Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Semipro Football Groupies

When I'm getting threats from Germany to get a new blog in, that's all I need to know. You guys all keep me on my toes, so it's time to whip up the mixer and figure out what kind of batter we're going to put into this writing. We're now at June and bum time I can see right around the corner. My kiddies are done this week and my last one is Tuesday, so that'll rock. I like my job a lot, but it'll be much better to sleep in, be up late on here and just do nothing for about 3 months and get paid for it. I could write a book on some of the characters I teach, with some hilarious stories that would blow your mind, but that probably wouldn't be the best thing to throw up on the internet, so I'll refrain from that. I hear boos from the crowd, but that's how it goes. Now I'll try to drown out the boos and get on with the body of this piece. Boos to cheers!

I realize everyone reading isn't a sports fan. Well, I'm here to keep your attention in this paragraph, even if you don't care a bit about football. Last weekend, Cork had the idea for me to roll to MoTown to see the West Virginia Gladiators. That would be our local semi-pro football team. We go to Morgantown High's field and it was my first time on it believe it or not. Turf field and all, we don't see that much in my area. For $5, you get your money's worth and then some. Anyways, Cork and Kristin were along for the festivities. We guessed there were about 200 people there for the season opener. The best part about the night to me was how random things were and that you saw some strange agents. Now I wished I had taken the trusty camera along, I'll have to try that at another game maybe. Anyways, it was neat seeing a lot of guys we knew in the area from ball in the past. There was actually some talent on the field, they weren't garbage players. They played the Lima Warriors (come out and play-ayyyyy) who were last season's champs and it showed in a 23-0 win, Lima did their business. Groupies. A nice tie-in because these players had some trashy girls wanting to get all over them. It's not like many of these girls looked good, they were rough and ones you wouldn't want to bring home, but at least they had very little clothes on, so at least something was in it for the few who looked fair.

Remember, this is pretty low budget. I compare it to independent wrestling, the shows that come to your area that 50 people show up to. Nothing that will blow your mind as far as production, but you almost always have a good time. It's like a family atmosphere, even if the people that show up are dysfunctional. They had a grill going with dogs for $1 and burgers for $2. By the 3rd quarter, they ran out of food and pop both, way to organize that one fellas. Before the game, it was time to jam to the National Anthem. You could hear them talking in the booth that they couldn't find the audio. They had us stand up for it to be ready, but told us to sit back down as they were having problems. Then they pull this poor girl out of the crowd to wing it and do it up. A horrendous effort. She would go for a bit and then pause for a good 5-10 seconds, breathing heavy and I thought she was going to quit. She made it through, bad voice and all, and the fans ended up clapping for her because she at least had the balls to get up there on short notice. And for one of the best (worst) of all time, it's the Carl Lewis clip. You all know what I'm talking about: http://youtube.com/watch?v=IXD_j2ZTNEA. And I've posted on it before I believe, but now it's time for the best Anthem I've ever seen, Canada blows us away on this, you have to see the passion: http://youtube.com/watch?v=meLpuF9UMvk.

As promised, I said I'd unveil the project that Kasher has created in Lobstah for us all to be a part of. For those who know me and my crew, we're big American Idol fans. I know, that's something most guys wouldn't admit, but hey, we're not normal I guess. This blog will feature some f-bombs, but it's nothing you all don't say every other word anyways, so you'll feel like home. What he's done has been nothing short of genius and he deserves all credit. The topic of his debate is "Ranking the 43 Idol Women in Order of Fuckability". I kid you not. Guys or girls, you know you're interested in what goes down with this. I'll let Kasher tell us the deal since he created it: "After 7 seasons of the show, there have been 43 women who have made it to the finals of American Idol. I will now rank these women not by their singing talent, but in order of who is most fuckable. I will try to do one per day." As of the day he started it up, we have the following: 43. Mandisa, 42. Amy Adams, 41. Fantasia, 40. Amanda Overmyer, 39. Vanessa Olivarez, 38. LaKisha Jones, 37. Melinda Doolittle, 36. Carly Smithson, 35. Paris Bennett, 34. Nikki McKibbin. We're having some great arguments about it and even the girls I've talked to are getting a big kick out of this drama. The straight links don't appear to work, but if you're wanting to check, try to login and then go to the Movies & TV forum: http://lobsterrodeo.proboards76.com

Here's one that I always thought was weird. I'll set it up for you. A big storm is brewing and is close to hitting your area. As you have the radio on, you get the robotic voice that warns you of any danger. I was getting my haircut last week and was wanting to hear my barber's wise words of wisdom as usual. Nobody was there for him to cuss or argue with, but the robot voice comes across the airwaves as I'm in the chair. "Fuck! I don't know what the fuck that thing is saying on the radio! They can't just tell us straight up what the fuck is going on, but we have to hear that fuckin' thing I can't understand!" That pretty much sums it up. It's 2008, they can't upgrade that somehow? Again, it's always worth the price of admission to hear his wise words, the haircut is just an afterthought.

Most people reading have a MySpace account, so you'll know this next bit of information. Feast on this one. Lately the craze has been for buddies to send movie quiz scores or the little thing where they buy you as a pet and show how much they'd pay. You kidding me on that junk? I compare it forwarded emails and you all know how I feel about those as I've went back and forth on that many of times in here. The same pertains to these movie and pet payment deals. What do I do with them? They almost always get the deny comment selection from me. I don't want that up wasting space on my front page, but I guess a lot of people are in love with it. Spare me right now and don't even send that.

We're 3 games deep into the softball season. Dyno Nobel is off to a 1-2 start, not what we want, but we'll bounce back. Last season, we started out rough in the first part of the year, only to end up 3rd overall in a league of about 14 teams. This season, I'm not quite as sure. We're fielding very good for the most part, but it seems the bats haven't been awake yet. Still, it's a blast for me and whatever happens, happens. My game? I'm somewhat happy with how things are going. I'm a slap/contact hitter and my goal is to run everything out as fast as I can and then motor around the basepaths. I don't like putting the ball into the air much unless I have to, so the ultimate hit would be to 3rd base or shortstop and just run it out. I even got a little bloody sliding into 2nd in the last game, good times. My thing though is fielding. I feel that with me and Posey as a team in left center/right center, we have the outfield on lock. I'd MUCH rather field than hit, but I'm sure others would go the other way. In one last thing, we were playing against this hot little pitcher in little pink shorts and high socks (that's how great co-ed softball is) and she was crowding the plate as she batted. The pitch hit her elbow and put an insane knot on her that blew up in no time. She toughed it out, but how do you not get out of the way in slowpitch softball? Who knows. I'll update things on how the season goes of course, whether you're interested or not, I'll try my best to put in some gems to keep you wanting more.

The past few days at work I've made into movie day. I haven't had one in a while, so I was due, plus it makes my day easier too. I let the kids argue over what they wanted to see, so they brought in a few things. One day we watched Transformers. I hadn't seen it before and didn't figure it'd be my kind of movie. It's not great, but it's good for middle school aged kids and I enjoyed it too. They were as quiet as can be while watching, even though they had all seen it before. The next day, they decided on 2 Fast 2 Furious. I've seen it a zillion times myself, but once again, these kids were glued to the TV and it worked. I like all three of the Furious movies, so I was fine with it. Or as Luda would say, "I'm too fast for ya'll manneeeee."

It's time to start a new book, but I'm not sure what route I'll go next. I just finished up Bret Hart's, My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling, 592 pages worth. The wrestling fans are going to absolutely love this one. Go pick it up as soon as you can, I'm not messing around. I never get tired of reading wrestling books, but I may switch it up this time, who knows what will go down. One on the recommendation list from ManDingo is Bringing Down the House from Ben Mezrich which tells the story of the movie 21, the blackjack movie I reviewed when it came out in theaters.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/vanityflair

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Scary sheep! This is a simple vid, but I'm loving it for some reason. Someone put a mask on a sheep and he's walking around scaring the others without knowing. http://youtube.com/watch?v=xKExXjFAQz4

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Let's try Wednesday, June 4th to see who gets to open presents. Baseballer Tony Pena, 51. Basketballer Xavier McDaniel and fashion guy Mossimo Giannulli turn 45. Speaking of X-Man, he was part of one of my favorite Larry Bird stories. The game was on the line against the Sonics. Boston had the ball and were down. Bird, as the timeout goes down, walks over to X-Man and points out the exact spot he's going to hit the shot in his face for the win. So what happens? Bird does just as he said and X-Man walks off shaking his head. Actor Noah Wyle, 37. Angelia Jolie, popping babies left and right, 33. Speaking of the god himself Larry Bird, Magic Johnson's son Earvin Johnson III is 16.

2. "What a dumb fuckin' commercial! And it's on every 5 minutes!"- Dad on the Planters commercial where they have the chick all mangled who rubs peanuts on her to attract the guys. I couldn't agree anymore myself. http://youtube.com/watch?v=8MyiOI6bsOM

3. Today's fact you may not know.. You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark.


Anonymous said...

ya i agree with your dad...
GLAD THAT UP here in the great white north... we ain't got dumb commercials...
lol wait spoke too soon there is one that i can't stand... the kia maniac commercial... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOyQK5jBalE
don't know if that works but ya... we got some dumb commercials glad we don't got that peanut commercial thought.. :oP the kia commercial is on every freaken commercial break during my playoffs... my dad switches the channel when it comes on... ya... gotta love the annoying commercials... :oP

Anonymous said...

I didn't threaten...:)...just said you were due...:P
The football game sounds like quality fun, and loving the commercial and the sheep. Poor sheep. Throwing around all kinds of f-bombs in here today...but that's cool. Like you said..aint like we havent heard it before.
Have fun up there now that you can sleep till noon!

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!