Thursday, August 30, 2007

Beating Rats with Baseball Bats

With August in the books, it's time to get this hot weather out of town. I've had enough of it two months ago. Speaking of out of town, I saw some people this past weekend I haven't seen in 10 years. Yep you guessed it. My 10 year high school reunion, becoming an old man if I haven't gotten there already. The good thing is that I don't really feel old yet as I've said for a while, so we'll see how this keeps going. I'll update everyone on reunion action in this post along with how I fail at handy man stuff, weekend activities, Real World chatter, fantasy leagues, laptop shopping, beating rats with baseball bats and whatever else we can throw together in our salad of goodies.

Good ol' Class of 1997. How time flies. We didn't get a big turnout for the melee, but I really enjoyed myself. We split it up into two days worth of things to do. On Saturday night, we had a dinner at Village Square. I was wondering if there would be people that I didn't have a clue who they were. Regardless, I'm the type that'd go up to them and straight up tell them I have no idea who they are supposed to be. Only one dude did I have that problem with, but heard through the grapevine who he was and then got to talking. Come to it, dude has been living like 5 miles from me for the past 10 years and hasn't moved either, weird. We cracked up about that. As far as the chicks, most of the ones that looked quality back in the day still hold up good enough. Then you have a few who were bums in high school and either turn out way hot now or if they were a dork dude they have some amazing girlfriend/wifey now. Interesting to see that go down.

I'm finally going to jump into the land of laptops. I've been missing out for a while as I've always been a desktop person. I think on Saturday I'm going to load up on a pretty nice one and we'll see what goes down. No point of just getting a decent one as much as I'm online and using my computer. My desktop is going a bit slower now, so it's time anyways. I got this Dell desktop I've been using since January 2004, so we're due. I've pretty much made up my mind on what exactly I want, but not sure of the brand yet. For the specs, and I'm no genius, but good enough with these things that I'm wanting a 17 inch screen, 2GB memory, 200GB hard drive, cam, and some suped up wireless. What in the world am I going to do with a 200GB hard drive? The computer I'm on now has 80 and I've only used up 18.7GB in almost 4 years time. I rarely save anything major on my computer. Enough of that jargon, onto some other happenings.

The first week of work has been solid so far. My gig is really sweet and my schedule couldn't be any better. One day last week when we were setting our rooms up before kids got there, I had to unscrew this metal plate holding a few world maps. You'd think it'd be easy huh? Here I am, probably by far the worst handy man (not Damon Wayans style) in the building, chicks included and this little task took me forever. If you saw me working with tools you'd get a good kick out of that. Leave that mess to someone who actually knows what they're doing. I have no common sense or any skill when it comes to fixing something.

This weekend has some good potential. Nothing too crazy, but at least I'll have some things going on. Friday night, it's time for the annual trip to the Jackson's Mill Jubilee. My parents are big on hitting up random festivals and things like that, but this one you can't go wrong with. I've talked about it before, but the food is worth going alone. It's some stuff you don't get on a regular basis, some southern cooking mixed in with a lot of homemade deals, Italian food, and a redneck ride on a tractor after you park into the grounds. Quite the mixture. Only in WV.

This weekend is also the Italian Heritage Festival in my area. It's some great eatage (it'll be a word in this blog) and a tradition around here. If you saw it, it's not much to behold, but the food alone and the rowdiness is always a good time. You get the same guys in my town fighting Clarksburg every single year, you can bet on that. You also see some high quality chicks running around up there too, how can you pass that up? I'm not sure if I'll hit it up this year or not though, but check out the site: Sunday night is a family cookout deal with the aunts, uncles, cousins, you know. Again, more great eatage to come. Labor Day features two things. One is that I get to sleep in all day. Second, at 8:00 that night, we're having our local money NFL league, the Shinnston Fantasy League. We'll drafting at Maulberry's house and there will be 10 in attendance for the league: Me, Ozzie, Maulberry, Sweet Pea, Matty Cakes, Big Mac, Bart, Fortney, Pill, and Jimmy Mills. Of course I'll bore everyone with how the draft went in our next blog.

College football has already started up, that means it's time for this hot weather to be finished with very soon. It also means my Notre Dame boys are ready to rock. They'll be the ones getting rocked this year though unfortunately, but most reading will be happy about that. 6-7 wins would be an amazing feat, it's going to be ugly. Hopefully I'm wrong and the youngsters prove me wrong. WVU fans are going to love trash talking me all season long. They have a chance to go undefeated (hopefully I just jinxed them good, but I really can't see them not losing at least once) This is as good of a time as any to reveal my college football fantasy keeper league roster. Our team names have to be a former Heisman Trophy winner, so I'm Team Tim Brown in ManDingo League Football. Ladies and gentlemen, let's pull the curtain off and show the roster:

QB Omar Haugabook, Sr, Troy
QB Sam Kellar, Jr, Nebraska
QB Justin Willis, So, SMU
QB Nate Davis, So, Ball State
QB Adam Tafralis, Sr, San Jose State
QB Juice Williams, So, Illinois

RB Raymell Rice, Jr, Rutgers
RB Aaron Brown, Jr, TCU
RB Rodney Ferguson, Jr, New Mexico
RB Rashard Mendenhall, Jr, Illinois
RB Anthony Dixon, So, Mississippi State
RB Jalen Parmele, Sr, Toledo

WR Ryan Grice-Mullen, Jr, Hawaii
WR Ryan Wolfe, So, UNLV
WR Jaison Williams, Jr, Oregon
WR Derrick Stewart, Jr, Cincinnati
WR Britt Davis, Jr, Northern Illinois
WR Chaz Schilens, Sr, San Diego State

K Sam Swank, Jr, Wake Forest
K Taylor Mehlhaff, Sr, Wisconsin

Time to start wrapping this beast up with some Real World and Harry Potter mentions. This week's Real World? Dunbar tells Parisa she's "interesting" and she gets all torn up over it because he's not wanting into her pants. Then KellyAnne, who Dunbar thinks wants him, she tells him that she's just flirting around and doesn't want him. Doh, hah. Now it's this weird love triangle, Parisa wants Dunbar, Dunbar wants KellyAnne, KellyAnne just wants to be all over everyone. Now KellyAnne wants Cohutta and Dunbar is jealous. How is that not excellent TV? Tune in next week to see who cries first! Now for a Potter update? I'm a bit over 300 pages into Book 4. Slowly but surely, you know how it goes.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week:

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Camouflage Back Massage,

3 Quick Thangs:

1. September is here, so let's jump a bit to Saturday, September 1st to celebrate the birthdays: Gloria Estefan, she's now 50, dang. Wrestler Bam Bam Bigelow (RIP) would have been 46 on that day. Basketballer and one of the worst commentators ever, Timmy Hardaway, 41. Not a great day, but #basketball legend Neon helps the cause, Happy 25th to Neon!

2. How messed up is this Senator Larry Craig story from Idaho? Basically, he loves to go into bathrooms and find some dude to hook up with. Meanwhile, he's married and has been saying he's not gay for almost 30 years and busts out this quote, "Let me be clear, I am not gay! I never have been gay!" He pleads guilty to this stuff and then backs up on his word and says it's not true. Maybe it's just me, but this story is too funny. This guy is a weirdo, read up on the story if you haven't. Tapping feet in the bathroom? I've heard some crazy stuff, but didn't have a clue on that mess. Put him on Real World and let them rip him, they don't have a gay dude on there for once this season.

3. In Galesburg, Illinois, there is a $1000 fine for beating rats with baseball bats. I can't make this stuff up folks. Hope ya enjoyed, see ya next week!

Friday, August 24, 2007

That Roo Just Ate Cheetos!

We're back to send out some goodies to everyone. What's happening? Things are great here as usual. The topics to cover this week? Softball fisticuffs, Madden 08, more Harry Potter, a roo eating Cheetos, fantasy football, new CDs, and a slew of other things to keep your attention.

Saturday was our softball tournament for Mario's Fishbowl. There were originally 12 teams in this league to start the season. We finished up 6-8 and were #6 going into the tourney. We were faced against WVGS who was 10-3 on the year and a pretty good team. We were struggling to find dudes for this game, so we called a guy that was listed on our roster, but hadn't played all season. Legit we thought, but apparently if you don't play in 5 games for the regular season, you're ineligible for playoffs. Either way, we took our chances. We pulled off the nice upset in this one to advance to a game later in the afternoon. After the game was when things began to get rowdy.

We were in the parking lot, waiting to go eat between games. That's when this old woman who always runs her mouth comes up to our team. She cries that our new dude wasn't eligible to play today and all of this. Every team up there brings in ringers, but he was listed on our list. Follow me so far? Of course he didn't play the 5 games, but none of the other teams cared since they took up for our argument and the umps didn't protest either. Then this older dude steps into the mix and cries about the ruling and gets up in Mule Daddy's face. Wrong move right there. Mule goes around 6'3"/220 (I'm horrible at guessing height and weight) and has a short fuse to say the least. He knows that, so I'm cool with writing that, hah. It'll help for the story. That's when Mule about flipped out on this dude and started going nuts on him to where the guy was backing down. The guy started walking away since I'm guessing he didn't figure Mule would blow up, so Mule walks after him and continues to get even more fired up and wants to take this guy on. Me and Devon the Dude (rap reference there for those who get me there) thought Mule was going to hit him, but the guy walked off crying. Then we had Trev giving some of the best one liners to this old chick and sent her packing as well. Meanwhile, the rest of us were just standing there taking in the excitement.

So between games we head to Wing Fest that was behind the Mountaineer Mall, right up the hill from where we ball. Out of nowhere, we see Posey and chatted with him for a bit. The whole time, we figured when we got back to the field for our 4:00 game that it'd be a forfeit and we'd get kicked out. Not so fast my friend, everyone backed our case and we got to play. We got to play Rhythm & Brews, they're the #2 seed and finished up 11-2. We played great, but got beat in the Bottom of the 7th, doh. WVGS stayed for this game to try to heckle us, but we got a kick out of that. So after a rough start on the season, we battled back and finished 3rd overall. Not bad for a bunch of bums. The top 2 teams at the end of the season are forced to move up to the next league. Technically, next summer we'll be the best returning team in the league. That's kinda funny to me, I'm ready to rock for that, I'm in for sure. Only thing I'm bummed about is that we didn't get a team photo, grrr.

How am I coming along with Potter? It's still great and I'm ate up with it of course. This 4th book is going to take me a while and with the remaining books being way big, I won't be breezing through them like the first few. I'm still chugging along, so don't you worry one bit. I'm about 160 pages through this book as I type this for those keeping track at home.

Here's an interesting one for the people. I have a buddy I chat to in Australia. Yeah, I'm worldwide, that's how I do. Anyways, we all know kangaroos run like mad down there. One thing I didn't know is that people can have them as pets. I saw a vid of this chick's roo in the house that she sent. It's some kind of mini one that doesn't grow too big, but it got up on the counter and started tearing up some Cheetos. I kid you not. I'm telling ya, you can see absolutely anything on the internet. Roos eating Cheetos? You can't beat that with a stick.

Two weeks worth of Real World to give a chat on. Trisha wants to take a break from her man and he gets jealous. Then she turns dirty and gets with a new dude that same night. Shauvon breaks down and cries like a girl after making out with a dude. She said it was the last thing she needed and hates being single, whatever. Trisha and Parisa get into it at the end of the episode. Parisa says that Trisha always thinks of herself and was really busting out the smack talk. Trisha couldn't handle it and everyone said not to mess with Trisha when she's having dude problems. No problems there, apparently she doesn't care since she hooked up with a dude when she's on this "break". The latest episode? Parisa is wanting Dunbar bad, but he's not into her one bit. She writes this sappy letter to him and he basically gets weirded out by it. Then we have Isaac hooking up with this hot black Irish chick. Nothing major in the latest episode, but there ya go.

Quick thoughts on Madden 08 for the Wii? It's a different setup, but I think it works out really smooth. I've started a franchise with my Bears. To someone who hasn't played much Madden Wii before, it'll be all jacked up to you at first with the controller setup. Some underrated party games and trivia on this version. The trivia against someone gets addicting.

Speaking of football, it's time for a quick update of the keeper fantasy NFL league I'm part of, ran by Uncle Wilbur. I didn't write about it in the last blog for some reason, but I'll give my team. First off, we have 18 people in this league and we keep 3 players each year. I kept QB Tom Brady, RB Thomas Jones, and RB Julius Jones. Ladies and gentlemen, this is yourrrr Cincinnati Celts:

QB: Tom Brady
QB: Brady Quinn

RB: Thomas Jones, NYJ
RB: Julius Jones, DAL
RB: Brandon Jacobs, NYG

WR: Ron Curry, OAK
WR: Greg Jennings, GB
WR: Sidney Rice, MIN
WR: Ernest Wilford, JAC
WR: Bryant Johnson, ARI

TE: Vernon Davis, SF
TE: Visanthe Shiancoe, MIN

K: Neil Rackers, ARI
K: Mike Nugent, NYJ

D: Atlanta Falcons

We're due for a CD update. It's been a while, so let's dust off this section and give a recap of what has been added to the collection. It's all rap this time, so if you're not into that, just read anyways, you might learn a little something. :)

Ali & Gipp: Kinfolk. A mixture of one of Nelly's St. Lunatics members (Ali) and some Atlanta Goodie Mob action (Gipp). You're not getting hard rap here, but the vibe is pretty good. You get a mixture of dirty south style with some club rap if you're into that. I think they played it off well. A lot of people on this CD such as Nelly, Cee-Lo, David Banner, Pimp C, Murphy Lee, Lloyd, and Three 6 Mafia.

Boot Camp Clik: Casualties Of War. We get some good Brooklyn lyricists here. I don't think they've ever got their justice due, but they've been around the game. They're not going to play any games and try to be something they're not. I liked this CD and you should too. This album features all 8 original members.

Plies: The Real Testament. I was surprised by this CD. I didn't think it'd be much except for club type rap, but I was proven wrong. Everyone knows of the single that is out now with T-Pain, Shawty. Others worth checking out? Goons Lurkin and Runnin My Momma Crazy.

Styles P: Independence. This one impressed me. Usually with D-Block rappers (which I like), half of their raps they spend screaming that they represent D-Block. This one just rips 50 Cent something awful if you're into diss tracks. I don't mind 50, but he's going to have his work cut out for him if he tries to lyrically battle this clan. There weren't many tracks that I can say I didn't like. My favorite is Ms. Jackson. They sample Outkast's Ms. Jackson and just go at 50. Shots Fired features Jadakiss and it's another one worth checking out. "Get Rich or Die Tryin' was a classic. Now you rich and you tryin' to die, you'z a dumb bastard."

WC: Guilty By Affiliation. Let's bring it back to some true West Coast stuff. Some think this has come and gone, but WC shows how things are meant to be when you stay with your style. For those that don't have a clue, WC is part of the Westside Connection with Cube and Mack 10. Cube is featured in this CD a lot and he's as solid as ever, one of my all time favorites. You get the hard grimey rap here, so if you're wondering if WC has changed things up, he definitely hasn't. 80's Babies with Cube, you need to download that, great lines on that one.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week:

Bird's Video Moment of the Week
: We have a gem here. It's a 2-part thing. Heard of the Duct Tape Bandit? I haven't either until Corndog showed me this stuff. First off, check out the news clip for the back story: and if you enjoy that one (which you will), check out the song dedicated to it:

3 Quick Thangs:

1. How about some birthdays for Friday, August 24th you say? WWE icon Vince McMahon, he turns 62 and still ripped out of his mind. WV Governor Joe Manchin, he's doing it for his 60th, wouldn't have guessed near that age. Baseballer Cal Ripken, 47. Craig Kilborn, former ESPN anchor and current actor, 46. Basketballer Reggie Miller, seeking a comeback with the Celtics, Happy 42nd. Comedian Dave Chappelle, he's going for his 34th. There ya have it.

2. Fun Fact Time: A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.

3. 123 days until Christmas!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Bashing in Cell Phones

I'm settled back into West Virginia after the Atlanta extravaganza last week. Everyone seemed to like the last blog. It was my biggest and some were telling me it was their favorite that I've done. To each their own, but thanks for the comments. Now I go back to the regular style of rambling about anything and everything. That is always hit and miss, but usually I can spark some different things for everyone in there. This won't be nearly as long as the last one, so if you get freaked out by seeing me ramble too much, I'm back to what you're normally used to. I'll see what I can whip up, no worries.

How's the adventures into Harry Potter been treating me? By the time I get next week's blog out, I will have been started on Book 4. I'm zooming through them fairly well and still am hooked with it, so that's a good thing. With work starting next week, that may slow me down a bit, but I'll still chug along. I haven't talked to anyone who started reading these that has not liked them. That was until I talked to Kari the other day. She was telling me she got 40 pages in and had enough. She said she was reading about cars flying and people talking to snakes and didn't have the imagination for it, hah. That's good stuff.

It's about that time where I'll be a complete zombie for a few weeks. Next week when I start back to work, it'll be way tough to get up early, but I'll manage. The past few weeks I've been an idiot. On Sunday night/Monday morning, I went to bed at 9:30 AM and woke up around 1:30 PM. Then on Monday night/Tuesday morning, I'm not sure what got into me, but I went to bed at 11:00 AM and woke up at 3:00 PM. Jas, you're right, you need to do a study on my sleeping habits, it's a wreck. Of course I was on here all of that time, so I need to start trying to get to bed halfway early, but that's never easy. I never learn.

I had a meeting for work today. Nothing out of the ordinary, but I'll go on a little tangent. I think I'm the only human, definitely the only person that reads this blog, that doesn't get into the cell phone craze. That's not the part that bugs me. We're in a meeting, I don't want to be there as much as the next guy, but have the decency to turn your phones off. No, I don't want to hear your dumb out of date ring tone. You may think it's cool and want the rest of the place to look at you, giving you the attention. I've still yet to do a big goal of mine. I want to smash someone's phone into pieces and then give it back to them if it happens in a situation like that. Take a ball bat to it and just straight up flip out and have them think I've lost my mind. Then smile at them and calmly give the phone pieces back to them as the rest of the room cheers on the madness. Yes, I have too much time on my hands. Anyways, next topic..

Softball season is about over for Mario's Fishbowl. This week marks the end and time flies. Last week we had a doubleheader and played great. Game 1, I got to be the hero in the Bottom of the 7th and drove the game winning run in. That's always a fun time getting a chance in those situations. Game 2, we played the undefeated team in the league. We battled and had a real good chance of winning. We were the away team, so they had a chance in the Bottom of the 7th. We were leading and they came back to get things done. Also in that game, our pitcher (Mule) and catcher (Rach) had a crazy collision. They were both going down the first base line for a popup and just crushed into each other. They were down and out for a bit, but got right up and did their thing. Friday night we have a game at 6:00 against the church and then Saturday we have tournaments all day, single elimination. Time to gear up!

I know we have a lot of people reading that are big Real World fans like myself. The new season, based from the streets of Sydney, started last week and I'm ate up with it as usual. A quick rundown of the characters and what I think based on just one episode. In order they were introduced in the show, it started out with Trisha, a 19 year old chick from Fresno. She had sex when she was 12 and has a dude at home now. That can only end up bad, always does. But good for TV of course. Then we have Cohutta, a 23 year old hick from Georgia. He builds log homes and his the accent, so he should be interesting. KellyAnne is next, she's a 20 year old from Texas. She's all about getting attention, is an Italian with a real nice body, but the downside is that she's a crybaby. Isaac, 21 from Cleveland. He's the artistic dude of the bunch and is on probation (or was?) for robbery. Shauvon is a 24 year old from Sacramento. She's basically your Barbie chick with fake tits that looks like she's going to topple over. Dunbar is 22, from Mississippi and has a chick. I don't have much else on that guy yet. Last, we have Parisa. She's a 21 year old from NYC and graduated college early. She's Iranian, and if I'm basing on looks, she's who I'm digging so far. She'll be the babysitter of the group, but she wins the prize of first person to cry. Wednesday nights, 10:00 PM EST on MTV. No gay dude this season? Impossible! Maybe I'm just not seeing something. Some bum will come out of the closet and freak us I'm sure, but so far we're off to a good start.

Video game fans are all pumped up right now. Monday night at midnight, we had the release of Madden 08. I didn't get in line at midnight like I normally do, but I'll have it on Thursday afternoon sometime for the Wii. I've been due for a new game anyways and this is the perfect time. The last one I bought as you all know was Resident Evil 4. Next week, Tiger Woods 08 also comes out. I'd like to get both, but I hate having to divide my time between two games in the same time period. One always ends up collecting dust.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: As usual, when credit is due to be given, we do that around here. My girl Felisha wanted to turn in a chick to us this week. I think it's great how chicks seem to be into this section more so than the dudes. Here's the gem she found:

Bird's Video Moment of the Week:

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Birthdays.. Thursday, August 16th: Former NFL baller, Frank Gifford if he's still around, he's 77. His chick Kathie Lee, she's annoying and needs slapped around, but she's 54 and irrelevant now. Madonna goes for 49. Actress Angela Bassett, she's also 49, and still looking good, I don't care of the age. Come to think of it, I remember doing this exact same date in a previous year blog, the irony around here.

2. Weird Fact Time: More than ten people a year are killed by vending machines. Don't ask, I just report it.

3. Weird Fact #2: A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans. Not what you'd expect, I know what you're thinking you bums.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

ATL Road Trip! Drunken Madness & Much More!

There definitely won't be a problem finding things to write about in this edition. The problem will be condensing it into one post without going crazy long. I could easily make 3 or 4 posts out of this if I wanted to. I'll do my best to get the interesting stories out there from the recent trip to the ATL. There will be things I'm sure I'll miss in my writings, but I think I'll be able to get a nice batch of randomness, that's what I do. A quick preview of what is to come? Waffle House, bad driving, drunken chaos and presentation of "The Award", sweating more than I ever have in my entire life, and much more. This is going to be the longest blog I've ever written more than likely, so I'm warning people now, try to stay with me. Freak is calling it The Madhouse XXL.

As you guessed it, this entire blog will be about the journey to Atlanta. I always get a kick out of the variety of people who read this thing from a random bum in the middle of nowhere in Shinnston. People from as old as 60 years old or more to as low as teenagers, we cover all levels. I try not to get too crazy in here, but I'm sure some of the things I write are over the top for some. I think overall it's laid back though, so I'll keep my style as I always have. A bunch of my family always gets a kick out of it, so that makes it fun to write every week or so and then tons of my people online since I'm ate up with that. Two paragraphs and I'm still not even into the trip. Enough of the small talk, buckle up and let's go..

A quick thing on the road trip. We saved an hour this time by going a different direction. Two years ago, we went through Huntington, WV and cut into KY, TN, and then GA. This year, we went through Bluefield, WV, cut into VA, TN, and then GA. 9 hours total and I surprised myself again by doing all of the driving. I never consider myself a good driver, I'm actually probably horrible, but I came back with my car in one piece, mission accomplished. I like this drive because most of it is straight up in the middle of nowhere. Tennessee is nothing but Waffle House (more on this later) and firework shops. I like it there, but not much action. Makes for an easy drive though. Along the ride with me was Cousin Ozzie and his chick Maria for those keeping track at home. On the way down, Maria found a great Chinese place. She used her phone and searched the area we were in. We found a few in Marion, VA so we figured might as well try it. Ozzie called for directions and that was an interesting call. I knew it'd be a mess, so that's part of why we wanted to call just to see what they'd say. Great Wall in Marion, VA, you just got a free plug in the blog. Excellent food.

One of the big things the guys were interested in was hitting up a baseball game. We did that on Friday night as we saw the Braves get beat down by the Rockies, 9-2. Turner Field is an awesome stadium, I like it there a lot. Ozzie and Matty Cakes were the only ones of our crew of 11 who stayed at the house that went to the game. Our seats were pretty good. We were about 10 rows up in the right field homer seats. We got them off scalpers who told us they were near the dugout, but they weren't. We saw the section number and knew it was down low, so we didn't bother with that after bargaining him down to a lower price. I know I complain about heat too much, but Ozzie and Cakes can back me up on this for sure. The hottest I've ever been in my life. Everyone was miserable at the game and the quote of sweating your nads off was definitely true in Atlanta, every time we were outside. A funny, but disturbing thing we talked about at the game was how dirty everyone was, us included. I asked them what percentage of the crowd of 37,000 that would get a shower after the game. Ozzie guessed at least 25,000 wouldn't, that's horrible. Gotta stay clean, I don't care if I have to get 3 showers some days, I hate being dirty. This was beyond dirty though, 37,000 people dripping sweat right on top of each other. We must really love baseball to know it'd be that bad before we were going, but well worth it. And of course, I had to get a shower immediately after getting back to the house.

A quick story from the game and I'll get onto something else. We had this little girl about 3 years old in front of us. I saw her get this huge blue slushie. I said no way would she finish that thing. A few minutes later, she drops the slushie, it lands on the seat and the top comes flying off. In the process, me and Ozzie got drenched with it, the chick's Mom got it all over her, the chick had it all over her face and legs, etc. Then this woman behind us had a nice white top on and it was ruined with this blue slushie juice on it. Me and Ozzie didn't care since we were already dirty and just wiped it off, but the Mom didn't even bother to apologize to the chick whose shirt got mangled. I liked it, cracked me up. I'm not a Braves guy one way or the other, but it never gets old seeing the Tomahawk Chop in person being done by everybody in the stadium.

So the interstate down and back wasn't too big of a deal to navigate on. For a guy that can't drive well, I did fine on that part. Atlanta is a totally different story. I'm not a fan of driving downtown at all there. Before the game, at one point, we were on section that had 7 lanes going in one direction. 7! That's right, one way had more roads going in the same direction than anywhere in West Virginia has on both sides combined. You're talking to a dude whose town has 2 stoplights in it and here I am driving like a madman in these lanes and people just zooming by. What I don't get, in these big cities, how is there not a ton of fender benders? There's like 1 centimeter between every car in this section, it's nuts to me. Then on the way back from the game, we were about a half mile or less from our intended exit. We about missed it. I was 4 lanes over and needed to get off the exit. Luckily, these people seem to be used to out of state bums like myself not having a clue in changing lanes and will let anyone in. So I guess the moral of the story is to go 20 miles over the speed limit, drive like a maniac and you'll fit right in. Big city driving, not for me one bit. I was a big time nervous mess doing that, but I did it at least.

Saturday rolls around and it's off to lunch with the whole crew and then mall action. We hit up The Cheesecake Factory, can't go wrong with their food and who can pass up cheesecake? I went with Cousin Angie's recommendation as me and her rock it out eating the sweets. I went with White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle. Go get that bad boy, it's well worth the purchase. Me and Angie wouldn't steer you in the wrong direction when it comes to that. Angie, slow that car down by the way, hah. Just picking on ya, but you know it's true, I gotta mess with people. After that, we hit up one of the big malls down there for a few hours and then some. We got in one store and Cakes checked to see if anything was near West Virginia. Of course, the idiot store worker started asking things like, "Oh! I see Fairfax. You near there?" Then she pulls out Arlington. Come on you pile of garbage, we're a state of our own, yet nobody seems to notice that. Then Ozzie jumps in and gets fired up and asks if anything is near Pittsburgh since we're fairly close to that. She looks in a coma at us, then Ozzie had to say Pennsylvania to get her out of being cracked out. I know my state isn't much, but come on people. We're not Virginia, give us just a tiny bit of respect. The good thing at the mall though was that I loaded up on a real nice Larry Bird jersey I don't have in my collection. Like I need anymore Bird stuff, oh well, I could be buying worse. Worse would be the crack that the jewelry store chick who didn't know WV was a state was smoking that day. This one is a Dream Team Nike jersey. The inside is lined in gold and has the results and of the team's wins from 1992 in there. The outside is the traditional red, white, and blue Olympic jersey, #7 from the Basketball Jesus. Quality purchase, it's solid.

Saturday night and Cousin Jill and Gayle's place was about to turn into a real life version of the movie Animal House tied in with a mixture of a Real World episode gone way wrong. You think I'm kidding, huh? By the way, new Real World season starts on Wednesday night! As the saying goes, you think you know, but you have no idea. However, it was some good action, and overall I think the night was a success. Before I get into that mess, I gotta thank Jill and Gayle for letting a zillion people stay at their place and them not wanting to kill us by the time Sunday came around. I'm in love with their house too, a real nice setup, lots of room and it worked out great. Gayle seemed low key and not a lot bothered him this week, so he gets props from me on that. I'm not sure I've ever seen Gayle get mad and he didn't get too involved with the madness that was about to ensue that night, always a nice guy.

My Uncle Bill joked that I was sleeping from place to place. Not sleeping around, get your mind out of the gutters, no dirty chicks in Atlanta for me on this trip if you're keeping track, hah. All of Jill's buddies that showed up were either married chicks (one looked good I thought) or lesbians, so I was out on both, can't mess with that drama. :) I'd slept in a little bed the first night and then the next two nights I slept on the couch and would then go upstairs in a bigger bed and switch off when people would wake up. 7:00 one morning, I heard steps and talking coming from upstairs. That's when I knew it was Cousin Ashton and Cousin Ashley gearing up for cartoons and toys in the room I was at. I open my eyes and Big Ashton is standing there in front of my face just staring at me as I woke up, not saying a word. That got me going good, the kids were funny and great all weekend. This coming from a guy who can't handle screaming and whining kids, but zero of that this week, I had fun with them.

Ashton's 2nd birthday party was starting at 5:00 that evening. Before that, Uncle Bill took me, Cousin Kari, and Cakes out driving around to the rich boy section. These places were just ridiculous to us bums from WV anyways. One of the places was where Elton John used to live and you had fountains with statues in front, pillars, a huge area of land, etc. These weren't houses, they were basically castles. I was saying how great it'd be to have a picture superimposed to where our houses were inserted next to these places. I'm a slacker with my camera, so I'm borrowing some of the ones that Ozzie took, they turned out nice, thanks a bunch man.

I'm guessing there were about 30-35 people there for the party. After Ashton opened his presents, around 7:00, the madness was about to start. When our family is together, it seems like someone gets so trashed that they become the life of the party. This got us started a few years ago to "The Award". What's that you ask? It's given to the drunkest of the night or the person who makes the biggest fool of themselves. I don't drink at all, so it was me, my Aunt Susie, and some pregnant chick that wasn't drinking of the entire crew. Nothing wrong with that, just setting the story up here for those reading along. Around 9:00, things started to get rowdy in the kitchen. By this time, it was just family for the most part. At that time, I heard the music start to crank and then karaoke and dancing ensued. I go to the kitchen to do my duty of hanging around the madness for a bit and then had to roll out and get a shower to get away from that. I'm weird, I can't be around everyone else drinking for a long period of time, just not my idea of fun one bit, but I'll hang for a few. I've always been that way. It's a big reason I'm not a fan of bars. That makes me boring, I know, but I do my own thing. How fun is it for me to stand in a packed place, with a bunch of drunks, smoke blowing in your eyes (we didn't have smokers on this trip though, a huge plus there), and music so loud that you have to literally scream to a person 2 feet in front of you for them to hear you talking. I don't get it.

I head downstairs to watch some of the NFL Hall of Fame Induction with Cakes. He's a hardcore Bills fan and we were interested in what Thurman Thomas had to say. Plus, that gave me an excuse to stretch out and take control of Gayle's laptop. I always asked everyone before using it, so I guess they would've spoken up if they really wanted it bad enough. That's the good thing about our family, most of us just tell it how it is and are honest about it. Hopefully I didn't hog the computer too much, but it seemed like everyone was having fun doing their thing, I might as well do my addiction as well. Around 10:00, the party was moved to the downstairs section, much cooler down there and we didn't have to sweat our nads off.

Shortly after that, I see Maria sitting up and her head is falling on Ozzie's back. Uh oh, we have a candidate here. Not long after that, she's laying face down on the floor and in a coma. Jill does her job of getting the cam all up in her face and started interviewing her for "The Award". I asked Gayle if we had an official name for it. He said "The Award" is what will work and I'm rolling with that. Late in the night and into the next morning when we woke up, there was debate over who would get this award. According to Maria, she only had two drinks and mentioned she's not much of a drinker at all. Apparently not, because she was out of it, but she was a good sport about it the next day. Me and Gayle discussed that since she's a rookie and a newer addition to the family, she automatically gets the award. How'd the others do in the race for fame?

Kari could very well have been given the award. Since she holds the biggest win so far on Christmas Eve 2005, we figured we'd give it to someone else. Plus, Maria was on the floor way early and Ozzie had to carry her up the steps and to bed. Well, to the toilet to where she supposedly wasn't puking, but was falling asleep on the toilet. That's some true lovin' right there and Kari always brings that up around Ozzie and Maria, good stuff. Anyways, Kari is like me and will say what's on her mind when she's not drinking. When she gets her party on, it gets to be even more entertaining. She was the puking casualty of the night, but woke up the next morning like a champ. I gotta give it to Kari and Cakes (who was also tuned in pretty well, but he handles his drinking better than most it seems) for that next morning, they were ready to rock and not feeling any effects. Angie, her man Will, Jill, and Gayle did fine, they didn't make fools of theirselves this time, hah. That kinda rhymed, we had a Bill, Jill, and Will all in the house. That's confusing enough, even for a sober person.

Late in the night when we had people passing out, puking, and whatever was going down through the house (believe me, there was tons more, but I don't have enough space to get in everything), it calmed down a bit after 11:30 or so. Cousin Zack is in Qutar and we got to talk to him on the computer with the webcam and that was an experience. He was loving to hear the stories of how the party was going and just getting caught up with the family. We got to talk to him everyday, so he was filled in on the melee. I have a lot of pressure in writing this blog from Zack (uh oh, I better deliver, hah), so I hope it's a good read for him. Would've liked to have ya over here for the visit, but at least we all got to talk and see what was going on.

The rock of the whole house? Easily my Aunt Susie. She's total nonstop from when she wakes up till when she goes to bed. Just like her sisters, that's all they know. I helped her clean the downstairs part of the house around midnight, but not like I did anything near what she did. She was cleaning, putting the kiddies to sleep, cooking, holding a puke bucket for Kari, dumping Kari's puke bucket out into the toilet and bringing it back fresh, talking to Zack while all of this was going on, getting fired up (always funny to me) at Uncle Bill for taking some shots late in the night when pretty much everyone else was down for the count, washing clothes, getting towels and washcloths ready for everyone (we used half of Atlanta's water suppply that weekend, Gayle is going to be pissed at that water bill), doing dishes, and all around making sure the house was running in top shape. To that, I was definitely impressed. Even with her running around and busy 24/7, I think she had an awesome time on the trip. Not too many people get a paragraph of their own in here, but when you do all of that, it doesn't go unnoticed.

Whew.. That took a lot of remembering for what went down on Saturday night. There was a ton of stories that I didn't even write down, but I wanted to give the background and feel of the night. I wake up at 9:00 the next morning and our plan is to leave at 10:00. For breakfast, I had a nice combo of toast and the cheesecake Angie told me to get along with orange juice. I wonder if that combo has been done before. At 10:10 AM, we were on the road back to WV. Another 9 hours awaited, but I was in a great mood and ready to start the day out right. Don't worry, we're getting near the end of this thing, just be patient if you've stayed around this long.

We had to stop at a gas station in TN on the way home. Ozzie had to wizz so he goes into the bathroom. He comes out immediately and says it's so dirty that he can't go in there. Understandable. So what does he do? He runs across 4 lanes of the highway to a hotel on the other side. He goes in their lobby, hits up the bathroom, and comes back over. Now that's a good move right there. Also at this gas station, I got a warm Yoo-Hoo, that was a mistake. It seemed like their entire cooler wasn't keeping anything cold at all.

I know you're all wondering. A road trip, especially down south, with no trips to Waffle House? You know me better than that. On the way home, we stop off at an exit in Knoxville, TN. From the outside, it's an older one that looks dirty. Those are always the greatest, I never argue that. I walk in and the place is jammed packed, nowhere to sit. Imagine that. So we only do what was reasonable. We go to the very next exit and lo and behold, it's another Waffle House. We saw a sign in Knoxville that said in the city alone, there were 10 of them. Nuts. We finally get seated and this was Maria's first trip ever, so she was about to live it up. I have just as much fun eating at these dirty places than I would eating a good steak dinner. I didn't get much sweet tea on this trip, but this Waffle House had stuff that was off the charts. Cheesesteak omelette, covered hash browns, toast, and bacon, yum yum yummy. Also inside, the chicks working (mangled teeth, tats all over their bodies, and in rough shape) delivered. They had the accent and were about as dirty as the food and just as ugly. That's when you know you get some true southern niceness and hospitality. Sure, it's fun going out to a place to eat with some girl falling out of her top and being fake by acting like she wants you, but give me the filthy crackhead southern worker doing her thing for minimum wage that seems like she enjoys being there any day of the week. Like that analogy? That's what I'm here for. While eating, one chick was sweeping the floor and I had to lift my legs up. Then another came by to mop and I had to lift my legs up then too, not bad. One said under my table, "Ugh.. it's dirty under there!" Yep, we picked a good Waffle House indeed, no complaints.

The rest of the drive back? I'm not sure why we didn't do it on the way down, but we had to count up state license plates. I don't care how old I am, this never gets tiring. Me and Ozzie were big on this and we dominated. Out of 50 states, we ended up finding 38 of them if I remember right. Correct me if I'm wrong Ozzie. The ones we were missing were Hawaii, Alaska, New Mexico, Utah, Idaho, Wyoming, Oregon, New Hampshire, Vermont, Rhode Island, Kansas, and North Dakota. Candy always has to be loaded up on road trips too. We had Airheads, Nerds, Bubble Tape, Laffy Taffy, M&Ms, Nestle Crunch, Blow Pops, and that's just the start of things. An excellent spot that Ozzie had came from a trucker. While driving on the interstate, we saw this guy flossing his teeth. I can't make this stuff up. The life of a trucker. I'm sure they've seen a lot of glory holes, a popular topic once I got into the ATL as half of us knew what it was, while the other half didn't have a clue. Those were funny conversations for sure.

I don't even have room to get any other topics in here outside of the road trip, so we'll cover those next time. We'll be back to the regular grind next week, but I like switching things up. Last week on the comments, what's up Coop? You straight brought it with that one, long and quality. Hit me up with a message on Lobstah or shoot off an email, haven't chatted with ya in a while.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: Jasmine, I gave ya a chance earlier to pick out a beauty for us, but didn't see ya get back on. No biggie, you'll pick out some quality stuff soon enough I'm sure.

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: This has to be one of the funniest clips I've seen. The_Freak showed me this gem and I knew right away it had to be posted. Anyone seen the gay weatherman and the cockroach? If you haven't, you definitely need to check this to get a great laugh. If you've already seen it, just watch it again, over and over:

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Let's try some birthdays for Wednesday, August 8th. I don't have an age, but this is from a request from a good friend and fellow blog reader in WV. Shell, tell Momma Shell I said to have a good one, hah. Tark The Shark, Jerry Tarkanian, he's now 77, wow. One of my favorite coaches to watch because you never knew what he'd do next. The Edge of U2 fame, he's now 46. Bruce Matthews, who went into the NFL Hall of Fame over the weekend, he's also 46. Rapper Kool Moe Dee, 45. Actress Patricia Arquette, she's doing it for her 39th. The best tennis player going today and some say the best ever, Roger Federer, he's dominating people for his 26th.

2. Fun Fact #1: Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.

3. Fun Fact #2: About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.