Cornhole Action!

Get your cornhole on! No, we're not talking porn this time for once. We're talking some utter excitement to be had for the entire family. Again, keep your mind out of the gutter. Mine is usually there too, but we're going a different route on this one. Last Saturday, I got to make my first appearance to Kari and Matty Cakes' new house since they got married. First off on the house, I'm way impressed with the setup, so that has a thumbs up on my end. I'm not here to give real estate tips though, I'm here to keep everyone wanting to keep reading more, so I'll start with cornhole.



For those who have been with my blogs for a while, you'll remember my stories of Hillbilly Horseshoes in the past. This is a game that is basically the same except instead of using metal washers, you use beanbags. In short, you have two planks of wood with a hole inside. You try to throw the bags into the hole. I won't go through the point system and all of that. It's basically a redneck game where people can party and be all mangled, yet still be able to get in games. You can read the rules here and get a better idea if you have extra time: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cornhole_(game)

Since we had a big crew for Kari's cookout, I have to do the duties and list everyone who was there. As usual, I'll probably leave someone out, but if I do, just give me a cussing for the ages. We had Kari, Cakes, me, Spank, Cork, Kristin, Maria, Ozzie, The Fortneys, Tommy, Big Wes, Josh, Big John, Allison, Boyles, Tiger, and Mrs. Tiger. Anyone else? I have no idea. As part of that crew, Ozzie did the biggie and proposed to Maria. He big pimped and did it by putting the ring in a fortune cookie and having this elaborate plan thanks to Kari. I guess out of the cousin crew (6 of us), I'm the last one to try the marriage thing. I don't think people are surprised at that one, hah. And I'm pretty sure it won't be anytime soon either, but stranger things have happened. Next summer though, Ozzie will be married. I'm getting old, congrats to Ozzie and Maria, that's doing it up big.



Three paragraphs and I still haven't even mentioned much of the cookout or cornhole. I was over there from 6:00-1:00. Normally I'd feel like I was overstaying my time by being somewhere that long, but time flew by. The food was off the charts with the winners being Abbey's pasta salad and Maria's new pie creation with cream cheese, pudding, and a bunch of other stuff in it. I know it sounds messed up, but I tore that stuff up like no other. We played nonstop basically and had brackets set up. Yep, we have too much time on our hands when we're drawing out brackets and getting tourneys in, but everyone loved it. We had 2-person teams and switched those up some through the night. I started out playing with Josh and we did pretty good for rookies. Then Josh left and I teamed with Big John for the middle section of the night, what a character. The last few games of the night, me and Cork brought along domination.

Fortney and Spank were a team and called themselves Team Thick. Our crew is idiots all the time, so we're used to just goofing off and not caring. After a win, Fortney runs up to Boyles (who he has no clue who he is to begin with) and starts screaming in his face to do some fun trash talk and be silly. He didn't mean anything by it at all, but the rest of the night, that kid was scared to death at Fortney when he'd scream in his face at random. The character of the night for me and Spank's vote was definitely Tommy. He would just randomly say stuff to himself and drop f-bombs out of nowhere and crack us up. Maybe the rest of the crowd didn't think it was funny, but I was dying and we said Tommy is welcome to come back anytime, hah. Big John was a close second. He apologized for losing a cornhole game with me once because he was so mangled and even at one point said he was out there slobbering. I'm not sure why he apologized for that since I was just out there having fun anyways, but he thought that ruined my day that he let us down when he really didn't. Oh well, it made for a good experience. I could write a bunch more, but I need to get to other topics. Before that, I'll leave you all with a good cornhole video. Our crew is talking about having one in the works, so look out. Anyways, this may give a little explanation of what the game is all about with a catchy tune:



My crew has already seen this story, but it's worth getting out there for the masses to see. Felisha gave me the heads up on this action and I can't get enough of it. Quickly, we have a thing on the radio that the rapper/actor Ice-T did that was bashing Soulja Boy for claiming he ruined hip hop. Then SB comes back with his retaliation. After that, T gave a counter-reaction and straight up brought it in my opinion. Some hilarious lines in these vids, but I'll just post the T response and you can search around to find the others. "I apologize to you Soulja Boy for telling you to eat a dick." "Hip hop ain't gonna last with you doing that Superman bullshit man." "You can't hurt my career, I'm caked out." "When you go against me, you go against the whole West Coast, you go against all the O.G.'s, and trust me, there will be ramifications. Not from me, but from hip hop. You done fucked up lil homie!" How great is this stuff? Seriously now.



What's going on with softball? We had a doubleheader last Friday night. We went into the night with a 2-2 record. With a sweep, we'd be over .500 and at 4-2. That was the goal. The goal wasn't reached, but we'll take it for now. We lost the first game in the Bottom of the 7th in a heartbreaker, 7-6. The second game, we needed redemption. That's when it seemed like we were on roids and had the most runs ever in the history of our team's short lived career, 20! We won 20-16 in a slugfest. On a sidenote, this team had a dude that was every bit of 400lbs, if not 450, ouch. Trev was dealing on the mound for these games. He had at least 10 strikeouts on the day and you don't see that too often in slow ball. I was happy with my play in both games. 1-2 with a walk and a run in the first game, 3-4 with 2 doubles and a triple in the second. I could've had an inside-the-parker, but Trev as 3rd base coach at the time held me up since we were up so big. I guess we wanted to be nice guys. In the field, I made one of my better catches of the season on running one down as fast as I could behind second as I came in from deep center, that's always fun times. Our next game is a makeup on Saturday against The Sandlot Ninjas I do believe.

In random news, I was washing my car on Saturday before the cookout bonanza. After I was done, I left my windows down and my keys in the ignition. I didn't think anything of it, thinking I'd just drive my car to the cookout shortly after. I ended up not taking my car and I get back and hang for a while and go to bed. Dad wakes up in the morning to get the paper and notices my windows down and the keys in it. No biggie usually, but it was raining decently that night in times, so I had the inside of my car soaked, but it didn't hurt a thing. He thought maybe I started drinking for the first time at the cookout as he forgot I didn't take my car, hah. Nope, just a lapse of my mind and that's how it goes. So if you live in my town, the car was unlocked with the windows down and keys in it for the taking. Crazy how you can leave doors unlocked around here and you don't have to worry, the benefits of living in a little town. The moral? Roll your windows up before the rain.



Our very own DerekHood brought up a funny story yesterday. I'll let him take us away with some quotes:

My roommate was up near the Missouri border last weekend doing some fishing, and they went into Missouri to a convenience store and he found some beer he'd never seen before. And, since it was only $9.99 for a 30 pack (!!!) he couldn't pass it up. It's brewed up in La Crosse, Wisc. by Hat Trick, Inc. and it carries the glorious name Beer 30 Light.

I did some Googling and found some reviews:

"Jul 30, 2006
From a can. The body is very pale yellow with a white head that stayed longer than I expected. The aroma was sweat socks with some used urinal cakes. There was also some bologna. The taste was nasty old corn and some paper. There was also a bit of bell pepper in the finish. Very watered down."

"Nov 6, 2007
I thought this was grape soda when I bought it, but man, am I glad it wasn’t! This is the best beer ever because the can tells me when to drink! Apparently every 15 minutes is beer 30 according to the awesome purple can. The flavor is perfect, no actual taste, just slightly alcoholic skunk water. PERFECT!"

I recommend it to homeless people and West Virginians everywhere.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/missnorcal

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Felisha gets credit for this gem. This kid will crack you up. Loaded with the cussing if you're into that. I've watched it over and over. I guess I have too much time on my hands: http://www.livesteez.com/videos/watch/UrBXSFn

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Birthdays for Friday, June 27th? Politician Ross Perot and also billionaire, is 78 on this day. Country singer Trisha Yearwood, 49. Another country music chick, Lorrie Morgan, who hooked up with Troy Aikman for a while, she's also 49 and still looks nice. NBA baller Chuck Person, he's rifling it up for his 44th. Spiderman Tobey Maguire, 33, getting up there. Yep, I realize that's a terrible birthday list. Feels like every year I do the same birthdays.

2. Remember how last week I had the story of the guy looking like Borat at church? Thinking of someone forever that they remind you of a certain celeb, it takes forever to find and then it happens. Arizona Jas commented the other day that I remind her of a young DeNiro in Taxi Driver. Good stuff. It's funny to hear who other people compare you to. Over the years I've heard Marc Bulger of NFL fame, Freddie Prinze Jr., Jeff Gordon, the Blues Clues dude, and now DeNiro. Quite a variety, even if some may not be close, it's still interesting.

3. Speaking of keys in the car.. here's a stat for you to feast on. Nearly 20% of vehicles that are stolen had the keys in them. See you guys next week.