Monday, March 09, 2009

Gangsta Leanin' At The Car Wash

We're back after a little over a week. As I always say, when people start wondering where the latest edition is, I better get the fingers typing like a madman to get some topics in. Either that or risk the mob looting my house as they drive up in a black Caddy filled with greasy haired dudes with ball bats. What will go down during this second week of March? We'll hit up automatic car washes in what I think will get a decent reaction for something that you wouldn't expect to be good, dogs getting zapped, an update on the Celebrity Deathpool, Idol's Top 13, and whatever else we can push in. It's time to get started..

Here's one to throw in that no common sense category. The topic? Automatic car washes. First off, in my opinion, these things are garbage. It speaks highly on the lazy scale. I guess if you wanted a quick fix and wanted to spend 10 times what it's worth, it's all you. Me personally, I'd rather do it myself and it turns out much better anyways. Plus you save money. Now onto the story. I got a call from one of my aunts the other day and the guy that normally washes her car said it was supposed to rain and he wasn't going to take her money in a rain situation. Good dude, I gotta respect that. Due to that, she asks me a big favor, if I'd take her car and run it through the wash. Granted, this is one of my older aunts, not the ones most of you are probably thinking. It is only about a mile from my house, so I figured I'd drive it down there, run it through, and be back home. It seems easy enough, right?

I've ran my car through an automatic one time in my entire life. I wanted to try it just because and see what the hype was. By the time it was done and what you spend, it wasn't worth it to me. It didn't even wash it all. I know most of your areas have had these for years, but my little town has only had it for a couple if that. The place I go to had options from $5 up to $8 for the big daddy. My aunt said she didn't matter which one I picked and to go for the best they had. I put in $8 and the robot voice tells me to pull through. I drive up where the lines are and the green light is still saying "go" inside the bay. I pull up right to where I thought I needed to be and the green go light was on. I then thought for a second that maybe that machine just took my money and it was still telling the guy that went before me to pull out and cruise town. I then put it in reverse and drive back through to the end of the bay. No luck yet, still green for go. I must've backed in and out of that bay 5 times. If someone was watching me during this, they would've had a great laugh. The scene is now set and I can't believe I'm about to go into my 3rd paragraph on automatic car washes.

I'm starting to get a little fired up and realize how much I hate these things and was about to pull it in the next bay and do it myself. I then put in $8 again (this time, out of my own pocket) and try to drive through. I feel like I'm driving too far into this thing and didn't want to scrape anything. I go to a point that I couldn't back out of next and finally! Yep, the little indicator tells me to stop, imagine that. Idiot me was only about a foot behind where I needed to be to begin with. Any normal person would've been able to figure these things out, but apparently I screwed it all up. In the end, the car was clean, but not impressive to me. The aunt liked it and that happened to one of my good deeds of the week, minus $8 from my own pocket, nice. That's what I get for having zero common sense I guess. Who else can mess up an automatic car wash?

I was at Posey's on Saturday night for the latest UFC extravaganza, UFC 96. I won't bore anyone with going through the entire card, but it was a nice show indeed. It had a ton of knockouts and guys getting lit up. The main event for anyone that didn't check by now, Rampage beat Keith Jardine by decision in what was a pretty good match. Anyways, I've talked about Posey's crazy dogs before. They're like the other characters that randomly pop up in the blog and you remember them. I go up there for the pay per view and the craziest dog of the two (Dexter) is just out of control. As soon as you step in, he goes ballistic. Posey decided to get one of those expensive dog zappers that you can at first to warn the dog if they go crazy and then zap them if they keep it up. Yeah, the ones they wear around their necks. Spank was in charge of the zapper for the night and he ran it like a champ. Not much warning was given, Spank would crank it if Dexter went wild. Animal enthusiasts frown on this idea I'm sure, but it definitely works. Big Dex was good the rest of the night basically unless he needed zapped. Lexie (the Taco Bell dog) used to be the same way. Now, she's all cool and tame. I'm usually not a fan of tiny dogs, but Lexie is fine in my book now that she doesn't bark nonstop. Dogs, that's all you have to do to get on my good side. I have pretty simple rules.

How is Kasher's Celebrity Deathpool fairing so far? As of today, none of us have picked a person who has died yet. I guess for the betterment of the human population, that is a good thing. It's a fine line playing that game and it's immoral, but deep down, you know it's interesting, even if it is wrong. 10 more months left, anything can and will happen. This is my 5th year playing and I haven't ended up so well. In 3 of the 5 years though, I had at least one person who did drop off, but just didn't get enough points to win the thing. A recap for when I gave my list in January, but here is who I have pegged in 2009: Scott Hall (Razor Ramon), Raven, and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan of wrestling fame, Patrick Swayze, head coach of Notre Dame Charlie Weis, former Guns N Roses mate Stephen Adler, Amy Winehouse, old time baseballer Bob Feller, Nancy Reagan, and comedian Artie Lange. For what it's worth, ManDingo has all three Jonas Brothers.

We're down to the Top 13 of American Idol that starts on Tuesday night. During the main cut rounds, I've predicted the last 6 people right. I said I should go to Vegas with that luck, but it'd change in no time. The list? Kris Allen, Tat Sleeve Megan, Anoop Dogg, Matt Giraud-Timberlake, Gokey, Pink Hair Alexis, Purple Hair Allison, Emo Boy Adam, Blind Dude, Mississippi Jasmine, Jorge, Lil Rounds, and Oil Rig Michael. If you don't get a nickname from me, you must not be too important on the Idol scene. Either that or you're just plain boring. Right now, and things change, I'm rooting for Anoop Dogg, Kris, Gokey, Emo Adam, and Lil. I like some of the others, but that's my short list. I think right now Gokey and Lil are the favorites, but it's way early. There's nobody at this point that I'm absolutely rooting against, so I guess that's a good thing, right? I'm sure in due time someone will jump out as the villain.

My town doesn't have a whole lot going for it, but I'd rather live here than anywhere right now. Someone could do a documentary just on the town legends around. You see some straight up characters here, some good, some bad. Take for example this little scene that Spank and I saw on our way home from Posey's on Saturday. It was around 12:30 in the morning and we're a mile away from home. Near one of the local bars, we see this guy in town who rides around in a motorized scooter type getup. Nothing out of the ordinary, people in town get along with the dude. To us, it's just another guy on the streets. That night though, he's coming down the hill on a sidewalk in his cart and is doing the gangsta lean on it. He's all hanging towards the side and I needed a picture just to capture that moment, it was that good. For the Atlantic City crew, it can't top gangsta pimp strut guy, but it is still worthy. Spank said the dude was cruising around for chicks doing that. Hey, whatever works. Maybe I should try that on for size and film the reactions of the girls just for laughs.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: I knew once I saw the message that this one had potential. This one I didn't even have to open the page up and figured we might have something when it said "freakaleak", not to be confused with our very own The_Freak. This chick gets bonus points from me for being an Italian chick, she's dirty, and also plays Mobsters, such an underrated game. She loses points for being a weedhead, but you can't win em all. Anyways, this week's contribution, straight from Arizona Jas. This dirty is one of her friends' buddies, easy searching there.

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: As long as you're not the one getting hurt, you have to admit, you enjoy watching someone fall and bust themselves. It's like a car crash, you're at least going to look. In this one, we have a drunk dude who takes a manhole cover off for no reason and then falls into it. How does that not break his arm? He gets right back up, but what are the two dorks doing on the side? Are they Star Wars nerds? I have no clue.

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Let's try some birthdays for Tuesday, March 10th. James Earl Ray, the man who murdered Martin Luther King would be 81 today, but he's been gone for 11 years. I don't consider him a celebrity, but he's a known name if nothing else, but not in a good way. The one and only Chuck Norris, he's 69, dang. 69 and still buff, something about that just isn't right. Miss November 1981 and softcore porn chick Shannon Tweed, 52. Actress Sharon Stone, she's doing it up for her 51st. Jasmine Guy, aka Whitley Gilbert from A Different World fame, 45. Prince Edward goes for his 44th. Honestly, he could walk in my room now and I wouldn't know who he was I'm sure. Olympic gymnastic chick Shannon Miller, 32.

2. I'm almost 2 weeks in to not having any pop, candy, tea, or junk food. Some thought I'd never last that long, without candy especially. It hasn't been too hard thus far, but I can't wait till the time is up and Easter hits when I can go nuts on that stuff. I'll need a huge thing of sweet tea, Doritos and hot sauce, Samoas Girl Scout Cookies, and of course Cadbury eggs.

3. This week's weird fact? Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey. Also, Jersey may go on record to having the meanest people as a group in my travel experiences. They don't have a clue on southern hospitality, acting all hard and stuff. To each their own I guess. Talk to you guys next week!

1 comment:

Ms. Jazzie said...

ROFLMAO!!! Priceless *wipes tear from laughing so hard* DUUUDE! You got jacked ...mad jacked! 16 dollars?! ROFLMAO!!! Mann... Too.. Good *catches breath*

Boo American Idol


Hahaha on the picking up chicks... hell that would NEVER work down in SOCAL... we are sooo superficial it aint funny homie. We play fuck or pass with my friends and hell if we are feeling raunchy we play fuck, drunk, or pass... and at night when we cant see faces.. we choose what car we would want to fuck...personally? Beemer! 75k worth of love! Of course I am not going to fuck a piece of metal but seriously if the Beemer was a man.. it would be equivalent to TOM BRADY Hot! hahahaha!

The dirty dirty was aight... liking the whole costume thing going.. Italians... can never go wrong with em ;)

The video...WTF was that at the end with those weirdos...UGH

Anyways quality...:)