In my car though, we had Ashley, Posey, Scherri, Cork, Spank, Porter, and myself. I managed to scare them a few times with my bad driving skills, but they chose to ride with me, so what's that's saying? That's putting lives in danger. Well, it's not that bad, but I'm not a good driver in some cases. I'm four paragraphs in and nobody has thrown a punch yet. Ok, we're in the ring and I'm getting amped. I wasn't worried about Spank getting hurt in there, I knew he'd hold his own, but we couldn't stay still for a second. Ding ding, bell time!

I can't stay still to begin with, but this was even more so watching the fight. 30 seconds in, James Moats couldn't hang anymore due to the vicious left hooks. Through the rest of the weekend and going strong still, Posey started up some good James Moats lines. Posey also lost his voice during the night in his screamfest. I'm calm 99% of the time at sporting events, but this I couldn't stop from yelling and jumping up and down. Second night came around and Spank was fairly even with his next opponent through Round One. Round Two starts up and his neck begins to get mangled. Going into the weekend, one doctor told Spank not to fight since he had a pinched nerve. Another doctor told him to go for it. If he would've won that fight, he was to face the guy who ended up winning the heavyweight division, throwing bombs. All in all, I had a blast and Spank did it up big by showing the crowd what he had.

Our backs were mangled sitting in the bleachers. No biggie though, it's always worth it. I went to get a water once and they had them in a big cooler of ice. You get a bottle out and then go pay these dirty girls. As you're paying, they have a towel for you to wipe it off with. Oh no, it's not just your normal towel. What would it be? ShamWow! I got to see a ShamWow in person and say I used the thing. Other happenings was that I got yet another free Marines shirt to add to the collection for doing over 20 chinups, fully extended style. Posey and I also ran into these energy drink dudes who were really doing a network marketing scheme. We both like talking to random people just to see what they have to say. We fed them a lot of nonstop talking and of course they ate it up. I ended up getting some free energy drinks out of the mix before they eventually would figure out I wasn't interested in their stupid plan. Also, as a random, Posey ended up buying a mouthpiece for no other reason than just to do it. I thought someone gave it to him, but he actually bought the thing and was wearing it around the building, good stuff.

Ok, time for the final paragraph on the fights. You're all wondering, guys and girls both, how the ring girls stacked up from Morgantown to Clarksburg. It didn't even compare. The girls both in the crowd and in the ring were a lot better in Morgantown. I think the girls with us got a kick out of our opinions on the dirty ring girls. Our whole section was giving opinions before the nights were over, nothing better to do. A few arguments were over if some had fake tits or not. I'm terrible at telling the difference, but I'll still throw my two cents out there. Also, one chick was 80 pounds soaking wet and had no business showing her stuff. Spank said it felt like he was watching child porn seeing her out there bouncing around, it was rough. To end things, we parked beside one of the stripper girls they were advertising. In it was this cheesy guy with a cheap suit, a junky car, and the windshield said RAWR. RAWRRRRRRR! Somehow he had the hot chick, who knows. That's how it goes sometimes. I wish I would've taken pics of it.

The good deed of the week was helping a buddy and her dude with a new HDTV. I hooked that bad boy up and put in a Blu-Ray player for them, top of the line stuff. This was about 10 miles outside of Morgantown in probably the nicest house I've been in during my entire life. Not that I get out much, but it ranks as my #1 I'd say. We're talking the pimp cars on the long driveway, three big screens, three full floors, carpet I was walking on that I've never felt quite the like, and tons of other things. That was during the morning and I drive back and get home to Shinnston at 5:30. At 6:00, I pick up the Toughman crew and then leave again for Morgantown, I was all over the place in the Jeep, but on time like always.

Most seasons recently I've done horrible in the NCAA basketball tournament pick ems. This year I was alive going into the final weekend, so I had something to keep an eye on. I ended up with three of my Final 4 teams in it and needed Michigan State to beat UConn to clinch. They put the hammer on and I ended up winning Ozzie's pool that had 60-70 people in it. That's a solid cash take for me there. On top of that, my Heels totally crushed Michigan State in the championship game. Now watch me go 20 years without winning another pool again, just the luck I have in that type of thing, but I'll bask in the glory at least for one season.

Sunday it was time for the Super Bowl of wrestling. That'd be WrestleMania 25 and it was held at the Fortney palace. We had a gang there and awesome food that Abbey made to add to the mix. This was also my first time seeing little Gracey, who it seems like is 4 years old already. Sad that it took me that long to get up there, my fault for sure. Anyways, who all was there for the festivities? Posey, Fortney, Abbey, Darian, Kayla, Matty (not Cakes), Mudcat, Pimpin' Money Mike, Brad, Huff, Spank and myself. It was a terrible show actually, but with that crew together, it made to be a great time. Some of the stuff on the show was so bad that it was actually funny to see. The highlight of the night for most of us came from Ricky Steamboat's return to the ring after years away. The dude hasn't lost a step and blew us away at 56 years old. The next night on RAW, he stole the show again to chants of "You still got it!". I'm always down for a wrestling pay per view, I'll never grow up and apparently most of my crew won't either, it makes things interesting.

Thursday night was movie time. I've been due for a theater trip, so we got it in. Going in, it started that a few of us wanted to see Fast and Furious. Posey hasn't been to the movies in ages, so I was joking with Ashley and Scherri and it ended up that I'd take them both. Posey ended up finding a babysitter, so we went 4 deep for this one. I am a fan of all the movies in this series, so I had high hopes for this one. It delivered, at least from my perspective. It was way over the top, but all of them are that way and not too believable. You have to go in and not have that bother you. The storyline I liked a lot though and Vin Diesel played his role great. Michelle Rodriguez was looking great in this one too. The character that Laz Alonzo played as Fenix Rise was cracking me up like no other. He tried to act all hard, but it turned out to just have me laughing the entire movie at his scenes. Maybe that was just me. Chalk up Jordana Brewster as another hottie in this one. The funny thing about going to these movies is that afterwards, everyone thinks they are tough guys and spin out of the parking lot with their cars. Posey figured he'd try it with the minivan just to be stupid and was able to rip out of the lot. They need vids of these kids revving their engines up and then driving out, it'd have you laughing for sure. Ok, you want the grade? I'm going fairly high with this one. It'll be 8.1 cars blown up out of 10.

I've made it. Forty days I've went without any of my candy, pop, sweet tea, Doritos, or anything of that nature. The first part of it was fairly rough, but once the initial period was over, I was able to handle things without much of an urge. It was tough on days when I'd be at work and someone would bring in a big birthday cake or our cook would make cinnamon rolls, cookies, or that type of deal. Once midnight hits on Saturday night (Sunday morning), all bets are off. The first thing I'm dove into is of course the Cadbury eggs followed by a huge piece of white chocolate and a Coke. I might go into a sugar coma since it's been so long, but I'll get back on pace to rocking that out like no other. As a heads up, if you're bored, feel free to mail me some candy at any time, I won't pass it up.

An underrated thing that most people don't get nearly enough of? Massages. I got one on Friday for the first time in a while. For the locals, it was the place on Meadowbrook Road. Not that I've had a whole lot of massages over the years, but this one ranks as my #1 thus far. I got to hang in the hot tub for 15-20 minutes before the actual deal. They even had a Ric Flair robe for me to put on after I got out to go to the next room. I should've done the strut and went into full character mode. After that, it was massage time for an hour and this little chick did the work. No, not what you're thinking you pervs, but I about fell asleep during it. Highly recommended, plus they told me my insurance would pay for most of any future visits, so you can't really beat that.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: What dirty do we have to reveal this week? People get a kick out of this section and I get just as many comments talking to people or online about this than just about anything else on my blogs. Credit for this one goes to Kristen in Germany. She's sending us a chick from Dallas, Texas. The funniest pics to me in her folders are from the car show. You'll see what I mean. www.myspace.com/tha_executiveofficialpage

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: This has been out for a while, but if you've never seen, you're in for a treat. Even if you have seen, you know this is a vid you can watch over and over. I'm talking about My New Haircut. It's probably not suitable for work if you have your speakers cranked, but check it out and then thank me later.

3 Quick Thangs:

1. We're going with reader submissions for the bottom part this week.. We'll start off with one from Arizona Jas. What does she have to provide us with? In the average life time, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator. Another one from Arizona Jas? More suicides happen on Monday than any other day.

2. We go to a joke that Corndog found that he wants people to know about. In his words, it's hilarious. Penis Van Lesbian. http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/just4fun/a/VanLesbian.htm

3. And our third is coming to us from The_Freak. What's he have up his sleeve? He has a few actually.. A koala bear sleeps 22 hours of every day. Another? California has issued at least 6 drivers licenses to people named Jesus Christ. Dang, it's one more the fans are chanting for? Ok, I'll give in. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.. I hope everyone had a great Easter, talk to you soon enough!

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Dirty Feet, ShamWow Dude & Flink

I just love having tons of random topics to ramble about. It's weeks like these, as I said in the last issue that it makes the blogs easy to write. Besides, I'm never short of words, I can always find some kind of conversation to get into. The little preview I can give this time around will feature if people wash their feet, Corndog becoming addicted, a weird iPhone app, cheesy Facebook things I've lowered myself to, a great story on the ShamWow dude, and MUCH more. It's time to step in and get ready, for it's now or never time..

I was listening to a radio show the other morning on my drive to work. Between songs, they brought up a topic that somewhat surprised me. In the live booth was a chick and 3 dudes on the radio panel. One guy brings up that his feet smell and he was wondering the problem. The chick then asks if he washes his feet. A simple question, right? You'd think the obvious answer would be yes, but you would have guessed wrong. The guy says what he does, when he's in the shower, he'll wash his body and soap will be on him. Then he'll let the soap run all the way down to his feet and through his toes. The chick then was confused and was asking if the guy really didn't actually scrub his feet. He said he didn't scrub and didn't think anything of it. Then she asks the other guys in the booth. Apparently, another guy there does the exact same thing. How do you not scrub your feet? Come on people. Dudes have mangled feet to begin with, at least scrub em. No chick wants to deal with that. Well, our weekly Dirty Thug Ho girls may, but you know, they usually don't count. Besides, it takes no time to scrub, get to it.

I've talked about the iPhone before and we all know it can do just about everything aside from scrubbing your feet. You've all seen the latest commercials on their new apps. That's fine, some are a bit extreme, but one has me thinking when it will end. The one I'm talking about is the app that reminds you where you parked your car. Don't get me wrong, I have no common sense and have came out of a store before and been a bit lost to where my car was. But to the point of actually going in a panic that I'd need to have my phone pinpoint my spot? Get out of here with that app, it's garbage. It'll be interesting to see what they have to offer next. Maybe I need to get me one of these things just because.

Here's a story that you might've heard just recently, but has me intrigued. For you TV freaks like me, you definitely know the ShamWow dude. The first thing before getting into the story, I am surprised he's 44 years old. He doesn't look nearly that much on TV, but wait.. He was partying and doing his thing in Miami and decides he wants some dirty hooker. No, not just some random girl and me being silly by calling her that in the blog. A genuine one and he paid her $1000 for regular stuff. Apparently, she kisses the dude and bit his tongue and wouldn't let go. What does ShamWow Dude do? He started going Chris Brown on her and messed her up something awful. Yes, I know what you're thinking, that guy. She ended up with facial fractures and lacerations. If you've read this my ramblings before, you know I'm a huge proponent against dudes who think they're so bad that they have to whip up on a little girl. It's just crazy to me how often that happens, even in my area that I see, so I couldn't imagine a real city like Miami. No excuse from me on this guy for what he did, but it's still a story you wanted to know about. Anyways, thanks to good ol' Smoking Gun, they have 6 pages up for you all to enjoy. You get to see ShamWow Dude look tons older than he does on TV in his mugshot, the police reports, and of course pics of the dirty girl. She doesn't look bad in her before pics, but got beatdown in her hospital pics. Aside from the face being mangled, in an off topic thing with her, she has a tat on her lower back that says Lucky. I've come around a good bit on tats recently and if you have something decent, I'm cool with it, but that one just makes me laugh. Here's two links, the first shows the story and ShamWow Dude's pics. The other is of the girl after tough guy roughed her up, it's not pretty. Why can't we throw Chris Brown and ShamWow Dude into a MMA ring with Vanderlei "The Axe Murderer" Silva for a good 10 minutes? That'd teach em. And here's your links: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html and http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0330091newsham1.html

How's the world of Facebook treating people? I still like MySpace even though it's a bit more primitive, but seems like everyone and their brother would rather be on Facebook instead. Either is fine by me, but there's a cheesy Top 5 deal going on that is catching on like fire. I admit, it's so cheesy that I figured I'd jump in on it too, sadly enough. I went and ranked my Top 5 Albums , Top 5 Movies, and Top 5 Video Games of All Time. Those are tougher than you think to break it down to just 5 choices. You can pick between a lot of other things too, but I stopped with those three, that's bad enough. On the albums I go with all rap, as I chose Dr. Dre's The Chronic as my #1 by far, Dru Down's Can You Feel Me, NWA's Straight Outta Compton, 2Pac's All Eyez On Me, and Run DMC's Raising Hell. For movies I go with The Sandlot as my #1, The Pride of the Yankees, Private Parts, Boogie Nights, and Happy Gilmore. Hey Cali Jas, Slumdog is Top 10, hah. Video games I go with Tecmo Bowl as #1 (the original), The Legend of Zelda, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Street Fighter 2, and Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. Take those rankings for whatever they're worth to you, probably not much. I did have some fun checking out what other people on my list ranked some of their tops, it's interesting. Then again, I'm easily excited, so it could be boring to you.

The video game mix is still kicking as usual. I've been stuck on nothing but Call of Duty 5 since it came out. Most of my buddies who have it are just as ate up. We added another to the program this week. Last Saturday, I get a call out of nowhere from Logan County. I didn't have a clue who it was at first, but a few seconds in after the guy started joking and calling me by all of my nicknames, it clicked. Corndog! He wanted some info on COD and what all he needed to play it. Almost a week later, Corndog now is hooked like the rest of us. It's the best when we get all of our gang into one game. The people from out of the area are in our games and they hear a bunch of West Virginia hicks like us on there with our mics, they don't know what to think. It's pretty entertaining. The majority of people on the mics are fun, but you do get your punks from time to time who can ruin things. The other night it was Corndog, Cork, Walz, and myself all in an 8-man Free-For-All game. If you haven't joined on on this yet, you're missing out. After the first night of playing, Corndog wakes up without a lot of sleep and pulls out this one as he's ready to pick his controller back up:

Corndog: im already up again
Corndog: dang im tired
Corndog: but as soon as i help my sister move some stuff....ill be back out on the battlefield haha

It's TV time as I watch entirely too much. It's going to rot my brain. A show I've been getting into lately is Cash Cab on the Discovery Channel. I've always been a game show type of guy, so this is easy to get into. It's been around for a bit, so most of you have probably already seen it a good bit. Basically the premise is that you have the host of the show driving a cab in New York City. People get into the cab like they would for any other cab and tell the driver of their destination. Little do they know, he switches it up on them and tells them they have a chance to make money until they land at their spot. If they get 3 strikes (missed questions), the driver kicks them out of the car. They have 2 "shout-outs" in that they can either call someone or stop on the street and ask some bum for help. At the end, if they make it without losing all their strikes, they are given a chance to double up their money with a video question or just to get out and keep what they have. I'd be way too conservative with my money. I'd take the money I already won and just roll out. It's free money the way I look at it, no point of gambling it to where you might end with nothing. That's just my take. Anyways, check it out if you haven't before. General knowledge questions and some of the people that get into the car will shock you with how smart they are.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: She is doing a handstand on her main profile pic and she also has pics with Pimpin' Money Mike and Urkel. Those all helped the consideration factor and here we go with this week's edition: www.myspace.com/jessurz

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Corndog is all over the blog this week and he returns yet again. I don't watch any late night talk shows anymore, but I used to be big into Letterman. That gets me into this week's video that Corndog gets credit for. It's a skit of Letterman stuck in an elevator and putting on a good act. Big Dave looking into the cam gets me every time.

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Very interesting.. As I'm working on the blog, my Chicago Bears are back on the map. Maybe not to a lot of wins, but it should be a good bit better than they have been offensively. Jay Cutler, the crybaby of the Broncos is out and is now with my boys. I like that, even if we gave up two 1st Round picks, a 3rd Round pick, and Kyle "The Legend Killer" Orton. Still one of the worst (if not THE worst) receiving crew in the league, but with Cutler back there, I'm all for the change. We'll see. Ask me again in 6-7 months.

2. I know absolutely nothing about country music. Ironic I know since I'm in redneck land, but it's true. I said this during my fantasy baseball draft last week and was fearing that I might lose my manliness with the comment. I decided to go with it anyways. The topic was Taylor Swift and I'll say it here. I don't get the hype with everyone saying she's so hot. I don't see it. She's a cute girl, looks way way young though, but nobody that I'd put way high on my celebrity list at all. Surprisingly, several other guys in my league agreed.

3. Did You Know? Did you know that a group of 12 or more cows is called a flink? I didn't either, never knew that word existed. Another one? Ok.. Deer can't eat hay. I'm not sure if they really can't or if they just won't, but that's what it says.. Until next time!