Niagara Purified Drinking Water

This week's title has nothing to do with the blog. I'm just drinking a bottle of water right now from some company I've never heard of before, so it's fitting. A very quick preview: Bruno review, more commercials, Breaking Dawn, BINGO, TO, Erin Andrews, and a whole lot more..

We started out last week's blog with a movie review. Let's try to keep that streak alive and go with another. The movie in question for this week? That'd be Bruno. Of course it's a movie I've been wanting to see as it's right up my alley. I've heard about every opinion you can imagine on this movie and that alone made me more interested that usual. Over the top? Yep, times 50. Offensive? I'm sure it could be to some. If you're of the weak at heart and don't have a good sense of humor, don't bother with this movie because you'll just whine like a little baby. If you're on the same scale as me, you're definitely going to enjoy every second of this. In a nutshell, the storyline of this movie I'll paste from IMBD: "Comedy lightning strikes twice for mickey-take meister Sacha Baron Cohen when his gay Austrian fashionista runs amok in America. In this bargain-basement narcissus' never-ending quest for "celebrity", Bruno attempts to seduce a onetime presidential hopeful, adopts a black African baby and provokes a near riot at a caged boxing bout in Texas. Essential exposure of redneck prejudice skips hand in hand with elaborate Candid Camera-style con tricks. Borat buffs will know exactly what to expect."



There were five or six scenes in this movie that had me rolling. Which ones? When he tried to set up the Middle East peace talks and portray it as legitimate, it was great to see each side's reaction. The talk show bit that you saw a portion of on the previews where he names the kid OJ, the crowd going nuts on him alone is well worth that scene. The concept is so messed up, but you have to take things with a grain of salt in this movie. In the martial arts scene where Bruno wanted to know how to beat up a gay dude if he hit on him, how the instructor didn't bust out laughing through that is beyond me. The instructor was great with his boom sound effects. How can you not like the fortune teller trip? Over the top, but it's great. How about the swingers party that Bruno goes to? The blonde chick beating him with a belt and him running around the room screaming is classic.

If you haven't walked out of the movie, and I hope you don't because it's great, then the end scene at the mixed martial arts show did provoke a near riot as our preview said. Words can't do that scene any credit, but take a bunch of redecks and throw some gay innuendos and actions at them and you can only imagine, except it's more than you're even thinking. I'm not even going to give my usual arguments on the racist/stereotypical rednecks in my area, I've said it enough, but it's sad that people like that still exist and there's a bunch around. At the very end with credits, Bruno has a video with Snoop Dogg, Bono, Slash, Sting, and Elton John. Another funny moment. I hear from both guys and girls who walked out that there was too much nudity and it was over the top for their liking. Again, what did you expect from this movie? One thing in American culture I don't get is nudity in movies. For decades, it's been acceptable if you see a naked chick in a movie that it's no big deal and it happens from time to time, right? But the minute you put a naked dude, not that I'm wanting to see that but whatever, everyone freaks like it's the end of the world. It's not like much worse isn't online that you've already seen before a lot, just admit. If someone wants to be gay, that doesn't really concern me a whole lot, their choice, no harm either way to me. It's not my thing, but everyone is different as it should be, nothing to get all worked up about like some of these people get over this movie. My opinion on that matter, a gay or straight couple both, just as long as they're not all over each other in public, let it be. Now it's time to give a grade on this movie. This is such a tough one to grade because I could see some people giving it a 2 and others giving it excellent numbers. In my book, and for this blog's purpose to you all, we'll give it 8 offended racist rednecks out of 10, go see it.



I talked about some commercials last week, one in particular that bugged me, being the Avian roller skating babies. Here's another that doesn't really bug me as much, but it just has me wondering. You seen the KGB.com commercials? Even if you don't recognize that site, you know the commercials. It's the ones where they put up a number to text to and you can ask anything. Then in return, after you pay $1 per text, they send an answer back. Really now? I'm going to pay a bunch of bums $1 for ONE text to ask them a question? Get out of here with that garbage. They probably can't even answer half of them right to begin with. Obviously it must be taking money from a lot of idiots because I see the commercials on a lot. I guess if it's a money maker, I can't fault them for doing so, but it's funny to me that people would actually do this. If you're bored to give it a try, text 542542 with your question. There, some free advertising for those people. If anyone has actually done this, let me know how it turned out for you.

On the book side of things, I've finished up the Twilight saga. I took the same criticism I got when I read the Harry Potter stuff, but this is another great series, despite people who won't give either the time of day. Just like with Harry, going in, I didn't think I'd like that storyline one bit. Speaking of Harry, I've heard nothing but great reports from the new movie. Ironically, as much as I liked the books, I've only seen the first movie so far. Once I started with the Twilight series, I was hooked and it's a pretty good read. It's labeled as a girly book series and probably is, but if it's good, it's good. I liked the first few books better than the last few personally, but each book has you in suspense. The ending to Breaking Dawn was a bit unexpected (if you haven't read this far into the series, stop reading this paragraph now for spoilers sake), but still good. Why was there no final scene with Charlie or Renee? At least Charlie knows what's up, but does Renee just go through her entire life without having a clue why Bella was so "sick"? Weird. Also, I thought they could've given the Esme character more detail in the books. And what kind of dumb name is Renesmee? Despite those things I'm picking on, it's an awesome series, check into it if you already haven't. I'm always reading on something, 90% of the time it's sports/wrestling related and I don't jump out of that spectrum too much. The Wrestling Observer Newsletter is easily my favorite thing to read as normally I get a copy or two per week in the mail. There's no price they can put on that subscription to keep me away and I'm like a little kid when I see it in the mailbox. Some people think I'm a little kid anyways as far as actions go, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Dave Meltzer is a god amongst men when it comes to wrestling and MMA reporting, hands down the best in the world. Anyone recommend anything new for me to read? I'll keep it in mind if nothing else. Who knows, I might get into another girly book series. Don't knock it till ya try it.



Tuesday night it was a trip to act like an old man. Not that I'm not one already, but you know. How so though? Bingo! I haven't hit up Bingo in a while, so I was due. Along for the trip was Cork, Kristin, Spank, Alicia, and me playing the fun role of wingman, good stuff. Last time remember, Cork won the huge bucks. This night, since it wasn't weekend, didn't have that big of a cash flow, but still something we all wanted a piece of. Cork has the luck of the Irish (deep down he knows he wants to join up and become a Notre Dame football fan) and does it again, winner! It's the best seeing the old ladies get fired up. I didn't have such luck, but it's still a blast. I don't know how these old ladies do it. They're playing a zillion cards at once and are so relaxed. I'm there being all paranoid and getting tense as I play since it's tougher than you think to keep up. Maria, here's a good story for you. I was pretty sure you and Ozzie weren't playing that night, but we pulled in and the car behind us in the lot was exactly like yours. It had the dark tint and everything. So I get out of the car and walk up to it, thinking it is you. My face is right up to the front windshield and there's a chick with long brown hair. I stared for a second and then realized it wasn't you. The chick inside looked all freaked out, hah. Then I had to explain I thought she was someone else to make her even more weird I'm sure. Stuff like that makes my days go by with some much needed humor. Lighten up people, you don't always have to be so serious.

More TV for the fans out there. I get my money's worth on my satellite bill if nothing else. What did I watch on Monday after wrestling was over? That would be The T.O. Show. Terrell Owens, the talk of the Buffalo Bills this season, comes to us on VH1 with a "reality" show. After one episode, I'm really liking this. Basically the premise is that he has two publicist girls that follow him around and try to look after him. Also around is one of his buddies who also plays the role of the bodyguard. His publicist girls are so annoying that it may end up ruining the show. Without them, this is a hit. They start off by talking TO into moving to LA for the summer to give him a change of pace. They are taken to a house for him to check out and it's being shown by a hot real estate chick. The publicists are wanting the usual information, but TO leaves them downstairs and does big pimpin work on the real estate girl, that part had me cracking up. Seeing TO in pimp mode is too funny and might make the show worthy for that all by itself. He eventually invites her over for dinner and fooling around in the hot tub. The publicist chicks get so jealous when he's around other girls. He also during this time buys a pair of earrings for $137,000 like it'd be a nickel to you and me. Toward the end of the show, he's trying to make amends with his ex-fiancee who he admitted to cheating on. Come on TO, you don't cheat on a girl that looks like that, you idiot. You don't cheat on any girl actually, but I guess in his status level, that happens all the time. That's my only complaint with him so far, anyone that cheats in my mind is pretty dirty, it happens far too often in all walks of life. He has the huge ego, but I still think he's a bit misjudged due to him being such a big celebrity. Matty Cakes and Spank, you two are in for a fun ride this year as Bills fans, anything could happen.



Picture this setting. You're hanging at the house, chilling on the couch with some orange Gatorade and watching TV. Out of nowhere, you hear a big crash into the side of your home. You go outside to check out what the ruckus is and what is it? The Weinermobile! Into your house? I know, I'd be thinking the same. Luckily for this story, nobody was home, but that to me would be hilarious just to see. This story was sent in to us by Sister Corndog as the whole family is getting involved with the blog. My driving skills aren't even any good with smaller things, I could easily see me crashing that one. Someone should try to pick up a date with that thing just because. I wonder if they'd walk out of the house after seeing that pull up, we need that on YouTube. Yes, I have too much time on my hands to think of these things, but so be it. Anyways, here's the article with a picture if you're curious: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,533681,00.html?test=latestnews

I think it's official that every guy in America has already seen the Erin Andrews spy vid from her hotel room. It's a huge topic over the sports shows on TV and radio. You just gotta love the internet for stuff like that. Also, props to Carolina in Yellowknife for finding random nudes of my girl Jordan on Big Brother, among others on the show you can find if you're wanting to see, which you are. I haven't watched the show till this year, but the 24/7 concept on the website and uncensored things as well on Showtime 2, you're probably gonna have someone post screen shots eventually and that's what happened, just how it goes. On last night's show, she admitted she can't tell time unless the actual number is said. When they give her something that is a quarter till, she has no clue. Jeff, who isn't the sharpest tool in the box either, even he was getting a kick out of her not knowing that and they're in a semi-romance on the show. Carolina then starts picking on me for being a fan of this girl so far anyways and gives thoughts on Jordan:

Carolina: ha ha what's quarter to 8???
Carolina: ya i was thinking you don't have to be smart to have guys look at you
Carolina: ya i couldn't wait till you logged on... ha ha... i was thinking wha??? eddie likes this dumbass chick???... oh ma nerves...

It has to be the southern accent that draws me in because the dumb girl mentality isn't a turn-on in my books, at least not long term, but I could see how some dudes would be into that. Back to Andrews, The_Freak comes at us with these thoughts:

The_Freak: (11:46:54 PM): Is it normal for chicks to walk around their hotels naked?
The_Freak: (11:47:28 PM): Like "dum de dum, think I'll fix my hair first"

Most people my age, a bunch are already married with a family. If not that much, they've been out of the house for years. I'm not ready for any of that, call me crazy. I'm a different cat and do things a little out of the ordinary, but that's me. If I worried a lot about what people thought, I'd be miserable like I see so many other people be. The main advice I give in here a lot is pretty straight forward. Stay positive as often as you can and just be yourself no matter who you are around. Why act different around one person than you would another? You'll get along with way more people that way or at least I think so, but what do I know. Anyways, instead of buying a new house like everyone else has done, I might as well fix up my section of the house since I'll probably live here till I'm 50, hah. I do have a great setup, so I'm never in a hurry. I have the entire upstairs to myself, great privacy, and a good bit of space. I'm pretty simple. The past few weeks and the upcoming, it's remodel time upstairs. I'm painting the ceilings, walls, replacing the floors, and getting carpet set. Not your typical bachelor pad, but it's gonna be rockin' when all is said and done. I'm a pack rat and have gotten rid of so much junk so far that it's surprising, but still have way too much that I'm going to be keeping. Once Celtics season begins (I'm always in NBA mode as everyone knows, the other sports I love, but they are just there to kill time), the bane of my existence, I'll have it just how I want it hopefully. If I don't destroy the house first.

Time for a short CD update..

Mike Jones: The Voice. This is actually a pretty good CD. Despite Jones wanting to put people on just about every song with him, it all flows well. Lyrically, Jones is better than a lot give him credit for. Sure, he's known for screaming his name over and over, and wanting that attention, but he knows how to make the money. My only complaint on this CD is a few songs that he tries to do the slow chopped and screwed garbage from Houston. We don't need that in raps, I don't get the fascination with that style. Some songs to download off of this? Give Me a Call featuring Devin The Dude is my favorite, Next To You, and Scandalous Hoes even if that bum T-Pain is involved. He's the one who names them, not me.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: I hit up the rocker pages again and it seems easier to find someone from than the rap pages. I'll try that route for a bit. Why'd we pick her? Tons of pics with your typical things that can get you in this spot. There's the usual dirty Halloween costume folder, another one titled "sexy time", 232 pics total, 5'1", LA girl, looks pretty decent, and not one we're going to make fun of this time around. Anyways, here's a good time killer for you nosy people who want something to check out online: www.myspace.com/shawnessie

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Urban Ninja time! I've put some parkour vids up before in the past, so why not another. I can't get enough of parkour action. It makes me want to get out there and try some of this, but half of it is about impossible. This one is sent to us by none other than Corndog. Check out this kid, he does some crazy things, really impressive.





3 Quick Thangs:

1. Here's one of those weird laws that can't be true anymore, but we'll report on it anyways: In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. Hmm.. like that's going to work. Unless she's some freakishly strong chick or knows some MMA submissions.

2. On average, women in New Zealand do not give birth until they are 30 years old. Meanwhile, 22% of American women aged 20 gave birth while in their teens. In Switzerland and Japan, only 2% did so.

3. I haven't got my Zombo fix in a while. I've put this pointless website in here a long time ago, so why not again for no reason. http://www.zombo.com

12 Rounds With The Big Brother & The Godfather

It's time to get another flow of energy through my body and yours. This time we'll bounce all kinds of topics off of your heads to see if any of it sinks in. It probably won't, but at least that's an excuse for me to write about anything and everything. What do we have in store for you this time? We have a movie review which I haven't done in recent posts, thoughts on Big Brother 11, becoming a godfather, energy drinks where I turn into Cornholio, what commercial really gets on my nerves, a local animal abuse story that you won't believe unless you're in West Virginia, and whatever else we can fit in.



I'll start off with a movie review. It's not a movie that everyone is excited about, but as far as stats go, as I write this, it's the #1 selling DVD in the US at the moment. That fact surprised me and I'm still somehow doubting it, but whatever. What movie are we talking about? We're going to talk about 12 Rounds starring WWE's John Cena. If any of you have seen The Marine, you'll know it was one of those movies that was so brutally bad that it was actually fun to watch to joke around with. This has the same basic storyline. Cena's chick gets kidnapped, imagine that. Like you don't already know the outcome of this. Cena is given 12 rounds (or tests) to get through in order to get his woman back. His woman is Ashley Scott if you know her, pretty nice with long hair, not so much with short. I think I'm that way with a lot of girls' hairstyles though. Either way, this movie keeps you filled with some suspense I have to admit and it had me wondering what was next. It is way over the top stuff that would never happen in real life, but it is the movies after all. The end scene was extremely over the top, but don't let that fool you. It's better than The Marine, although that's not saying a lot. Final grade? 6.2 steroid injections from Cena out of 10.

I've still not made it to see Bruno yet, a movie I know I'm going to love. Spank was telling me that he went on Saturday and half the theater left. You serious? If people are that offended in a movie that they actually have to walk out, they have zero sense of humor in my mind. It'd take a crazy amount to offend me with a movie, so that review alone and other opinions I'm getting on the movie are making this a definite must-see for me. You throw in a movie with no major plotline other than being raunchy comedy and I'm in for that. Besides, the stuff you can see on the internet and people are offended at this type of movie? What did they expect when they went to this movie? It's not going to be some goody goody movie for the weak at heart. It is what it is. Also, I'm a big Harry Potter fan as far as the books go. You guys know that from reading the blogs over the years. Somehow, I've never delved into the movies of Harry thus far. I've only seen the first one, so I'm slacking there. I don't think anyone in my crew is going to be there this week watching, but I could be wrong? Shawna, I might have to make that Michigan trip just to watch or maybe all the way to Narita, hah. As usual, you people get with me if there's a movie that I need to see and maybe I'll put it in here.



Ok, away from the movie scene now as we jump to TV. Reality TV! Some of you are going to skip these next two paragraphs just because, that's fair enough. My cousins and some of my buddies have been getting on me for a long time to watch Big Brother. I knew it'd be right up my alley, but not sure why I never gave it a try in the past. Last Thursday, we had the new season starting up, Big Brother 11. After the first try, I think I'm hooked. I didn't know it was on three times a week, but what else do I have to do but rot my brain with reality TV? After the first week, I might as well give a quick recap on each person from my perspective. Of course a lot will get nicknames to help remember who they are. Braden, Surfer Boy, he seems laid back, but really weird. They haven't done much with him on TV yet. Casey, 40 years old and a 5th grade teacher. Dude also is a DJ by night and was a dancer in rap groups back in the day. By far the oldest of the house, he seems easy to like so far, he cracks me up. Drama Girl Chima. First off, who names their kid Chima? What is that? This girl can't handle anything, she whines all the time. Jeff is the guy that the chicks seem to be all about. Early on, he's staying out of the limelight and just taking in the rest of the drama.

Jordan is the chick I like as far as looks, plus she has the southern accent, maybe it's more of that. That can get me every time. Kevin is known to most as Gay Dude. He's going to put his two cents in and let you know what he thinks, but doesn't seem to have a mean bone in his body yet. Laura, Fake Tit Chick, she's way annoying. I don't see her as a threat, I just want her off TV. Lydia, Tattoo Chick, I kinda like this girl. She's definitely unique and as far as the tats go, she pulls the look off. She just needs longer hair. Michele, she's the PhD of the group, but they don't know technically about how smart she is yet. She's cute in a secretary type way, I dig her. Natalie, she's lying about her age. She tells everyone she's 18, but she's really 24 or 25 to lead into the game. She's also a bronze medalist in Tae Kwon Do. Ronnie is the geek of the group, but I gotta give him props for being a big video game guy. He's also a national champ in persuasive speaking, so this could be a good setup for him. Russell the Love Muscle (he calls himself that which has me laughing) is a MMA dude. He's cocky, but I like his style so far. Roid Boy Jessie from last season's show, so he's new to me. This guy is freaky jacked up out of his mind and wants to be a WWE wrestler. Maybe he'll star in 12 Rounds Part 2. He's always flexing and being a goof and wants to be seen on TV. No way this guy acts like this all the time in real life.



How about UFC 100 last weekend? Good stuff right there and most people saw it, even if they weren't UFC fans. It's weird how they call it UFC 100 when it was a lot more than their 100th show. Oh well. The mainstream MMA fans are about as annoying as Laura from Big Brother though. They act like they've been fans for ages, have seen very few shows and watch 100 because everyone else is doing it. I guess that builds the sport up and that's the idea, but you know what I mean. We had a packed house high atop Tank Hill as Posey was the host with the most and invited us all up. The Henderson knockout of Bisping was one of the sickest I've ever seen. Bisping was out when he was hit standing and then Hendo dives, body flat out, and comes down full force and blasts Bisping, insanity upon more insanity. We also had GSP show everyone that Thiago Alves was no competition and I'm not sure there is anyone at 170 right now that can hang with GSP. Alves was so much bigger too, but that doesn't mean a thing, finesse prevailed in this one. In the main event, everyone has seen it by now, but Brock Lesnar made easy work of Frank Mir as Mir's face was a mess. The talk was of Lesnar flipping out after the match and it's quite the controversy. It was a punk move, I agree, but Lesnar knows how to sell himself. He's being the heel in wrestling (bad guy in other words) to have people hate him. This in turn will get more people buying his next fight just to see if he'll lose or not. It doesn't help the perception of the sport, but for the under 40 demographic, it's getting hotter and hotter. You might as well jump on board if you haven't already. Random, but a tie-in since Posey was host. A few weeks ago after softball I went with one of those Venom Black Mamba energy drinks. This tastes really good instead of being similar to metal like other energy drinks. I rarely have energy drinks, they're garbage I think, but I was bored and wanted to bounce off the walls. Not that I don't bounce off the walls all the time anyways, but these did the trick big time. Posey said I'm cut off from those ever again after witnessing that, so that had me laughing. I gotta have my sugary things, it's my weakness.

Here's one that has bugged me. Apparently it's been a huge hit online the past few weeks. What is it you ask? It's the Evian commercial with the dancing babies on roller skates. Luckily after talking to a few people, at least some agree with me. This isn't even remotely funny in my mind. It's kind of creepy if you ask me, yet some act like it's the funniest thing they've ever seen. I'd bet money on it that the majority of people who like this commercial also would be stuck up and walk out of Bruno. I could be wrong though. Even Mike Golic of Notre Dame fame and co-host of Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN walked out, boo. I'm not going to give a link to this dumb video, you've all seen it. If you haven't, consider yourself lucky.



I don't bring up religion much and this really won't get into it, but this past Sunday was a first for me. A girl I work with and her husband asked me a while back if I'd be the godfather of their little boy. I was down for that and was actually excited for it. I felt pretty honored. You don't get that chance too often, but everything on Sunday went great at Our Lady Catholic Church in the mean streets of Stonewood, WV. A few people asked me if I was nervous doing that, but I wasn't one bit. It takes a lot to get me nervous in front of people since I think I have a good mix of being able to joke around as well as being professional when need be. I just figured that was noteworthy since it's a first for me. A few firsts over the past couple of months: First time in a wedding, first time to NYC, and now some godfather action. We'll see what happens next to check off on the list.

Since I watch entirely too much TV, it's time for another recommendation. How many out there have seen Operation Repo on TruTV? It reminds me of Cheaters, but cars are involved. You are in for a treat if not. I caught I guess a little marathon on it the other night and let me tell you, it's hard to take your eyes off of. If you're into white trash type drama that is over the top, you gotta at least give this one a try. Basically it is what it is. You have a group of 5 repo workers, some of them scary looking, so they play their characters just fine. Then they go to pick up these cars that people aren't paying on and sometimes it gets intense. One guy I saw blew up his car right in front of them so they wouldn't take his car. Another dude they had a chase through town with as he tried to escape. One repo guy got his face all messed up on a raid after a car. Another had this couple that was just married and driving home with their wedding outfits on. The wife flips out on the husband and she had no idea he wasn't paying bills. I even wonder how much of this is put on, a bunch has to be. The thing that I love about this show is the excuses you hear from the car owners. They whine that they have bills to pay and all of this and can't keep up, like that is going to stop the repo guys from taking your car? You didn't pay your bills! If it was that easy, none of us would pay bills and just make up excuses and cry. I mean, I'm sorry it happens, but when they come, you have to know it's not their fault, they're just doing their jobs. If I'm behind on paying for my car, I'm not going to be happy if the repo guys come, but it's only expected and fair. Go watch this show, Mondays at 10:00 EST on TruTV. I watched a lot of it on Tuesday, so they must have it on a lot, who knows.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: Usually my plan in finding a weekly girl, I begin with random rap music pages on MySpace and go from there. This week, I landed upon Motley Crue's page somehow and then figured I'd branch off from there and go with a rocker chick this time around. She has tons of pics, so that always helps for this segment. She has tons of tats that had to take a crazy amount of time to do if you're into looking at that type of thing. She also like to show off the bod as well. Also, if anyone can come up with a new good creative name for this section, let me know, it's time for a change. Some of the people we put here don't really fall into either of those categories. Anyways, here is this week's girl, apparently she's the Queen of Hate? www.myspace.com/queenofhate

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: This one was sent to us from Chrissy in Webster County, so she's getting all of the credit. We all know that cats are better than dogs, so why not a cat clip. This is a vid that you may have seen before, may have not, that's how it goes around here. In this one, we get an epic fail of a cat in search of a bird.





3 Quick Thangs:

1. Birthdays for Thursday, July 16th is what you want? Ok, I can deliver that. We start things off with the architect of the 90s Cowboys Super Bowl teams, Jimmy Johnson, 66. I would've guessed younger. Actor Mickey Rourke, drugged out and all, and apparently back in action, 56. How's he still alive? I'm glad he's not on any death lists though, so I gotta tip my hat to him. Plus a good movie in The Wrestler. Gary Anderson, who was a NFL kicker for all of time it seemed like, he's doing it up for his 50th. Actress Phoebe Cates of Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Gremlins, 46. Hockey guy Claude Lemieux, 44. Will Ferrell, 42. One of the best running backs of all time, Barry Sanders, 41. Actor Corey Feldman, 38. There you have it, a pretty good list there if you ask me, solid.

2. Want a fact? Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time. I guess that means that some go both at once? Strange.

3. I'm ending with a crazy story out of Marion County, WV. I'm giving credit to Walz on this great great find. This story is so messed up that it's actually going to give all sorts of reactions from being grossed out, some may laugh about it, others may be fired up, but it's worth looking at. Also, read some of the local comments under the article, priceless. One of the most creative I've found was "He is a PETifile". The one and only ManDingo says, "best comment is the lady who hopes they get an abortion for the dog 'if she is pregnant' to which our Canadian buddy TyLaw comes back and says "I think we can all agree that West Virginia could use some more abortions.". Good stuff. Check it for yourself, I can't make this story up. Only in WV. http://www.wboy.com/story.cfm?func=viewstory&storyid=62705

Cork's Cookout Celebration & Youngstown State Penguins

I'm going in with this blog knowing that I can't top last week's performance. I'm just being honest about it, but I think we'll pump out some quality readage for the people out there who are bored. You have nothing else to do with your time obviously, you're coming in here to read my words, whether good or bad. I'll see what kind of material we can bust out this time around. It's a week where we'll be all over. The road trip blogs are so easy to write, even if they take forever because it is basically written for you in a sense. This style when I hit all sorts of things, it's more of a challenge, but I like making it fun. As usual, I don't really do a whole lot of anything in my bum town, but to some people, it might sound exciting. We're going with a cookout bash, cornhole domination, random Ohio people, Michael Jackson, pregnant kids, softball, and much more! Here we go..



Where to begin.. I might as well start with the July 4th Weekend, why not. Wednesday night, my town's fireworks were supposed to go down. It was rained out, so they had to reschedule the festivities. My town always complains about having no money, yet they shill out insane money for the people to get all amped for fireworks. Put that towards the potholes everywhere or the rail trail next to the river that I run on that they have said would be fixed a long time before now and hasn't. Thursday comes along and the rain was drizzling all day (Big Drizzle Drew Gooden) all day and finally stopped around 5:00. Things were fine, but they cancelled that night as well, doh. When it all was over, my town didn't even have a night this year.

Friday rolls around and it's time for big action. It was time to head to the streets of Nutter Fort for Cork and Kristen's big bash. What a setup, a ton of people, and a quality spread of food. I could give the attendance roll call, but I'm sure I'd miss a few. I'd guess there were at least 30 people there. The funny thing was that everyone there was either married or with their chicks other than myself. Yep, I was the lone wingman of the night, the only one. I guess I wasn't a wingman so to speak, since I wasn't taking one for the team and no other singles were there. As Arizona Jas told me, she says it's like I was more of a condor, I'll go with that. I actually like it that way though, I'm used to it enough over the years, I can have my own schedule to do whatever with, plus I'm somewhat picky anyways.



For a little guy, I straight tore up the food that night. You name it and it was there, people brought over some great stuff for our crew and Cork was manning the grill. The hit of the night though was Abby's cheesy potatoes, we wiped those out like no other. I went back for more and they were gone. How can you go wrong with an Ann Riley recipe? Answer? You can't, that's how. For what it's worth, Ann makes the best brownies around, hands down. On the dessert side, I'm voting for Tisha's chocolate mousse cake or that's what I'm calling it anyways. It was legit and I'm all about trying the desserts out. The fireworks started going at the park which we had a great view of from Cork's yard and this was my first experience of the Clarskburg works. Needless to say, all of the people there gave a big thumbs down to Clarksburg's performance. I expected more from all of the hype over the years, but I wasn't mad or anything. Everyone said they are usually a lot better, so I'll take their word for it since this was my only time seeing theirs. Overall though, I'm usually not a huge fireworks guy one way or the other, but it was just good times getting a big crew together and doing our thing.

Game time and luckily we had a few cornhole boards on the premises. I saw them set up early and nobody was playing and I was getting anxious. I can't just let an open cornhole board go to waste, so we started choosing up teams and went to battle until the night fell. I wasn't on my game, but I went through a few stretches that I zoned out on, so I'll take it. Overall though, not one of my better performances. Fortunately, I had Spank on my side towards the end of the night and we ended up going undefeated against all opponents. He had to carry me on his shoulders this week, but I held my own and got the points in when needed. On a sidenote, Cork is the only person I've seen who throws overhanded when playing, everyone was commenting on that. Surprisingly, he does a pretty good job with this style. It was nice playing under the fireworks though. I felt like I was living in my favorite movie of all the, The Sandlot. Moving on to the next game..



Beer pong was set up next on Cork's porch. Since I live in a cave, I've only seen it played once before I think. Yeah, I know that's hard to believe for the party crew, but I rarely ever hit up a party to where that'd be played, not my scene at all as everyone knows. It wasn't too intense of games, but I figured I'd check out the scene first hand and watch around for some good competition, be a spectator. Spank, as he was in cornhole, was undefeated in this as well for the night, so he doubled up in the events tonight as the champion. That's bragging rights. Everyone was having 4th bashes that night to celebrate the fireworks. We noticed this bunch across the way and these two randoms just walk up on Cork's porch. It's all about being friendly, not how it is up north, but we're all about it down here.

Come to find out, we have an Ohio duo by the names of Dan and Savannah. We didn't know them from anything, but they wanted in on the beer pong action and sort of invited themselves up. They were great entertainment though, I'll give them that much. They had Cork bashing them with jokes and they would come back and bring something from their end. Cork finds out that Dan goes to Youngstown State or is from Youngstown, one of the two. Then Cork shows his trivia prowess by busting out that their mascot is the Penguins. That won Dan and Savannah over right away. Dan was a veteran beer pong player and knew all the rules that Cork went by. He was just happy to play and kept saying over and over that it's house rules and whatever Cork played by that he'd abide to. I guess that'd be the smart thing to say if you're a stranger and just roll up to a crew of 30. Savannah then decides to tell us out of nowhere that she has fresh nipple piercings. She teased showing them as a distraction for the game, but never got around to it. Not that she had much, but you know everyone, girls and guys both (oh, it's true), were going to take a peek if she showed. In blog news related to that, one of our regular readers who gets dap in here, Arizona Jas, she recently had hers done too for whatever that's worth to the fans. She'll sign autographs after the show. I left towards the end of the night and at that time, more of the neighbors just walk on the porch and invite themselves into playing some beer pong. That's some hospitality if I've ever seen it, so props to Cork and Kristen for having a nice bash to get the rest of us people out of Shinnston.



Tuesday, whether you were interested or not, you kept your eye on the Michael Jackson memorial service from the Staples Center in Los Angeles. It's insane how many people were there, overflowing outside of the arena. It featured quite an array of talent in the House That Kobe Built, with people paying ridiculous amounts of money to get in. You all know who was there, I won't have to go over that list. I know nobody is in the middle of this MJ saga, you're on one side or the other. I didn't think it was cool at all for some people to bash him repeatedly still though. Dude is dead, come on. He might've been weird, but he was on a completely different level of stardom than anyone in the world if you ask me. I'm a fan of his stuff for sure. I didn't have much else going on that day, so I admit to watching most of it as well. When I was online talking to my buddies, the same thing can be said for them. Even if they didn't want to watch, they watched. One thing that shocked me during the show was when I looked up Reverend Al Sharpton's age. Really, that guy is only 54? I'm still not believing it, no way. He looks 74. He's another controversial guy, but I think he's an awesome speaker. I like how he took up for Michael's kids and then busted out that "there weren't nothing strange about your daddy, it was strange what your daddy had to deal with, but he dealt with it". I could give opinions on each performance, but time to get back to another topics.

Here's one that bugs me and I'll tie that into my next segment too. What is it? Why do people insist on showing ten zillion pictures of their kids? Granted, I like to chat it up with just about anyone and don't get offended. Show me some pics of your kids, that's cool and acceptable, but you know the type of people I'm talking about. I really don't mind looking at pics of your kids and giving my graces, but after you have seen the 534th pic of them, what else can you really say without it being awkward? I'm not directing this to any one person or event recently, it's just a thought in my head. I know everyone loves their kids and I have no room to speak on this since I don't have any myself. It's not about that since most people don't act in this fashion. Most people with kids like to show pictures off and that's how it should be, but I'm only talking about the ones who do nothing else but shove pics in your face and don't have enough personality to talk about anything else. Does that make me a mean person? I hope not, but as usual, just being honest. You don't have to agree with me.



Speaking of kids, it's time to branch off. I try not to laugh, but the new show on MTV, 16 & Pregnant is a must watch. It's such a horrible show that in turn, it's one that is so bad it's good. The drama in these episodes are way over the top, that a lot of it has to be put on. Either that or some of these couples are such idiots that what you see is what you get. I hope for the sake of these babies' future that a lot of it is put on, but I know better without asking that question. It's sad how often we're around kids like this, but it happens everywhere. Kids with no jobs, no clue how to take care of themselves and then they get knocked out by some other bum with no job who also can't take care of himself. I'm telling you though, check out this show, you'll get hooked in no time. I'm sure I have nothing better to do, but you can't go wrong with some drama on TV. Oh, and the latest episode that starts on Thursday night? BOTH the daughter and the mother are pregnant, that has to be worth checking out.

I haven't given many softball updates this year. Last year we had a lot more going on it seemed in the co-ed league as far as fun drama. Now that we're in an all guys league, we haven't had anyone kicked out of games or that type of deal thus far. Our problem this year is getting enough reliable people to show up. We always get enough, but sometimes just barely. You can play with 9 and it's official, but can play with 10 obviously. A few games this year we've had to go 9 and still pulled out a victory. We have probably 15 guys on the official roster, but three or so have already dropped out for the year due to moving away or job issues, mainly our best player. Since that we'll just pick up whoever. That's fine by me, I'm playing every game anyways, but on the opposite hand, we drive 45 minutes to play and sometimes the other teams won't even bother to show. We still get the win, but what's the fun in that? As of typing this, we're 7-4 on the season, but I want much better than that. We play till late August and I'm having a blast. Unfortunately on Tuesday night, we didn't get to crush skulls or call anyone our victims, we were the victims this time around. I'm locked in though, some fun stuff indeed for the Dyno Nobel gang.

One last thing before I get to the bottom pieces. I had more to write about this time than I expected. I guess that's a good thing, but if it's a bad blog, just be straight like you guys always are and let me know. Shinnston is back to normal starting today. How so? More true and real Italian food back into the mix. My town doesn't have much, but I'd put our Italian food up there against just about anyone. More firepower is back in action since Larry and Sheila are bringing A's back to the original foundations. Not only do you get the great food, but you get to hear some of town's best stories at the same time, it's the experience. Kind of like my legendary barber, you're paying for his wise words more so than the haircut. Mix my barber in with the other characters in town, plus the three awesome Italian joints around in A's, Pizza Express, and Jimmy's, and you got a nice little stop to make. Roll the dice and wherever it lands on, you're getting some great food and stories guaranteed, either way.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: We're going with a girl that goes to Arizona State and is from Orange County. We don't have a ton of pics this time and really nothing to make fun of her for overly much, but she gets it done enough. I'm not sure how dirty or the other that she is, maybe neither of each, but hey. www.myspace.com/sexxystephy

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: This guy is just minding his business. Then a kangaraoo, yep, comes up and rocks him a good one. It's only 9 seconds, but I figure you have to like this one. To all the Aussie buddies, you'll crack up at me being a dumb American and being fascinated with kangaroos, but we don't have that over here. Hope ya enjoy, we'll see..





3 Quick Thangs:

1. Let's try some birthdays for Friday, July 10th. Tennis great Arthur Ashe would've been 66 today. Singer Arlo Guthrie, 62. Baseballer Andre "The Hawk" Dawson, 55 and one of the sweetest swings in the history of the game. Former 49er stud Roger Craig of NFL fame, 49 and looks like he can still go. Jessica Simpson, 29. Weight gain or not, she gets it done. For the people bashing her for that, you know you'd want to be all over that too, don't lie. Thomas Ian Nicholas, better known as The Rookie of the Year Henry Rowengartner, that kid is 29 too, dang.

2. This link brought to us by The_Freak. With the tag line of "where dreams become heart attacks.. this is why you're fat". Most of us, myself included, aren't shy from tearing up some greasy fatty junk food. These creations here may multiply that by about 10. Here's a few examples: The Spamsicle is deep fried SPAM on a stick, Dorm Food Casserole that is "stuffing, ramen, ground beef, shredded cheese, mac and cheese, ramen, shredded cheese, garlic mashed potatoes, shredded cheese, bread crumbs, all topped with sliced onions and pound of bacon", and The Pizza Party which is "A DiGiorno pizza on top of a Jack’s pizza topped with Totino’s pizza rolls." Here's the link: http://thisiswhyyourefat.com

3. Today's fact? More Monopoly money is printed in a year than real money printed throughout the world.

BlogMania I: The Bird Novella

Thanks to The_Freak for this week's submission for a blog title. When I told him it was going to be my biggest/longest blog ever, he came up with that. Not counting this little part, I'm bringing 21 paragraphs to you, plus the bottom deals as usual. Hang in there, this is going to be one long ride filled with stories that will hopefully keep you awake.

This is a blog that can go one or two ways. One is that you might actually want to read it in sections and take some breaks. Print it off, take it to the bathroom with you, why not. Either that or you might not even want to read at all since it'll probably be one of the longer blogs I've ever written up, but hopefully you don't take that route. There's so many stories that I think I can do justice with to keep everyone focused though. Before I even begin, this past weekend's roadtrip now ranks as my favorite road trip of all time, beating the Philly ECW trip of 2000 that held the mark before. It's time to open this bad boy up and see how the hicks from West Virginia survived in the big city life of Philly and New York City. Get a pillow and make yourself comfortable, we're going to be a while.



Friday morning at 8:00 is where I begin with the storytelling. All true of course, nothing exaggerated. It wasn't a big crew road trip as we sometimes take, this time it was just Spank and myself. We leave Shinnston behind in our paths for a few days and journey northward. In Fairmont, we make our first pit stop to Cracker Barrel. You can't go wrong with some quality breakfast to begin the day with, it's very underrated. We get to near Gettysburg, PA and make a stop for some food. This is probably 3-4 hours away from home and out of nowhere when I'm in the bathroom, I see some people from our town. What's the chances? They were also going to Philly too, but obviously not for the same reason. For the locals, it was the Pulices. I then leave a message on the phone to mom that I just saw the Pulices and had a decent story about it and I'd call her later. A few minutes later, she calls and thought we had a run-in with the actual police from how I explained it. A good start to the trip.

On the way up, most of it was spent with a DVD popped in. I did the driving and didn't figure I'd be too safe as I drove and watched TV at the same time. Luckily, I didn't get into any fender benders for some reason. Mix that in with big city driving and that's a win in and of itself that I didn't wreck the ride. Along for the ride, we wanted a wrestling DVD to set the scene as we drove into Philly. What was it? For anyone who cares, it was the Rise & Fall of ECW double disc, one of my favorites if you want a nice history on the promotion. That made the ride go way faster and I was glad I brought it along. Much more on ECW later on in the trip, but first I will get the New York side of the trip down first.



The entire trip, we were spot on with timing. We were like chickens with our heads cut off, but made it to all of our destinations on time. I'm not about to be late by moping around slow and same with Spank, we can't stand that. Slow people that aren't responsible enough to be on time and want to screw around, forget that. Not us at all. We stayed right next to all of the Philly pro sports teams' arenas: Lincoln Financial Field (Eagles), Wachovia Center (Sixers/Flyers), and Citizens Bank Park (Phillies). One thing that really bugs me in sports is all of these corporate names for stadiums. I know they want to be recognized, but it just doesn't fit to me. I still call a lot of stadiums by their old names, it's easier to remember than some pointless name.

We throw our bags in the hotel, I put up my away messages on the computer and out the door we go. Gone for the weekend and you expected me to leave the computer at home? No way, I'm too addicted for that to happen. So from Philly, we start our journey to NYC. I left the car at the hotel all week, wasn't about to drive anymore than I had to. I'd just like to see the money we spent on transportation once we were going to all of our places, it was nuts. We didn't know much at all, but decided to ride the Amtrak from Philly to NYC. Bad choice. Why so? We looked online and figured it'd be anywhere from $45-$90 round trip. We figured we'd go that route, even if it was more pricey than the dirty subways. We go to pay for our tickets and it comes up to $87 a piece, one way, doh. Not good at all, but were a few minutes away from one train leaving, so we manned up and went Amtrak. Spank pulled out a quote in line and says "$45 my ass" in relation to what we expected to pay. Then the whole line turns around and are shocked or something since he said that. Like that's a big deal? We knew then and there that it wasn't a crowd of people that we'd be able to have fun with. The train was nice, but nothing worth what we paid. Inside it was mostly rich boy people that seemed so stuck up. We did sit next to this dude from Pittsburgh that I talked to for a bit, but nothing special.



Once we got in the city, it was time to jump off that terrible Amtrak setting and get onto a real sub with people that were alert and not sticking their nose up at you. One thing I noticed about when I go north, especially in New York, people aren't into the random chatter. Down here and especially way down south, it's rare to walk by a random person and for them to at least not say hey, ask you how you're doing, or acknowledge you. It got to the point that we knew it was weirding people out when we'd stir up conversations that we tried to do it as much as possible from that point on to amuse ourselves. I did enjoy the cheap subs there though, you run into some total characters and can pretty much say whatever you want. Despite the fact that we never really had a clue where we were going, we made it to all stops on time. I never have a problem going up to some bum and asking questions. If you don't ask, you won't find out.

It's time for the baseball part of the trip. Citi Field as we got to be in attendance to see the Mets host the Yankees. I've seen my Yanks play before, but never at home. This one wasn't at home either, but I'm getting closer. As far as the look of the stadium, it's very nice. It has a touch of PNC Park, Jacobs Field, and Turner Field all mixed into it. It was definitely different to be in a sold out stadium, it's been a while since that's happened at a baseball game before. You have to remember, we're normally going to Pittsburgh games and the last time we were there, it was lucky to have 15,000 in the crowd, sad. Here, you had the place rocking, the atmosphere is as electric as you have always heard from people who have been to games in New York. On top of that, it was Subway Series time, so it was even more jacked up than usual. Just the chants alone starting from the subways all the way into the stadium with Mets and Yanks fans going back and forth was worth it. It did surprise me how respectable each fanbase was towards the other for the most part. I'm sure it can get heated though. We sat beside this guy who has been to 12 games at Yankee Stadium so far and a few at the New Shea Stadium, so that made it fun. It was probably split in half of which fanbase the people were supporting. Atmosphere wise, PNC Park can't compete at all. Judging the stadium though, PNC Park is still easily the best baseball stadium I've ever been to and I stick to that. The two complaints I had from the New Shea was that the seats are really small (it'd be very brutal being a big dude in these seats) and every 2.3 seconds you'd have a jet blazing right overhead while watching the game. LaGuardia Airport is really close, so you'd get that action and it was fairly annoying. Shawna, I know you're immune to that by now, but it was giving me a headache and then some. Still, worthy to check out a game here, I had a blast.



After the game, it was off to Penn Station to head back towards Philly. We had time to kill, but not a ton. We got there around midnight and had a few options. Amtrak was an option, but they didn't have another ride the opposite way until 3:00 AM. Amtrak wasn't even an option on our radar anyways after that first trip, they can keep transporting the richies, forget those no-personality bums. Another option we had was to catch a metro to Trenton, New Jersey at 12:40. We decided to go walk the streets for a few to see what was up. As I was walking outside, it hit me that we were underneath Madison Square Garden, the mecca. Shows what this hick from WV knows about where he was in NYC. We hung in Midtown Manhattan for only about a half hour, didn't get much time to glance around. It was fun seeing some of the interesting bums and their spiels. One dude in particular was saying, "Dime, nickel, penny.. just a penny, just a penny.." It was like that over and over and over, yet somehow it intrigued us. I wondered then if he'd really act excited if I gave him just one penny. I got some street food too from one of those carts, loaded up on a chicken shish kabob that who knows what kind of meat it actually was. I do know though that it was good dirty food, so I was in for it. Bums were even bugging us for a bite of our chicken. Usually I'm a sucker that hooks bums up every so often, but I didn't on this trip. Spank gave some of his chicken to a dude though, he was pumped.

There wasn't much to report on the chick scene, but you'd see it all. It seemed that for the most part, they all like dressing up in the big city, something that doesn't happen at home much. Some had no business dressing up either, but to each their own. I'm not much about the fancy scene if it's overdone and cheesy, give me laid back any day, I'm easy to please. Girls can dress up nice without looking like clowns. I can see now though how people always say that dudes who look like total dorks can find someone way above their level on the hotness scale in a big city. You don't see it the other way around as much, but I'm sure it happens. One thing I did like as far as the populations overall in both cities is the diversity. Every culture you can think of and it's there. Back home it's fairly boring since the majority is the same, but up there, you can be whoever you want and nobody cares. More on the culture thing later on though when Sunday's report comes around.



It was time to head back to Philly. We jumped on the metro and it was only $12.50 to ride from town to Trenton, New Jersey. You can't beat that with a stick. On the metro we sat beside this older lady who was getting off of work and was heading home. She was really quiet and probably wanted no part of us when we sat by her, but I was at least going to try to get her alive somehow. After a few minutes of her being timid, she opened up a bit and knew we were just two idiots and had no clue on the big city life. She gave us the comment that we get on all road trips, "You're not from around here are you?" and once again, she picks up on the accent. Maybe that put her at ease that the hick accent we bring along gave her some of the southern hospitality feeling. When we got to Trenton, we faced a jam. It was about 2:45 AM and there wasn't another train going to Philly until 7:00 AM. I wasn't about to sit there for 4 hours, especially in this station that had absolutely nothing and it was straight up deserted. Luckily, we found another girl there in the same situation. The only people in the place and she was going our path. She had to be at the airport by 6:00, so the 7:00 train wouldn't do her a bit of good. Our only option was to get a cab and take that route. The chick was down since she didn't have any other ways. You gotta be hard up to ride in a cab with two dudes you've never met in your life and go along with the plan. Total cost of the ride? $125. We split it three ways, but that's insane. It was cool with me though because we had yet another person to ramble on to. This time, there was no escape since we were in the cab all together. She was a weird one, but things worked out fine. In the end, we saved probably 5 hours worth of time before we'd be back into Philly if we waited for the 7:00 train, so chalk up a win there.

One thing and it's no surprise to anyone, is the standard of living up there. I know what you're thinking, I'm coming from the middle of nowhere in West Virginia, so of course it'd be much higher. Another thing that would really bug me would be the lack of free time some of these people have. I'm spoiled in that I'm 15 minutes from where I work. I go there, do my business, come home and that's it. No traffic, no nothing. These people? They're riding trains for hours at a time each way everyday (like the old lady was telling us). I don't care how much money I'd be making, I'm not about to waste several hours of my day just riding around. Time is way too valuable for me to do that. Most of the time I realize I'm not doing anything special, but I still want all of the free time I can get. Back to Philly..



Now it's Saturday and we're at THE reason we made the trip. We were saying the baseball game was just a warmup and it really was. I know that's hard to consider when we just were at a Yanks/Mets game, but just stating the truth. How could the weekend get any better off of that? Well it did, multiplied by about 20. When I tell most people I'm going all the way to Philly to watch wrestling, they look at me like I'm a freak. Maybe I am, but I always say wrestling is a passion of mine and it's a soap opera for guys, it's entertainment. I've been to Philly quite a good bit of times, but the last wrestling trip I made there now ranks as my #2 road trip of all time. That at the time was for ECW CyberSlam 2000, which was an internet convention that had fans from almost every state and a ton of different countries show up. I could write a blog just on how I feel about ECW related things (the original version of course), but I'll try to condense it down to a few paragraphs, although that'll be tough for me to do. It's right up there with my Celtics love, which is saying a lot.

This year's event? Legends of the Arena. At the corner of Swanson and Ritner Streets, it's the infamous ECW Arena in South Philly. It doesn't look like much on the outside, I know, but if you've ever been, you know it is hallowed grounds. The talent that has been in that building over the years and what has gone down is straight up legendary. In my opinion, I'd rather be inside this arena than any sports arena in the world, no joke. To the non-wrestling fans, I know I've lost you, but I'll get you back soon enough, be patient. This show was set up by "The Queen of Extreme" herself, Francine Fournier. A lot of the money into the show went towards the fight against cancer. Last September, Francine lost her father due to pancreatic cancer and then only four days later, her oldest sister passed away from cancer of the bile duct. Then, a month later, another sister of hers found out that she has kidney cancer. She was able to beat that one. Due to that cause, most of the original ECW roster was in attendance for the show. Also, since we were two of 80 to have front row seats at this event, we got some big hookups. What'd the front row price get us? Starting at 1:00 that afternoon, we were able to hang with all of the wrestlers, get pictures, eat with them, walk around everywhere in the arena unattended, be part of a Q&A session with the wrestlers, autographs, and were able to take our chair home which was a commemorative version. The fans not in the first three rows had to wait till the show started. To most people, what we paid to be able to do this might blow your mind, but in my book, you can't put a price on that at all. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.



Within minutes of being there, we had already received more than our moneys worth and then some. Most have already seen the MySpace and Facebook pics from the trip, but check them out if you're behind everyone else and are bored. I could give story upon story about hanging with each wrestler, but I'd probably be talking to a wall. Write me up one day and ask if you want to know more details on the wrestling side. 95% of these guys are as down to earth as it gets and gave us all the time in the world. You could tell they really wanted to be there, didn't mind getting pics taken with you and were totally professional. We got to hang with everyone there, but some names just to name a few: The Legend Terry Funk, Raven, Sabu, Lil Guido, The Sandman, Al Snow, Rhyno, Spike Dudley, Justin Credible, ECW founder Tod Gordon, and many others. Paul Heyman wasn't at this show, but I've been near his presence before. Heyman has near god-like status to me.

If you've ever been to an ECW show back in the day, you'll know it's the best crowd ever, bar none, no questions asked. I'll match it up against any sporting event, seriously. The baseball crowd on Friday was great, but this is on a completely different level being inside the ECW Arena. The most knowledgeable and respectful wrestling fans there are, yet also the lewdest and crudest as the saying goes as well. If you are a great wrestler, the crowd will let you know and you'll be a hero. If you can't hang, they'll get you out of that arena so fast you won't know what hit you. The chants alone in there are something to behold, stuff that kids need no part of. The event itself, amazing, off the charts good. As a side note before we got into the building, we were in line waiting to get in. That is where we saw the woman from Massachusetts who had the Larry Bird tat in my pics which was one of the greatest tats I've ever seen. I've come a long way on tats lately. I wouldn't get any myself still, but if you're creative enough, you can pull off the look nicely. It's just the ones who aren't creative at all that bug me. Get something different, not what everyone and their brother already has. Just saying, but I don't mind them now too much in most cases. A lot of these people had ECW tattoos all over them and of the wrestlers. Yep, adding to the dork level of the crew I'm associated with, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Speaking of the Larry Bird tat woman, she had an idea that she wanted to slice her head open. She climbs the arena fence that has barbed wire all around it. It's not sanitary at all, but then she takes the wire and starts raking it across her forehead. Blood gushing out, I kid you not. After that, she took singapore cane shots to the head for the fans and got crunched with them. Of course I watched and loved every minute of it since it was so out there. Somehow I only wrote three paragraphs on the ECW part of the trip, but I'll stop now as much as it hurts me to, really it does.



We get back to the hotel and that night a Kenny Chesney concert was at one of the stadiums. I thought I left WV to escape that mess, but apparently it followed us up. It was really weird seeing a bunch of rednecks and big trucks in Philly. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but just the setting was weird to see and I come from an area like that. Not my cup of tea. I'm in hick land and still feel uncomfortable around country music fans for some reason. A lot of them stayed at our hotel and even though most of the chicks were obliterated out of their minds and would have done anything and everything you asked I'm sure, it just wasn't appealing at all to me, so they got a thumbs down on my end. Just being honest about it. It was nice seeing cornhole busted out in the hotel parking lot though, never seen that up north before. Some aspects of the redneck life I can handle and take part in, but never could do a whole lot with country music. Maybe some day.

Whew, I'm running out of breath here. Sunday arrives and that's our day to come back home, but not so fast. For breakfast, we do the "touristy" thing and head off to Geno's Steaks for some cheesesteak action. The night before after the show we tried some dirty mom and pop cheesesteaks and they were pretty good, but I'm still a fan of Geno's even though it's mainstream and not cool to people that are up there a lot I'm sure. We went to Geno's after the ECW show on Saturday and it was so packed it was going to be a 2 hour wait, doh. That's when we decided to get one elsewhere and then go back in the morning. After we tore up some cheesesteaks, it was time to rock it out to see the city. In count, Spank ate 5 cheesesteaks on the trip, 4 in one day, good get man.



We start walking and we're not the lazy type, we'll walk just about anywhere if we have to and not complain. Plus, it gave us more chances to talk to random bums and see what was up. We got to walk through each community and I liked that as much as anything. Little Italy, Chinatown, the hispanic section, and on and on and on. We got to Chinatown and that place was pimped out. We went to an acupuncture place to check out the deal and what they had to offer. We were almost sold, but decided instead on a massage shop. Ironically, the prices here were about the same as in my area, we were pumped for that. This had to be the best massage I've ever had. This little asian woman brought the pain and knew what she was doing. No, not what you're thinking you pervs. She couldn't have been 100 pounds, but she had some force, but more on that place in a bit. Chinatown has some shady places, but we were all about that. A few we walked into that had steps from the streets and would go way down into a little area. How some of these shops stay in business is beyond us. A good bit have to be fronts for another type of business.

After that, we rolled back to the opposite end of town, towards the hotel where the car was at. Just for that stretch alone, we walked over 10 miles and I'm not making that up. We figured we'd get to check out some areas, shop around, and save yet another cab fare to get us to the hotel, we could walk it out. On the way back, we hung out in Little Mexico as I'll call it. Little Italy and Chinatown have names for their areas, but why not this place? I was just rambling on and looking for lucha libre wrestling masks in these shops. In one of the last places I checked, they had a ton of them and I was in heaven. Hey Cali Jas, I'm one step up on you now, it's time for you to get that lucha mask. It still is crazy to me that nobody in your fam is into lucha, a religion in Mexico, but I won't hold that against you, never have. :) I've talked to you about it already since I put the pics up, but you're a blog diehard, so I had to send the props out. Just being a goof, I figured I'd get a few pics in front of a store there and then I kept it on for a good while after that. I was walking through the streets of Philly in a lucha mask and the looks people were giving me as they drove and walked by was worth it alone. The things I do for fun, I'm different, I know.



So after walking 10+ miles, we made it back to the car.. only we had a problem. I was searching around and said that I didn't have my keys. I freaked out for a few minutes. Luckily, I did have a spare in one of my suitcases in the car if we needed to bust in. Then I thought things over and maybe I left the keys at the massage parlor. Ironically, I asked for a card from those people on the way out just because. We call them up and whoa, they have the keys! Now what? For all of that walking we did to save money, we now have to go back in that direction to get the keys. It was Sunday, the stupid soccer game was going on at the time (are Spank and I un-American since we rooted for them to lose to Brazil so we wouldn't have to hear as much soccer talk for a while?), so it was tougher to get a taxi to come get us at the hotel. We were getting impatient when they'd call cabs for us and none would show. Then out of nowhere, this guy drops off his buddy who was a hotel desk guy. Since the cabs weren't coming anytime soon, we run up to this stranger's car and ask him if he wants to make some quick money. Nice way to start the conversation huh? Then we explain that we need a ride to the massage shop and back to the hotel and we'd hook him up. What are our chances he says yes? Sweet, he said yes, he must be bored to death or not sure what else. So we jump in stranger's car and he ended up being a funny dude and wasn't freaked out. He was a big stoner, nothing I condone, but in my opinion, stoners cause no problems for the most part. They're always laid back and aren't all into the aggression. Plus, he was a big rap fan and was jamming away, can't beat that. And an ECW fan too? We found a winner. We made it back safely and the guy was pumped when we hooked him up with some hard earned cash. Now he can go buy some dope with it, good job buddy, but we did appreciate the ride.

Dang, that was a lot of work. Hopefully I did the road trip some justice instead of boring everyone, but we'll find out soon enough. I wrote this up mostly in one sitting and it took ages. Usually I do pieces at a time, but for some reason, I zoned out and just kept typing away. That's why I value my time so much as I wrote earlier. The people in NYC, they might not have enough time to have nothing else to do with their time and write random blogs about living in the middle of nowhere. I didn't really get to tour NYC at all either though except for that short bit, so my answer might be a bit biased, but in my dealings and a final verdict? Philly > NYC.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: This week's submission comes to us from Arizona Jas. Here is what Jas has to say: "whatcha think of her? not that many pics... but some def. quality ones.. well.. lemme see.. if i can find a better one first.. dirtier. cause shes.. actually kind of pretty.. just slut-tastic" I decided to use that one. Plus, the girl says she is "MISZ B THEZ BOYZ JUST WANT ME!!!" and "Your man was not in my plans-his cash was!". Hey, I can't make this stuff up, these are real people. Here we go: http://www.myspace.com/miszb09

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Of course I'm throwing in an ECW vid in here for history sake. Here's a tribute:





3 Quick Thangs:

1. Weird Fact #1: Mosquitoes are attracted to the color blue twice as much as to any other color.

2. Weird Fact #2: An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.

3. Over 5200 words in this bad boy. If you made it to the end without hating yourself, you're a champ. Don't expect a novel each week, but that was fun.