Thursday, February 19, 2009

Bloody Mess, Fountain Pop, & Caramel Apple Spice!

Some people have already heard or seen the story I'm about to mention. I haven't had stitches put into me since 8th grade. When I was a kiddie, I got a bunch of stitches and it's fun to have the battle scars as proof. Something about that is always entertaining. I could tell big stories on each, but I'll save that. The last time I got stitches was playing sandlot football on the famous Nolan Field. My bottom teeth went through my top lip and top teeth went through my bottom lip. I was out of it for 6 hours on that one. I've also been hit in the head with a croquet mallet (true story) as I got behind a dude swinging and it rocked me above the right eye. Fortunately, I've never broken anything or had any major injuries, so I'll take stitches every now and then if that's the worst case scenario. Now it's time to set up last Sunday's story..

I play ball with a bunch of dudes in Bridgeport every Sunday. Stereotypically, that's the rich boy section of my county, even though they sometimes get a bad rap. Anyways, a dude was bringing the ball down on a break pretty fast and I was one of the few guys back on defense. I figured I might as well take this guy on and D up, not going to let him get easy buckets. I was playing D on him pretty tight and he went to try to cross me over. As he did that, I went in the same direction, still up in his face, and our heads collided. We both dropped and hit pretty hard. As soon as I dropped, I put my hand to my head and knew it was a mess. Blood was gushing pretty good and then a few of the guys took me to get cleaned up. As it was getting cleaned, they said I needed stitched up for sure. A few asked to drive me to the docs, but I figured I was about a mile away, I might as well drive myself. Whether that was the right move or not, who knows, but I wasn't feeling a bit dizzy.

I get to Medbrook (our local quick docs) and it's about 1:30 on Sunday afternoon. The place was a zoo. So many people were in there that it was standing room only, baseball style. Speaking of which, baseball is just around the corner! I walk in, still wearing my ball gear and have a bundle of wet paper towels covering my eye. These people look at me like I'm from another planet because I'm gushing blood as I walk in, good times. I tell the check-in chick what was up and then they tell me to have a seat. With me gushing blood, I figured I'd get in pretty quick, right? Wrong. I ended up waiting for nearly an hour. It wasn't a big deal, it was just the hassle of it all. Maybe I should've snapped my leg in half to get me into the room quicker. All in all though, I got to talk to the random bums there waiting, always making for good stories.

As I got in, the doc was about as smooth as it gets. I didn't even feel him jamming the needle in my head a few times to numb my eye area up. The actual cut was underneath my eyebrow. The doc said that it went to the muscle, but it didn't go inside or it could've been a lot worse. It's been a good conversation starter this week, something I'm never short of to begin with. I could've made up some big gigantic story of how I took on six MMA fighters at once and came out victorious or had a rough Valentine's Day Weekend to where some chick roughed me up. An interesting thing to me is from people who have no clue on basketball. You'd be surprised the amount of people who are saying, "Your eye got that messed up by playing basketball?!" Uh.. yes, believe it or not, it can be pretty physical. It's not like I was out there shooting around, goofing off, it gets intense.

I was talking to Corndog the other night (more on him again in a bit too) as we do often, bored online. He told me one of the funniest things I've heard lately. We were watching wrestling on TV and just making random comments about it. Jeff Hardy, for those who don't know, is a WWE wrestler. He's been involved in a recent injury storyline (not real) to where he hasn't been on TV for a bit. This ties in to Corndog's church point he had to make. He was doing his church duty and they were going through that week's prayer requests. Apparently, the chick who reads the requests at his church just goes through it all, regardless. She also isn't a wrestling fan as we find out. One little boy put Jeff Hardy on the week's request and was serious about it. Due to that, Corndog was listening to the requests and out of nowhere, the request about Jeff Hardy is read in front of the congregation. How great is that? He might've been one of few to have picked up on that in church, but I know I'd be cracking up. Meanwhile, the little kid was just hoping his prayers would be answered. Also, it might be just me and Corndog who find that story funny, but so be it.

I was at the dentist on Thursday, hanging in the waiting room. The only other person in there with me at the time was this guy who I'm guessing is about 50 years old or so. He's a balding dude with fairly tight sweat pants on and absolutely no style. That's fine either way, but I'm just setting up the scene for you. There's a TV that is on in the waiting room and I'm just checking it out. Out of nowhere, dude starts rambling on. It started with him seeing David Spade on there and us giving opinions on him. From that it went to Chris Farley. Then it eventually led to 90s grunge rock. The people in the office were getting a kick out of how this guy I've never met in my life is just talking away like he's known me forever. Of course I'm not going to miss that opportunity to rattle this guy's brain. As it turns out, he's a huge Alice in Chains guy and is throwing out some big knowledge on the Seattle grunge scene at the time, impressing me actually. At one point, he was saying how underrated Chains was at the time and says he mentions to people who say they probably don't know their songs: "What do you mean? You've never heard Man in a Box or Rooster?!" I played that up because I knew it fired him up that his boys didn't get enough respect in my mind. Then he goes into who all was on what drugs during that time, concert schedules, etc. He says when Chains is touring again, even without Layne Staley who died, he'll be there when they hit Pittsburgh. "I'll be the oldest guy in that crowd, but I don't care!"

Our first section of American Idol is in the books. This year, they've switched the rules up on us to keep people on their toes. Going into the week, we were down to the final 36 contestants. They are broken into three groups of 12. This week, the first group of 12 sang on Tuesday night. On Wednesday, they ended up picking 3 out of that group. Apparently, and they haven't said the rules much on this part, but they will also have 3 wild card people who can slide through eventually. Who goes through of the first group? We have Pink Hair Alexis, Widow Boy, and Redneck Michael. I was very disappointed that Anoop Dogg didn't get through, he better get a wild card. Pink Hair, Simon is comparing to Kelly Clarkson in that she's coming out of her shell and making a name. Redneck Michael is a person that I can see people getting into since he seems like a guy that people will like. I like him too, but still would've picked Anoop. Widow Boy is a serious contender, part in of his story that he lost his wife not long before he auditioned and part because he's a real talent. I might as well run off a few quotes from my boys on our message board:

DerekHood: 20,000 votes between Sarver and Noop Dogg. That sucks ass, and I am not a happy Idolator this evening. Hopefully the judges will give him one of the last three spots.

ManDingo: What was with all the girls with big teeth last night? Was it American Idol or a WNBA tryout?

Kasher: This is stupid. Michael makes it through, but not Anoop Dogg? Michael sucks.

It's time for your regular dose of Corndog's wise words. As usual, all wise words are 100% real, never taken out of context:

Corndog: the birdman
Me: Whatcha doing?
Corndog: bored bored bored
Corndog: have you ever heard of an Upper Decker?
Me: Bored during the greatest weekend of the year, for shame.
Me: No?
Corndog: its when you go in someones bathroom
Corndog: and poop in the tank in the back of the toilet
Corndog: LOL!
Me: Oh yeah, hah.
Me: They did that on one of the seasons of Ultimate Fighter.
Corndog: i missed that
Corndog: i find that to be very hilarious

Corndog: i never stick to the subject
Bird33: Keeps us on our toes.
Corndog: such as....
Corndog: I really love fountain pop
Corndog: and someday would like a fountain pop machine in my house

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: Once again, the work is done for me. No clue why I keep putting my name on this. It should no longer be sponsored by Arizona Jas for she has practically taken over this section. This week, she unveils Ms. Chetta Boo to the masses:

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: I was ready to post a new blog and had a subpar video in this spot. The_Freak saves the day. This is one of the best videos I've seen in a while. It's bad to laugh, but you know you'll die laughing. The mascot ends up tearing his ACL in this action. Here is Bango of the Milwaukee Bucks. Ouch!

3 Quick Thangs:

1. It's birthdays you want, it's birthdays you shall receive. We'll try Friday, February 20th. This is a pretty good crew. We start it off with an old school actor. That would be Sidney Poitier, 82 and still rockin' it out. Ivana Trump, 60. Fresh off a DUI stint and back to work, that would be Charles Barkley, 46. He's still one of the most entertaining people on television. Model Cindy Crawford, 43. Kurt Cobain of Nirvana fame (he was talked about at the dentist too), would've been 42. Rihanna, busted up face and all, only 21.

2. Today's fact that I never knew? Mexican women spend 15.3% of their life in ill health. Who knew?

3. I've never given Starbucks much of a chance over the years. Nothing against it, I'm just rarely there. I was there the other night and wanted to try something off the wall. I ended up going with the caramel apple spice and let me tell you, that's some good stuff. If you're into sweets, you'll be down for this hot concoction. It reminded me a bit of a cinnamon bun in taste. Go get it, it'll be worth the purchase.

1 comment:

Ms. Jazzie said...

My main man! Long time no see bro.

First of all hella awesome war wound with the eyebrow thing and I think I was one of those people who said, "you got that from basketball?" and yeah im a lil naive but you must understand..guys like to get me on the floor and they are to me its all bueno..never get hurt either!

ROFLMAO on the whole Jeff Hardy. If you did not know this I used to be huge on WWE (back in the day when it was WWF) and I loved Jeff and Matt kicking ass at TLC matches against other tag teams... I remember this ladder match where either matt or Jeff climbed up this huge thing to get the belts.. PRICELESS.Undertaker is still my main man! Remember when he used to come out in a coffin? and had that creepy assistant? Yeah back, waaaaay back.

The old man dude... totally awesome.. wish I had someone killer like that in the familia..

the whole idol thing..not into it..sorry! But I think I can name all the American Idols lmao!

Eww to the doodoo in the tank of the toilet.. which reminds me.. lol jk!


Dirty Hoe was like.. quality this time.. I bet Sir Mix Alot made his song after her... DAYUM! its huge... I think KFC has a new spokesperson.. lmao!

Quality like usual