Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Ramen Noodles, Transvestites, & Pregnant Celebrities!

I had to renew my license picture the other day at the DMV. I prepared to be waiting a while since it seems like it's always a zoo up there. It wasn't as bad as I expected, but still nothing exciting by any means. The entire wait was about 45 minutes, I could handle that and then go home. I'm waiting in line for a bit and this dude in front of me said he needed to run to his car and get money. He asked if I could save his spot and I didn't have a problem with that since I'm a good guy like that and the line didn't seem to be moving. As soon as the guy runs out, the line starts to move and it's already my turn. People are pushing their way in and I couldn't actually stop the line and say wait for this knucklehead to return. I tried, but had to get on with my business. I see him walk in a few minutes later and he's in the middle of the line now. I paid my deal and then had to go to another wait to get my picture. I was joking to that guy that it seemed like a punk move, but nothing I could do and he was cool with that.



Speaking of the DMV, have you been to your local one lately? You see some straight up characters there, it's a treat to see, or maybe not a treat. I saw a vast variety of people. The funny thing is with so many people being there, and I'm around my area bouncing around a good bit, but I've never seen any of those people in my life out in the public before. I pretty much go just about anywhere in my area and I'm going to run into someone I know, that's how it goes. Not on this day though, it's like they pulled them out of the woodwork so to speak. You had your rednecks from deep in the sticks, your mothers with 7 kids, a few guys in suits, just the whole works. An interesting combo for sure. I was joking with Arizona Jas on the chick quality there that day. I said the best chick in the building was this cracked out looking girl and that's the pool I had to look at. She asked what did I expect at a WV DMV? I guess I can't argue that one too much. :)

Movie time! Yep, it's yet another review. I've been fairly steady with these over the last few months. On Christmas, I really wanted to see Gran Torino. Unfortunately, it didn't come out in my area. That happens a lot around here, I just have to get used to it. This movie was nominated for a Golden Globe. It is already in IMDB.com's Top 250 movies of all time, currently #125 as I write this part on Sunday night. It's impressive to me, that Clint Eastwood is now 78 years old and can still be a total badass in a movie. Even if you're not a Clint fan, you should enjoy this movie as it has a great story behind it. I'm usually a wuss when it comes to a movie with a saddened ending, but I held my own for this one. You get a hard nosed military guy who has some prejudice problems and overcomes that by helping out his Hmong neighbors, going against gangs, and learning about himself. I won't spoil anything, but go check this movie. I'm going to give it a high rank. Let's go with 8.0 guns a blazin' out of 10.



"This is the true story of seven strangers picked to live in a house and have their lives taped." This year, the 21st season of Real World, coming to us from Brooklyn, starts out by featuring 8 strangers instead of the usual seven. This will probably be long, but I'll go through each character, with of course some of my opinions. We start off with 21-year old Baya, a chick from Salt Lake City. She wants to be a pro hip-hop dancer and has somewhat of a horse face. She can dance for a whitey, I'll give her that. Next up is 23-year old Chet, also from Salt Lake City, weird. He's a Mormon who is waiting till marriage. People thought he was gay, but I guess he's not. Devyn, a 20-year old St. Louis girl, and right off the bat thinks she's better than everyone else. However, she's way hot on appearance, is busting out like no other, and has won Miss Missouri Teen and some Miss America Teen pageants. I smell big drama there. JD is a 22-year old dolphin trainer, who is our gay dude of the bunch. I don't care either way actually on the gay thing, never really did, but it must equal ratings because they throw one in each year. I say let them do their own thing, but like with straight couples, I just don't want to see them all over each other in public, it's that simple. Be all over your dude or chick away from me.

The next four? Katelynn. Wow.. We've never had this before on any season. She's a 24-year old transvestite who was born male. I'll be honest, I don't even know much about that whole process, but I'm going on record to say it's beyond weird. Maybe I'm living in old days, who knows. Even though it's not my lifestyle of someone being gay, I can live with that part like JD does, and have no problems. But the he-she thing? Nah, that's just out there. Maybe this season of Real World is all about teaching idiots like me who have no clue about that process, I'm willing to listen and say that I'm out of the loop. Ryan is the 23-year old Army veteran, so big props to him on something I'd never be able to do to begin with. He's also the clown of the bunch, from small town Pennsylvania, and I can see a redneck feel to him. He likes to predict what kind of person you are within 5 minutes of meeting and seems fairly funny. Sarah is up next. She's a 22-year old punk chick from San Fran. I'm growing a bit on the tattoo thing on chicks. On some, it can work. This girl pulls it off, arm sleeves and all. She looks pretty good I think and is now in her first relationship with a dude when all of her past ones have been with chicks. Last, we get Scott in New Hampshire. This is the wannabe model who the chicks seem to be all over. He recently won a best abs on the East Coast contest. I guess he'll be doing the big pimpin' for sure and seems decent enough so far as his character goes.. Now mix these eight unique combos together and you're bound for insane drama. Tune in, Wednesday nights at 10:00 PM EST on MTV or watch online.



Thursday night the crew met up at Ozzie's house to watch the Florida versus Oklahoma, national title college football game. In attendance we had Ozzie, Maria, Cork, Mudcat, Matty Cakes, Kari, and myself. I had predicted Oklahoma to win (I know Kristen, I know) this one and that just kept putting my horrible bowl predictions this year down the tubes. I had a blast as usual with the crew, just telling stories and some great sports chatter. Mudcat and Cork had a little side bet on the game where Cork gave Mudcat 5 points. Florida ended up covering and it ruined Mud's night by having to hand over the money. That was funny to see. During the night and afterwards, we busted out the Wii. I have a Wii, but this was my first time playing Wii Fit. I didn't get to play it for a long time, but it seems like it'd be well worth the purchase. This is especially true if you have a crew battling at it against each other. At the end of the night, it was finished up with Cork showing how he's the man at Guitar Hero while the rest of us just bask in his world. I'm ok, but I've never been anything great at it. When they pull up the 4th and 5th notes, I have a rough time with the pinky finger and adjusting back to the other side. For a little dude, I have big hands (can palm basketballs and things like that which serve no purpose since I can't jump), so I've always wondered how guys with monster hands can ever be decent at this when I have enough problems.

A different topic during the game that I'll bring up for no reason. I was hungry and asked Ozzie if he had any ramen noodles laying around. Who doesn't have ramen noodles, right? Of course Ozzie had a bunch, so I went to "cook" it up as I was chef. Nobody else was hungry and I'm usually not shy, so I'll find something to get the belly going. I had it boiling and threw in the noodles. After it was done enough (I even like my noodles a bit crunchy, al dente if you will), I strained out the water. I'm not a broth fan at all, so I eliminate that. Then I throw in the pack of chicken mix and whip it up. At that point, it's ready to eat, so I take it back to the huge soft couches and continue to watch the game. I'm eating it straight out of the pot that I cooked it in. Outside of Matty Cakes who saw things my way, I guess it was out of the ordinary that I did this. My reason behind this? That's only one thing I'd have to wash when I was finished instead of two. No, that's not being lazy, it's being efficient. Besides, is there any real big difference in a bowl I could've put it in or that pot? Nope. I do this all the time with things I cook on the stove such as mac n cheese, soup, or whatever.



To prove I'm ate up with TV watching, this week started up a new season of American Idol. Sadly, I admit that I'm hooked on this. I'm sure that lowers my manliness, but so be it. Also, most of you reading this are Idol fans as well, you just have to come out and admit it. I'm undecided on the new judge they have along this season. She's fairly hot, but then on the other side, she's pretty annoying after the first week. That's a tough cookie to crack, I'm not sure how to weigh that one. If I had to pick at the moment, I'll give her a thumbs down, but it can't hurt to look at for a bit I guess. Anyways, I won't start to break down many people until later in the season, but I did enjoy the opening shows. I was glad to see a lot of bums because I've been reading they were going to try to do away with most of that. That's entertainment. I love the main rounds as much as everyone else and their brother, but give me some people who are absolutely hideous too. During Tuesday's show, we had an AIM chat that featured blog contributor Corndog and DerekHood. We're 30 and yet we're spending our nights chatting for 2 hours as we watch Idol to just bash people and ramble on. Surprisingly, that's a good time. That shows how much is going on in my area, but I'm always down for that. Out of the Lobstah crew (http://theballsempire.com), we even get it going on our message boards after the show is over. Yep, ate up, but it could be worse.

Here's one I have never understood the point of. I guess people who eat up Hollywood gossip can explain this one to me, but I'm out of the loop there. The scene is when a famous couple is pregnant. The tabloids are all about being the first to show the celeb chick being fat and whatever. Not only is that screwy enough, but then it comes time when the baby is born. These couples get tons of money just for letting someone be the first to take a pic of their kid. I'd take the money too, so I can't blame the celebs, but what's the big deal on getting that pic out there? Third, and maybe the biggest gripe, it deals with the baby's name. I don't think I've ever talked about the name of a celebrity baby, yet when you get on the homepage of certain sites, they hype it up that they named it something outrageous. Am I supposed to be impressed that they named it after some planet, an exotic food, an adjective, or even some long lost goddess of love? Well, I'm not, it's just annoying to me. I can't be the only one.



Now that we mentioned Corndog (he's all over the place), we're going to see what late night snack he came up with:

Corndog: im about to do something right now that i think you'll appreciate. its eatin time...ill brb to tell ya what i came up with
Corndog: ok im back. you ready for it?
Me: Yep and then I gotta tap out for bed early for once. Whatcha got?
Corndog: leadin off.....
Corndog: A deadman sandwich
Corndog: aka ham salad
Corndog: followed up by....
Corndog: what im gonna call the Fat Man Sandwich
Corndog: startin from the bottom it goes like this.... a piece of bread..ham..turkey...cheese..mayo...bread...roast beef...cheese...mayo (again)...bread
Corndog: and a big ol jug of fruit punch sugar free wal mart brand kool aid
Me: Dang, that even takes a while to read.
Corndog: haha
Corndog: have you heard the term Deadman sandwich before?
Me: Don't think so, but you're doing it up huge, hah.
Corndog: i learned it from a buddy. cause anytime someone dies....when the familys eatin...someone always loads up a big tray of ham salad sandwiches
Corndog: i am just lookin at your dirty thug ho from last blog.....thats hilarious


Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: We're going overseas for this one. Kristen in Germany is going to provide us with this week's goody. "I know you're at work, but couldnt pass this up. Pretty decent ho right here, not a gazillion pics, but the few she has are quality with the captions you like, and she's got a million friends too...at least i thought it might be a good one. Anyway..her link is": www.myspace.com/nicolein602phx

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Corndog is back in action, doing double duty this time for us. He's going to start wanting paid for all of these contributions. He's coming to us with a Cakeroll. I wasn't sure what to expect on this one, but it had me laughing good if nothing else, so I hope it does the same for you:





3 Quick Thangs:

1. It's hard to believe we're already in the middle of January. For birthdays, let's try Friday, January 16th. We'll start off old school. Actress Faye Dunaway, 68. I know she's a big name, but I honestly had to look up what she had played in since I had no clue. Apollo Creed of Rocky fame (he's never Carl Weathers anymore) goes for 61. Rapper, Slick Rick The Ruler, he's now 44. Today's generation of rap "fans" who are fans for a minute and then hate it the next day should look up to Slick Rick. So many of today's rap lines are taken from him. He doesn't get enough credit. Zakk Wylde, Ozzie's guitarist, 42. Staying on the music scene, it's LL Cool J, 41 and still ripped out of his mind. About 25 years in the rap game and still is a name. Dave Grohl of Nirvana and Foo Fighters fame, 40. Blink-182 guy, Travis Barker, 34. It's all about music on this day I guess. One of Eminem's boys, Obie Trice, 32. Nobody under 32 today is worthy.

2. It's time to get pumped up. How so? Only because Cadbury Eggs are out! I bought my first batch last Sunday and was surprised to see them out so early. If you've been reading the blog for years, you know that's my favorite candy out there, bar none. I wish I could get a figure of how many of these I've had in my lifetime, it'd be sick. You have to go with the big ones, throw them into the fridge so you're always stocked up, and it should be illegal how good they taste. Go get some next time you're out. Or better yet, buy some for me the next time you see me.

3. Something else to get excited for? Locally, it'll be the 30th Annual North Central West Virginia Toughman Contest. I'll be going again on Friday night, the opener. That's the best time to go in my mind and you get your money's worth and then some. Go back and read last year's thoughts on the contest and you'll see some of that action. The crowd fights are just as good as the in-ring action. Last year I was two seats away from these filthy girls who got into a rumble and one got beat down bad. The drunken redneck crowd went insane, good times. I'll be sure to write about this when it goes down, January 30th... Stay tuned until next week!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cant even believe you'd root for the Sooners and "Big Game Bob". Ouch. :)
My Gators pulled it off...
Just a mention of LL would be enough...mmm...:) but using the ho too? Dang...

Awesome as always..have fun up there.

Ms. Jazzie said...

Hahaha! Dude you ARE old school! Man yall over in WV got to mix it UP! Transvestites are like people too you know, not out there at all.

Eating out of the pot? Efficient? LAZY! No excuses.

Dude I feel you on the whole OU. I wanted them to pull an upset since I really believed Florida had no business in that game but the less suckier of the two won. Go Tebow!

So tell me why I added your dirty ho of the week? I need more mobsters dude...and she knows what I want too! ;)

Celebrities...everything they do is awesome and over the top..even them taking a shit is cover worthy. Celeb names? Dont get me started.

Great blog like usual man.

Susan said...

I vote... EAT FROM THE POT!!!

Ms. Jazzie said...

Might I add, Susan you have a gorgeous baby! :) and okay fine...eat out of the pot...i give up :(

the_freak said...

Joe Flacco's birthday is on the 16th. Aaliyah's would have been too.

Travis Barker and Obie Trice were born in mid-November.

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