Sunday, July 16, 2006

Olive Garden, Sex Toys, & Insanity

We're back for another episode of what goes down in Shinnston. I hope to have a little bit in here for everyone as I always try to do. The things we'll tangle this time around deal with an Olive Garden trip with my crew, me being bored and shopping for stupid things, baseball cards, sex toys (more on that later and I know you're interested), fantasy football approaching, and the other unusual happenings.. Let's go..

I'll start with some recent things. Saturday night some of us planned to go to a Pirates game. With the day approaching, there was a 60% chance of rain and I was getting too many maybe commitments rather than a solid yes or no. That's when Ozzie asked if I wanted to hit up Olive Garden with the crew instead. Sure, why not. It got me out of the house for one and I was intrigued. We get to the new one in Morgantown around 6:20 or so. The place is an absolute madhouse, but I guess that's somewhat expected for what time we got there. Anyways, we find out that we have to wait 85 minutes just to be seated. What?? I'm not the most patient guy in the world, but I was also on a schedule that I didn't have anything else to do, so I might as well tough it out with the crowd that was already outside waiting like two stray dogs fighting over a piece of meat.

We get in and sit down and I'm liking the atmosphere. I've been to Olive Garden a few times before, but this was most of our first times hitting up the Morgantown action that had been opened for about a month. The owner? His name is Dom Guillermo. That sounds like a Mafia movie name, that can't be real can it? Anyways, I like it. Who was in attendance? 8 of us: Fortney, Abbey, Ozzie, Matt Mills, Kari and her man Matt (who fits in good with the family now that I find out he's a big rap fan, plus he drove us to Morgantown, props to him), Darren, and myself. We had 2 waiters/waitresses for our table. It was busy and it wasn't their fault, but they need to step it up just a bit. We had Eugene the gay dude on one end and some chick that acted way too happy to be there on the other end. Still, that made for entertainment and things for me to write about in here. The bread is an issue though. We joked that Ozzie, Kari, and myself will say what's on our mind and you don't have to wonder what we're thinking. Not in a mean way, but I just like being honest about stuff and that's what you get. Anyways, they bring out a basket of bread with 4 sticks in them for each side. That one per person. What's up with that? They're gone in like 2.4 seconds and we have to find Big Eugene and tell him to bring more back which took forever. Why not just bring like 20 out at a time? It's not like they'd go to waste. I'm talking too much on this, but it was a real good time just to tell some stories at the table and I ordered my favorite in manicotti and it was quality. Still not as good as Mom's manicotti, but this is a trip I'd do again. The prices surprised us all as it wasn't as rich boy as I expected. My bill was in the $11 range, sweet. That's like almost free.

After that, we got home around 9:30 or so. That's when the crew rolls to Fortney's place. First, I love the setup of their house, it's pimped out pretty good and all organized. Some of the guys played cards, while others were just bums and laughed at what was going on. The locals are bored reading, so I'll give the run down of who was in attendance: You get the same 8 who just got in from Olive Garden, plus AJ and Josie, Sweet Pea, Jimmy Mills, and Mudcat of the 200 nuggets fame. I don't know the exact story, so if someone there wants to make a comment and explain, have at it: But Fortney runs upstairs and gets a Gigi. Hopefully I spelled that right, but if not, it's a porn toy for a dude that basically looks like a rubber slinky with a hole in the top and yeah, you do that to it. Don't say I didn't warn ya. For as much as I've seen porn stuff like everyone and their brother out there, I've never seen one of these in person or at least held one anyways until last night. :) Fortney says it's never been used, so I'll have to take his word on that, hah. Hey, I'm all about busting out interesting stuff for the crowd. You never know what might go down. And now I might have just sparked the sales for some porn toys, I can see you all running out tonight and loading up on stuff.

Friday night I was totally bored, so what better way to cure boredom? That's right, go out and shop and spend money on things you don't really need, but you end up getting anyways. One of the first stops was Gabes and for those who haven't seen me write on that before or don't have one in your area, that's a bargain store. Bargains seem to strike me up good. If it's on sale, there's a good chance I'm going to be hooked to it and buy more clothes and shoes that I don't need. And that's what happened, but I liked my choices this time. After that, I roll to Wal-Mart, the excitement at night for people in West Virginia. I didn't even need anything, but by the time the stay was over, I needed a buggy to get out of there. Yeah, it's addicting. While in there, I bought a box of baseball cards and had a blast opening those up when I got home, even if they're worth jack squat. Fortney was also in attendance as I saw him out of nowhere and we chatted it up for a good while. I even convinced him to get some football cards. Yep, we have too much time on our hands.

I'm writing a bunch today, so I better get ready to slow my roll and start wrapping up. No, not wrapping up like the condom commercials, but putting this bad boy to a conclusion soon. Fantasy football is getting close and I'm getting excited. It's not fantasy basketball or baseball, but it works to fix the need. Next month, I could possibly have 3 different drafts. One is A#FL and that's the keeper league we have for the #basketball crew. We get to keep 3 players and mine more than likely will be Marc Bulger, Julius Jones of Notre Dame fame, and his brother Thomas Jones. Speaking of Thomas, what's up with Tom Dogg in Shinnston? Crazy things go down, it's getting gangsta in town. After that league, I'm in a college fantasy league that is also a keeper league. This one is ran by ManDingo and I like this one a lot. You can drop anyone you want at season's end if you have transactions to fill them with and obviously seniors are gone too for the following season. It's detailed and well put together. Third, I might take a spot for Fortney's money league that features 10 of the local crew. Could be some fun times, but I'll talk more on these leagues as the time comes.

As I'm typing this up, this will prove how much bum time goes down in Shinnston. Of course I don't mind being a bum, but I make it sound like I actually do something noteworthy each day. The power of words. Anyways, this wasp is flying around my room and he's up to no good. Instead of him getting the first hit of the battle, it's my time to step up and face this creature. I grab a shirt nearby and wrap it up like a baseball bat. Then he comes flying through and I try to just mangle him into pieces. After picking the right spot, he drops to my bed after a swift swing. Then with a whack, he's flopping around like he didn't know what hit him. Fun stuff. I'm mean like that. Wasp: 0, Me: 1. A winner is you!

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: (I've been hitting up the variety of chicks as I can't single out any certain group. This time I go with one that I have a connection to. No, I don't know this chick, but she's Italian and looks good, so there's my reasonm, deal with it.)

3 Quick Thangs:

1. I know I'm not in the Dirty South, but it's going to feel like it this week. 92 today, 95 tomorrow, 92 on Tuesday, and 88 on Wednesday. Ugh, forget that mess. Give me my snow back.

2. We're due for birthdays. Let's go with Monday, July 17th: Connie "The Hawk" Hawkins, one of the pioneers of dunking and great basketball players of old, turns 64. The Hoff, David Hasselhoff goes for 54. Belinda Carlisle of the Go-Go's turns 48. Scott Norwood, the goat of Super Bowl XXV is 46.

3. Congratulations time. This one goes out to my boy Spank. Yesterday, he was the winner of a local NCAA Football 2006 tournament on PlayStation 2 at GameStop. Easy win for him as I don't think anyone in the area wants a piece of him in this game, seriously. During the final game, he was up 56-0 and the guy he played tapped out like a little girl and quit. I love it. Tuesday, NCAA 2007 comes out, pimp.


Kristen said...

Hey, nice hearing about all the big stuff going on in your town again..been awol from the computer a lot recently. Anyway, have fun as always..the gigi stuff is funny.

Walz said...

What is the deal with Tom Dogg? I didn't hear anything at all, what happened?

Also thanks for saying you saw me at Wal-Mart. I see how you roll.

Bird33 said...

Tom Dogg got busted at Go-Mart for stealing money. Hasn't been to court yet, but could get interesting.