Saturday, May 30, 2009

Road Trippin': The Shot That Saved Cleveland

It was road trip time last weekend and this one should be filled with stories coming to you from all angles. I think Spank said it right, this was probably a top 5 road trip for our crew of all time. Today's blog takes you from the hills of West Virginia into Cleveland, Ohio, the land that LeBron simply is a god of. Even if you're not a basketball fan at all, this edition is going to have a little something for everyone, the point of every blog I write or that's the plan anyways. It really doesn't even have that much basketball talk, but I'll fill your brains with such things as Waffle House, driving through random neighborhoods, druggies out of nowhere, pineapples on burgers, another brush with greatness, and a whole lot more.

I took the driving duties for this one and along for the ride were Matty Cakes and Spank. I'm not the best driver which I've admitted before, but I guess these guys don't mind having their life at risk. Luckily, I brought everyone back in one piece and didn't make any dumb wrong turns or near crashes. I'm always down for a trip if given enough time to get something in order, especially if it deals with NBA. A downfall to the trip was that my Sirius radio was messing up and people have been having problems with that last weekend. Now it's back in order and everything appears to be fixed. We still got a good bit of sports radio and rap cranking to last the trip up and back.

After starting the day right by playing some Punch-Out in Shinnston on the Wii, it was time to roll out. We planned to bring the Wii in the ride with us to play on the screen, but I need to buy a plug-in adapter of sorts for that to work. Maybe that's an option for the next trip. We left around 1:00 and ended up getting into Cleveland at around 5:30 on Friday evening. This is one of the few trips that I didn't have any Bone playing as I pulled into Cleveland, always a tradition for me to go into a city on a road trip and play that city's rap music to get the feel. Yes, I'm a dork, but it's something I will admit. For being Memorial Day Weekend, the traffic wasn't too horrible, which half of our trip is straight up in the middle of nowhere, an easy drive in my opinion.

We get there and have a nice hookup from Matty Cakes. Due to the joy of flying miles, he gets us a free hotel room, so major props are sent to his direction. When we get to the room, it's a pimp setup and we are fans of it instantly. We were on the top floor and this place had the highest ceilings I've ever seen in a hotel. Instantly I see a ledge of the wall separating the beds and the living room that stood about 3-4 feet high. I test out the durability of the bed and what else should a person do? As I say, I'll never grow up, I had to at least attempt some dives onto the bed. I stand up on the ledge and get some major air and start leaping onto the bed. If someone would've walked in, they wouldn't have known what to think of someone 30 years old that still does this, but hey, it's entertaining to me. I'm easily pleased. Cakes got the idea to get a picture of it and it turned out that it's my favorite pic in a long time. Most have seen it on my MySpace and Facebook pages and have had some funny comments to send in. I wanted to attempt a backflip off the ledge, but I was too chicken and scared that I'd crank my head. This is an issue I have on flat ground too. I know I can pull a backflip off, but still in my mind I'm feeling that I would mess it up and crank my head. Even for an old guy, I'm still as agile and flexible as ever, so I hope that doesn't falter off anytime soon. As a site note, the pillow cases here had me laughing. They said either "soft" or "firm" on them. I liked the touch, but even a dude like me with no common sense can tell which pillows are soft or firm. Good times.

Before the game started, we had a little bit of time until the gates opened. That of course gave us time to go to my favorite place in Cleveland to eat, Alesci's. It was so good we ate there twice in the same night. Looking at the place, you wouldn't think it's anything special, but looks can be deceiving. I've written about this place before and it's top notch. I ended up getting a calzone with some sauce which was amazing and then ate half of Spank's stromboli. That might be the first time Spank has given me food. Usually when our crew goes out to eat, I'm the one giving everyone else food and they love that. It's just a small Italian type food/deli place, but it gets rockin' and that place makes a killing. If you're in Downtown Cleveland, you won't be disappointed at all. Ozzie likes it so much that he's been known to say that it's worth it just to drive there, eat, and drive back if he really had to. Cakes texted him and told him we were there and Ozzie's reply? "That place rules." That's high praise.

Finally, it's time to hit up The Gund (The Q, for Quicken Loans Arena as it's known now, stupid name changes) and get inside the arena. Our seats were in the upper deck, but we lucked out and had a great view. We were midcourt and I'd take those seats again for sure. Within minutes of being in the place, we had already more than gotten our money's worth for our ticket price. I've seen several LeBron games already before, but this was my first NBA playoff game and it's a completely different animal. The way those fans worship him has to be seen at least once in person to appreciate it because TV doesn't do it nearly enough justice.

How were the fans in my area? Both good and bad. The guy directly to my right, I was ready to put in a crossface chickenwing and have him tapping out, but I decided against better judgment and figured that'd get me kicked out of the game, so I kept my cool. This is the type of guy that doesn't have any buddies and wants to try to be your best friend. I'm all about talking to whoever to get random conversations going, but not like this. He would get 2 inches from my face and start talking. Cakes and Spank picked up on this idiot and were giving me a hard time about it. After a while, I couldn't really acknowledge the guy and tried to keep my distance, although that's tough when he is doing that garbage. He also is one who thinks he knows it all on sports, when actually, he doesn't have a clue. The good thing? The fans in the rows in front of us, great comedy. Picture a mini And1 group of fans that storm the court after a big play and after every LeBron dunk or big play, they'd go bananas. This one guy, who we hate not getting a pic of, would stand up and flex everytime LeBron would do something of note. Then two other guys in front of us were selected for a halftime competition to where one ended up getting $500 worth of new tires and his buddy got a free tire alignment. They were treated like celebrities when they walked back up to our section, which had me cracking up.

With a minute to go, it didn't look great for the Cavs and they were on the verge of going down 2-0 in the series. People actually started to leave around this point (what!?!), even though it was just a few point lead for the Magic. First off, you don't leave games early. People think they can beat traffic or whatever, get out of here. I can be at some bum game and still want to be there till the very end, but a playoff game where you pay big bucks? It's a no brainer, you stay. Turkoglu hit his big shot with a second left to put the Magic up by 1. With one second left, the fans needed a miracle. Inbound pass to LeBron at the top of the key for a three, he hits it and pandemonium goes down inside The Q. I don't think I've been part of a better crowd moment ever when it comes to sports and I've been to a lot. As for now, this is the shot that LeBron will be known as that you'll see a zillion times already for the next 20 years. The Shot That Saved Cleveland.

After the game, we made our way to the TNT set where none other than Ernie, Kenny The Jet Smith, Reggie Miller, and the great Charles Barkley were doing the postgame. Security let us walk right down to their area, no questions asked. We got some great pictures of that and were literally right beside these guys at a few points. Barkley has to eat it up with the heckling the fans give him during this. Cakes' dad texts the next morning and asks if we were near Barkley and the guys after the game. We were wondering why he asked that and come to find out, apparently we were on TNT for a short period when they would show the crowd in that area going insane. I guess that's our minor brush with greatness. We wished Ozzie could've went on this trip, but he wasn't able to make this one. When he saw our Barkley pics, and that's one of his childhood idols, he was hating himself. It happens.

The night isn't over. When we finally got out of the arena, the town was an absolute madhouse. After walking a bit, I found a spot in the middle of town to sit down on this wall. Here it is, 1:00 in the morning and three rednecks from West Virginia are in Downtown Cleveland sitting on a wall. Why you ask? You see characters from all walks of life. What better spot than to just sit back, watch the action, and talk to a few of these randoms? Of course I was in for that. Things went in cycles. We'd have a new character stop by every few minutes and would keep the night going. Want some examples? One dude came over wanting to sell us weed and he had this big spiel all lined up to sell. We just looked at him and let him ramble without saying much in return. Get down the road you druggie, but it was funny for a few seconds as he busts the weed out of his pocket right on the street like it was nothing. Then comes a drunk chick by herself, stumbling around. She was obliterated and looking for a ride to come pick her up. In all of this, she was trying to talk to her ride and direct them to the area we were in. After navigating them to the point, she stumbles around and finally sees a truck to pick her up. Inside? 4 dudes and her being the only chick. Chances are, she ended up in someone's home video that night. It made for a good 5-10 minute chat with this girl though who you could've told anything to and she wouldn't have had a clue what was up. I'm not a fan of being around drunks much, but for a few minutes, they can be funny as long as you're not the one babysitting them. It was continuous action like that all night. That's free entertainment and I could keep going with the idiots we encountered.

So Saturday rolls around and it's time to prepare to head back to WV. The drive back on trips are always a bit more depressing, but we make it happen. First, we had time to kill. I just started driving around Cleveland on the outskirts and to see what kind of neighborhoods we could find. We ended up getting into some fairly ghetto places and that always makes for interesting sights on a road trip. I'm always down for that. Spank got this idea of how he wanted a pic in front of some random house. As he was there, I saw these two kids riding their bikes a few blocks away. I put two and two together and why not ask those guys to be in the pic? For no reason, we ask these kids if they want in the pic and they didn't know what to think. After a few seconds, they didn't care and we set up the mean muggin' pic, one of my favorites of the trip. In the pic we had a whitey from WV, a black kid, and a latino. That's some good random diversity, nice to see. It was time to get out of Cleveland and off to Waffle House we went, the trip isn't over yet when that is still on schedule.

Waffle House! There's only two on our entire drive. When you're in this section of the country, you're few and far between from some filthy Waffle House restaurants, so you don't have many options. This isn't Tennessee, where you see them every 2.3 steps. Believe it or not, Cakes has never been to one in his life (what?!). Oh no! We had to change that immediately. That's almost as unbelievable as my laundry statistic I'll have about myself at the end of the blog. Anyways, as usual, we got some great eats. Maybe some of the best bacon and sweet tea you'll ever get will be at a WH, take my word for it. I was due for an updated WH pic for no reason other than I just have enough in the collection from the past that why not. I was trying to figure out some props to use since I've busted out the spatula, wet floor signs, etc in the past. I just straight up asked one of the waitresses if some of them would mind being in a pic with me. I don't think I've ever met a mean waitress at one of these places, so these girls were all about it. That part cracked me up. They had ideas to get most of the crew in the pic and even busted out the goofy hats for us to wear. The girl that took the pic, she was serious about people being in the right spots and all of that. People always say I'm random, but you definitely get some stories if you just talk to whoever and see what's up. After leaving, we didn't get in the car yet, we walked down a few blocks across the highway to scope out the neighborhood for pic ideas. While there, we found a cheesy van that Spank got a pic in front of, the traditional pic in front of WH, and a dog posing for a pic while he was taking a dump. Again, as I say, I'll probably never grow up on that side of things. I can be really professional when I need to be and take care of my business, but you have to have fun with things and just goof off or life wouldn't be any fun.

If you're still reading along, you're a champ and I commend you. We're winding down, I promise, but we're not finished yet. Outside of the LeBron trip, I have a quick softball story to mention. Thursday night and we had a game scheduled at 10:00 in Morgantown. Yeah, a nightcap game about 45 minutes away from my town. We had a big storm going down in the area a few hours before that and were wondering if we'd get in a game or not. With no call of cancellation, we drove up anyways. We get there and find out that the games are not on pace and we'd have to wait about 45 minutes since a game before us was just starting at 10:00. 11:00 and we get on the field. By the time it was over, it was 12:30 in the morning. This was our second loss of the year and it was a video game score of 23-19, dang. 42 total runs, ricockulous! Anyways, after taking Big Rick and Posey home, I got home around 1:30 on a work night. I showered up and of course I couldn't go straight to bed, I was bouncing off the walls. I have enough energy the way it is, but it'd be tough to go to bed then. I stayed up till 3:00 and woke up at 6:00. Lucky thing it was Friday, but I have a weird sleep schedule anyways. Monday before work I went to bed at 4:00, another dumb mistake. I went to work and did my thing, running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I wasn't tired until I got home that evening since I rarely sit down at work, but I passed on a nap. After eating Chinese and watching Ric Flair DVDs most of the night, out of nowhere I crashed on the couch at 9:30. The next thing I know, I wake up at 5:00 and didn't have an idea where I was at. As I type this part, it's 6:15 on Saturday morning and I'm pretty sure I'll go back to bed sometime to gear up for another softball game at 3:00.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: Speaking of Tennessee, that's where we end up for this find. A ton of pics? Check. Hot? Check. Some borderline slutty pics? Check. Not that we're complaining here around blog land.

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: This is one that comes to us from Kasher. He put this up on Lobstah a few months ago, but don't think I've used it in here. This one features Nancy Grace who scares me when she gets all mean and they're talking about the Duke lacrosse rap scandal. She wants stats on the scandal and the guy busts into sports stats. 30 seconds, but one I got a kick out of:

3 Quick Thangs:

1. As a good time killer, we all like being nosy and reading up on other MySpace/Facebook status messages. Most aren't that good, but you do find some gems every now and then that can get you laughing. It's probably just me, but I enjoyed this one considering Uncle Wilbur's temper that he can get when he blows up. He's calm most of the time, but then he can just let it go and flip out, it's great. What'd he have to say earlier this week? Here we go, word for word: "went to go swimming with the stepkids, but couldn't BECAUSE SOME ?'.$!.*#!$,'* LITTLE KID POOPED IN THE POOL!!!!" I guess that'd make anyone mad.

2. Here's one I probably shouldn't even admit, but I'm never one to really mind if people joke with me or what some opinions may be. If I'm right on this, I did laundry for the first time ever the other day. I know, that's insane to think, but it's true. Sad, but true. However, that's one more time than Dad has done it, at least while I've been alive. Most people have done that when they were like 5 years old, but I'm weird, you don't have to tell me that.

3. I'll end with a food recommendation. While at the big cookout bash for Memorial Day with the family all together, it was time to bust out the grill. Gayle was straight up rockin' the grill out like no other and threw some pineapple slices on board. He's not a fruit guy at all, but I'm huge into it. I was eating some grilled slices as they came off and that was good enough, but why not on a burger? It sounds weird, I know, but put a grilled pineapple slice on your burger and it's some high quality eats. Don't knock it till you try it. I'm running long as this isn't actually "quick", but Webster County Chrissy put sour cream on her spaghetti the other night. What in the world? Now that's bad times. She ended up not liking it, imagine that one. I won't hold it against her though. Until next time..

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

5 Years? Who Would've Guessed?

This Thursday marks five years since I've been rambling on about anything and everything in this space. It's hard to believe and time flies. Hopefully I can keep going at it. I'm talking like I'm some aging football veteran who is hanging on till his final days of his career as he's banged up. We'll keep plugging along. I don't have anything special planned for the 5th Year Anniversary bash, so I'm going to conduct with business as usual. I'm typing this section right now early in the morning with a cup of coffee. I don't even really care for coffee, but I might as well crank a cup in me to get me going in the morning when I don't sleep enough. At least it's loaded up with sugar. What do we have in store? We're going with two movie reviews, an annoying commercial, a visit from Corndog, drivers going ballistic, and much more. Onward!

I watch entirely too much TV, but you'll have that. If you watch TV like I do, you'll know this commercial I'm about to mention. It's a new one for Panasonic, one of their Viera TVs. Towards the end of this commercial, they show a YouTube video playing of a hamster doing yoga. I guess some might think that's funny? Anyways, as this hamster is doing its thing, these idiot girls are in front of the TV acting out the same movements of the animal. This part alone has me never wanting to buy a Panasonic Viera in my life. I want to bash in the TV with a bat when I see this come across my screen, it's that bad. Maybe I'll try that one day. Even I'm allowed to get violent every now and then. A big thumbs down to the yoga hamster girls, stop trying to be funny.

This story is being sent to us by none other than TyLaw in Canada. Some of you have probably already stumbled across this blurb, but it might be noteworthy for some of you. This kid from Sickles High School in Florida (a real place Matty Cakes, imagine that) was in a pic in the yearbook with her pottery club. Pottery club? Ok, to each their own. Anyways, the pic ends up showing her wearing no panties. The video to this will crack you up more than the story. The girl claims she didn't want her panty lines to show and says she didn't do it on purpose. Speaking from a guy's perspective, I'm going to call her out on this one and say she's lying. I could be wrong. The mother blows up and demands the school board stop sending out copies of the yearbook. It's going to get out on the internet anyways, not like she's going to stop it. The school board's argument is that it only shows a shadow and doesn't really show much. What does TyLaw say on the situation? Here is his uncensored quote, verbatim: "I'm sorry how is this the fault of anyone but this girl? WEAR UNDERWEAR WHEN YOU EXPECT TO GET PHOTOGRAPHED YOU CUM DUMPSTER! Also, like this is ruining her life, she's in the pottery club already." If you're curious for the video and the funny comments of the kid and her mom, check it out:

You want a movie review? That's what you're about to get. Just keep reading.. there it is! What's the movie? Fighting. This was one I was interested in seeing when I first saw previews. I made plans to go see it at the theater, but never got around to getting someone to go. Instead, we'll use the trusty internet and check it out that way. To start, Terrence Howard is in this movie and he almost always delivers. He played his role very well I thought. The casting I felt was strange. The star is Channing Tatum, better known as Tyler Gage from Step Up. His rival? Brian J. White, better known as Sylvester from Stomp The Yard. So we have a fighting movie with two pretty boys that have had key roles in dancing movies. Interesting. Either way, I can see why they were chosen as it seems that most chicks I talk to about this movie are all about Tatum. The actual fighting in this movie could've been done much better and more of a focus needed to be put into mixed martial arts if you ask me. On the chick scale, Zulay Henao (weird name) is fairly nice herself. I didn't mind the movie, it's worth watching, but then again, I like the type of movie anyways. My score? We're going with 5.7 guillotine chokes out of 10. For what it's worth, IMDB has it ranked at a 5.0 from their readers.

It's time for the regularly scheduled moment with Corndog. What's he have up his sleeve this week? He's giving us a great time killer, at least it was for me. What I'm talking about is this link of funny mug shots. It might not seem like much, but give it a chance and before you know it, you'll be going through these pages. For example: #6 (he might be dead), #9 (Is she doing that face to be funny or is that her real self? Ouch.), #10 (Devil Boy), #13 (humongous head and chin), #20 (what a total mess), #25 (that's a human?), #27 (what is that?!), and even some real life pirates with #30 and #31. There's 84 to go through and we have some total characters that you'll enjoy. Here's the link:

Not that many people care, but I'll write about it quickly instead. New video game time for me. As most know, I've only played Call of Duty since November and still am big into that game. This Sunday, during the NBA games, we get a preview of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, nice! On Tuesday, I had to load up and get Punch-Out for Wii as I mentioned. I'm sure it won't hold my attention how COD has, but I'm true to my old school roots and if you're a Nintendo fan, you definitely loved Mike Tyson's Punch-Out back in the day. How is this one so far? After a day of playing it, it holds very true to the old style. The classic characters are back with their same personalities and actions. Game play is great and you don't have to use the dumb swinging motion with 2 hands, you can play regular style with the remote going sideways if you want and that way is smooth for this game. It seems a bit easy after a few hours of playing, but it's been a blast and so far has given justice to the old school fans, go get it.

I might as well throw in another movie review. Two in one week, the madness going on around here! I hadn't heard of this movie before, but one of my kids at school recommended it and I checked it out. It's a 2005 movie called Dirty Deeds, also known as Dirtier Deeds since there was a movie back in 2002 of the same name with different plots. Right away I'll say this one is a lot better in my opinion than Fighting. If you're into the comedies as I am, this one will be right up your alley if you haven't seen. If you like the American Pie type joking around movies with juvenile pranks, watch this one if you get a chance. The preview on IMDB even quotes American Pie: "An American Pie-like teen comedy in which a high school senior tries to become the first student in years to complete the Dirty Deeds, an outrageous series of challenges that must be completed by the Homecoming banquet at 9 a.m." I'm not sure I'll ever grow tired of these types of movies. I'm not sure what that says for myself considering I just wrote a paragraph on video games as well, but so be it. Anyways, Milo Ventimiglia is the main guy in this movie and apparently he's a fairly big name now as he's been in Rocky Balboa, Heroes, and Gilmore Girls. He was a good cast for his role here and played it well. The lead chick, Lacey Chabert, if you don't know her, you need to. I'm never short of an honest opinion, but this chick is high quality in my book. She looks a whole lot like Jennifer Love Hewitt and that comparison you have to be halfway nice I believe to live up to. I'm rambling with this review, so it's time to judge it. I'm giving it a high rating of 8.2 deeds out of 10, I liked it that much. Maybe you will, maybe you won't, but give it a try. IMDB has it at a low 5.7 at the moment.

Here's a quick one on my way home from work the other day. I'm normally a patient person, but when I'm in the car or people aren't doing things the right way, I don't have time to wait. This guy was in front of me most of the way home and I could tell he was in a hurry. I wanted to get home as much as the next dude, but I was just doing my thing, being laid back and not having it bother me. The car in front of this guy was creeping along and going crazy slow. You've all been behind those people, almost daily. Anyways, I did get some entertainment out of the scene. This dude in front of me starts to flip out like a madman because the guy ahead won't go any faster. His hands are out the window and he at one point at a stop sign sticks his head out and starts screaming like an idiot at the guy to get him to speed up. It didn't work, but that made my ride home much easier. He caught me laughing at the scene and that eased him a bit and he just sort of laughed back at me, knowing he was being an idiot, but that it happens. The joys you see while driving around, you never know what to expect. Plus, it never gets old to see someone have a roid rage out of nowhere and you just get to sit back and watch the implosion, as long as you're not too directly involved.

Since Corndog provided us with some good laughs in the paragraph earlier with the mug shots, we'll end the top half with more words of wisdom from Corndog, as we go straight to Logan County. In this random bout of action, he tells us how he tried to be a nice guy and buy his dad some dinner:

Corndog: story time.
Corndog: me and dad been working on this house every day when i get off of work. i get here ive been buying us dinner and have it waiting on him
Corndog: today i bought him a whopper and fries and had it sitting here
Corndog: he calls and said..what are you eating? i told him i bought him something. so he asks what it is and i told him
Corndog: "i dont want that. Im stopping to get me something" was his exact quote
Corndog: aint that something
Corndog: buy a man a meal and he refuses it

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: I'm looking for a new name for this section since we've changed it up from the beginning. We rarely have any thuggish chicks in this slot and I'm not an early 90s gangsta rapper for the other word to fit much, even though I listen to that stuff.. This one comes to us from Arizona Jas. She hasn't contributed in a few weeks, but she's back in action. This time, we go with a rare older chick and she's straight up a rough and tough one, 36 years old from right up the road in Erie, PA. Some of you people might have seen this woman before. Here is what Arizona Jas says: "I dont understand why people would pay to look at that.. she's.. gangly." She's definitely getting a vote in here to be put up, so we'll throw her in the mix:

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: We'll talk about Mr. T in the next section, but I'll fit him in here as well. This video is so bad as far as his talking that it's good. I don't think he breathed during this entire thing. Plus, the grr things are so random and weird. I don't think he even knows what he's saying during most of this:

3 Quick Thangs:

1. We haven't done birthdays in a while, let's get it started. Thursday, May 21st.. The main man of pimpin' R&B music in my opinion, Ron Isley, 68. How about Mr. T turning 57? MMA announcer and brother of Michael, we have Bruce Buffer touching down at 52. Baseballer Kent Hrbek, 49. Rosie O'Donnell, 47. Ferris Bueller Matthew Broderick is also 47, dang. MTV Real World and Grind guy in the 90s, Eric Nies, 38.

2. Uh oh.. a little road trip is in the works! This one will be to see how the fans of Cleveland treat LeBron like a god. I've seen it several times already and it never gets old. This though will be my first ever NBA playoff game in person, so it should be a fun time indeed and I can't be anymore excited. I'd be more excited if my Celts would've been there this round, but I can't have it all. I'll be in attendance Friday night. Next week I'll have a report of course.

3. A few facts you might find useful. Then again, you might not. Each year, more than 50,000 people are injured by jewelry in the United States. Really now? Want another to end with? The odds of being killed by falling out of bed are one in two million.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day, Midnight Express & Rihanna Exposed!

How you people been doing lately? If it's anything like me, you've been doing pretty awesome. Summer is right around the corner and I'm less than a month from being a total bum for two months. Waking up at noon or later everyday, check. Being up till the wee hours online and playing video games, check. The good part about that is that I'll be getting paid to do those things in the summer, not too shabby. Until then, we have May to get going as we're already through the first full week of the month. I'd also like to send a big Mother's Day wish out to all the moms doing their thing. In this blog we get Corndog's wise words, stupid commercials, softball, an encounter with a guy getting fired up at a gas station, Rihanna gets naked, bachelor party, the infamous Jim Cornette video from Dairy Queen, and MUCH more. And away we go!

We haven't put up any unscheduled Corndog chats into the blog in a while, so the fans are overdue. I was sitting at home on Monday night doing my usual. I was watching the Celtics game, gearing up for WWE Monday Night RAW, and being online way too much. Anyways, Corndog was doing the eating thing at Bob Evans and wanted to let me know what was happening. If you haven't figured me out by now, you know I love random things that are different, yet entertaining. This one was some phone messages he'd send through Yahoo Messenger.

Corndog Bob Evans cell texts
Corndog: Feasting at bob evans!
Me: Crepes?
Corndog: Eggs sausage potatoes biscuits strawberry banana stuffed pancakes fatty!
Bird33: Whoa.. you're not messing around.
Corndog: Haha i told the girl i wanted more then the regular meal. Needed the strawberry and banana added and that i wasnt playin around.
Me: Those pancakes sound awesome.
Corndog: Oh yeah last time i was here they were out of season so i have been looking forward to them
Corndog: I bought gears of war 2 and mlb 2k9 tonight
Me: Dang, loading up there. Big food and video game night for ya.
Corndog: Yeah the corndog is all about himself tonight Haha
Corndog: I rethought the corndog liddell thing. I think im gonna change my fighting name to the niceman chub liddell
Corndog: I worked at this bob evans when it opened ten years ago. Some of the same people are still here
Me: Dang, that's great, hah. Never knew you did Bob Evans before.
corndogtaylor: Ive done it all! Bob evans state road sporting goods switchboard at the hospital delivered drugs wal mart buggy boy
Corndog: They messed up the flapjacks. Brought out blueberry

I was doing the TV thing and came across a new commercial. No, it wasn't one that is exciting, but it did make me think. It was a commercial for the new Range Rover rides. Apparently you can have these things for JUST an $800 a month payment. First off, not many people in my area are going to be stupid enough to pay $800 a month on a car payment unless they have so much money that they don't know what to do with it. To tie into that, they show the commercial and they take the Range Rover through mud, rootin' like crazy in some big hole and it comes out a mess. Come on, you can't fool us like that. Nobody that drives around in a rich boy Range Rover is going to take that thing and junk it up like that. It's not some 1985 Ford with tires as big as your house. Honestly though, when have you ever seen a Range Rover go ripping through the area and coming back a mess? The answer? Never.

How'd softball go this past week for Dyno Nobel? We had games on Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday we got pounded with rain, so it was canceled and we didn't have to drive up. Thursday rolls around and we have a 6:00 war about to go down. Unfortunately, the trashpiles we were about to play, only one guy bothered to show up. You kidding me? I drove 45 minutes to get a forfeit win? 1-1 on the season. We did get to practice for an hour and get our reps in. 7:00 rolls around and another team is scheduled to play the same team we did at 6:00. That time, about 4 of their players were there. What we ended up doing was scrimmaging the team that actually showed up and dusted them, so hopefully that's a sign of wins coming our way, but you never know. Nothing too noteworthy to mention on the games, so I won't get into that this week, but a good story from my way home when I got gas..

I stopped in Fairmont on my way home to the luxurious Go-Mart. I needed to fill my $800 a month Range Rover up in gas (or some other sort of car) and get some junk food. While waiting in line, this dude was half tanked and was going on a rampage. I didn't get what was going on at first, so of course I wanted to listen in. This guy wanted a certain kind of lottery ticket. One side of the registers told him to go on the other side to get those tickets, to which he did. He was mad at that point that they even moved him because he said you should be able to get those tickets on either side. He goes to the other side and I'm right behind him at this point. He tells that register guy the exact type of tickets he wants and starts going off on the other guy for sending him there. Well, they didn't have the particular tickets he wanted anyways and he started cussing like a madman. He kept turning around and complaining to me about it just to vent to someone, so I had to work him up more and just agreed with his whining for no other reason, telling him to let em know what he really thinks about it. He was already doing that, but I wanted to entertain myself even more. After blowing up some more, he ended up stomping out of there like a tough guy and the workers were saying that he needs to get a job and all of that and not worry about lottery tickets. I guess that was my excitement for the night in this small hole of an area I live in.

For the past few weeks, my laptop has sounded like it was about to blow up in a major way. For a bit, I didn't think anything of it and just let it ride out. After hearing that sound for far too long and cleaning out the fan a bit that was making the noise, it was still going down. I've heard people say forever to get a laptop cooler in case the thing overheats. I finally gave in and figured I'd get a nice one to see what the fuss was all about and if it would change anything. I ended up getting the Evercool All Aluminum Royal Widescreen Cooler. This thing has no sound to it and it's so easy to use, very quiet. You put one end into a USB port on the laptop and the other end to the USB port on the cooler. Flip the switch to on and that's it. Within minutes, my laptop was cooled down and I haven't turned it off since. If you've thought about getting one of these, I recommend this bad boy. Plus it looks pretty good too if that counts to you visual people.

Felisha sends this one in to us. I hadn't heard about the story until she threw it at me. Apparently, Rihanna is going to sue now that naked pics of her have been released. They came from her phone is the story and the phone may have been stolen? It doesn't surprise me really, but it's still always fun to see celebs in news like this. In the end, we are the ones who win. Plus, she has nothing to be ashamed of. Anyways, if you're bored to check out some of these pics, I'm here for your hookup. Like Rihanna or not, you'd be lying if you read this section and didn't actually click the link:

Saturday night it was time for Ozzie's bachelor party. As usual with bachelor parties, it's sort of like Vegas, you really don't tell people any of the stories or aren't supposed to. Well, I have nothing to reveal anyways, so I'll give my part of the night. We had a group of about 30 guys and hit up Buffalo Wild Wings at 6:30. As far as TV that night, we had quite the selection. It was the Nuggs/Mavs thriller when we got there, followed by LeBron being a freak of nature, along with some old boxing, the race that I didn't care about, and the Penguins game. It was a blast being with the boys and just BSing around, that doesn't ever get old. One complaint though up there is that it's way too crowded, loud and hot. We were dripping wet and I had to get another shower when I got home. And this was just to go out and eat? Other than that, I didn't have any complaints. The chick quality up there wasn't anything too special for anyone keeping track at home, but you'll have that, neither was the service. My Uncle Bill joked that people couldn't get drunk if they tried because it was an hour before a waiter would come back and check on you.

One thing that did surprise me and that was the hockey game. Not that I cared one bit about it, but it seemed like every hockey fan in Harrison County came to BDubs that night. When the Pens would score a goal, the roof would come off the place. When I go farther north, you see a lot of hockey fans, but not usually in my area. This night, it was insane. It got to the point that our crew, who are huge sports guys, but not one bit for hockey, came up with an idea. When the Pens would score, our bunch would just scream and yell with them just because it was the thing to do. When 11:00 rolled around, that's when I tapped out and decided to go home. As far as the drunken debauchery and tearing up the town of Clarksburg with girls running around like Rihanna half naked until the daylight hours, who knows what went down. You'll have to check with those guys on those stories. About a month until Ozzie's wedding, should be good times for all.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: This section hits all nationalities, we don't play favorites around here. The criteria is tricky though, it varies. One week, we have a filthy girl who has no reason putting up pics of herself, but we end up laughing about. Another week it may be a girl of actual quality that even the girls are checking out and get impressed with. A normal piece of criteria is that they normally have a lot of pics to go through. This week's edition is to hit up some asian flavor and she does have a lot of pics to go with the body. She even plays video games. Nothing amazing, but more good than not I think.

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Everyone knows I'm a wrestling freak and always will be. Hey, I could be hooked to worse. Anyways, this video will appeal to everyone, a wrestling fan or not and I almost guarantee you'll watch it multiple times. If you've seen my latest dorky pics on MySpace and Facebook, you'll see me with some new wrestling merchandise. This one courtesy of The Midnight Express and Jim Cornette 25th Anniversary Scrapbook which you can get at For a wrestling fan, it's a must have. Plus I was one of the losers who was one to order one of the 250 collector's edition versions of the book, personally signed to me by Corny himself as well as the three members of the MX. Anyways, this has been on the blog before I'm sure, but it never ever gets old. This is Cornette at a Dairy Queen drive-thru and he goes absolutely bananas as the window girl. They had $30 worth of food ordered and I guess they didn't believe his order. It wasn't ready when they pulled up and it all went down on a cussing tirade that has me in tears when I watch, so hopefully you enjoy it too. I wouldn't crank the speakers around a big group since he cusses like Tony Montana:

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Breaking news from Kasher, although only a handful of people out there are probably big on these movies as I am. What would that be? On November 5, 2010, they are in works for a new Harold & Kumar flick. The first (White Castle) was one of my favorite movie ever, with the second (Guantanamo Bay) being fairly good itself. Now what do we have? A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas. I've never tried weed in my life, but there's something about the stoner movies that I've always been a fan of. I guess it's the pointless comedy with no purpose. If it's a dumb comedy, people that know me will tell you, I'm in to watch that for sure.

2. Cheesy joke time of the week, this one courtesy of Hannah who sent this one in, dogging my boy Obama. "They said a black man would be president when pigs flew. Obama has had 100 days in the office and swine flu." Come on, that had to get a little laugh out of you just because of the cheese factor.

3. We might as well have 3 reader submissions in for our bottom part this week. This last one comes to us from The_Freak. He was on Craigslist, killing some time and came across this ad for a 2003 Cadillac Escalade. It goes through the details of the ride and what it includes. It also says "no history of accident". Hmm.. Look at the pics down below the description. This thing's front end looks like they jumped it off of a building. Yet, there's no history of accident? Here's the link: The_Freak's comment to this?

The_Freak (2:12:56 AM): No history of accident -- then what the fuck happened?

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Jesco On Coke, Muddy Softball, & Hot Nurses

We're into a week and a half since the last post. It goes in stages, you know how I do. For the most part though, I'm pretty consistent and you can be sure to get a post every week or not much longer after that. May has also jumped in on us and in about 3 weeks, I will have been rocking this place out for 5 years. It definitely doesn't seem that long to me, but it seems fairly crazy when I think about it. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing, but it's still fun to ramble on about anything and everything. In this issue, what can you expect? I will review the over-the-top movie Crank 2, fighting the swine flu, hot nurses, the infamous Jesco White, Dyno Nobel softball back in action, chicken wings, new CDs, and much much more. Ok, time to get into our business..

Movie review time and this one is so outrageous I'm not sure which way to go with it. The movie in question? Crank 2. Everyone who reads my movie reviews knows that I'm a huge Jason Statham fan and I'm not sure I've seen a bad movie with him as one of the main stars. I went to the theater to see the first and loved it. This one, where do I begin? I was taking some notes as I watched (weird, I know), but check out the first 25 minutes. You'll think I'm making this stuff up, but I'm definitely not. Chev Chelios, the character Statham plays, he comes back to life. He has an artificial heart placed into him with a backup machine that supposedly will only last him an hour. The "bad guys" want to see him slowly die. One of the first things he does is charge his "heart" by having jumper cables hooked up to him. A Japanese guy (Johnny Vang) has his actual heart and is on the run with it in a box. Chelios finds him in a whorehouse and Chev ends up saving this dirty's life. She leads him to Vang again who has since left to go to a tittie bar. Chelios finds his ex chick dancing on stage and he goes to her, she thought he was dead. She ends up fighting the girl and there begins a shootout at the bar. That's just the first 25 minutes and then we get cops coming to the bar. Chelios fights them and gets tazered, which gives him more energy. They find Vang yet again, this time at a horse track as he's there betting. While a race is going on, Chelios and his chick are on the track in front of everyone and he uses her to get friction for energy. You can guess how that ended up. Yep, more energy for Chev. Then later? He puts a dog collar on him that he steals from guys in the park and zaps himself, more energy. This stuff is so over-the-top unbelievable that it takes it to a whole new level than you've ever seen. I know you're confused reading that, which is why you need to watch the movie and that was just the beginning. It's so bad that it's good, one of those. A super tough movie for me to grade, but I'll give it 6.3 energy boosts out of 10 and that is due to being a Statham fan or it'd be much lower. IMDB somehow gave it a 7.5, which I think is high, but I could see ratings of this movie being all over the place. Watch this just for the experience, words do it no justice.

I was down and out with the flu for a few days last week. I rarely take off work, but had to leave work one day early and took the next off. I went back a day early and should've taken another off, but I'll never learn. I was rolling with a 101+ fever and then decided I'd hit up the doctors. As I go in, the doctor asks if someone brought me. I wasn't sure what he was going to do based on that question, but luckily mom drove me for this one. He said that since someone was able to drive me home, that he'd hook me up to some IVs and bring me back to life, a la Chev Chelios. The nurses come in to take care of me and it doesn't hurt things one bit when you get hot nurses. That's an underrated thing for sure. One of the nurses, while I was hooked up to an IV asked if I wanted a blanket over me since she said I'd be getting really cold soon. Then she asked if I wanted the lights turned down while I was in there. Did I stumble across Johnny Vang's lifestyle instead of going to the doctors? I can't make this stuff up. Strange, but I didn't mind the nurses and the IVs. By the time I was out of there, I was back to normal and the flu was defeated in another day or so.

The West Virginia people will know all about this next topic and I've even talked a good bit about this legend in the blog over the years. The man I'm about to give some updates on is Boone County's finest, Jesco White. Depending on who you talk to in the state, you'll get various opinions on the man, the myth, the legend known as the Dancing Outlaw. It puts a horrible light on our state, but how much worse can it possibly get with the image we are already portrayed as? I say just go with it and have fun with the situation instead of having it bother me like it does some. Anyways, Jesco is somewhat of a cult icon, you either love him or hate him around here. I can't get enough of the dude personally and his antics crack me up. I don't know how many times Dad has watched all of his old videos which most in the state have at least seen, but I'd guess at least 150 times. Anyways, Jesco is in the news again for a few reasons. One is a tie-in with Johnny Knoxville. Yes, that Knoxville of Jackass fame. Now the nation is about to find out about Jesco. Knoxville has done a documentary entitled The Wild And Wonderful Whites of West Virginia. Watch the trailer for this just to get an idea of the guy. It still doesn't do any of his older videos credit, but it's pure entertainment. To people not in West Virginia, it might even be confusing and you may not catch the humor the rest of us do. The first woman they interview, Posey's wife Scherri (who is from Jesco Land), she used to ride to church with that woman or some story near that. That's bonus points alone, but people from down there aren't the biggest Jesco fans. Corndog found this link for me last week and it's time to show it off for you to enjoy: Also, a few days ago, Jesco was arrested for a cocaine charge and his mug shots are up all over the internet. If you do one thing, order some of his older DVDs, you won't be disappointed.

I never learn with my sleep schedule. Maybe that's what ended up with me getting the swine flu last week. Tuesday night, I was up till 4:00 for some reason doing absolutely nothing of importance. I then wake up for work at 6:00 and have a good day in that sense. I go home, have a big workout and then run a few miles. After that, I go hit up our softball practice and didn't lose a bit of energy. Weird how that works, but that's a good break to get me to the softball topic. We're back at it again this year, Dyno Nobel is coming to a field near you. This year, we have a little change though. Instead of the co-ed format we've done the past two years, this season we'll be doing an all guys league. A few reasons on that. One is that girls in my area aren't too reliable for showing up when you need them for games. It's just true, nothing I'm mad about, but when I drive 45 minutes to a game, I want to know for sure we have enough people. All aren't unreliable, but when you get enough of them not showing on the regular, it turns into a problem. Also, our best girl from the past few years as far as talent goes, she's pregnant this year, so that's our out. Instead of using wooden bats like we had been in the past leagues, this season we bust out the metal and onto a larger field. To be honest, I think we'll get our brains bashed in the league this year when we had success the past few years in the co-ed setup. I hope I'm definitely wrong on that, but that's my first impression. Either way, I'm still pumped to do my thing out there and just have fun with it all. I bring no power to the plate, but I just want to put the speed to good use in the field and running like a chicken with my head cut off around the basepaths. As an old man at 30, I still have my quickness and don't get tired running, so hopefully that lasts for a few more years until I'm crippled. I'll be sure to give some updates on the team as we go. The main question will be, will some of our guys get ejected from games or even kicked out of the league like in last year's epic season? Stay tuned!

I typed the last paragraph up a day or two ago. Thursday night rolls around and it's time for Dyno Nobel to get the softball season started. We have about 16 guys on the roster, so it'll be a tough thing to manage, but we'll be good enough to rotate to where everyone gets their reps in. Then in some weeks, everyone won't show up of course, so you have to prepare for that. I won't bore anyone with a rundown of the roster yet, but we did get a game in against Paradise Lake. That sounds like a strip club, but it ended up being a muddy mess out there. We had a downpour of rain for at least half of the game and it was actually a blast to play in. I'm a neat freak, but when it comes to playing ball, I'm down for the mud. We had the first game of the night on Liberatore Field, so I doubt the umps wanted to cancel the night off the start. Instead, they let us play through the rough conditions, fine by us. We ended up losing 7-6, but it was a hard fought game. We didn't get our brains bashed in yet as I first predicted. Everyone was playing different spots and I tried out catcher for the first time in my life probably. I figured I'd hate that, but it turned out to be fairly fun. It gave me an excuse to talk to the upcoming batters and BS around with the ump. For the local guys and Lobstah message board crew, the ump was tearing into some Danny Granger Select for whatever that's worth. In the first inning, I was surely into outfield mode. There was a popup in foul territory that I could've got to, but I froze and just looked it at and joked that I am normally used to looking into the field and not from that direction behind the plate. That set the tone and we'd be able to joke around, yet be serious to win at the same time. I want to win as much as the next guy, but I'm going to have as much fun as I can in doing it too. At the plate, 2-3 with 2 singles of course. My goal is usually to just hit the ball on the ground and run like a madman to get on first base. My 3rd at bat, I put into the air too high and that's how it goes, but I was happy enough with my performance. After the first game, I really like the bunch of guys we have on the team this year, it should be a fun ride. How can you go wrong by having guys on the team with such names as Vito, Rory, Mule, and Cork? The answer? You can't.

After the game, I hit up Buffalo Wild Wings. Who was in attendance? I get a kick out of doing a roll call for some reason, plus it gives the readers a chance to get nosy into my business. We rolled 8 deep with people such as Posey, Scherri, Big Kaiden, Kierstn, Clinten, Zoomba Ashley, Neighbor Ashley, and myself. I also have another neighbor named Ashley across the road, plus a different Ashley came and talked to us at our table. The moral of this story? Chances are that no matter where you are, you'll be close to an Ashley. I like the setup of the restaurant, but it's always way too loud and packed for me. I did get to watch the epic Celtics/Bulls Game 6 which went to triple overtime. Did you know that in 4 of the 6 games so far in this series that we had two that went into one overtime, one that went into double, and last game which went into triple. If this series doesn't cause me to have a heart attack, nothing might. Game 7 in Boston, Saturday night!

Anyways, back to wing talk. I'll set this straight for everyone and maybe you'll see it differently. Fine if you do, but it's pretty simple to me and my crew. I guess at BW3 (I'm not up there a lot, so I could be wrong on this) that Tuesday and Thursday is Wing Night. Imagine that, Wing Night at a wing restaurant? Isn't every night technically Wing Night? That's not the argument though. First, most of us are ordering our wings and since I hate being greasy, boneless is the way to go. As a sidenote, this was directly after the game and me and Posey roll in with mud all over us and probably smelling like Jesco White, but we didn't care. I order a thing of 8 honey BBQ wings and a salad, both were pretty good. I planned to order 4 of the teriyaki wings and 4 honey, but apparently on that night you have to order 5 of one kind before they'd consider that. You serious? You just throw the wings in a shaker of sauce, if you want 1 wing a certain way, you should have that right. So since I wanted 4 of each, I couldn't do that and since I had 8 total, I couldn't break it up, so it was all honey. They rocked, but still. Also, they wanted to charge us 50 cents on these nights for a little container of bleu cheese, ranch, or what you prefer. I'm not mad about the money thing, it's just the principle. 50 cents for something that probably costs them a penny to serve, if that? Get out of here with that garbage. After talking my way around that, the waitress chick didn't charge us. It shouldn't have even been an argument. I still ended up tipping the people nice since that's what I do, but don't try to pull one over on us by some petty rule with your wing system and sauces.

We're back with an update of CDs to let everyone know about..

Bizzy Bone: Back With The Thugz. I need to go back and count up the percentage of CD updates that I write about that includes a Bone member. After putting out so much stuff, it seems to get jumbled and you can't tell a lot of difference. I still like the crew though. Songs to get? Shooting At Me featuring Capone-E, the album title Back With The Thugz, and That's Why Thugs Never Cry.

J. Holiday: Round 2. We go to some R&B flow with these tracks. I think this guy is talented, I still prefer my rap over this stuff, but it's worth checking out. I like that he doesn't have a ton of people on his CD here. Since this more or less comes into things I'd recommend you check out, I'll continue that trend. Let's go with Make That Sound, Sing 2 You, and my favorite which would be Fall.

Jim Jones: Pray IV Reign. Of course when you're dealing with Diplomats, you get the same style of music every time. It rarely changes. Also, everyone and their brother is on this thing such as Chink Santana, Luda, Busta, Juelz, Ron Browz, and Rell just to name a few. Go with How To Be a Boss that has Luda and Busta on it, Blow The Bank with Oshy that has a R&B feel, and one you've heard is Na Na Nana Na Na.

Slim Thug: Boss Of All Bosses. The best of my latest CDs here, this one delivers in a major way. I've talked about I Run before and it's one of the better singles I've heard in quite a while. Associates with Z-Ro and J-Dawg and we can end with Hard with the legendary Scarface. I'm not sure there's anything bad on this entire thing.

Young Dru: Block Star. We go to the Bay Area for this production, so I'm instantly a fan of the style. Jams you might consider are Prince of the V, Yadida Whaa Whaa with Keak Da Sneak and Messy Marv, and a third to get? Nobody Flyer Than Me. If anyone cares, this is a white boy. It doesn't matter to me, but you don't see many of your whitey rappers come from the Yay Area.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: I think we have some potential here with this week's girl. Arizona Jas is back to give us something to talk about. In the words of Jas, "she may not have millions of pictures, but what she does have are quality". Even better, we have some quotes from the dirty herself on her page and it's too funny. Here are some gems, taken verbatim: "First thangs first f**k u cause u aint me. I'm a nice person to talk to and to get to no bkut once ya f**k wit me than is ova. Yea some of yall didnt thank that i would make it but i didnt do dis for yall hoes i did dis for me. I dont f**k wit that many hoes cause they sensational. For all u haten ass hoes, bkitch boosie told ya if u lookin for me i aint hard to find." I'd say this girl has some pent up aggression. Check her out though, we can laugh at the stuff she says, but overall, this isn't a lame dirty who has no business with pics, we're going with quality this week, thanks Jas:

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: This guy gets interviewed after getting zapped by a tazer. "I saw them little stars like I told you. And then I fell flat on my face and dirt all in my mouth. You don't wanna deal with that tazer, trust me. If you was to get your ass whipped by a police officer, take that ass whippin'. Don't take that tazer man, I'm telling you."

3 Quick Thangs:

1. I don't normally check cheesy emails that I'd have no use for, but I did try one of those math deals that end up telling your age. If you have a minute, here's one to try.. First, pick the number of times a week that you'd like to have chocolate (more than once, but less than 10). Next, multiply this number by 2. Now, add 5. The next step is to multiply 50. If you have already had your birthday this year, add 1759. If not, add 1758. Now, subtract the 4-digit year you were born. You should end with a 3-digit number. The first digit shows your original number and the next two numbers are your age. Not too shabby.

2. Ok, what can it hurt? Possibly my favorite Jesco White moment of all time and it's probably even been in the blog before, but this is his message to his wife for how she cooks eggs:

3. One of the facts of the day comes to us from across the waters and we go to Germany. Kristen has one to let everyone know about: A can of SPAM is opened every 4 seconds. Who knew? I sure didn't.