The Festivus: Wedding Spectacular!

Every so often the blog gets some pressure thrown around. This is one of those times and I've heard the request to make this blog a good one since a part of it will deal with big wedding action that went down on Saturday. Outside of that I'll talk about winning big bucks playing BINGO, chicks at the wedding, advice from Dad on who he thinks is the best husband/father out there, what Ozzie wants to do to people who smoke, the return of Harold & Kumar, Mario Kart Wii, and much much more!



I've said before that guys aren't big on weddings for the most part. I'm usually one of those that can care less and people probably know that about me. Saturday though was a wedding I actually had a good time at and wasn't hating life and wanting to go home after 15 minutes. No, I'm not saying that since it was a family wedding, but the setup was good times to be had for all. Before I get that started though, I want to step back to Friday night and bring about the good luck that I encountered while hanging out with old ladies.

What do I mean? BINGO night of course. In my early 20s or so, I'd hit up BINGO a decent bit with the crew. That shows how much there is to do in my area I guess, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't have a good time playing if you ever went. I get home from work that night and didn't have much planned. That was until Cork saved the day. He left a message for me to hit up big money action. I figured why not, it's been a while anyways. So with that, I roll to Village Square in Clarksburg (ironically, I'd be up there the next night too) with Spank in the ride and we meet up with Cork and Kristen.



My only complaint of the games were that they go way too fast. Also, if you aren't on your toes, you can get so behind that it's ridiculous. I talk enough the way it is and that made it tougher to concentrate with. For a pack of games, you're playing 12 boards at once. I'm looking around at these old ladies who can barely move and they're straight rockin' it out. To me, it's difficult to keep track of that many. I guess they'd say the same thing about video games, but I tried to hold my own. Speaking of, I saw this one woman who had to be at least 80 and was doing it up big on a cellphone. You serious? I'm the only person on the planet who doesn't really use one and here's this old fogey just zipping through it.

So we go to a non smoking room. That's a plus on the night already for that alone. Back in the day when we'd play, we had to be around dirty smokers with it burning our eyes and we'd get out of there smelling like dirt. Sorry if I offend the smokers, but that's always been my opinion and I've said that in here. Cousin Ozzie always gives the line about how he wants to take their cigs and burn it out on their eyeballs. That always had me rolling big time, it's a keeper for sure. It's demented, but you have to admit that's sort of funny, especially if you don't care for smoking. Down with smoking, my #1 turn-off. Anyways..



Three paragraphs of BINGO and I still haven't really got into the depth of this. Or as Snoop Dogg would say before he turned soft, "From the depths of the sea, back to the block, Snoop Doggy Dogg, funky as The D.O.C. Went solo on that ass, but it's still the same, Long Beach is the spot where I served my cane." That's a precursor to one of Matty Cakes' favorite all time albums. We'll get to him soon enough, he's one of the people that threatened me with death if I didn't produce a good blog this time around, so we'll see if that holds up. So I'm playing BINGO and not much of the action is left. It's getting desperation time and then I look down and I'm dominating a board. I'm down to the final number I need and the rest of my crew is starting to get pumped. I know they would've rather had a chance to win money, but they still had fun supporting me in my turn of good luck. The heart pounds and then O62 is called, sweet! I had to double check to see if it was correct and then got to yell BINGO as the old ladies got all pissed like no other. That's the best when you get the regulars fired up because some bum like myself comes in and takes their money. It wasn't a huge hit, but it still counts. It was a $100 game, but I had to split with 2 other people. Still, a story to tell and I'm willing to go soon in the near future.

Blare the trumpets! What for you ask? That's the sound you hear since Cousin Kari and Matty Cakes got married last Saturday. A thumbs up night for me as it was a wedding I actually didn't mind being at. Imagine that. There were a lot of things going on that helped the night go pretty well. First off, I know they're in Cancun while the rest of us hicks in West Virginia are working this week (must be nice, hah), but I gotta send the marriage congrats out to them in the blog and give them a nice shoutout. They really did a great job of putting everything together.



I was pretty impressed with the setup. The church they had their wedding in was excellent. It had somewhat of a medieval look to it and was crazy fancy with all of the stained glass and format of the building. Another plus is that the wedding and reception were close to home, so I didn't have to make a road trip out of it. Also, the wedding was a quick one, and even though I was roasting myself in there being insanely hot, I didn't mind one bit. I was a failure in one way though. Cousin Angie was going to take pics for Ozzie's girl Maria since she was in the wedding. Angie was behind a big pillar, so she turns to me and asks if I'd do it. How hard can it be, right? Harder than I thought. None of us in the first few rows could find a zoom on this camera. Then, half the pics turned out dark and the others when the chicks would walk up the aisle, I didn't have enough time to get anything good. Maria hasn't chopped my head off yet due to that failure, so I think I'm safe for now, especially since I talked it over with her and joked at the reception about it.

Then we get to the actual reception. Not only was the whole family in attendance, spanning from great distances such as the dirty dirty in Atlanta, but most of my closest buddies were also in the house. That makes things better for a guy that rambles on in conversation to just about anyone, so that gave me the chance just to walk around and find some good stories. The food, buffet style and it also was granted a thumbs up in my mind. The open bar wasn't a factor to me, but I know everyone else had a good time killing the drinks with that. By the time I left, I didn't see anyone make a total fool of themselves though. Even Uncle Bill, after months of saying it was the drunkest he was ever going to be in his life, was shot down and delegated to designated driver. That takes some guts to have to suck in the pride and be the DD, well done.



Spank and I, as well as the other guys there were scoping out the chicks of course. I mean, what else are guys supposed to do at weddings? We all had our opinions on a lot of them and while a few nice ones were there, we expected more younger dirty chicks our age to show up. That one was one few disappointments I had, as not many singles were there. There were some decent ones, but I thought the place would be swarming with half naked chicks as I wrote in the last blog. No biggie though, it happens and that didn't ruin things by any means. It didn't seem like a lot of singles were around for the festivities, but half of my crew is married already the way it is. Still, tons of time out there and I'll continue with the bachelor life for now.

As wrestler JR Benson writes in the great book, Extremely Strange, he gives his thoughts on when he turned 30. I'm a year away, but I still thought it funny: "Something weird happens when a guy turns 30. Suddenly, women are all over you. It's definitely something about a guy in his 30's. It is a woman's world for an attractive female in the 18 to 28 range. If she plays her cards right, most anything is possible, and the world is at her feet. But things even out, and men get our chances to thrive from 30 on. Now hot younger chicks were into me as the 'older man', yet sexy women in the 40's saw me as the eligible and wild young guy. Best of all worlds in the pussy department!" I might not have said it that brash, but it doesn't get more broken down and simpler than that, good stuff.



A few other final tidbits from the wedding before I move on. The reception was complete with the creepy DJ. That always makes for an interesting situation. He was familiar, but we couldn't place him, even with the name. Spank and I were bugged with where we've seen him at just recently and we both were going blank. Mom's favorite part of the reception was when my Uncle Jeff and Kari were out there doing their boogie together. Maybe I'm easily impressed, but that was pretty fun and Uncle Jeff gets bonus points on the style. And no, I'm not being sarcastic on that, he pulled it off. As an end to the wedding bonanza, blog readers Gayle and Cousin Jill may be happy to hear some wise words from Dad and he's selective on saying things such as this: Dad tells me that Gayle wins the Best Husband/Best Father Award and has a ton of respect for him. I have to say those words are about dead on with some high praise.

There's so much more I could push into this blog, but I'm going to save some for next week's version. You've kept reading for this long, so I have to get you waiting for more. Plus, we have our traditional bottom half of the blog's excitement to stir up some more interest, so we're not finished quite yet. Enjoy!



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: Earlier last week, regular ho chooser Jas sent me a link to a dirty. Unfortunately, the link is not valid anymore, so we have to go another route. She writes just now after I tell her that information and she says she has saved the blog. She's going on the freaky/weird type of chick here as she likes to pick on dancers: http://www.myspace.com/18666

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: We have another contribution from a long time blog reader. This is from ManDingo and he claims this as the best West Virginia commercial ever. Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qKWMeWZtc4



3 Quick Thangs:

1. Happy happy time! Let's go for Friday, April 25th. We start out big and go with Al Pacino, one of the best actors ever, he's now 68. Talia Shire, better known as Adrian from the Rocky movies, 62, dang. Actress Renee Zellweger, 39. Basketball stud Tim Duncan, going after the title this year for his 32nd. There's only four worthy this time, but they're all pretty big names, so that'll work.

2. Next week I should be able to talk a good bit about the next video game to purchase. I should be loading up on Mario Kart Wii. I'm a sucker for any Mario Kart type of game and they never get old to me. This one looks as great as the past ones, plus the online part of this game appears to rock all. We shall see.

3. Harold & Kumar return! This weekend, you all better gear up and save some extra time to hit up the theater. That's right, Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay premiers. I'm a huge fan of Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, as it is definitely one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. I know that seems crazy, but you'll just have to trust me on how good the first was if you haven't seen.

David Archuleta is Just Plain Creepy

Thanks to TheAnswer for today's blog title. Now the entire Answer Fam has both had a topic, they're moving up in the world. I agree with him on the topic too.

The action has returned. Once people start cussing me to get a new one in, I guess that's time to get busy and see what I can produce. In this edition you get my adventures leaving the mean streets for Spring Break, life without internet, rednecks with rashes in certain places, new CDs, animals galore, pimp suits, people dying and gaining me some points, plus much much more!



Spring Break and it was time to be a bum for a week. Hey, that’s my usual week anyways, so not a whole lot changed. I did get out of town for 4 days or so to switch things up. Usually each break for as long as I can remember, I roll to a place my parents have a few hours away. It’s in the mean streets of Harman, West Virginia. One of the big things of the trip is to hit up some trout fishing and I get to do my best redneck impression during that time. The only downfall to the trip is that there’s no wireless internet connections in our area there, but more on that in a few. Out of a year, I’d say there’s probably 5 days tops that I’m not online and anymore than that and my head might combust, seriously. However, everything else remains the same. I still got to watch the satellite, flip through some games, be updated with all of the sports happenings and whatever else went down. It’s a bummer missing some days of working out, but I’m regular enough with that, so a few days to lay around shouldn’t make me too much of a big fatty. I always say that if I want to feel like a fatty, I can go to my boy Spank's place and get on his scales. There, I'm about 10 pounds bigger than I am at my house, strange.

I was away from Tuesday morning through Saturday morning. The weather was great, but I didn't catch as many as I would've liked to by any means. In four days, I caught a total of 6 fish, doh. I'm not the type of fishing dude that comes back with these elaborate lying stories of catching like an outlaw. If I don't catch many, I'm honest about it. It burns me big time to hear these bums say they slayed them and all of this, get out of here with that garbage, we see right through it. I did get sunburnt already this year though, not fun. Since I'm a big whitey, that's how it goes, I burn pretty quick.



I'll jump straight to my internet story. Some know it since I got to talk to the online crew while I was up there. Anyways, I was up there from Tuesday through Saturday as mentioned. After two days, I had to go to option B. Since where my parents' place is at doesn't have any wireless action, I jump in Dad's truck and go about 20 minutes away. After getting ok connections from my first few stops, I then decide to roll to the rich boy section. I figure the rich boys have to have wireless internet, right? You got it. So what do I do? I go and pull into an empty parking lot in the truck and just pull out the laptop and get to it. Stealing wireless from the richies. I guess if they didn't want people to use it, they'd put the password protection on it, so I was thankful they let regular bums like me on. The funny thing was seeing these people drive by and looking, while here I am just hanging out in the truck online. I went two days without my crack and had to get online to feed the addiction. It made for an even better trip of course.

Big Tom. I know everyone wants to hear about this guy. You don't know him now, but you'll at least want to see him to say you have. At my favorite fishing stop on the trip, we're hanging there before the stock truck dumps them on our head. The local rednecks know every trick of the streams and want to make it appear they are total idiots. They are idiots, don't get me wrong, but they're geniuses when it comes to the lay of the land and when the fish are going to be stocked each week. We're waiting on the truck like the outlaws we are and out walks Big Tom from his house as the truck pulls on the bridge. We've talked to him before, but on this trip he tells us how he has this rash on his ass that he can't get rid of. Then his spiel to why he doesn't work now is that he was an Air Force Gulf War vet. My hat is off to him for that, but I'd say the war wasn't what messed up this guy. As the truck stocks and we're the only people there, Big Tom runs into the stream with no waders and apparently no undies either. He's stomping around the water in his tennis shoes and he sees this huge golden trout. Then a few of his neck buddies come out of the houses and they're all trying to get this fish and it's not biting for hours. It was worth it to see him standing there yelling and mumbling over his words.



Remember the Africam craze from last summer? For those who weren't reading then, check out Africam at this link: http://www.africam.com. We were ate up with this for some reason. It's live cams of an area of Africa with all kinds of crazy animals to see. You'd be surprised how long we did this goofing off on the internet watching this stuff go down. I realize we're dorks, but you'd get hooked too. Anyways, last week reminded me of a West Virginia version of Africam. Why so? Here's all the animals I saw this week that I can think off the top of my head: Dogs, cats, horses, donkeys, mini horses (!), goats, sheep, deer, and groundhogs. There's something about dumb animals such as donkeys, sheep, and goats that gets me everytime. We already know how great it'd be to own a mini horse thanks to Rob & Big, but why not a goat just terrorizing your house or a sheep doing his thing? We need to make this happen.

I told everyone that I'd update them in our Celebrity Deathpool. You know the drill. Everyone in the league selects 10 people at the end of the year to use for the next year. If your famous person dies, you take their age at the time of death and subtract is from 100 and that is your point total. I know it's totally wrong, but we still do it. I had Charlton Heston get mangled on me when he was 84 years old. Me and the great TyLaw each have 16 points on the season, everyone else, zilch.



Big wedding action this Saturday. Usually I can care less about going to weddings to be honest. I know girls love them and go wild for them, but guys are just like, eh. This one, should be pretty fun though, even I have to admit that. It's Cousin Kari doing her thing with Matty Cakes. If nothing else, a lot of dirty girls being half naked will be there running around, so how bad can that be? I figured I might as well try to make myself look halfway decent and pick up a nice pimp suit. I didn't go the tie route, that's too much, but I'm going to rock the pimp jacket casual look. I went in wanting to pull of the Mafia style. I didn't want the average black or gray jacket that everyone and their brother wears. That'd make me feel like an old man. After finding one I really liked, I hear this woman checking out talking to my Mom and asked if I was trying to be Don Johnson, a la Miami Vice with that look? Ding, that sold me. It was between that and an all white Tony Montana style jacket, but that one was too "summery", that'll be the next purchase. I just don't have a lot of places to really rock out that kind of gear, even though I sorta like to dress up every now and then. Either that or the ultimate purchase of the real deal Mafia suit to be this generation's impression of my late Grandpa John. That I can't top, but I'll try one day.

What'd I think of Idol last week? My boy is done. The guy I thought was the best as far as talent goes on the guys side, although this is a popularity contest, Aussie Boy Michael Johns goes down in flames. Somehow, Kristy Lee keeps advancing. I guess her being half naked like the girls at Kari's wedding this coming Saturday will be gets her votes. Again, I'm not complaining looking at her, but as the great Tony Kornheiser says about her, "she gots ta go". I still feel vocally that Tattoo Chick Carly is hands down the best, but I can't see her winning. At this point, it'll probably be that dork Kid David or David Cook. But I know nothing about singing, so who knows.



A quick story from Felisha that she told me the other day. She rolled to the Morgantown Wal-Mart. Inside was former WVU football stud Quincy Wilson. He was signing autographs and apparently he didn't have people in his line. F-Unit kept saying that every 2 seconds they'd announce over the intercom that Quincy was in the building. Look out now, rush to Quincy's table! I just thought it was a funny local story. I can't stand WVU football, but gotta feel sorta bad for the guy that nobody came to say hey.

Back to music. While on the trip with the parents, I think I heard enough 1950s and 1960s music to last me a lifetime. I can handle some of that actually, but after a while, it drains on me big time. Most of that era sounds the same to me, it's all whiney guy voices that comes off good, but it sounds similar. Then again, my parents say all of my music sounds the same too, so we're even. Luckily, I had the iPod around to block out the other music. With that in mind, I loaded up on some new CDs, let's visit what I loaded up on, all rap this time, imagine that.



Flo Rida: Mail On Sunday. Mainstream rap and I had a little more hope for this one, but it gets the big thumbs down from me on first listen. Maybe I don't have the feel for him yet, but I was wanting him to have a few mean tracks in there to compensate the mainstream style. Maybe on another listen I'll like it better.

Mike Jones: Self Made. Pick this beast up, it's really good. Most mixtapes are hit or miss. This one was a big hit and I like that he brought a raw flavor with some griminess. It's always interesting to see what other rappers can do on beats not their own. Then again, half of the rappers steal beats anyways, but this one is quality. Recommendations? I Don't Play Around and Self Made are two great ones. The Self Made track features Mike himself, 50-50 Twin, Mr. Kaila, Lil Mario, and Brite Mike. It's to the Dey Know beat, so I'm big on that. Just picture the little kid dancing like a little thug in the last blog video post.

Lil Flip & Young Noble: All Eyez On Us. Back-to-back must haves. Noble is one of The Outlawz crew from 2Pac's buddies. I think Flip is very underrated and still don't know why he's not bigger than he is. I know he's a name rapper, but he has the underground style that brings it. These guys work great together. To start you out, go download Where You From? and Speakin' My Language.

Rick Ross: Trilla. This is the only of the five that I haven't listened through yet. I figure it can't be half bad based on his older stuff, but you never can tell. Speaking of, I can't give a review of this one, but his boy Trick Daddy Dollars needs to get something out and soon. I'm patient, but I need my fix.

Snoop Dogg: Ego Trippin'. I've came to accept that the old Snoop we all love will never return in full dosage. With that in mind, this CD isn't too bad for this generation's Snoop. I was surprised actually. A song you must check is Can't Say Goodbye featuring Charlie Wilson. Some top notch pimpin' on that one. For some reason, they performed this on Idol Gives Back last week which cracked me up in that setting, but they did great with it and brought Snoop's kiddie football team on to rock it out.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/arabianp

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: A lot of people are talking about the new Kobe commercial. I like it a lot myself, it's real creative, even if computer generated, it still comes off good to me. Here's a parody of it that's worth seeing. If you haven't seen the original, try that first before going to this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=qrWvQKl7oTU



3 Quick Thangs:

1. I know you want birthdays, so that's what you shall receive. We'll go tomorrow to see big action. That'd be Wednesday, April 16th. We start off with one of the greatest basketball centers ever, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 61, wow. I guess it's one of the Osmond Brothers' birthdays, Jimmy, but I don't know much on who he is. Happy 45th to Jimmy anyways. Martin Lawrence, cracking jokes at 43. I'd like to send out the big birthday wishes to Cousin Angie for her 29th from the mean streets of the ATL, but is on her way in route to the big town of Shinnston.

2. Today was time for my frequent dose of hearing the wise words of the world's greatest barber. As I always say, you never know what's going to happen down there, it's great. Anyways, he gets a call when he was cutting my hair. I could pick up on part of the conversation as it was going on, but some chick calls and asks if my barber does any full body waxing for men. I guess she wanted it done for her husband. The reaction of my barber was top notch. After he hung up, he must've thrown 50 f-bombs in a matter of 12 seconds which always gets me almost in tears. The locals who know the setting of where I go and picture my barber taking that call and it makes it even better.

3. Want some quick education? "The deadliest disease was the pneumonic form of the Black Death of 1347-1351. It had death rate of 100%."

Ronny The Dillweed Paulino

We go to The_Freak for today's topic. I haven't went with a requested topic in while, so it's a good time. We mix in one of my favorite new commercials in with Ronny Paulino of the Pittsburgh Pirates.

It's a late one this year, but I'm finally on spring break. I can't remember it being this late in the year for a long time. The weird part is that it didn't even fall in the week of Easter like it normally does. Oh well, that just means about 8 weeks or so and then it's time to be a bum for the summer. But what you're wanting to know is the adventures that went down since I last made a post in here. Enough playing around, we better uncover the goodies..



The movie fans out there are wondering what I thought when I went last week with the crew. I rolled to Morgantown on Friday and met up with Cork, Kristen, Ozzie, and Maria. The movie in question? That'd be 21, the blackjack theme about beating the system by counting cards. Going in, I was interested in the storyline, so I hoped I would not be let down. I wasn't and it's worth seeing and gets my recommendation. It didn't blow me away, but I enjoyed it and got my money's worth. On the rating scale, I gave it a 7.2 out of 10. If you want another opinion, Ozzie gave it a 8.8 out of 10, that's some high praise for sure. I didn't figure you could go wrong with a movie that had Laurence Fishburne and Kevin Spacey in it, both are great actors I think. The kids in it were a little cheesy, but they played their role fine enough. On the chick side of things, Kate Bosworth looks real nice in this one, even if she did bust out the short hair.

Before that, I was bored and wanted to blow some money after work. That's not always a great thing to do, but it can't hurt to spoil myself the way I look at it. I don't use my digital cam as much as I should, but my old one was dying on me and basically finished. With that in mind, I had an idea of what I wanted. I go to Target and talk to my boy Dave Carter who was running the electronics section. He was able to hook me up with some deals and I decided upon getting the Nikon Coolpix S51. It's really little, 8.1MP, and has a 3 inch screen on the back which I like a lot. It gets a thumbs up from me, I just hope I use this one more than I did my last one. After that, I had some gift certificates from Finish Line that I haven't used since Christmas, I guess I wasn't in a big hurry. They were sitting around the house for too long, so I ended up getting a new pair of running shoes and picked out a newer version of the Adidas Bounce, really comfortable, another thumbs up. The last trip of the day was at Hat World. Not that I don't already have enough hats, but you can't ever have too many. I load up on an old school blue Milwaukee Brewers hat since I love baseball hats with logos that I'm into, even if they're not my team. Then I get a black DC hat, even though I'm not a skater, but I gotta support Rob from Rob & Big fame.



Saturday night had some action. In a few weeks, Kari and Matty Cakes are going to do the marriage thing and of course I'll be there to see the festivities. The bachelor party was set up and we got a big crew to start the night out at Buffalo Wild Wings. I'm probably the only person in the area who has never been to a BDubs before, but I can't say that anymore. It was pretty good as I ordered some boneless wings of asian flavored ones that Ozzie recommended and my normal Chinese pick of honey chicken, both are really good. My only complaint of the night was that it was ridiculously hot in there. I'm talking Atlanta hot in August when we sweat our nads off, it was almost to that level. Other than that, it was a blast watching the NCAA tourney games and just goofing off for 4 hours in there. After that, the dudes and chicks met up and took a van to Morgantown to get rowdy in the streets to start out the real part of the night. Some of us that don't drink tapped out for that even though I'm sure we would've seen some sights. If it's filthy bachelor party stores with drunken debauchery of tearing up MoTown you are wanting, I'm sorry, I don't have any to give you on that end. I should've went just for blog purposes as hard to tell what went down.

For some reason, I get home that Saturday night and just stay up to a stupid hour of the night (day). After being a bum playing video games and being online the whole time, I finally dive into bed at 11:30 AM on Sunday morning. I wake up at 3:00 PM, not great sleep, but through the week, I did pretty well considering. Those 3½ hours of sleep was enough to energize me for the WrestleMania 24 extravaganza at the Fortney Manor. In attendance for the pay per view was Fortney the host, Abbey with Lil Fortney in the oven, Mudcat, Jimmy Mills, Matt Mills, a ton of good food and myself. How can you beat that? The show itself was 4 hours long and I personally liked it. The main thing everyone of us were there for was the Ric Flair/HBK match. Flair ended up losing to "retire" for good and the way they sent him off was excellent. I'm a huge Flair guy anyways, so I'm biased, but we're talking about the greatest wrestler of all time, I won't even argue that. RAW's tribute to Flair the next night at the end of the show was even better and most watching turned into a little wuss and had some admitted tears. Outside of the Flair match, I also liked the Money in the Bank Ladder Match where CM Punk won and Shelton Benjamin is lucky to be alive after the bump he took. The main event of Undertaker winning the title from Edge was much better than I expected, better than the 3-Way of Cena, Triple H, and Orton with Orton retaining.



I get a lot of questions with people always asking me where my American Idol reports have been. I don't like to do the same exact same thing each week in here, but I do realize I haven't given my Idol thoughts in a while in this space. In the Lobstah message board crew that me and the #basketball bunch are part of, I write up a thing each Tuesday night with my thoughts. This shows I have entirely too much time on my hands, but I think it's entertaining enough and I say what's on my mind. This was before Midget Chick got the boot, so keep that in mind, but this is what I wrote:

Dolly Parton week? You serious? These kids barely even know who she is probably and yet again, they have to sing old songs. Not good times, but oh well. Let’s get it’s on!

Brooke: She’s out with the guitar and people banging on stuff and a violin dude. The hick vibe she brought may work for her, but I thought her past stuff was much better. Randy said it was ok and had pitch problems. Paula says she’s wonderful, then she says Paula’s hair is great. Simon said she didn’t have any emotion in the song. He says the group looked weird together.

David Cook: He also comes out with his guitar and does his own arrangement of a Dolly song. He seems to always start out a little slow, but then it picks up. Not too bad, but he didn’t jam like his normal showings. Randy says it’s another hot one. Paula said it was fantastic and he’s well rounded. “If you can make a song about sparrows good, which actually you did, congratulations.”- Simon



Midget Chick: She seemed nervous to me. This style doesn’t work for her I don’t think. First half and second were totally different. First was bad, second I thought she ended up with strong. Randy said It was 6.5 out of 10. Paula says she connected with the audience. Simon says we won’t remember this one. He said it was cute, but forgettable.

Fidel Castro: The third of our first four people who come out jamming with the guitar. He does a faster song than usual for his standards. He’s not bad at the happy and burnt out songs, but I’m not a fan. He still kinda creeps me out. His face does weird things out there on stage. This was better than he normally does though, so I guess that’s a plus. Randy said it was pretty good and he worked it out. Paula said it was one of his strongest performances and he was confident. Simon didn’t like it at all.

Tattoo Chick: If she cleans herself up, she can look ok. I didn’t say amazing. The end made it for her, she rocked the last few lines. Other than that, to me, even though I’m a fan, it wasn’t one of her best. Randy said it’ll be one of the better performances of the night. Paula said it was glorious and she looked great. Simon thought it was good, but not great. “I also think you should have a word with whoever is dressing you right now.”- Simon. He says she doesn’t look like a star at this point.

Kid David: Dolly is creaming over this kid. It seemed like a church song for me. I think it worked for him though in that goofy sense. He hit his notes, so I’ll give him that. Randy says that is the best performance of the night there and David is back. Paula says he has a beautiful aura about him. She says glorious for the 2nd straight person. Simon said it was absolutely on the money.

Kristy Lee: She’s in her element with country week. She walks out like a WV redneck, bare feet. The hair didn’t work for me at all, gotta leave it down instead of up with a tub of grease in it. It seemed like an easy song to sing with no chances taken. Thumbs down from me, but she keeps lasting. Randy said it’s her wheelhouse and it’s her week. Paula says she looks stunning and it was her best performance. Simon said last week was her best and this week was pleasant, but forgettable.



Syesha: The first song of the night that I’ve actually heard before. She’s looking smokin' here, real nice outfit and look, I’m down with that. She did this one sitting on the piano. I knew Whitney Houston did it, but never knew it was a Dolly song. The ending, dang. She killed it big time I thought. Randy said she took on the biggest song of the night and said she did pretty good. Paula says she looks beautiful and her voice is velvety. What? Simon said it paled in comparison to Whitney’s version. “It was good, but not fantastic.”- Simon. Again, I must not know music because I thought it was solid.

Aussie Boy: The band busts out the electric guitar for him. I still like the grimey voice and I feel is really strong. He’s a cross between some early 80s love song rock or 90s grunge. Let’s give this one a thumbs up for sure. Randy said he keeps up bringing it up a notch and it was blazing hot. Paula says he is a star and he looks gorgeous. Simon said that’s the best he’s ever seen him, nice.

He gone! I’m giving that one to Midget Chick. Kristy Lee hangs on again?? What?

I got the prediction right after missing the last few weeks. I've been kicking Kristy Lee off the past few and she should've been gone a month ago, but Ramiele goes home.

Some last week liked Corndog's words of wisdom. He's back with another good one here that he wrote me out of nowhere with the other day. You might want to take notes on this one as he said verbatim: "dude...someone opened a pack of meatball hot pockets and only ate 1 of them. Who only eats one hot pocket at a time?! i had my heart set on that too!" That ruined his day there. So remember these words, you may need them in a critical situation one day.

We're winding this big episode up and if you've read this far through my ramblings, you either have too much time on your hands too or I must be doing an ok job of keeping your attention. Either way, I'll take what I can get. Yesterday, it was due for another GNC trip. First of the month savings with my Gold Card, welfare style, so I had to get some new things. I ended up going back to one of my favorites, No-Explode. I'm usually not one to hype supplements up too much, but this is the real deal for pre-workout mixes. I've said before, but this stuff will scare you how good it works. I know that's hard to believe, but trust me on this one and go buy it. Aside from that, I ended up getting a product called Leucine XT. These are horse pills that basically serve with protein synthesis to give bigger pumps during workouts and burn more calories as you go. We'll give it a try.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/msandrearenee

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: We have a double feature this time around. First, we go to the mean streets of Webster County from a vid sent by Chrissy. You gotta love this one, plus the song will stick in your head. Kid gets down with it big time and I've probably watched this 10 times so far, Dey Know style: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ma8k9qMlcxs. Kasher is at it again. This one is a video made of WNBA Live 08 if there were such a thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FGI7R0u3TQ

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Happy happy time! Let's try Monday, April 7th to set the tone right as we have a loaded up list, huge. Francis Ford Coppola, director of The Godfather, he's now 69. Football stud Tony Dorsett, 54. Actor Jackie Chan, he's also 54 and still flipping and flopping all over the place, he's a machine. Another actor, this one on the serious side, Russell Crowe, 44. Go see American Gangster if you haven't yet, I've told you people enough. C-level celeb Bill Bellamy, 40. Actor Jack Black, he goes for 39 and School of Rock is still one of my favorite kiddie type movies. My boy Ricky "Running" Waters of Notre Dame fame, he's also 39 and seems like he's been done with football for ages. Posh Spice is slutting it up for her 33rd. The Barber Twins of NFL lure, they go for 33 as well. One of #basketball's legends, DerekHood himself, he celebrates for his 26th.

2. Today's silly fact? A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. So if you were there counting, I've just saved you some time. Don't believe me? Count em out.

3. I went out to eat yesterday with my buddies from work. We hit up Bob Evans for lunch. I've always ate breakfast there, but never went during lunch time. This time, we go during lunch, but I get breakfast anyways, go figure. Raspberry crepes with cream cheese and whipped cream to go with some biscuits and gravy, yum yum. Go get some of those raspberry crepes, they rock it out.