Saturday, February 28, 2009

Blast From The Past, Yogurt, & Busted Waterbeds

Weekend time and we're due for a new post. What kind of stories will get their due? We'll start off going with an injury blast from the past after a recommendation to write on it from someone who was there at the time, giving up candy and more for a bit, my idea on yogurt that wasn't agreed upon, waterbeds busting, and hand sanitizer on shoes. That's kind of a weird mix and I know some of them sound a bit strange, but that's the direction we're moving to. We hit all emotions and now it's time to get down to business and crack thing open.. On we go!

You want the latest injury report? Everyone wanted updates and it wasn't like I was dead or something, but still, much appreciated. My eye was black and blue for a good while, but we're back in action now. I went back last Friday to get my stitches out and the same doc that put them in, he takes them out. Again, he knew what he was doing. Obviously they all should, but you know what I mean. He said he was glad to finally see someone who he didn't have to pick crust out of their stitches when he took them out. He said he gets a lot of dirty people, not good times. I'm a neat freak, you can't roll up in there all filthy. Get with it people. I did that enough after I went in sweaty the week before with blood gushing out of my face. He also told me to take a week or so off of ball, even though I wanted to play really bad a few days after. I couldn't play half speed like he suggested and he said even if I bumped it, it'd bust open a lot more, so I had to take the week off. Speaking of injuries, my boy Wes wrote me on Facebook with a comment to the blog, so I have to give him props for that. I don't think he'll mind if I paste what he wrote for those who didn't see on there, it had me cracking up. That will lead us to the next topic, taking us with a blast from the past:

Wes said:
Beegis! Another battle scar! I never catch your blog on the first day you put it out but i always find myself readin it at some point. The point bein, 5 stitches is a big deal and i know how it is when we play sports. NOT the same in SC! I get told i'm too competitive all the time. Back to the point, 5 stitches is a big deal, but nothin compared to... the day of the collision heard round the world! I just think you should've went into a little more detail in your blog because that day was somethin else! Hammer has never been the same since! I think, for those who weren't there to see it, that you really can't compare the two. The infamous day at Nolan Field will forever be a battle scar for the ages. Hands Down!

Let's hit the rewind button and go back to 8th grade for me. Yes, that was ages ago, I know, just a little guy. The infamous Nolan Field was the site of the action. For those not in my section of town, Nolan Field was named after our buddy Nolan Ryan (nickname derived from the baseball player) since he lived across the road from the field. It's not even a "field" so to speak, but more of a lot of land to play sandlot football on. I feel like I'm ancient that nobody in my town plays sandlot ball anymore. If I could go back to any time in my life, it'd be a little kid back in the day. Don't get me wrong, I love life how it is now, but those days it didn't get any better.

We're doing our thing as we play, of course with no helmets and pads. Who plays sandlot with that junk anyways? Me and my buddy Hammer were on the same team. We both are lined up on offense and take off on deep routes. The ball is in the air and you're awaiting the outcome. A perfect spiral is floating high above (it was probably a terrible throw by whoever threw it, but it sounds good 16 years later) and we both attempt to catch it. An instant later, our heads collide and we drop like a ton of bricks. After that, I didn't remember a single thing until 6 hours later, major concussion time. We'll get to that point though. Apparently, blood was everywhere and Kippie takes off running down the road to get my parents. My top teeth went through my bottom lip and my bottom teeth went through my top lip. I had braces on at the time and they got all jacked up. That had me wearing braces a little longer than predicted.

I guess someone went to give me a cup of water, or so my buddies say. They give it to me and I try to take a drink of it (?) and blood starts going everywhere in it, filling it up. Then I get asked where I was at. My answer? Behind Pittsburgh. No clue what that would even mean, but that's what I said at the time. They fix me up at the ER and I wake up for a brief period later that night to say hey and was in a coma (not literally, but you know how I like to say that anyways) and then crashed the rest of the night. I still have the battle scars from that one too. Dad comes off as a pretty tough guy who doesn't care what people think, but during that whole scene at the ER he was a nervous wreck I heard. Ever since that day, I never played sandlot tackle football again. I was tiny for that game anyways, it was bound to happen, but always a good story to tell. I hope I did it some justice Wes, we'll find out.

Easter time is approaching. I'm not the type to get all into preacher boy mode because this isn't the place for it. I'm Catholic, but won't lead this into much of a religious discussion. To me if you're any type of christian, you somewhat have the same general beliefs as the other religions, just a different presentation of it. Well, lent started up this past Wednesday and a tradition is for someone to give up something that is true to them, be kind to someone on a regular basis, etc, during that time period to show the suffering. This year I went for the triple. I'm giving up pop, tea, and candy over that time. For those who know me, I know exactly what you're thinking. How can I go 40 days without candy? That's impossible, right? It seems that way, but I'm going to prove people wrong. So far so good though. And Friday night I did my good samaritan deed of the week by fixing up a neighbor's computer for about 3 hours. Nothing you really ever "want" to do, but try being the nice guy for once, some people don't know the concept of that. No point of being a mean grump, but back to the three things. I've also heard people joke around that I went overboard in giving up 3 big things there, although I don't have much pop nowadays compared to what I used to go through. Besides, all of those things are bad on the abs, which leads to the next quick paragraph..

I've never dieted before or to that major of a level, but I've always been really into the exercise scene. I have a crazy high metabolism, but I'm sure one day that will change, hopefully not soon though. However, I'll tie that in to a quick ramble on supplements. In random conversations, especially around other people that workout, the topic of supplements come up and what everyone prefers. I go through cycles. Sometimes I will be on a mixture of things and other times, take some time off and be on nothing. Some work, some are garbage. I've written about my favorite supplement ever in NO-Xplode before in this space, but on Friday I switched the scene up. The latest I'm going to experiment with. First would be Taraxatone from Cytogenix. It's marketed as an "extreme muscle definition agent that sheds excess body water". The other new one? Aplodan from Muscletech. In basic terms, it wakes up dormant muscle fibers and gives more strength and mass. And I feel like a baseball player since it "triggers untapped human growth potential". Maybe both will be garbage, we'll find out and maybe give a review in due time. And I wrote that section because I always say there's a part in the blog for everyone. You might not be into the exercise scene one bit, but someone out there knows what's up on that, so there ya go with a side ramble.

I'm going to end this top section with my thoughts on yogurt. Why yogurt? You're reading along and thinking, no way can he make the topic of yogurt interesting. Here's my deal with yogurt. I like it a lot, especially the ones with the fruit inside that you get to mix up, yet I have a problem. Why can't they make big people sized cups of yogurt? Come on now, that little cup is going to do something? Sure, you can keep getting more cups, but that's a bigger process and it should be easier. Why can't they have pints or quarts, Ben & Jerry's style? Instead, I was at Wal-Mart putting all of these little cups of yogurt in the buggy. Arizona Jas and Jodine both disagree with my theory, they think it'd be too much, doh. Someone out there has to think we need bigger yogurt cups.

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: This comes to us from Manda in Virginia and it's a short one. Something about it though has me going good. I guess it's the weird dad's little dance he does out of nowhere when he walks in on the kid doing his soccer tricks. Here we go:

3 Quick Thangs:

1. This youngster was telling me a story the other day. He was saying how he busted his waterbed. I asked how he did that. His answer? His buddy had a pencil in his back pocket and jumped on the bed and water was all over the place. Corndog upon hearing this, he was amazed that waterbeds still exist. I haven't heard many people using them lately either come to think of it. Stuff like this I can't make up at all, that's why it's easy at times to write some of the blog up once I get going.

2. I needed a quick fix the other day. A part of one of my shoes had some dirt all over it. That's nothing out of the ordinary, but it was time to clean them up. I do the impatient thing and start looking around my room. I see hand sanitizer and put some of that on my shoes and wipe it down with a paper towel. Surprisingly, the shoes cleaned up nice and were shiny afterwards. I bet you've never tried that one. I'm a dork for doing so, but I bet someone tries that now after reading it, just because it sounds so silly.

3. Today's fact to think on? I've never heard it before, but I'm sure some of you geniuses out there have tried it? Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying. No idea if it works, I just write about it.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Bloody Mess, Fountain Pop, & Caramel Apple Spice!

Some people have already heard or seen the story I'm about to mention. I haven't had stitches put into me since 8th grade. When I was a kiddie, I got a bunch of stitches and it's fun to have the battle scars as proof. Something about that is always entertaining. I could tell big stories on each, but I'll save that. The last time I got stitches was playing sandlot football on the famous Nolan Field. My bottom teeth went through my top lip and top teeth went through my bottom lip. I was out of it for 6 hours on that one. I've also been hit in the head with a croquet mallet (true story) as I got behind a dude swinging and it rocked me above the right eye. Fortunately, I've never broken anything or had any major injuries, so I'll take stitches every now and then if that's the worst case scenario. Now it's time to set up last Sunday's story..

I play ball with a bunch of dudes in Bridgeport every Sunday. Stereotypically, that's the rich boy section of my county, even though they sometimes get a bad rap. Anyways, a dude was bringing the ball down on a break pretty fast and I was one of the few guys back on defense. I figured I might as well take this guy on and D up, not going to let him get easy buckets. I was playing D on him pretty tight and he went to try to cross me over. As he did that, I went in the same direction, still up in his face, and our heads collided. We both dropped and hit pretty hard. As soon as I dropped, I put my hand to my head and knew it was a mess. Blood was gushing pretty good and then a few of the guys took me to get cleaned up. As it was getting cleaned, they said I needed stitched up for sure. A few asked to drive me to the docs, but I figured I was about a mile away, I might as well drive myself. Whether that was the right move or not, who knows, but I wasn't feeling a bit dizzy.

I get to Medbrook (our local quick docs) and it's about 1:30 on Sunday afternoon. The place was a zoo. So many people were in there that it was standing room only, baseball style. Speaking of which, baseball is just around the corner! I walk in, still wearing my ball gear and have a bundle of wet paper towels covering my eye. These people look at me like I'm from another planet because I'm gushing blood as I walk in, good times. I tell the check-in chick what was up and then they tell me to have a seat. With me gushing blood, I figured I'd get in pretty quick, right? Wrong. I ended up waiting for nearly an hour. It wasn't a big deal, it was just the hassle of it all. Maybe I should've snapped my leg in half to get me into the room quicker. All in all though, I got to talk to the random bums there waiting, always making for good stories.

As I got in, the doc was about as smooth as it gets. I didn't even feel him jamming the needle in my head a few times to numb my eye area up. The actual cut was underneath my eyebrow. The doc said that it went to the muscle, but it didn't go inside or it could've been a lot worse. It's been a good conversation starter this week, something I'm never short of to begin with. I could've made up some big gigantic story of how I took on six MMA fighters at once and came out victorious or had a rough Valentine's Day Weekend to where some chick roughed me up. An interesting thing to me is from people who have no clue on basketball. You'd be surprised the amount of people who are saying, "Your eye got that messed up by playing basketball?!" Uh.. yes, believe it or not, it can be pretty physical. It's not like I was out there shooting around, goofing off, it gets intense.

I was talking to Corndog the other night (more on him again in a bit too) as we do often, bored online. He told me one of the funniest things I've heard lately. We were watching wrestling on TV and just making random comments about it. Jeff Hardy, for those who don't know, is a WWE wrestler. He's been involved in a recent injury storyline (not real) to where he hasn't been on TV for a bit. This ties in to Corndog's church point he had to make. He was doing his church duty and they were going through that week's prayer requests. Apparently, the chick who reads the requests at his church just goes through it all, regardless. She also isn't a wrestling fan as we find out. One little boy put Jeff Hardy on the week's request and was serious about it. Due to that, Corndog was listening to the requests and out of nowhere, the request about Jeff Hardy is read in front of the congregation. How great is that? He might've been one of few to have picked up on that in church, but I know I'd be cracking up. Meanwhile, the little kid was just hoping his prayers would be answered. Also, it might be just me and Corndog who find that story funny, but so be it.

I was at the dentist on Thursday, hanging in the waiting room. The only other person in there with me at the time was this guy who I'm guessing is about 50 years old or so. He's a balding dude with fairly tight sweat pants on and absolutely no style. That's fine either way, but I'm just setting up the scene for you. There's a TV that is on in the waiting room and I'm just checking it out. Out of nowhere, dude starts rambling on. It started with him seeing David Spade on there and us giving opinions on him. From that it went to Chris Farley. Then it eventually led to 90s grunge rock. The people in the office were getting a kick out of how this guy I've never met in my life is just talking away like he's known me forever. Of course I'm not going to miss that opportunity to rattle this guy's brain. As it turns out, he's a huge Alice in Chains guy and is throwing out some big knowledge on the Seattle grunge scene at the time, impressing me actually. At one point, he was saying how underrated Chains was at the time and says he mentions to people who say they probably don't know their songs: "What do you mean? You've never heard Man in a Box or Rooster?!" I played that up because I knew it fired him up that his boys didn't get enough respect in my mind. Then he goes into who all was on what drugs during that time, concert schedules, etc. He says when Chains is touring again, even without Layne Staley who died, he'll be there when they hit Pittsburgh. "I'll be the oldest guy in that crowd, but I don't care!"

Our first section of American Idol is in the books. This year, they've switched the rules up on us to keep people on their toes. Going into the week, we were down to the final 36 contestants. They are broken into three groups of 12. This week, the first group of 12 sang on Tuesday night. On Wednesday, they ended up picking 3 out of that group. Apparently, and they haven't said the rules much on this part, but they will also have 3 wild card people who can slide through eventually. Who goes through of the first group? We have Pink Hair Alexis, Widow Boy, and Redneck Michael. I was very disappointed that Anoop Dogg didn't get through, he better get a wild card. Pink Hair, Simon is comparing to Kelly Clarkson in that she's coming out of her shell and making a name. Redneck Michael is a person that I can see people getting into since he seems like a guy that people will like. I like him too, but still would've picked Anoop. Widow Boy is a serious contender, part in of his story that he lost his wife not long before he auditioned and part because he's a real talent. I might as well run off a few quotes from my boys on our message board:

DerekHood: 20,000 votes between Sarver and Noop Dogg. That sucks ass, and I am not a happy Idolator this evening. Hopefully the judges will give him one of the last three spots.

ManDingo: What was with all the girls with big teeth last night? Was it American Idol or a WNBA tryout?

Kasher: This is stupid. Michael makes it through, but not Anoop Dogg? Michael sucks.

It's time for your regular dose of Corndog's wise words. As usual, all wise words are 100% real, never taken out of context:

Corndog: the birdman
Me: Whatcha doing?
Corndog: bored bored bored
Corndog: have you ever heard of an Upper Decker?
Me: Bored during the greatest weekend of the year, for shame.
Me: No?
Corndog: its when you go in someones bathroom
Corndog: and poop in the tank in the back of the toilet
Corndog: LOL!
Me: Oh yeah, hah.
Me: They did that on one of the seasons of Ultimate Fighter.
Corndog: i missed that
Corndog: i find that to be very hilarious

Corndog: i never stick to the subject
Bird33: Keeps us on our toes.
Corndog: such as....
Corndog: I really love fountain pop
Corndog: and someday would like a fountain pop machine in my house

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: Once again, the work is done for me. No clue why I keep putting my name on this. It should no longer be sponsored by Arizona Jas for she has practically taken over this section. This week, she unveils Ms. Chetta Boo to the masses:

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: I was ready to post a new blog and had a subpar video in this spot. The_Freak saves the day. This is one of the best videos I've seen in a while. It's bad to laugh, but you know you'll die laughing. The mascot ends up tearing his ACL in this action. Here is Bango of the Milwaukee Bucks. Ouch!

3 Quick Thangs:

1. It's birthdays you want, it's birthdays you shall receive. We'll try Friday, February 20th. This is a pretty good crew. We start it off with an old school actor. That would be Sidney Poitier, 82 and still rockin' it out. Ivana Trump, 60. Fresh off a DUI stint and back to work, that would be Charles Barkley, 46. He's still one of the most entertaining people on television. Model Cindy Crawford, 43. Kurt Cobain of Nirvana fame (he was talked about at the dentist too), would've been 42. Rihanna, busted up face and all, only 21.

2. Today's fact that I never knew? Mexican women spend 15.3% of their life in ill health. Who knew?

3. I've never given Starbucks much of a chance over the years. Nothing against it, I'm just rarely there. I was there the other night and wanted to try something off the wall. I ended up going with the caramel apple spice and let me tell you, that's some good stuff. If you're into sweets, you'll be down for this hot concoction. It reminded me a bit of a cinnamon bun in taste. Go get it, it'll be worth the purchase.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I'm On A Boat With Aussie Rap & Anoop Dogg

Here we are again. The blog will send the Valentine's Day wishes out a few days early to everyone who is worthy of that. To me? This weekend is much more important than that. It's the NBA All Star Weekend! I could write an entire blog on this, with my predictions of each event, and what all I will be doing, but I'll spare the thought this time around. Something that the rest of you will be more inclined to hear about might be in the blog, so it's time to give a quick preview before jumping in head first. In this edition you get some Idol talk, Rob is back, Chris Brown is a waste of space, Australian rap, what bugs me about screen names, Facebook chat is brutal, and much more. Here we go..

TV time and I might as well break out some American Idol. Yeah, I'm hooked as most that know me will tell you. After Wednesday night's show, we're down to the final 36 contestants. Things will change as the season goes, but people are asking who the people that I will root for this year are going to be. Wait no longer, I'm about to unveil it. There's a handful of people that I'll be on their side until they prove me wrong. That'd be Anoop Dogg, Emo Adam, Blind Dude, Jasmine, Texas Redneck Girl, Widow Boy, Ju'Not, and Redneck Michael. Duce of Lobstah fame directed us to some Anoop Dogg videos on YouTube and this guy is really good I think. His group is called the ClefHangers. Search for his Boyz II Men stuff (I'll Make Love To You) where he takes the lead and is pretty impressive. Emo Adam has a weird look, but he's himself it seems and I like what he's done so far. Blind Dude not only has the great story on his side, but he brings some talent on the stage as well, especially when he busts out his keyboard. There's not a lot of girls that have jumped out yet to me, but Mississippi Jasmine, not to be confused with Arizona Jas and Cali Jas, is one of those kids who seems to be on the right path. Texas Redneck Girl is cute and can sing it seems, but she still needs to be introduced to some triple cheeseburgers. You'd snap this girl's arms just by touching them. Widow Boy's story is one of the main topics people are talking about. He lost his wife just not long before he did his auditions in the first round of bums. Not to mention that, but he's real good too, so keep an eye out for him. Ju'Not, we'll add him to the list, and I'm not sure what's up with that name, but creative enough for me. How Tatiana and Nate Dizzle made it through, ouch. I say due to their drama, they got pushed through. I was telling my buddies, Tat is probably one of those girls you'd have that your buddies hate in 2.2 seconds, but when quiet, she's a little freak, so who knows. I still don't care for her though, but she sorta cracks me up by putting on this show. Nate though, ugh.

A new TV show update. I watch more TV than the average person I'm sure, but I usually stay within the same schedule. I'll rotate around several shows I can't miss and then it's basketball games other than that usually the rest of the week. MTV is saving me again. I haven't been big on too many of their shows lately, aside from being still hooked to Real World. Sunday night broke things open though. This past Sunday, Rob (of Rob & Big fame) returned! Yep, at 9:00 Eastern time, you get to see Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory. If you enjoyed his last show, you'll like this one just as much it seems, at least from the first episode. Big isn't back on this one, but DJ Drama and Meaty are both still around. It seems that Rob just goofs off all day and that's his life, he has it made. He's 5 years older than me, so I don't have to grow up anytime soon either, hah. The first episode has an appearance from NBA stud Lamar Odom.

Chris Brown, really now? I used to sort of like the dude and feel he might be the best dancer out there, but hitting a chick? And Rihanna? Geez. Come on man, you can't whip anyone if you really tried and you're out there acting all hard hitting girls. Get out of here with that garbage. I don't care what your excuse is, you can't be busting up some girl. I thought that was a written in stone rule anyways, but apparently not for too many people. Even if a girl is a 7'2" giant beastly amazon woman, it's still a no in my book. Chris Brown, no excuse you can give me at all. You get this week's finger of shame pointed at you.

Since I'm on the music kick, I'll flip it to a positive manner now. Everyone knows I'm a big rap fan. Most in my area aren't rap fans one bit and I can respect that, but I'm going to branch it out another step. Australian rap. What, you never knew of such a thing? For as big of a rap guy as I am, I'm new to this genre as well. Due to that, I had to have the Aussies on my lists give me some help, mainly Phoebe. I might as well recommend some things now that I have your ears geared up to jam. Drapht has songs such as Falling, Jimmy Recard, and Inspiration Island. Now we move to Funkoars and go with Kidney Shifters, And Now For Something Completely Different, and The Greatest Hit. How about the Hilltop Hoods with The Hard Road, Breathe, and The Nosebleed Section. Last but not least, we'll try out some Bliss N Eso. They have Bullet And A Target, The Sea Is Rising, and Eye Of The Storm. These songs should keep you busy for a while and you can thank me later. Oh, you want a quick American rap song before I leave ya on this topic? Ok, go get Dead And Gone if you haven't heard yet from T.I. and Timberlake, a real good setup.

Here's one for the video game fans and even if you're not, I'll bring the topic to your level. I play a lot of Xbox 360 Live (online), mainly Call of Duty 5. It's a game that I've had since it came out in November and I haven't even been tempted to buy another game since. That's how much it has me consumed. Anyways, when you sign up for a Live account, you obviously need a screen name to get it under way. The same can be said for chat messengers online, the same formula basically. I like seeing some creative things or something different. What bugs me is that so many of these names, and I'm probably old fashioned in my thought here, but tons of them have 420 as their clan tags or anything of weed reference. Now that's fine and dandy if you do that stuff I guess, just not a choice I've never made, but it must be cool to have that reference in your online names? I'm missing the boat on that one, but you'd be floored if you've never played games online and how much of this is out there. I have no clue at all on drug related stuff and am very naive on it, so I can't give much of an opinion than what I have already said. It's sad (for them, not me) that today's kiddies know more about the drug culture than they do about stuff they can actually do to make their lives better. I'll never understand that, but just wanted to get a comment out there dealing with the nicknames. At least be original with it. I don't care what kind of screen name you have, but why make it the same like everyone else?

With everyone and their brother on MySpace and Facebook, this little section will appeal to a lot. For as big as Facebook is, they can't get some little things right. What's up with their chat boxes on there? It's straight up brutal if you ask me. First off, and I've heard others complain about it too, you often find yourself clicking out of the main page accidentally. What happens then? You lose the chat of course. Maybe I'm just always used to chatting nonstop on AIM, MSN, and Yahoo, but it's about time that Facebook upped their game on this side of things. You'd think by now they could have a little update to make it where you could exit out of the page and still have your little chats up, but I guess not. Plus, it's so generic. It gets the job done, but just barely. Maybe I'm spoiled on the chat end of things and demand a lot more, but who knows.

I'm not a person that can sit around all day and watch the news. I know what's going on for the most part, but it's not my cup of tea. One thing that puzzles me is the late night news shows. It's the SAME story over and over and over. I watch SportsCenter everyday and they do a lot of the same, but in a few days, it'll switch over to something else. There's always something new going on. Tot Mom though? This has been going on for 6 months or whatever and this dirty murdering girl is still the lead story on these shows. My parents get all into that, but that would drive me crazy, no matter what the story was, if I had to hear about it every single night. Even Favre and A-Rod don't get this much coverage.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: Arizona Jas with yet another. You guys keep making these blogs easier and easier to write. As Jas says on this week's girl, "She's not a fattie either! Some of the ones I send you are... huge!" Fair enough for me, so we'll use it:

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: This was submitted to me by the great DerekHood. We've put up Andy Samberg stuff before and he's back with another gem. This one features T-Pain (despite him being annoying with that synthesizer junk) and is called I'm On A Boat. Hilarious, at least to me. Plus, even the famous Kevin Garnett line gets mentioned in this one, so anythinnggggg is posssssibblleee!

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Today's weird fact that you could probably care less about? The oldest pig in the world lived till the age of 68 supposedly. I figure there's a pig out there somewhere, running around wild, that is older, but 68 is getting it done for sure.

2. I just saw a commercial for IHOP. A deal they have going is that they have all you can eat pancakes. Now I'm not a huge eater when it comes to that stuff, and I love my pancakes, but who can really eat a whole bunch of those? Like is someone gonna sit down and eat like 15 pancakes? I guess it's possible, but IHOP still makes out money wise. Besides, what's it cost to make a pancake? A penny?

3. Ok, we're going to double up on videos this week. Dentist Boy has been the craze of the internet the past few weeks. You've all seen him by now, but time to give him some dap right here in the blog. Also, some of the remixes are really good too. My favorite is when he tries to get out of his seat and goes with that crazy primal scream around 56 seconds. I bet I've watched that segment of the video 40 times already, showing how much time I waste. Here he is:

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Joe Dirt At The Toughman Contest

Our first post of February and we'll rock it out, or at least try to. January flew by for me, mainly because we had so many snow days at work. You just can't beat getting paid to sleep in and hanging out online most of the day. I like my job a lot, but when they pay me to stay home on these days, you won't hear me complain one bit. What do we have cooked up for you to read in this edition? You'll get the Toughman Contest on Friday, a controversial story from the show, a comparison to Russell Crowe, my thoughts on this year's ring girls, food, and what bugs me about windshield wipers. That's just a portion of what we'll dive into this time around, so prepare to get your reading glasses on, it's go time!

The 30th Annual North Central West Virginia Toughman Contest came to us from scenic Clarksburg, West Virginia. The setting? The Nathan Goff Armory, site of being able to say that I was in attendance back in the day to see Cactus Jack's (Mick Foley) first pro wrestling match. This year had the most entrants in the history of the contest, 100 in total, wow. We always love going on Friday nights because that's when you get half the bums who have no business being there. Also, you get more fights that night it seems. Before I talk about the fights, I'll mention what went down outside first. No, nothing crazy, but it'll set the tone. Spank was riding shotgun and we pull in to park. It was a mess down there and they wanted $10 to park. You're kidding me, right? You all know how I feel on the Wal-Mart Syndrome of idiots who search for hours to find that "perfect" parking spot. Not me. Get out and walk you lazy bums, you can be there by the time the idiots are driving around. Due to that, Spank and I decided to drive to the hospital and park for free. It wasn't much about the $10 as much as it was it being so crowded and it'd be hard to get out. That night it was freezing, but Spank isn't a lazy bum, so he had the same idea I did. We were roughly a half mile away from the armory to where we parked. In the cold, at night, we take off running the highway until we get there. By the time we get there, it was a nice workout and people had to think we were really the ones being idiots running out in the cold. Hey, we saved $10, got a good run in, and beat the clueless people driving around into the building, so I'll chalk that up as a win. We joked that it probably seemed like we stole something with us running like that.

We get there and had pretty nice seats indeed. We were on the floor, 6 rows back and our view was quality. The place was packed with the finest characters of Harrison County. If only we could've made a documentary on this stuff, it'd sell like hotcakes. We had a ticket mixup when we got there. Apparently, our row was double booked as they sold the same tickets twice. Ugh, go figure. This old man who was in our row was all fired up and stood around, trying to direct the crowd. I'm not going to waste my time figuring out the tickets, so I just sit down and claim my seat. One guy next to me (he reminded me of Joe Dirt) and his wife were that night's victims of my random conversations. To make a long story short, the old man comes back after they announce there are refunds for the ticket problem. He asks our row for our tickets so he can get an answer. Joe Dirt didn't want to hand them over since he didn't trust the old guy, that has us going good. Joe Dirt then tells the man that he's going over there with him to see if that's what he was going to do. They all come back and we keep our seats, yet the old guy and his clan got moved to better seats and refunded their money back. I guess that's what I get for not wanting to pay $10 to park in a muddy hole.

47 fights! That's how many we got to watch on this glorious night. You want something that you get every penny's worth of your money at? That'd definitely be a show like this. I think I could've watched another 47. This year was fairly tame compared to last, as far as the crowd situation goes. There were a few rumbles, but no great ones like I wrote about in last year's blog. Remember last year when the two chicks, just a few seats down from me, got into the fight of the night? This wasn't your average girl fight with them pulling hair, one chick got lit up and that had the crowd going insane. The good is that I didn't get beer spilled on me this year (last year I did) as we set the odds of that happening to 50/50. It's a shame how few of these guys come into this contest in any kind of shape at all. I don't think they know what cardio even is, I'd guess a good 80% of them were out of shape. That doesn't always mean they can't be tough, but many get winded in no time. We saw one guy come into his fight, obliterated drunk. Another redneck came in and fought in blue jeans. Keep those images in mind for the topic that I go off on here in a few paragraphs.

So many of you are wanting to know all about the ring girls, huh? Ok, we're getting there, be patient. I always have an opinion on the dirties that I see out and about. I find out that it's a hit with both the guys and girls when I talk to them as they also give their comments. I'm a pretty honest dude, I try to tell things as straight as possible. On the same side, I usually can get along with just about anyone and try to be as nice as possible. Opinions though, I'm usually not short of, especially in this space. This year we had four dirties as our ring girls. Two of them had no business being in. I'm sorry, that's just what I feel. If you're out there in the ring showing off your body, I don't think it's wrong at all for me to give an assessment, they want that attention anyways, so I'll respect that much in that they had the guts to get out there. Another girl (this year's winner) apparently thought it was great to put 30 pounds of glitter all over her body. What'd she do? Put glue all over her body and then roll in a bed of glitter? She did win the creative award by coming out during a few rounds in a Steelers bikini, that sealed the deal since it was Super Bowl Weekend and the Steelers fans were hyped up. Nobody puts a lot of thought into these contests though, you have to bring something to the table, so I'll give her that. None were what I would call gorgeous by any means and the thing that always bugs me (I guess I'm in in the minority here) is that they don't have much to their bodies. I've rambled about it many times before, but I just don't get the whole near-anorexic look. If you're going to get in a contest like this, normally you'd think they'd have something to shake or whatever to make themselves look like more of a fool? The girl that I liked best at least had a body, or her top half anyways was busting out, so a big thumbs up on my end. I'll be sexist here, but if you're an average looking chick and have a hot body, that raises you some points at least. If you're an average looking chick and don't have anything to that body (way way skinny), that doesn't do much at all in my book. Not being mean, I'm just talking out loud, not to offend anybody. It's just what I like, but each guy likes a different type of girl, so that's the beauty of it. Anyways, moving along..

Back to the fights. There was one knockout in particular in the heavyweight division that was just scary. We're talking big boys as this one 305 pound dude named Big Daddy was doing battle. He was actually losing the fight until out of nowhere he just crushes this guy. You see some knockouts, most usually of where the guy knocked out will be up before the 10 count, but be in no condition to continue. This one, there was no doubt about it though. The guy that got rocked, he looked to be dead. They had him on the ground for a good minute before he was moved. Lights out. They pick him up and when he's standing, they have to catch him because he falls back down. Big Daddy of course got huge cheers since the crowd is bloodthirsty. As a random sidenote, Joe Dirt and his wife fit right in with my conversations out of nowhere, they were pretty good people. All night though, him and his wife kept saying I looked like someone, but they couldn't figure out who. Out of nowhere, late in the night, Joe Dirt pokes me and is all excited, saying he figured it out. Mind you, this guy is about 50 years old I'd say. He says I look like Russell Crowe and then tells his wife the same. They were saying it's almost exact. Hmm.. really? I don't see that one at all. I always laugh at comparisons like that. So I'll add Russell Crowe to the list of people I've heard I look like over the years to go with Freddie Prinze Jr, Marc Bulger, Jeff Gordon, John Stockton, and the Blues Clues Dude. I'm not saying those are even close, but just what I've heard, you decide.

Now while the juices are flowing, I better tap into the topic that might be controversial. I'm not sure controversial is the word for it, but it is something that gets me soooo mad about my area. Granted, I love living in West Virginia and for the most part this state is awesome and I don't want to move. We do get some stereotypes for people who don't know us, many times those come true in certain places. That was true at the Toughman Contest. There was one certain fight that featured a black dude facing a white dude. It was an even contest for a while. As the whitey would land good punches though, the crowd started to go wild. I thought I was hearing things at first and then it'd pick up more and more as the fight went. Then, whitey knocks this guy out and I seriously thought the roof was going to come off the place. It was like they won the lottery or something, all jumping up and down and stuff. It was actually embarrassing to be a part of and my crew (Spank who was with me, along with Ozzie, Matty Cakes, and Cork who sat in another section) all had the same thoughts. I take a very strong offense to racist people, but sadly you can't change many people around here. Some people might take up for it, but I'm still going on record to say that there are tons of racist and ignorant people around here. Maybe one day West Virginia will stop living in the 1800s.

After the rumbles, we jumped into Cork's new pimp ride and the five of us headed to the hospital parking garage. We only have a few late night stops that are open that you can get food at. We decided on going to the FOP that I've talked about before, 24/7, can't go wrong. I ended up getting the steak panini with hot peppers that roasted me and they were great and cheesesticks. I didn't get my usual late night combo of pancakes and cheesesticks. While there, the five of us were planning out our next road trip. We're well overdue, so I'm ready to get something going, even if it's just a small-time trip. We discussed everything from the Baseball Hall of Fame (Cork and I have been trying to get that one going for a long time), a LeBron game (those never get old just to see how those fans treat him like a god), Boston, Atlantic City again (I'm not a huge fan, but have tried it twice), and I even threw out something random like Alabama for no reason whatsoever because it'd be different.

Saturday night it was time for UFC 94 at Posey's. He's got the great setup for a show and I always appreciate the home feel there when I go. As a bonus, one of the wild dogs was put in the other room and there was no noise all night. The Taco Bell dog was on its best behavior, even hanging on the couch with me. If they can do that, I'll be their buddies. If they bark their heads off, thumbs down. Kaiden was cracking me up good, dude has nonstop energy and was going strong till probably 11:00, same with Kierstn. Aside from the kiddies, in attendance for the festivities was Posey, Scherri, Jarrod, Jarrod's Buddy, Spank, and myself. I won't go in detail about the show, although I could. However, St. Pierre totally dominated Penn, but that's not why I'm writing about it. They both weighed in at 170 pounds on Friday. Their fight was on Saturday. Most fighters gain a decent bit so they can have some extra strength from what they cut for weigh-ins. St. Pierre was said to have fought from 185-187 that night. I can understand the retention in that during a day's time and the gain. The thing I don't understand, and I know these guys are on just about everything (even if they are tested), but how do you gain 17 pounds in a day and still come to the fight all freaked out and jacked up? St. Pierre was shredded like no other, you'd think there would be a little softness going, but nope. I'm in pretty good shape and all, but I don't think I could gain 17 in a day and be ripped up. Then again, I won't try either, just something to think about.

I had a few topics that I was going to crunch in during this post, but I'll save that till next time. One of those I can give a preview about will be what fires me up when playing XBox 360 online. It's not really video game related, so all will be able to follow along on that. It has to do with the types of screen names people choose for themselves on there. Other than that, let's begin to wrap this up..

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: This one is pretty rough. Ok, very rough actually. Arizona Jas sent it partly due to a joke I assume. This girl has the dirty factor though, but not in a good way at all. This girl is just ugh..

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: This week's video comes to us with credit given to Corndog. It's a news segment of a guy bringing a snake on. The newscaster starts to hold the snake and then freaks out when a lizard jumps up on the snake. A short clip, but you'll watch it over and over, guaranteed.

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Fake rap beef always cracks me up. It's all part of the game, somewhat like wrestling. They don't usually "hate" each other, but it's still funny to watch. Now we have Rick Ross who is about as gangsta as Joe Dirt (even though I like Ross and he plays his character well) going at 50 Cent. They're going back and forth in retaliations. Ross started out with a song called Mafia Music and 50 comes back with Officer Ricky, Go Ahead And Try Me. Check em out, why not, they're good.

2. You want a snack recommendation? Go buy a bag of Lay's Honey BBQ Flavored Twists. They're tasty and once again, you'll be supporting the Dave Posey Fund, a worthy charity.

3. You know something that really needs improved upon? That would be the back window windshield wipers. They have cars that can practically drive themselves, but they haven't figured out a good way to make the back wipers halfway reliable? Why do they have to be the half moon wipers? Can't they come up with a way to get the entire glass so it doesn't streak off and look filthy? Just as bad as that would be the wiper fluid back there, it never gets the entire glass. Hold tight until next week..