Thursday, April 29, 2010

"Lenny Kravitz, only with cholesterol added and talent subtracted."

It's time for another edition for the folks to read upon. This will be the last of the April blogs. Next month we'll have hit six years, but I'll talk more about that when the actual date comes. Anything else happening? Of course we're going to start out with a movie, then get into Idol which I haven't talked about much this year. This Idol report features some classic comments from a buddy of mine on last week's talent, the ever imfamous DerekHood. Even if you're not an Idol fan or don't watch, his stuff will have you cracking up. We'll also touch base on softball season opening soon for our crew and thoughts on Ben Roethlisberger, even though that story has been beat into the ground. Not beat into the ground Jersey Shore style by beating up the beat, but you know where I'm getting at. I'm not biting my fingernails now? Upcoming movies? We hit all of that, it's time to get business started..

It's time for another movie review. Saturday night at the scenic Meadowbrook Mall's cinema. What'd we end up seeing on this night? The Back-Up Plan. You've seen the previews if you aren't sure of the movie based on name. It's the Jennifer Lopez flick with not very many others I recognized in it. This is also going to be a tough review for me to do. How so? I'm not even sure how to classify the type of movie this is. Whip and I agreed it wouldn't be in the chick flick category, I can handle those. This one is a total girly movie though for the most part, I can't see too many guys being pumped for this one. A quick plot rundown is that J-Lo can't find the right guy and has been wanting a baby, so she goes to a donor shop to become pregnant. I didn't think it was bad though, but I'm sure girls would like it much more than I did. A funny cameo in this one was Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer. He had me laughing good in a few parts. Another role I was big on was Anthony Anderson. He didn't have a huge part, but you can't ever go wrong with his comedy, one of the funniest guys out there if you ask me. J-Lo looked good and she'll be 41 in July, kind of surprising. During this movie a few weird things went down. One couple brought in a tiny baby. I could see if this was an early movie. This movie started at 10:10. Yep, you guessed it, this baby was crying its eyes out, imagine that. Come on now. I don't even have to give my thoughts on that one. Another piece in the crowd was this guy behind us a bit who was out cold for practically the entire movie. Everyone could hear him snoring too, I'm surprised someone didn't walk up the aisle and crack him in the teeth, but I kept my patience as good as I could. Again, from a guy's perspective, this is a tough grade. I'm going to go 6.2 artificially inseminated girls out of 10. IMDB is bashing it, they have it at 4.2 out of 10 as of Wednesday. Ouch.

I haven't commented much on American Idol this season. I'm watching every episode still, so no worries there. Now that we're down to a handful of people, it's time to give an update of what I think of each and if they have much potential to win this thing. I'll also list some comments from the infamous DerekHood about last week's episode, as he's unique in his style and will let you know what he thinks in a humorous way. Also, his comments are uncensored, be ready. Consider yourselves warned. Even if you don't like Idol, you still might enjoy this little section before I move onto other things.

Bowersox: To me, she's on a completely different level of talent than the rest of this bunch. She's not your typical Idol style potential winner though, but I think that will be able to help her as we get to these final weeks. She's been my #1 seed since the beginning of this thing, so we'll see what goes down. It seems like they've done a little coloring on her teeth. Early on, her teeth in HD were all yellow and ugh. Derek, what do you have to say? "Bowersox was decent, but that decent was the performance of the night. She rolled out the 4/20 special mic stand, cried a little, had some forced cleavage and revealed a shitty back tattoo and paraded her white trash dad in front of the cameras. It was all a pile of shit."

Casey: All the chicks seem to be rooting for this dude. He has the greasy long hair and a guitar, so apparently that gets it done. Kara also drools over this dude or did in the beginning. I think he's a good talent, although his last few weeks he's slacked a bit on his song choices. I don't see him winning the title though, but there's enough time that he can change that around. I like his songs better with the guitar as with not. Derek's thoughts on Casey last week? "He was probably busy huffing smoke out of tubesox's mic stand bong all week to give a fuck to try to pick anything that required effort. But hey, he's good at playing electric guitar so leave him alone, dudes."

Lee: I never realized how tiny Lee was until he was next to Alicia Keys last week. Alicia was looking great by the way, even if she is way tall or so it seemed on TV. Talent wise, I think Lee is very good and seems to have a legit shot at this when all is over with. He has that rough gravely voice to an extent and plays it off well. Definitely not the same look, but I see a bit of Daughtry out of him or maybe Nickelback, Pearl Jam, or groups along that line. Derek? "Lee DeWyze got his coin purse licked by all the judges and all he did was go up there and sing "lalalaliellliillilillili there's a boxer lalalalallililililili" for two minutes. That's a moment? A moment I would like back."

Big Mike: Musically, I don't think he's top notch. He's good, but not going to shock the world with his voice. Personality wise, this dude has the tools for sure. I, like a lot of other people were surprised when he got booted a few weeks back, but they did use the save on him. I'm also convinced Big Mike's arms weigh more than my entire total body weight. That doesn't say a lot, but still. People like this guy. Derek with some choice words about Mike: "Titties Lynche went off the rails trying, for some god-awful reason, to recreate a Chad Kroeger/Nickelback/Whatever shitpile. That wasn't very good at all. It could have been, if he'd kept it simple and soft but no sir ... he had to show us he's a fucking rocker. It's like Lenny Kravitz, only with cholesterol added and talent subtracted."

Aaron Kelly: R. Kelly? Well, he did a Kells song last week if that counts. This kid is 16 (17 now, he corrected the judges this week) and he's an annoying little midget to me. I'll give him a bit of credit that he does have a voice. He doesn't have much else however. I just hope this goofball doesn't go much farther, he doesn't bring much to the table in my mind, but I could be in the minority. Derek gives his candid comments on Aaron, not for the weak hearted folks: "What's up with his hair? He looks like a goofy cloning failure of Brandon Walsh that got left in the dryer too long and shrunk up. Get a haircut, lose the gel, lose the makeup, lose your virginity to a man, and leave the fucking show. But hey it's country time next week, right in his wheelhouse, and Tim is gone so he'll get a larger chunk of the 'tween votes and the votes from fat old women who are reminded of their grandson when they see his AIDS-in-waiting ass up there on stage. So hooray for more Aaron."

Siobhan Magnus: Is this a made up name? It has to be, right? Anyways, this chick scores insanely high on the unique factor. It doesn't seem like many people care for her at all, at least of my crew, but she's hanging on each week. Singing ability, I think this girl is one of the best of the bunch. That's probably not saying much though. She's a weirdo though, but to each their own. Derek, you still there? "Magnus ... whatever. She needs to STFU. I don't want to hear her talk for five minutes after the judges have talked for 10, only to have the rest of the show be done in double time to make up for it. Don't let that weird bitch talk. She has nothing worthwhile to say and her lisp is irritating and her eyes are creepy as hell. And she has fangs. There is a pentagram tattoo somewhere on that girl's body." *Last night, she was the one cut for anyone that hasn't seen or is in a cave.

It's almost softball season, it's right around the corner. The past three years as you know, I was part of the Morgantown leagues as I played for Mario's Fish Bowl for a year and two years we were sponsored by Dyno Nobel. This year, we're moving shop to Fairmont and going to rip Windmill Park apart, or so we think anyways. We're sponsored by Gutter Connection and have a lot of the same crew we've been running with for the most part and then added some youth to the mix this season. I'm sure I'll have updates to bore you all on as the season goes on all summer long. If nothing else, we're going to look the sharpest in the league with our custom made New Era fitted hats, jerseys with a roided out dude swinging a gutter, and gear is pimped out. The past three years we've been in leagues where we had restrictions on the bats we can use. I'm excited this year that those restrictions are now pulled. I bought a few bats this year and one I'm loving as it's a green Easton Synergy Reveal. 34 inches, 27 ounces, it's crazy light and twice as good as the bats we've used in the past. I do miss the first year where we played in a wooden bat format though, that was fun. The other bat I have is a green Easton Cyclone, 34 inch, 27 ounces. It's a cheap bat that I bought just for the fun of it, but the Synergy is the real deal. Anyways, next week, season opens for the Gutter Sluts!

It's well after the fact, but I might as well give some opinions on Big Ben Roethlisberger. Is this guy a knucklehead? Sure. Has he made mistakes off the field? Definitely. One thing I don't get. You're a pro athlete. I don't care how ugly, weird, or whatever a person may be, you should never have problems getting chicks, ever. To the point that you have to get a chick in the bathroom and have your boys stand in front of the door on guard at a club? Get out of here. I don't have the issue with him hanging with college girls. It's not like the dude is 50 years old. He's 28, more likely than not, he's going after younger chicks, and college chicks aren't that much younger than him. I see you working there Ben and I can't argue. I think the suspension was warranted and he deserved it for his conduct. Take the girls home next time, it's not tough Big Ben. You're famous and are always going to be watched.

Also, it'll be fun to see how much trash talk he takes from visiting teams, that's going to be worthy indeed. All of last week's "rumors" of the Steelers trading this guy? I never believed that for a second, although I guess it could happen as with any player. Some sports fans act like a 2-time Super Bowl champion who is durable, accurate, and a consistent winner grows on trees. If he keeps this behavior up, maybe down the line, but for now, I personally think Pittsburgh would be stupid to trade him. It's football, not a choir group. Maybe my thoughts will change on this, but on the field, the guy delivers. He's just got to grow up off of it.

I'm currently on one of the longest stints of my life of not biting my fingernails. It's a terrible habit I've had basically for as long as I can remember. I can't stay still the way it is, so I'm always going to town on my nails. I've heard all the suggestions of what to do to beat it (like I'm a druggie in rehab or something), but none seem to do much. I've heard people say to put that gunk on my nails so when I bite them, it'd taste nasty. That wouldn't change much on my end. If I'm not biting them, I'm constantly picking at them like I'm nervous 24/7. I don't feel nervous anyways, maybe I'm just tense all the time and don't relax well. Either that or way hyper. To my knowledge, I've not used nail clippers ever on my fingernails. Yes, hard to believe I'm sure. Right now though, I'm moving in on a week without biting them, easily an all-time record. It's been a challenge for sure. By the time you've all read this, I'll probably have bitten all of them down to little nubs and blood coming out, you know how it goes.

It's been fairly quiet lately as far as movies that I'm wanting to see, but the upcoming ones seem worthy. Here's just a small list of things I'm interested in. Whether I see them or not before they come out on DVD, it's hard to tell. What are they? Robin Hood, just due to I doubt Russell Crowe can make a bad movie of that type. Just Wright seems decent due to the basketball tie-in, plus it has Common in it, hopefully he delivers it up. I can't see this being a big seller though, but who knows. Shrek Forever After. Yep, everyone has seen Shrek and has probably liked at least a bit of it. I admit, you can't really go wrong with those types of movies. It's a good change and this one looks interesting for sure. Those are all in the next month. The Karate Kid opens on June 11th and the Twilight people, Eclipse busts out on June 30th. For seeing both of the first two movies and reading all of the books, I've never seen one of these movies at the theater though for whatever that's worth.

Bird's Dirty of the Week
: I haven't put these up on a regular basis lately. One is that not many people it seems anymore are hardcore into MySpace. I know I'm not, I rarely ever even log into mine anyone and haven't made updates in ages, so I basically don't use it. It's more of a Facebook and Twitter era now it seems, although I'm sure that will jump the shark eventually too. Either way, we have a submission and it comes to us from a regular, Kristen in Florida. That's the same Kristen in Germany and soon to be Kristen in Alabama. Yep, confusing. This girl in the submission is from Panama City, Florida. She says she's ready for a new start. Is the new start as a stripper? What was the old life like? I digress. Some interesting pics to say the least. She's not shy. I just wish we had some classic quotes to go with this page to make it even better. Here's the link:

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: I was talking to good ol' Corndog and he asked if I've ever seen the Chapstick video? He sends the link and I've never seen it before and he was wondering how we've never seen it as much as we're online. Some slip through the cracks. Hopefully not everyone has seen it already, but who knows. Anyways, this is so bad it's good. "Where's the Chapstick?!" Yes, you know you're doing those stupid sounds as you sit next to your computer. And as this chick says at the end as she finds it, "I need to get a life." Apparently we do too, but anyways, this is good stuff. Or maybe it's our weird sense of humor.

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Random, but I'm becoming a bigger fan of sushi by the day. I'm willing to try most kinds of foods at least to see how it is. I like to switch it up when I order at a restaurant too. Sushi has been a hit lately and I see that staying in the regular rotation. Opinions on it are either you hate it or love it, no in between. My favorites early on are the Spider Roll which has soft shell crab inside mixed with other things and also an Alaskan Roll. Mmmmm, good stuff right there.

2. A month after Easter and I still have a ton of Cadbury Eggs left. Gotta stock em up like crazy since they don't sell them all year long. I never understood that one. Put em in the fridge and you can't go wrong, quality eats. Yep, I'll never grow up with my love of candy.

3. Tweet of the Day? Our winner is going to be Joe Rogan, comedian and UFC announcer. "Top 10 worst staph infections in MMA history: FUUUUUUCK!!" If you have a weak stomach, some of these pics might not be the best for you. These are messed up.


Ms. Jazzie said...

By the title I thought it was about Precious since Lenny was in the movie.

I hold you responsible for that minute and 53 sec of my life that I wondered about that poor girl and her poor beat making skills along with wondering where the hell my chapstick was.

Big Ben! No way he is only 28?! Did someone hit him with the ugly and aging stick? Kid looks like he is 50! UGH! Big Ben is overrated and the Steelers had NO business winning the 09 Super Bowl... total FAIL!

I am getting back into things and I look forward to more blogs! :) I know your ass missed me!

Corndog said...

Those MMA pics are Turrible!!!

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