Tuesday, April 15, 2008

David Archuleta is Just Plain Creepy

Thanks to TheAnswer for today's blog title. Now the entire Answer Fam has both had a topic, they're moving up in the world. I agree with him on the topic too.

The action has returned. Once people start cussing me to get a new one in, I guess that's time to get busy and see what I can produce. In this edition you get my adventures leaving the mean streets for Spring Break, life without internet, rednecks with rashes in certain places, new CDs, animals galore, pimp suits, people dying and gaining me some points, plus much much more!

Spring Break and it was time to be a bum for a week. Hey, that’s my usual week anyways, so not a whole lot changed. I did get out of town for 4 days or so to switch things up. Usually each break for as long as I can remember, I roll to a place my parents have a few hours away. It’s in the mean streets of Harman, West Virginia. One of the big things of the trip is to hit up some trout fishing and I get to do my best redneck impression during that time. The only downfall to the trip is that there’s no wireless internet connections in our area there, but more on that in a few. Out of a year, I’d say there’s probably 5 days tops that I’m not online and anymore than that and my head might combust, seriously. However, everything else remains the same. I still got to watch the satellite, flip through some games, be updated with all of the sports happenings and whatever else went down. It’s a bummer missing some days of working out, but I’m regular enough with that, so a few days to lay around shouldn’t make me too much of a big fatty. I always say that if I want to feel like a fatty, I can go to my boy Spank's place and get on his scales. There, I'm about 10 pounds bigger than I am at my house, strange.

I was away from Tuesday morning through Saturday morning. The weather was great, but I didn't catch as many as I would've liked to by any means. In four days, I caught a total of 6 fish, doh. I'm not the type of fishing dude that comes back with these elaborate lying stories of catching like an outlaw. If I don't catch many, I'm honest about it. It burns me big time to hear these bums say they slayed them and all of this, get out of here with that garbage, we see right through it. I did get sunburnt already this year though, not fun. Since I'm a big whitey, that's how it goes, I burn pretty quick.

I'll jump straight to my internet story. Some know it since I got to talk to the online crew while I was up there. Anyways, I was up there from Tuesday through Saturday as mentioned. After two days, I had to go to option B. Since where my parents' place is at doesn't have any wireless action, I jump in Dad's truck and go about 20 minutes away. After getting ok connections from my first few stops, I then decide to roll to the rich boy section. I figure the rich boys have to have wireless internet, right? You got it. So what do I do? I go and pull into an empty parking lot in the truck and just pull out the laptop and get to it. Stealing wireless from the richies. I guess if they didn't want people to use it, they'd put the password protection on it, so I was thankful they let regular bums like me on. The funny thing was seeing these people drive by and looking, while here I am just hanging out in the truck online. I went two days without my crack and had to get online to feed the addiction. It made for an even better trip of course.

Big Tom. I know everyone wants to hear about this guy. You don't know him now, but you'll at least want to see him to say you have. At my favorite fishing stop on the trip, we're hanging there before the stock truck dumps them on our head. The local rednecks know every trick of the streams and want to make it appear they are total idiots. They are idiots, don't get me wrong, but they're geniuses when it comes to the lay of the land and when the fish are going to be stocked each week. We're waiting on the truck like the outlaws we are and out walks Big Tom from his house as the truck pulls on the bridge. We've talked to him before, but on this trip he tells us how he has this rash on his ass that he can't get rid of. Then his spiel to why he doesn't work now is that he was an Air Force Gulf War vet. My hat is off to him for that, but I'd say the war wasn't what messed up this guy. As the truck stocks and we're the only people there, Big Tom runs into the stream with no waders and apparently no undies either. He's stomping around the water in his tennis shoes and he sees this huge golden trout. Then a few of his neck buddies come out of the houses and they're all trying to get this fish and it's not biting for hours. It was worth it to see him standing there yelling and mumbling over his words.

Remember the Africam craze from last summer? For those who weren't reading then, check out Africam at this link: http://www.africam.com. We were ate up with this for some reason. It's live cams of an area of Africa with all kinds of crazy animals to see. You'd be surprised how long we did this goofing off on the internet watching this stuff go down. I realize we're dorks, but you'd get hooked too. Anyways, last week reminded me of a West Virginia version of Africam. Why so? Here's all the animals I saw this week that I can think off the top of my head: Dogs, cats, horses, donkeys, mini horses (!), goats, sheep, deer, and groundhogs. There's something about dumb animals such as donkeys, sheep, and goats that gets me everytime. We already know how great it'd be to own a mini horse thanks to Rob & Big, but why not a goat just terrorizing your house or a sheep doing his thing? We need to make this happen.

I told everyone that I'd update them in our Celebrity Deathpool. You know the drill. Everyone in the league selects 10 people at the end of the year to use for the next year. If your famous person dies, you take their age at the time of death and subtract is from 100 and that is your point total. I know it's totally wrong, but we still do it. I had Charlton Heston get mangled on me when he was 84 years old. Me and the great TyLaw each have 16 points on the season, everyone else, zilch.

Big wedding action this Saturday. Usually I can care less about going to weddings to be honest. I know girls love them and go wild for them, but guys are just like, eh. This one, should be pretty fun though, even I have to admit that. It's Cousin Kari doing her thing with Matty Cakes. If nothing else, a lot of dirty girls being half naked will be there running around, so how bad can that be? I figured I might as well try to make myself look halfway decent and pick up a nice pimp suit. I didn't go the tie route, that's too much, but I'm going to rock the pimp jacket casual look. I went in wanting to pull of the Mafia style. I didn't want the average black or gray jacket that everyone and their brother wears. That'd make me feel like an old man. After finding one I really liked, I hear this woman checking out talking to my Mom and asked if I was trying to be Don Johnson, a la Miami Vice with that look? Ding, that sold me. It was between that and an all white Tony Montana style jacket, but that one was too "summery", that'll be the next purchase. I just don't have a lot of places to really rock out that kind of gear, even though I sorta like to dress up every now and then. Either that or the ultimate purchase of the real deal Mafia suit to be this generation's impression of my late Grandpa John. That I can't top, but I'll try one day.

What'd I think of Idol last week? My boy is done. The guy I thought was the best as far as talent goes on the guys side, although this is a popularity contest, Aussie Boy Michael Johns goes down in flames. Somehow, Kristy Lee keeps advancing. I guess her being half naked like the girls at Kari's wedding this coming Saturday will be gets her votes. Again, I'm not complaining looking at her, but as the great Tony Kornheiser says about her, "she gots ta go". I still feel vocally that Tattoo Chick Carly is hands down the best, but I can't see her winning. At this point, it'll probably be that dork Kid David or David Cook. But I know nothing about singing, so who knows.

A quick story from Felisha that she told me the other day. She rolled to the Morgantown Wal-Mart. Inside was former WVU football stud Quincy Wilson. He was signing autographs and apparently he didn't have people in his line. F-Unit kept saying that every 2 seconds they'd announce over the intercom that Quincy was in the building. Look out now, rush to Quincy's table! I just thought it was a funny local story. I can't stand WVU football, but gotta feel sorta bad for the guy that nobody came to say hey.

Back to music. While on the trip with the parents, I think I heard enough 1950s and 1960s music to last me a lifetime. I can handle some of that actually, but after a while, it drains on me big time. Most of that era sounds the same to me, it's all whiney guy voices that comes off good, but it sounds similar. Then again, my parents say all of my music sounds the same too, so we're even. Luckily, I had the iPod around to block out the other music. With that in mind, I loaded up on some new CDs, let's visit what I loaded up on, all rap this time, imagine that.

Flo Rida: Mail On Sunday. Mainstream rap and I had a little more hope for this one, but it gets the big thumbs down from me on first listen. Maybe I don't have the feel for him yet, but I was wanting him to have a few mean tracks in there to compensate the mainstream style. Maybe on another listen I'll like it better.

Mike Jones: Self Made. Pick this beast up, it's really good. Most mixtapes are hit or miss. This one was a big hit and I like that he brought a raw flavor with some griminess. It's always interesting to see what other rappers can do on beats not their own. Then again, half of the rappers steal beats anyways, but this one is quality. Recommendations? I Don't Play Around and Self Made are two great ones. The Self Made track features Mike himself, 50-50 Twin, Mr. Kaila, Lil Mario, and Brite Mike. It's to the Dey Know beat, so I'm big on that. Just picture the little kid dancing like a little thug in the last blog video post.

Lil Flip & Young Noble: All Eyez On Us. Back-to-back must haves. Noble is one of The Outlawz crew from 2Pac's buddies. I think Flip is very underrated and still don't know why he's not bigger than he is. I know he's a name rapper, but he has the underground style that brings it. These guys work great together. To start you out, go download Where You From? and Speakin' My Language.

Rick Ross: Trilla. This is the only of the five that I haven't listened through yet. I figure it can't be half bad based on his older stuff, but you never can tell. Speaking of, I can't give a review of this one, but his boy Trick Daddy Dollars needs to get something out and soon. I'm patient, but I need my fix.

Snoop Dogg: Ego Trippin'. I've came to accept that the old Snoop we all love will never return in full dosage. With that in mind, this CD isn't too bad for this generation's Snoop. I was surprised actually. A song you must check is Can't Say Goodbye featuring Charlie Wilson. Some top notch pimpin' on that one. For some reason, they performed this on Idol Gives Back last week which cracked me up in that setting, but they did great with it and brought Snoop's kiddie football team on to rock it out.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/arabianp

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: A lot of people are talking about the new Kobe commercial. I like it a lot myself, it's real creative, even if computer generated, it still comes off good to me. Here's a parody of it that's worth seeing. If you haven't seen the original, try that first before going to this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=qrWvQKl7oTU

3 Quick Thangs:

1. I know you want birthdays, so that's what you shall receive. We'll go tomorrow to see big action. That'd be Wednesday, April 16th. We start off with one of the greatest basketball centers ever, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 61, wow. I guess it's one of the Osmond Brothers' birthdays, Jimmy, but I don't know much on who he is. Happy 45th to Jimmy anyways. Martin Lawrence, cracking jokes at 43. I'd like to send out the big birthday wishes to Cousin Angie for her 29th from the mean streets of the ATL, but is on her way in route to the big town of Shinnston.

2. Today was time for my frequent dose of hearing the wise words of the world's greatest barber. As I always say, you never know what's going to happen down there, it's great. Anyways, he gets a call when he was cutting my hair. I could pick up on part of the conversation as it was going on, but some chick calls and asks if my barber does any full body waxing for men. I guess she wanted it done for her husband. The reaction of my barber was top notch. After he hung up, he must've thrown 50 f-bombs in a matter of 12 seconds which always gets me almost in tears. The locals who know the setting of where I go and picture my barber taking that call and it makes it even better.

3. Want some quick education? "The deadliest disease was the pneumonic form of the Black Death of 1347-1351. It had death rate of 100%."


Answer said...

Job well done, nice reading. Was Amos Zeroueu or however its spelled too busy, so they got quincy wilson to roll by"

Kristen said...

Glad you enjoyed your spring break, the stealing wi-fi from the rich folks is the best! I checked out your "ho". It's funny, she has 1400 comments on her butt, but 4!! for her face. Bring out the bags...haha.
Take care, good times as always,

Anonymous said...

Hey, it's me Dom. I tried to add you on my Wii friends list but it says there are four numbers missing on your code? Can u post the whole in here? Mine is 7762-4927-8148-1938! I purchased Mario Kart Wii yesterday and I'm ready for some online action so let's hook up!

Bird33 said...

Dom, what's up man? I haven't seen ya online lately, so not sure how else to get back to ya. When I go to enter your Wii code, there's only space for 12 numbers. I can't add your last 4. What am I doing wrong? Get back to me, I'm fairly new at the online deal with my Wii.

Anonymous said...

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