Saturday, May 02, 2009

Jesco On Coke, Muddy Softball, & Hot Nurses

We're into a week and a half since the last post. It goes in stages, you know how I do. For the most part though, I'm pretty consistent and you can be sure to get a post every week or not much longer after that. May has also jumped in on us and in about 3 weeks, I will have been rocking this place out for 5 years. It definitely doesn't seem that long to me, but it seems fairly crazy when I think about it. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing, but it's still fun to ramble on about anything and everything. In this issue, what can you expect? I will review the over-the-top movie Crank 2, fighting the swine flu, hot nurses, the infamous Jesco White, Dyno Nobel softball back in action, chicken wings, new CDs, and much much more. Ok, time to get into our business..

Movie review time and this one is so outrageous I'm not sure which way to go with it. The movie in question? Crank 2. Everyone who reads my movie reviews knows that I'm a huge Jason Statham fan and I'm not sure I've seen a bad movie with him as one of the main stars. I went to the theater to see the first and loved it. This one, where do I begin? I was taking some notes as I watched (weird, I know), but check out the first 25 minutes. You'll think I'm making this stuff up, but I'm definitely not. Chev Chelios, the character Statham plays, he comes back to life. He has an artificial heart placed into him with a backup machine that supposedly will only last him an hour. The "bad guys" want to see him slowly die. One of the first things he does is charge his "heart" by having jumper cables hooked up to him. A Japanese guy (Johnny Vang) has his actual heart and is on the run with it in a box. Chelios finds him in a whorehouse and Chev ends up saving this dirty's life. She leads him to Vang again who has since left to go to a tittie bar. Chelios finds his ex chick dancing on stage and he goes to her, she thought he was dead. She ends up fighting the girl and there begins a shootout at the bar. That's just the first 25 minutes and then we get cops coming to the bar. Chelios fights them and gets tazered, which gives him more energy. They find Vang yet again, this time at a horse track as he's there betting. While a race is going on, Chelios and his chick are on the track in front of everyone and he uses her to get friction for energy. You can guess how that ended up. Yep, more energy for Chev. Then later? He puts a dog collar on him that he steals from guys in the park and zaps himself, more energy. This stuff is so over-the-top unbelievable that it takes it to a whole new level than you've ever seen. I know you're confused reading that, which is why you need to watch the movie and that was just the beginning. It's so bad that it's good, one of those. A super tough movie for me to grade, but I'll give it 6.3 energy boosts out of 10 and that is due to being a Statham fan or it'd be much lower. IMDB somehow gave it a 7.5, which I think is high, but I could see ratings of this movie being all over the place. Watch this just for the experience, words do it no justice.

I was down and out with the flu for a few days last week. I rarely take off work, but had to leave work one day early and took the next off. I went back a day early and should've taken another off, but I'll never learn. I was rolling with a 101+ fever and then decided I'd hit up the doctors. As I go in, the doctor asks if someone brought me. I wasn't sure what he was going to do based on that question, but luckily mom drove me for this one. He said that since someone was able to drive me home, that he'd hook me up to some IVs and bring me back to life, a la Chev Chelios. The nurses come in to take care of me and it doesn't hurt things one bit when you get hot nurses. That's an underrated thing for sure. One of the nurses, while I was hooked up to an IV asked if I wanted a blanket over me since she said I'd be getting really cold soon. Then she asked if I wanted the lights turned down while I was in there. Did I stumble across Johnny Vang's lifestyle instead of going to the doctors? I can't make this stuff up. Strange, but I didn't mind the nurses and the IVs. By the time I was out of there, I was back to normal and the flu was defeated in another day or so.

The West Virginia people will know all about this next topic and I've even talked a good bit about this legend in the blog over the years. The man I'm about to give some updates on is Boone County's finest, Jesco White. Depending on who you talk to in the state, you'll get various opinions on the man, the myth, the legend known as the Dancing Outlaw. It puts a horrible light on our state, but how much worse can it possibly get with the image we are already portrayed as? I say just go with it and have fun with the situation instead of having it bother me like it does some. Anyways, Jesco is somewhat of a cult icon, you either love him or hate him around here. I can't get enough of the dude personally and his antics crack me up. I don't know how many times Dad has watched all of his old videos which most in the state have at least seen, but I'd guess at least 150 times. Anyways, Jesco is in the news again for a few reasons. One is a tie-in with Johnny Knoxville. Yes, that Knoxville of Jackass fame. Now the nation is about to find out about Jesco. Knoxville has done a documentary entitled The Wild And Wonderful Whites of West Virginia. Watch the trailer for this just to get an idea of the guy. It still doesn't do any of his older videos credit, but it's pure entertainment. To people not in West Virginia, it might even be confusing and you may not catch the humor the rest of us do. The first woman they interview, Posey's wife Scherri (who is from Jesco Land), she used to ride to church with that woman or some story near that. That's bonus points alone, but people from down there aren't the biggest Jesco fans. Corndog found this link for me last week and it's time to show it off for you to enjoy: Also, a few days ago, Jesco was arrested for a cocaine charge and his mug shots are up all over the internet. If you do one thing, order some of his older DVDs, you won't be disappointed.

I never learn with my sleep schedule. Maybe that's what ended up with me getting the swine flu last week. Tuesday night, I was up till 4:00 for some reason doing absolutely nothing of importance. I then wake up for work at 6:00 and have a good day in that sense. I go home, have a big workout and then run a few miles. After that, I go hit up our softball practice and didn't lose a bit of energy. Weird how that works, but that's a good break to get me to the softball topic. We're back at it again this year, Dyno Nobel is coming to a field near you. This year, we have a little change though. Instead of the co-ed format we've done the past two years, this season we'll be doing an all guys league. A few reasons on that. One is that girls in my area aren't too reliable for showing up when you need them for games. It's just true, nothing I'm mad about, but when I drive 45 minutes to a game, I want to know for sure we have enough people. All aren't unreliable, but when you get enough of them not showing on the regular, it turns into a problem. Also, our best girl from the past few years as far as talent goes, she's pregnant this year, so that's our out. Instead of using wooden bats like we had been in the past leagues, this season we bust out the metal and onto a larger field. To be honest, I think we'll get our brains bashed in the league this year when we had success the past few years in the co-ed setup. I hope I'm definitely wrong on that, but that's my first impression. Either way, I'm still pumped to do my thing out there and just have fun with it all. I bring no power to the plate, but I just want to put the speed to good use in the field and running like a chicken with my head cut off around the basepaths. As an old man at 30, I still have my quickness and don't get tired running, so hopefully that lasts for a few more years until I'm crippled. I'll be sure to give some updates on the team as we go. The main question will be, will some of our guys get ejected from games or even kicked out of the league like in last year's epic season? Stay tuned!

I typed the last paragraph up a day or two ago. Thursday night rolls around and it's time for Dyno Nobel to get the softball season started. We have about 16 guys on the roster, so it'll be a tough thing to manage, but we'll be good enough to rotate to where everyone gets their reps in. Then in some weeks, everyone won't show up of course, so you have to prepare for that. I won't bore anyone with a rundown of the roster yet, but we did get a game in against Paradise Lake. That sounds like a strip club, but it ended up being a muddy mess out there. We had a downpour of rain for at least half of the game and it was actually a blast to play in. I'm a neat freak, but when it comes to playing ball, I'm down for the mud. We had the first game of the night on Liberatore Field, so I doubt the umps wanted to cancel the night off the start. Instead, they let us play through the rough conditions, fine by us. We ended up losing 7-6, but it was a hard fought game. We didn't get our brains bashed in yet as I first predicted. Everyone was playing different spots and I tried out catcher for the first time in my life probably. I figured I'd hate that, but it turned out to be fairly fun. It gave me an excuse to talk to the upcoming batters and BS around with the ump. For the local guys and Lobstah message board crew, the ump was tearing into some Danny Granger Select for whatever that's worth. In the first inning, I was surely into outfield mode. There was a popup in foul territory that I could've got to, but I froze and just looked it at and joked that I am normally used to looking into the field and not from that direction behind the plate. That set the tone and we'd be able to joke around, yet be serious to win at the same time. I want to win as much as the next guy, but I'm going to have as much fun as I can in doing it too. At the plate, 2-3 with 2 singles of course. My goal is usually to just hit the ball on the ground and run like a madman to get on first base. My 3rd at bat, I put into the air too high and that's how it goes, but I was happy enough with my performance. After the first game, I really like the bunch of guys we have on the team this year, it should be a fun ride. How can you go wrong by having guys on the team with such names as Vito, Rory, Mule, and Cork? The answer? You can't.

After the game, I hit up Buffalo Wild Wings. Who was in attendance? I get a kick out of doing a roll call for some reason, plus it gives the readers a chance to get nosy into my business. We rolled 8 deep with people such as Posey, Scherri, Big Kaiden, Kierstn, Clinten, Zoomba Ashley, Neighbor Ashley, and myself. I also have another neighbor named Ashley across the road, plus a different Ashley came and talked to us at our table. The moral of this story? Chances are that no matter where you are, you'll be close to an Ashley. I like the setup of the restaurant, but it's always way too loud and packed for me. I did get to watch the epic Celtics/Bulls Game 6 which went to triple overtime. Did you know that in 4 of the 6 games so far in this series that we had two that went into one overtime, one that went into double, and last game which went into triple. If this series doesn't cause me to have a heart attack, nothing might. Game 7 in Boston, Saturday night!

Anyways, back to wing talk. I'll set this straight for everyone and maybe you'll see it differently. Fine if you do, but it's pretty simple to me and my crew. I guess at BW3 (I'm not up there a lot, so I could be wrong on this) that Tuesday and Thursday is Wing Night. Imagine that, Wing Night at a wing restaurant? Isn't every night technically Wing Night? That's not the argument though. First, most of us are ordering our wings and since I hate being greasy, boneless is the way to go. As a sidenote, this was directly after the game and me and Posey roll in with mud all over us and probably smelling like Jesco White, but we didn't care. I order a thing of 8 honey BBQ wings and a salad, both were pretty good. I planned to order 4 of the teriyaki wings and 4 honey, but apparently on that night you have to order 5 of one kind before they'd consider that. You serious? You just throw the wings in a shaker of sauce, if you want 1 wing a certain way, you should have that right. So since I wanted 4 of each, I couldn't do that and since I had 8 total, I couldn't break it up, so it was all honey. They rocked, but still. Also, they wanted to charge us 50 cents on these nights for a little container of bleu cheese, ranch, or what you prefer. I'm not mad about the money thing, it's just the principle. 50 cents for something that probably costs them a penny to serve, if that? Get out of here with that garbage. After talking my way around that, the waitress chick didn't charge us. It shouldn't have even been an argument. I still ended up tipping the people nice since that's what I do, but don't try to pull one over on us by some petty rule with your wing system and sauces.

We're back with an update of CDs to let everyone know about..

Bizzy Bone: Back With The Thugz. I need to go back and count up the percentage of CD updates that I write about that includes a Bone member. After putting out so much stuff, it seems to get jumbled and you can't tell a lot of difference. I still like the crew though. Songs to get? Shooting At Me featuring Capone-E, the album title Back With The Thugz, and That's Why Thugs Never Cry.

J. Holiday: Round 2. We go to some R&B flow with these tracks. I think this guy is talented, I still prefer my rap over this stuff, but it's worth checking out. I like that he doesn't have a ton of people on his CD here. Since this more or less comes into things I'd recommend you check out, I'll continue that trend. Let's go with Make That Sound, Sing 2 You, and my favorite which would be Fall.

Jim Jones: Pray IV Reign. Of course when you're dealing with Diplomats, you get the same style of music every time. It rarely changes. Also, everyone and their brother is on this thing such as Chink Santana, Luda, Busta, Juelz, Ron Browz, and Rell just to name a few. Go with How To Be a Boss that has Luda and Busta on it, Blow The Bank with Oshy that has a R&B feel, and one you've heard is Na Na Nana Na Na.

Slim Thug: Boss Of All Bosses. The best of my latest CDs here, this one delivers in a major way. I've talked about I Run before and it's one of the better singles I've heard in quite a while. Associates with Z-Ro and J-Dawg and we can end with Hard with the legendary Scarface. I'm not sure there's anything bad on this entire thing.

Young Dru: Block Star. We go to the Bay Area for this production, so I'm instantly a fan of the style. Jams you might consider are Prince of the V, Yadida Whaa Whaa with Keak Da Sneak and Messy Marv, and a third to get? Nobody Flyer Than Me. If anyone cares, this is a white boy. It doesn't matter to me, but you don't see many of your whitey rappers come from the Yay Area.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: I think we have some potential here with this week's girl. Arizona Jas is back to give us something to talk about. In the words of Jas, "she may not have millions of pictures, but what she does have are quality". Even better, we have some quotes from the dirty herself on her page and it's too funny. Here are some gems, taken verbatim: "First thangs first f**k u cause u aint me. I'm a nice person to talk to and to get to no bkut once ya f**k wit me than is ova. Yea some of yall didnt thank that i would make it but i didnt do dis for yall hoes i did dis for me. I dont f**k wit that many hoes cause they sensational. For all u haten ass hoes, bkitch boosie told ya if u lookin for me i aint hard to find." I'd say this girl has some pent up aggression. Check her out though, we can laugh at the stuff she says, but overall, this isn't a lame dirty who has no business with pics, we're going with quality this week, thanks Jas:

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: This guy gets interviewed after getting zapped by a tazer. "I saw them little stars like I told you. And then I fell flat on my face and dirt all in my mouth. You don't wanna deal with that tazer, trust me. If you was to get your ass whipped by a police officer, take that ass whippin'. Don't take that tazer man, I'm telling you."

3 Quick Thangs:

1. I don't normally check cheesy emails that I'd have no use for, but I did try one of those math deals that end up telling your age. If you have a minute, here's one to try.. First, pick the number of times a week that you'd like to have chocolate (more than once, but less than 10). Next, multiply this number by 2. Now, add 5. The next step is to multiply 50. If you have already had your birthday this year, add 1759. If not, add 1758. Now, subtract the 4-digit year you were born. You should end with a 3-digit number. The first digit shows your original number and the next two numbers are your age. Not too shabby.

2. Ok, what can it hurt? Possibly my favorite Jesco White moment of all time and it's probably even been in the blog before, but this is his message to his wife for how she cooks eggs:

3. One of the facts of the day comes to us from across the waters and we go to Germany. Kristen has one to let everyone know about: A can of SPAM is opened every 4 seconds. Who knew? I sure didn't.


Kristen said...

5 years man...that's good stuff..

love some muddy softball now...we got caught in a dang monsoon at practice last night..went to the gas station afterwards, and this guy was like "what the hell happened to you??!", cause i had mud all over me. Softball punk, i aint trying to impress you...i'm trying to get the damn ball! :)

quality dirty, and just thought the spam thing was good stuff..:)

ManDingo said...

What's with the random C.T. pic with no explanation that I saw? He's going to pepper your sauce.

Bird33 said...

No real reason with the CT thing. I figured I like random and you can't go wrong with CT at any time, especially when he has one of his roid rages.

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