Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Niagara Purified Drinking Water

This week's title has nothing to do with the blog. I'm just drinking a bottle of water right now from some company I've never heard of before, so it's fitting. A very quick preview: Bruno review, more commercials, Breaking Dawn, BINGO, TO, Erin Andrews, and a whole lot more..

We started out last week's blog with a movie review. Let's try to keep that streak alive and go with another. The movie in question for this week? That'd be Bruno. Of course it's a movie I've been wanting to see as it's right up my alley. I've heard about every opinion you can imagine on this movie and that alone made me more interested that usual. Over the top? Yep, times 50. Offensive? I'm sure it could be to some. If you're of the weak at heart and don't have a good sense of humor, don't bother with this movie because you'll just whine like a little baby. If you're on the same scale as me, you're definitely going to enjoy every second of this. In a nutshell, the storyline of this movie I'll paste from IMBD: "Comedy lightning strikes twice for mickey-take meister Sacha Baron Cohen when his gay Austrian fashionista runs amok in America. In this bargain-basement narcissus' never-ending quest for "celebrity", Bruno attempts to seduce a onetime presidential hopeful, adopts a black African baby and provokes a near riot at a caged boxing bout in Texas. Essential exposure of redneck prejudice skips hand in hand with elaborate Candid Camera-style con tricks. Borat buffs will know exactly what to expect."



There were five or six scenes in this movie that had me rolling. Which ones? When he tried to set up the Middle East peace talks and portray it as legitimate, it was great to see each side's reaction. The talk show bit that you saw a portion of on the previews where he names the kid OJ, the crowd going nuts on him alone is well worth that scene. The concept is so messed up, but you have to take things with a grain of salt in this movie. In the martial arts scene where Bruno wanted to know how to beat up a gay dude if he hit on him, how the instructor didn't bust out laughing through that is beyond me. The instructor was great with his boom sound effects. How can you not like the fortune teller trip? Over the top, but it's great. How about the swingers party that Bruno goes to? The blonde chick beating him with a belt and him running around the room screaming is classic.

If you haven't walked out of the movie, and I hope you don't because it's great, then the end scene at the mixed martial arts show did provoke a near riot as our preview said. Words can't do that scene any credit, but take a bunch of redecks and throw some gay innuendos and actions at them and you can only imagine, except it's more than you're even thinking. I'm not even going to give my usual arguments on the racist/stereotypical rednecks in my area, I've said it enough, but it's sad that people like that still exist and there's a bunch around. At the very end with credits, Bruno has a video with Snoop Dogg, Bono, Slash, Sting, and Elton John. Another funny moment. I hear from both guys and girls who walked out that there was too much nudity and it was over the top for their liking. Again, what did you expect from this movie? One thing in American culture I don't get is nudity in movies. For decades, it's been acceptable if you see a naked chick in a movie that it's no big deal and it happens from time to time, right? But the minute you put a naked dude, not that I'm wanting to see that but whatever, everyone freaks like it's the end of the world. It's not like much worse isn't online that you've already seen before a lot, just admit. If someone wants to be gay, that doesn't really concern me a whole lot, their choice, no harm either way to me. It's not my thing, but everyone is different as it should be, nothing to get all worked up about like some of these people get over this movie. My opinion on that matter, a gay or straight couple both, just as long as they're not all over each other in public, let it be. Now it's time to give a grade on this movie. This is such a tough one to grade because I could see some people giving it a 2 and others giving it excellent numbers. In my book, and for this blog's purpose to you all, we'll give it 8 offended racist rednecks out of 10, go see it.



I talked about some commercials last week, one in particular that bugged me, being the Avian roller skating babies. Here's another that doesn't really bug me as much, but it just has me wondering. You seen the KGB.com commercials? Even if you don't recognize that site, you know the commercials. It's the ones where they put up a number to text to and you can ask anything. Then in return, after you pay $1 per text, they send an answer back. Really now? I'm going to pay a bunch of bums $1 for ONE text to ask them a question? Get out of here with that garbage. They probably can't even answer half of them right to begin with. Obviously it must be taking money from a lot of idiots because I see the commercials on a lot. I guess if it's a money maker, I can't fault them for doing so, but it's funny to me that people would actually do this. If you're bored to give it a try, text 542542 with your question. There, some free advertising for those people. If anyone has actually done this, let me know how it turned out for you.

On the book side of things, I've finished up the Twilight saga. I took the same criticism I got when I read the Harry Potter stuff, but this is another great series, despite people who won't give either the time of day. Just like with Harry, going in, I didn't think I'd like that storyline one bit. Speaking of Harry, I've heard nothing but great reports from the new movie. Ironically, as much as I liked the books, I've only seen the first movie so far. Once I started with the Twilight series, I was hooked and it's a pretty good read. It's labeled as a girly book series and probably is, but if it's good, it's good. I liked the first few books better than the last few personally, but each book has you in suspense. The ending to Breaking Dawn was a bit unexpected (if you haven't read this far into the series, stop reading this paragraph now for spoilers sake), but still good. Why was there no final scene with Charlie or Renee? At least Charlie knows what's up, but does Renee just go through her entire life without having a clue why Bella was so "sick"? Weird. Also, I thought they could've given the Esme character more detail in the books. And what kind of dumb name is Renesmee? Despite those things I'm picking on, it's an awesome series, check into it if you already haven't. I'm always reading on something, 90% of the time it's sports/wrestling related and I don't jump out of that spectrum too much. The Wrestling Observer Newsletter is easily my favorite thing to read as normally I get a copy or two per week in the mail. There's no price they can put on that subscription to keep me away and I'm like a little kid when I see it in the mailbox. Some people think I'm a little kid anyways as far as actions go, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Dave Meltzer is a god amongst men when it comes to wrestling and MMA reporting, hands down the best in the world. Anyone recommend anything new for me to read? I'll keep it in mind if nothing else. Who knows, I might get into another girly book series. Don't knock it till ya try it.



Tuesday night it was a trip to act like an old man. Not that I'm not one already, but you know. How so though? Bingo! I haven't hit up Bingo in a while, so I was due. Along for the trip was Cork, Kristin, Spank, Alicia, and me playing the fun role of wingman, good stuff. Last time remember, Cork won the huge bucks. This night, since it wasn't weekend, didn't have that big of a cash flow, but still something we all wanted a piece of. Cork has the luck of the Irish (deep down he knows he wants to join up and become a Notre Dame football fan) and does it again, winner! It's the best seeing the old ladies get fired up. I didn't have such luck, but it's still a blast. I don't know how these old ladies do it. They're playing a zillion cards at once and are so relaxed. I'm there being all paranoid and getting tense as I play since it's tougher than you think to keep up. Maria, here's a good story for you. I was pretty sure you and Ozzie weren't playing that night, but we pulled in and the car behind us in the lot was exactly like yours. It had the dark tint and everything. So I get out of the car and walk up to it, thinking it is you. My face is right up to the front windshield and there's a chick with long brown hair. I stared for a second and then realized it wasn't you. The chick inside looked all freaked out, hah. Then I had to explain I thought she was someone else to make her even more weird I'm sure. Stuff like that makes my days go by with some much needed humor. Lighten up people, you don't always have to be so serious.

More TV for the fans out there. I get my money's worth on my satellite bill if nothing else. What did I watch on Monday after wrestling was over? That would be The T.O. Show. Terrell Owens, the talk of the Buffalo Bills this season, comes to us on VH1 with a "reality" show. After one episode, I'm really liking this. Basically the premise is that he has two publicist girls that follow him around and try to look after him. Also around is one of his buddies who also plays the role of the bodyguard. His publicist girls are so annoying that it may end up ruining the show. Without them, this is a hit. They start off by talking TO into moving to LA for the summer to give him a change of pace. They are taken to a house for him to check out and it's being shown by a hot real estate chick. The publicists are wanting the usual information, but TO leaves them downstairs and does big pimpin work on the real estate girl, that part had me cracking up. Seeing TO in pimp mode is too funny and might make the show worthy for that all by itself. He eventually invites her over for dinner and fooling around in the hot tub. The publicist chicks get so jealous when he's around other girls. He also during this time buys a pair of earrings for $137,000 like it'd be a nickel to you and me. Toward the end of the show, he's trying to make amends with his ex-fiancee who he admitted to cheating on. Come on TO, you don't cheat on a girl that looks like that, you idiot. You don't cheat on any girl actually, but I guess in his status level, that happens all the time. That's my only complaint with him so far, anyone that cheats in my mind is pretty dirty, it happens far too often in all walks of life. He has the huge ego, but I still think he's a bit misjudged due to him being such a big celebrity. Matty Cakes and Spank, you two are in for a fun ride this year as Bills fans, anything could happen.



Picture this setting. You're hanging at the house, chilling on the couch with some orange Gatorade and watching TV. Out of nowhere, you hear a big crash into the side of your home. You go outside to check out what the ruckus is and what is it? The Weinermobile! Into your house? I know, I'd be thinking the same. Luckily for this story, nobody was home, but that to me would be hilarious just to see. This story was sent in to us by Sister Corndog as the whole family is getting involved with the blog. My driving skills aren't even any good with smaller things, I could easily see me crashing that one. Someone should try to pick up a date with that thing just because. I wonder if they'd walk out of the house after seeing that pull up, we need that on YouTube. Yes, I have too much time on my hands to think of these things, but so be it. Anyways, here's the article with a picture if you're curious: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,533681,00.html?test=latestnews

I think it's official that every guy in America has already seen the Erin Andrews spy vid from her hotel room. It's a huge topic over the sports shows on TV and radio. You just gotta love the internet for stuff like that. Also, props to Carolina in Yellowknife for finding random nudes of my girl Jordan on Big Brother, among others on the show you can find if you're wanting to see, which you are. I haven't watched the show till this year, but the 24/7 concept on the website and uncensored things as well on Showtime 2, you're probably gonna have someone post screen shots eventually and that's what happened, just how it goes. On last night's show, she admitted she can't tell time unless the actual number is said. When they give her something that is a quarter till, she has no clue. Jeff, who isn't the sharpest tool in the box either, even he was getting a kick out of her not knowing that and they're in a semi-romance on the show. Carolina then starts picking on me for being a fan of this girl so far anyways and gives thoughts on Jordan:

Carolina: ha ha what's quarter to 8???
Carolina: ya i was thinking you don't have to be smart to have guys look at you
Carolina: ya i couldn't wait till you logged on... ha ha... i was thinking wha??? eddie likes this dumbass chick???... oh ma nerves...


It has to be the southern accent that draws me in because the dumb girl mentality isn't a turn-on in my books, at least not long term, but I could see how some dudes would be into that. Back to Andrews, The_Freak comes at us with these thoughts:

The_Freak: (11:46:54 PM): Is it normal for chicks to walk around their hotels naked?
The_Freak: (11:47:28 PM): Like "dum de dum, think I'll fix my hair first"




Most people my age, a bunch are already married with a family. If not that much, they've been out of the house for years. I'm not ready for any of that, call me crazy. I'm a different cat and do things a little out of the ordinary, but that's me. If I worried a lot about what people thought, I'd be miserable like I see so many other people be. The main advice I give in here a lot is pretty straight forward. Stay positive as often as you can and just be yourself no matter who you are around. Why act different around one person than you would another? You'll get along with way more people that way or at least I think so, but what do I know. Anyways, instead of buying a new house like everyone else has done, I might as well fix up my section of the house since I'll probably live here till I'm 50, hah. I do have a great setup, so I'm never in a hurry. I have the entire upstairs to myself, great privacy, and a good bit of space. I'm pretty simple. The past few weeks and the upcoming, it's remodel time upstairs. I'm painting the ceilings, walls, replacing the floors, and getting carpet set. Not your typical bachelor pad, but it's gonna be rockin' when all is said and done. I'm a pack rat and have gotten rid of so much junk so far that it's surprising, but still have way too much that I'm going to be keeping. Once Celtics season begins (I'm always in NBA mode as everyone knows, the other sports I love, but they are just there to kill time), the bane of my existence, I'll have it just how I want it hopefully. If I don't destroy the house first.

Time for a short CD update..

Mike Jones: The Voice. This is actually a pretty good CD. Despite Jones wanting to put people on just about every song with him, it all flows well. Lyrically, Jones is better than a lot give him credit for. Sure, he's known for screaming his name over and over, and wanting that attention, but he knows how to make the money. My only complaint on this CD is a few songs that he tries to do the slow chopped and screwed garbage from Houston. We don't need that in raps, I don't get the fascination with that style. Some songs to download off of this? Give Me a Call featuring Devin The Dude is my favorite, Next To You, and Scandalous Hoes even if that bum T-Pain is involved. He's the one who names them, not me.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: I hit up the rocker pages again and it seems easier to find someone from than the rap pages. I'll try that route for a bit. Why'd we pick her? Tons of pics with your typical things that can get you in this spot. There's the usual dirty Halloween costume folder, another one titled "sexy time", 232 pics total, 5'1", LA girl, looks pretty decent, and not one we're going to make fun of this time around. Anyways, here's a good time killer for you nosy people who want something to check out online: www.myspace.com/shawnessie

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Urban Ninja time! I've put some parkour vids up before in the past, so why not another. I can't get enough of parkour action. It makes me want to get out there and try some of this, but half of it is about impossible. This one is sent to us by none other than Corndog. Check out this kid, he does some crazy things, really impressive.





3 Quick Thangs:

1. Here's one of those weird laws that can't be true anymore, but we'll report on it anyways: In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. Hmm.. like that's going to work. Unless she's some freakishly strong chick or knows some MMA submissions.

2. On average, women in New Zealand do not give birth until they are 30 years old. Meanwhile, 22% of American women aged 20 gave birth while in their teens. In Switzerland and Japan, only 2% did so.

3. I haven't got my Zombo fix in a while. I've put this pointless website in here a long time ago, so why not again for no reason. http://www.zombo.com

2 comments:

Ms. Jazzie said...

My name is Bruno and I am gonna be world famous *weird laugh* Okay first of all I did not like the movie that much and I knew what I was getting into. I might admit Straight Dave took it home for me and deff showed the rednecks and stuff. I did not like it that much I would not watch it again but it SURE MADE ME LAUGH!! BRUNO! The whole penis twirling around was FUNNY!

Twilight... *scrolls down*

Awesome Urban Ninja! :)

Good Blog my friend

Matthew said...

I'm with you on HP and Twilight, regardless of what anyone says. I've enjoyed each of the books, and not so much the movies. I was really disappointed when I watched Twilight last weekend...I feel like they left out way too many important details.

As far as the T.O. show goes, I don't mind Mo & Kita. I think they actually add to it. You can be sure I'll be watching every episode, popcorn in hand.

One last note...I find it interesting that Mike Jones felt compelled to make another "Scandalous Hoes". I liked the first one from "Who is Mike Jones?", but really?