The Festivus: Wedding Spectacular!

Every so often the blog gets some pressure thrown around. This is one of those times and I've heard the request to make this blog a good one since a part of it will deal with big wedding action that went down on Saturday. Outside of that I'll talk about winning big bucks playing BINGO, chicks at the wedding, advice from Dad on who he thinks is the best husband/father out there, what Ozzie wants to do to people who smoke, the return of Harold & Kumar, Mario Kart Wii, and much much more!



I've said before that guys aren't big on weddings for the most part. I'm usually one of those that can care less and people probably know that about me. Saturday though was a wedding I actually had a good time at and wasn't hating life and wanting to go home after 15 minutes. No, I'm not saying that since it was a family wedding, but the setup was good times to be had for all. Before I get that started though, I want to step back to Friday night and bring about the good luck that I encountered while hanging out with old ladies.

What do I mean? BINGO night of course. In my early 20s or so, I'd hit up BINGO a decent bit with the crew. That shows how much there is to do in my area I guess, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't have a good time playing if you ever went. I get home from work that night and didn't have much planned. That was until Cork saved the day. He left a message for me to hit up big money action. I figured why not, it's been a while anyways. So with that, I roll to Village Square in Clarksburg (ironically, I'd be up there the next night too) with Spank in the ride and we meet up with Cork and Kristen.



My only complaint of the games were that they go way too fast. Also, if you aren't on your toes, you can get so behind that it's ridiculous. I talk enough the way it is and that made it tougher to concentrate with. For a pack of games, you're playing 12 boards at once. I'm looking around at these old ladies who can barely move and they're straight rockin' it out. To me, it's difficult to keep track of that many. I guess they'd say the same thing about video games, but I tried to hold my own. Speaking of, I saw this one woman who had to be at least 80 and was doing it up big on a cellphone. You serious? I'm the only person on the planet who doesn't really use one and here's this old fogey just zipping through it.

So we go to a non smoking room. That's a plus on the night already for that alone. Back in the day when we'd play, we had to be around dirty smokers with it burning our eyes and we'd get out of there smelling like dirt. Sorry if I offend the smokers, but that's always been my opinion and I've said that in here. Cousin Ozzie always gives the line about how he wants to take their cigs and burn it out on their eyeballs. That always had me rolling big time, it's a keeper for sure. It's demented, but you have to admit that's sort of funny, especially if you don't care for smoking. Down with smoking, my #1 turn-off. Anyways..



Three paragraphs of BINGO and I still haven't really got into the depth of this. Or as Snoop Dogg would say before he turned soft, "From the depths of the sea, back to the block, Snoop Doggy Dogg, funky as The D.O.C. Went solo on that ass, but it's still the same, Long Beach is the spot where I served my cane." That's a precursor to one of Matty Cakes' favorite all time albums. We'll get to him soon enough, he's one of the people that threatened me with death if I didn't produce a good blog this time around, so we'll see if that holds up. So I'm playing BINGO and not much of the action is left. It's getting desperation time and then I look down and I'm dominating a board. I'm down to the final number I need and the rest of my crew is starting to get pumped. I know they would've rather had a chance to win money, but they still had fun supporting me in my turn of good luck. The heart pounds and then O62 is called, sweet! I had to double check to see if it was correct and then got to yell BINGO as the old ladies got all pissed like no other. That's the best when you get the regulars fired up because some bum like myself comes in and takes their money. It wasn't a huge hit, but it still counts. It was a $100 game, but I had to split with 2 other people. Still, a story to tell and I'm willing to go soon in the near future.

Blare the trumpets! What for you ask? That's the sound you hear since Cousin Kari and Matty Cakes got married last Saturday. A thumbs up night for me as it was a wedding I actually didn't mind being at. Imagine that. There were a lot of things going on that helped the night go pretty well. First off, I know they're in Cancun while the rest of us hicks in West Virginia are working this week (must be nice, hah), but I gotta send the marriage congrats out to them in the blog and give them a nice shoutout. They really did a great job of putting everything together.



I was pretty impressed with the setup. The church they had their wedding in was excellent. It had somewhat of a medieval look to it and was crazy fancy with all of the stained glass and format of the building. Another plus is that the wedding and reception were close to home, so I didn't have to make a road trip out of it. Also, the wedding was a quick one, and even though I was roasting myself in there being insanely hot, I didn't mind one bit. I was a failure in one way though. Cousin Angie was going to take pics for Ozzie's girl Maria since she was in the wedding. Angie was behind a big pillar, so she turns to me and asks if I'd do it. How hard can it be, right? Harder than I thought. None of us in the first few rows could find a zoom on this camera. Then, half the pics turned out dark and the others when the chicks would walk up the aisle, I didn't have enough time to get anything good. Maria hasn't chopped my head off yet due to that failure, so I think I'm safe for now, especially since I talked it over with her and joked at the reception about it.

Then we get to the actual reception. Not only was the whole family in attendance, spanning from great distances such as the dirty dirty in Atlanta, but most of my closest buddies were also in the house. That makes things better for a guy that rambles on in conversation to just about anyone, so that gave me the chance just to walk around and find some good stories. The food, buffet style and it also was granted a thumbs up in my mind. The open bar wasn't a factor to me, but I know everyone else had a good time killing the drinks with that. By the time I left, I didn't see anyone make a total fool of themselves though. Even Uncle Bill, after months of saying it was the drunkest he was ever going to be in his life, was shot down and delegated to designated driver. That takes some guts to have to suck in the pride and be the DD, well done.



Spank and I, as well as the other guys there were scoping out the chicks of course. I mean, what else are guys supposed to do at weddings? We all had our opinions on a lot of them and while a few nice ones were there, we expected more younger dirty chicks our age to show up. That one was one few disappointments I had, as not many singles were there. There were some decent ones, but I thought the place would be swarming with half naked chicks as I wrote in the last blog. No biggie though, it happens and that didn't ruin things by any means. It didn't seem like a lot of singles were around for the festivities, but half of my crew is married already the way it is. Still, tons of time out there and I'll continue with the bachelor life for now.

As wrestler JR Benson writes in the great book, Extremely Strange, he gives his thoughts on when he turned 30. I'm a year away, but I still thought it funny: "Something weird happens when a guy turns 30. Suddenly, women are all over you. It's definitely something about a guy in his 30's. It is a woman's world for an attractive female in the 18 to 28 range. If she plays her cards right, most anything is possible, and the world is at her feet. But things even out, and men get our chances to thrive from 30 on. Now hot younger chicks were into me as the 'older man', yet sexy women in the 40's saw me as the eligible and wild young guy. Best of all worlds in the pussy department!" I might not have said it that brash, but it doesn't get more broken down and simpler than that, good stuff.



A few other final tidbits from the wedding before I move on. The reception was complete with the creepy DJ. That always makes for an interesting situation. He was familiar, but we couldn't place him, even with the name. Spank and I were bugged with where we've seen him at just recently and we both were going blank. Mom's favorite part of the reception was when my Uncle Jeff and Kari were out there doing their boogie together. Maybe I'm easily impressed, but that was pretty fun and Uncle Jeff gets bonus points on the style. And no, I'm not being sarcastic on that, he pulled it off. As an end to the wedding bonanza, blog readers Gayle and Cousin Jill may be happy to hear some wise words from Dad and he's selective on saying things such as this: Dad tells me that Gayle wins the Best Husband/Best Father Award and has a ton of respect for him. I have to say those words are about dead on with some high praise.

There's so much more I could push into this blog, but I'm going to save some for next week's version. You've kept reading for this long, so I have to get you waiting for more. Plus, we have our traditional bottom half of the blog's excitement to stir up some more interest, so we're not finished quite yet. Enjoy!



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: Earlier last week, regular ho chooser Jas sent me a link to a dirty. Unfortunately, the link is not valid anymore, so we have to go another route. She writes just now after I tell her that information and she says she has saved the blog. She's going on the freaky/weird type of chick here as she likes to pick on dancers: http://www.myspace.com/18666

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: We have another contribution from a long time blog reader. This is from ManDingo and he claims this as the best West Virginia commercial ever. Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qKWMeWZtc4



3 Quick Thangs:

1. Happy happy time! Let's go for Friday, April 25th. We start out big and go with Al Pacino, one of the best actors ever, he's now 68. Talia Shire, better known as Adrian from the Rocky movies, 62, dang. Actress Renee Zellweger, 39. Basketball stud Tim Duncan, going after the title this year for his 32nd. There's only four worthy this time, but they're all pretty big names, so that'll work.

2. Next week I should be able to talk a good bit about the next video game to purchase. I should be loading up on Mario Kart Wii. I'm a sucker for any Mario Kart type of game and they never get old to me. This one looks as great as the past ones, plus the online part of this game appears to rock all. We shall see.

3. Harold & Kumar return! This weekend, you all better gear up and save some extra time to hit up the theater. That's right, Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay premiers. I'm a huge fan of Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, as it is definitely one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. I know that seems crazy, but you'll just have to trust me on how good the first was if you haven't seen.

David Archuleta is Just Plain Creepy

Thanks to TheAnswer for today's blog title. Now the entire Answer Fam has both had a topic, they're moving up in the world. I agree with him on the topic too.

The action has returned. Once people start cussing me to get a new one in, I guess that's time to get busy and see what I can produce. In this edition you get my adventures leaving the mean streets for Spring Break, life without internet, rednecks with rashes in certain places, new CDs, animals galore, pimp suits, people dying and gaining me some points, plus much much more!



Spring Break and it was time to be a bum for a week. Hey, that’s my usual week anyways, so not a whole lot changed. I did get out of town for 4 days or so to switch things up. Usually each break for as long as I can remember, I roll to a place my parents have a few hours away. It’s in the mean streets of Harman, West Virginia. One of the big things of the trip is to hit up some trout fishing and I get to do my best redneck impression during that time. The only downfall to the trip is that there’s no wireless internet connections in our area there, but more on that in a few. Out of a year, I’d say there’s probably 5 days tops that I’m not online and anymore than that and my head might combust, seriously. However, everything else remains the same. I still got to watch the satellite, flip through some games, be updated with all of the sports happenings and whatever else went down. It’s a bummer missing some days of working out, but I’m regular enough with that, so a few days to lay around shouldn’t make me too much of a big fatty. I always say that if I want to feel like a fatty, I can go to my boy Spank's place and get on his scales. There, I'm about 10 pounds bigger than I am at my house, strange.

I was away from Tuesday morning through Saturday morning. The weather was great, but I didn't catch as many as I would've liked to by any means. In four days, I caught a total of 6 fish, doh. I'm not the type of fishing dude that comes back with these elaborate lying stories of catching like an outlaw. If I don't catch many, I'm honest about it. It burns me big time to hear these bums say they slayed them and all of this, get out of here with that garbage, we see right through it. I did get sunburnt already this year though, not fun. Since I'm a big whitey, that's how it goes, I burn pretty quick.



I'll jump straight to my internet story. Some know it since I got to talk to the online crew while I was up there. Anyways, I was up there from Tuesday through Saturday as mentioned. After two days, I had to go to option B. Since where my parents' place is at doesn't have any wireless action, I jump in Dad's truck and go about 20 minutes away. After getting ok connections from my first few stops, I then decide to roll to the rich boy section. I figure the rich boys have to have wireless internet, right? You got it. So what do I do? I go and pull into an empty parking lot in the truck and just pull out the laptop and get to it. Stealing wireless from the richies. I guess if they didn't want people to use it, they'd put the password protection on it, so I was thankful they let regular bums like me on. The funny thing was seeing these people drive by and looking, while here I am just hanging out in the truck online. I went two days without my crack and had to get online to feed the addiction. It made for an even better trip of course.

Big Tom. I know everyone wants to hear about this guy. You don't know him now, but you'll at least want to see him to say you have. At my favorite fishing stop on the trip, we're hanging there before the stock truck dumps them on our head. The local rednecks know every trick of the streams and want to make it appear they are total idiots. They are idiots, don't get me wrong, but they're geniuses when it comes to the lay of the land and when the fish are going to be stocked each week. We're waiting on the truck like the outlaws we are and out walks Big Tom from his house as the truck pulls on the bridge. We've talked to him before, but on this trip he tells us how he has this rash on his ass that he can't get rid of. Then his spiel to why he doesn't work now is that he was an Air Force Gulf War vet. My hat is off to him for that, but I'd say the war wasn't what messed up this guy. As the truck stocks and we're the only people there, Big Tom runs into the stream with no waders and apparently no undies either. He's stomping around the water in his tennis shoes and he sees this huge golden trout. Then a few of his neck buddies come out of the houses and they're all trying to get this fish and it's not biting for hours. It was worth it to see him standing there yelling and mumbling over his words.



Remember the Africam craze from last summer? For those who weren't reading then, check out Africam at this link: http://www.africam.com. We were ate up with this for some reason. It's live cams of an area of Africa with all kinds of crazy animals to see. You'd be surprised how long we did this goofing off on the internet watching this stuff go down. I realize we're dorks, but you'd get hooked too. Anyways, last week reminded me of a West Virginia version of Africam. Why so? Here's all the animals I saw this week that I can think off the top of my head: Dogs, cats, horses, donkeys, mini horses (!), goats, sheep, deer, and groundhogs. There's something about dumb animals such as donkeys, sheep, and goats that gets me everytime. We already know how great it'd be to own a mini horse thanks to Rob & Big, but why not a goat just terrorizing your house or a sheep doing his thing? We need to make this happen.

I told everyone that I'd update them in our Celebrity Deathpool. You know the drill. Everyone in the league selects 10 people at the end of the year to use for the next year. If your famous person dies, you take their age at the time of death and subtract is from 100 and that is your point total. I know it's totally wrong, but we still do it. I had Charlton Heston get mangled on me when he was 84 years old. Me and the great TyLaw each have 16 points on the season, everyone else, zilch.



Big wedding action this Saturday. Usually I can care less about going to weddings to be honest. I know girls love them and go wild for them, but guys are just like, eh. This one, should be pretty fun though, even I have to admit that. It's Cousin Kari doing her thing with Matty Cakes. If nothing else, a lot of dirty girls being half naked will be there running around, so how bad can that be? I figured I might as well try to make myself look halfway decent and pick up a nice pimp suit. I didn't go the tie route, that's too much, but I'm going to rock the pimp jacket casual look. I went in wanting to pull of the Mafia style. I didn't want the average black or gray jacket that everyone and their brother wears. That'd make me feel like an old man. After finding one I really liked, I hear this woman checking out talking to my Mom and asked if I was trying to be Don Johnson, a la Miami Vice with that look? Ding, that sold me. It was between that and an all white Tony Montana style jacket, but that one was too "summery", that'll be the next purchase. I just don't have a lot of places to really rock out that kind of gear, even though I sorta like to dress up every now and then. Either that or the ultimate purchase of the real deal Mafia suit to be this generation's impression of my late Grandpa John. That I can't top, but I'll try one day.

What'd I think of Idol last week? My boy is done. The guy I thought was the best as far as talent goes on the guys side, although this is a popularity contest, Aussie Boy Michael Johns goes down in flames. Somehow, Kristy Lee keeps advancing. I guess her being half naked like the girls at Kari's wedding this coming Saturday will be gets her votes. Again, I'm not complaining looking at her, but as the great Tony Kornheiser says about her, "she gots ta go". I still feel vocally that Tattoo Chick Carly is hands down the best, but I can't see her winning. At this point, it'll probably be that dork Kid David or David Cook. But I know nothing about singing, so who knows.



A quick story from Felisha that she told me the other day. She rolled to the Morgantown Wal-Mart. Inside was former WVU football stud Quincy Wilson. He was signing autographs and apparently he didn't have people in his line. F-Unit kept saying that every 2 seconds they'd announce over the intercom that Quincy was in the building. Look out now, rush to Quincy's table! I just thought it was a funny local story. I can't stand WVU football, but gotta feel sorta bad for the guy that nobody came to say hey.

Back to music. While on the trip with the parents, I think I heard enough 1950s and 1960s music to last me a lifetime. I can handle some of that actually, but after a while, it drains on me big time. Most of that era sounds the same to me, it's all whiney guy voices that comes off good, but it sounds similar. Then again, my parents say all of my music sounds the same too, so we're even. Luckily, I had the iPod around to block out the other music. With that in mind, I loaded up on some new CDs, let's visit what I loaded up on, all rap this time, imagine that.



Flo Rida: Mail On Sunday. Mainstream rap and I had a little more hope for this one, but it gets the big thumbs down from me on first listen. Maybe I don't have the feel for him yet, but I was wanting him to have a few mean tracks in there to compensate the mainstream style. Maybe on another listen I'll like it better.

Mike Jones: Self Made. Pick this beast up, it's really good. Most mixtapes are hit or miss. This one was a big hit and I like that he brought a raw flavor with some griminess. It's always interesting to see what other rappers can do on beats not their own. Then again, half of the rappers steal beats anyways, but this one is quality. Recommendations? I Don't Play Around and Self Made are two great ones. The Self Made track features Mike himself, 50-50 Twin, Mr. Kaila, Lil Mario, and Brite Mike. It's to the Dey Know beat, so I'm big on that. Just picture the little kid dancing like a little thug in the last blog video post.

Lil Flip & Young Noble: All Eyez On Us. Back-to-back must haves. Noble is one of The Outlawz crew from 2Pac's buddies. I think Flip is very underrated and still don't know why he's not bigger than he is. I know he's a name rapper, but he has the underground style that brings it. These guys work great together. To start you out, go download Where You From? and Speakin' My Language.

Rick Ross: Trilla. This is the only of the five that I haven't listened through yet. I figure it can't be half bad based on his older stuff, but you never can tell. Speaking of, I can't give a review of this one, but his boy Trick Daddy Dollars needs to get something out and soon. I'm patient, but I need my fix.

Snoop Dogg: Ego Trippin'. I've came to accept that the old Snoop we all love will never return in full dosage. With that in mind, this CD isn't too bad for this generation's Snoop. I was surprised actually. A song you must check is Can't Say Goodbye featuring Charlie Wilson. Some top notch pimpin' on that one. For some reason, they performed this on Idol Gives Back last week which cracked me up in that setting, but they did great with it and brought Snoop's kiddie football team on to rock it out.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/arabianp

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: A lot of people are talking about the new Kobe commercial. I like it a lot myself, it's real creative, even if computer generated, it still comes off good to me. Here's a parody of it that's worth seeing. If you haven't seen the original, try that first before going to this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=qrWvQKl7oTU



3 Quick Thangs:

1. I know you want birthdays, so that's what you shall receive. We'll go tomorrow to see big action. That'd be Wednesday, April 16th. We start off with one of the greatest basketball centers ever, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 61, wow. I guess it's one of the Osmond Brothers' birthdays, Jimmy, but I don't know much on who he is. Happy 45th to Jimmy anyways. Martin Lawrence, cracking jokes at 43. I'd like to send out the big birthday wishes to Cousin Angie for her 29th from the mean streets of the ATL, but is on her way in route to the big town of Shinnston.

2. Today was time for my frequent dose of hearing the wise words of the world's greatest barber. As I always say, you never know what's going to happen down there, it's great. Anyways, he gets a call when he was cutting my hair. I could pick up on part of the conversation as it was going on, but some chick calls and asks if my barber does any full body waxing for men. I guess she wanted it done for her husband. The reaction of my barber was top notch. After he hung up, he must've thrown 50 f-bombs in a matter of 12 seconds which always gets me almost in tears. The locals who know the setting of where I go and picture my barber taking that call and it makes it even better.

3. Want some quick education? "The deadliest disease was the pneumonic form of the Black Death of 1347-1351. It had death rate of 100%."

Ronny The Dillweed Paulino

We go to The_Freak for today's topic. I haven't went with a requested topic in while, so it's a good time. We mix in one of my favorite new commercials in with Ronny Paulino of the Pittsburgh Pirates.

It's a late one this year, but I'm finally on spring break. I can't remember it being this late in the year for a long time. The weird part is that it didn't even fall in the week of Easter like it normally does. Oh well, that just means about 8 weeks or so and then it's time to be a bum for the summer. But what you're wanting to know is the adventures that went down since I last made a post in here. Enough playing around, we better uncover the goodies..



The movie fans out there are wondering what I thought when I went last week with the crew. I rolled to Morgantown on Friday and met up with Cork, Kristen, Ozzie, and Maria. The movie in question? That'd be 21, the blackjack theme about beating the system by counting cards. Going in, I was interested in the storyline, so I hoped I would not be let down. I wasn't and it's worth seeing and gets my recommendation. It didn't blow me away, but I enjoyed it and got my money's worth. On the rating scale, I gave it a 7.2 out of 10. If you want another opinion, Ozzie gave it a 8.8 out of 10, that's some high praise for sure. I didn't figure you could go wrong with a movie that had Laurence Fishburne and Kevin Spacey in it, both are great actors I think. The kids in it were a little cheesy, but they played their role fine enough. On the chick side of things, Kate Bosworth looks real nice in this one, even if she did bust out the short hair.

Before that, I was bored and wanted to blow some money after work. That's not always a great thing to do, but it can't hurt to spoil myself the way I look at it. I don't use my digital cam as much as I should, but my old one was dying on me and basically finished. With that in mind, I had an idea of what I wanted. I go to Target and talk to my boy Dave Carter who was running the electronics section. He was able to hook me up with some deals and I decided upon getting the Nikon Coolpix S51. It's really little, 8.1MP, and has a 3 inch screen on the back which I like a lot. It gets a thumbs up from me, I just hope I use this one more than I did my last one. After that, I had some gift certificates from Finish Line that I haven't used since Christmas, I guess I wasn't in a big hurry. They were sitting around the house for too long, so I ended up getting a new pair of running shoes and picked out a newer version of the Adidas Bounce, really comfortable, another thumbs up. The last trip of the day was at Hat World. Not that I don't already have enough hats, but you can't ever have too many. I load up on an old school blue Milwaukee Brewers hat since I love baseball hats with logos that I'm into, even if they're not my team. Then I get a black DC hat, even though I'm not a skater, but I gotta support Rob from Rob & Big fame.



Saturday night had some action. In a few weeks, Kari and Matty Cakes are going to do the marriage thing and of course I'll be there to see the festivities. The bachelor party was set up and we got a big crew to start the night out at Buffalo Wild Wings. I'm probably the only person in the area who has never been to a BDubs before, but I can't say that anymore. It was pretty good as I ordered some boneless wings of asian flavored ones that Ozzie recommended and my normal Chinese pick of honey chicken, both are really good. My only complaint of the night was that it was ridiculously hot in there. I'm talking Atlanta hot in August when we sweat our nads off, it was almost to that level. Other than that, it was a blast watching the NCAA tourney games and just goofing off for 4 hours in there. After that, the dudes and chicks met up and took a van to Morgantown to get rowdy in the streets to start out the real part of the night. Some of us that don't drink tapped out for that even though I'm sure we would've seen some sights. If it's filthy bachelor party stores with drunken debauchery of tearing up MoTown you are wanting, I'm sorry, I don't have any to give you on that end. I should've went just for blog purposes as hard to tell what went down.

For some reason, I get home that Saturday night and just stay up to a stupid hour of the night (day). After being a bum playing video games and being online the whole time, I finally dive into bed at 11:30 AM on Sunday morning. I wake up at 3:00 PM, not great sleep, but through the week, I did pretty well considering. Those 3½ hours of sleep was enough to energize me for the WrestleMania 24 extravaganza at the Fortney Manor. In attendance for the pay per view was Fortney the host, Abbey with Lil Fortney in the oven, Mudcat, Jimmy Mills, Matt Mills, a ton of good food and myself. How can you beat that? The show itself was 4 hours long and I personally liked it. The main thing everyone of us were there for was the Ric Flair/HBK match. Flair ended up losing to "retire" for good and the way they sent him off was excellent. I'm a huge Flair guy anyways, so I'm biased, but we're talking about the greatest wrestler of all time, I won't even argue that. RAW's tribute to Flair the next night at the end of the show was even better and most watching turned into a little wuss and had some admitted tears. Outside of the Flair match, I also liked the Money in the Bank Ladder Match where CM Punk won and Shelton Benjamin is lucky to be alive after the bump he took. The main event of Undertaker winning the title from Edge was much better than I expected, better than the 3-Way of Cena, Triple H, and Orton with Orton retaining.



I get a lot of questions with people always asking me where my American Idol reports have been. I don't like to do the same exact same thing each week in here, but I do realize I haven't given my Idol thoughts in a while in this space. In the Lobstah message board crew that me and the #basketball bunch are part of, I write up a thing each Tuesday night with my thoughts. This shows I have entirely too much time on my hands, but I think it's entertaining enough and I say what's on my mind. This was before Midget Chick got the boot, so keep that in mind, but this is what I wrote:

Dolly Parton week? You serious? These kids barely even know who she is probably and yet again, they have to sing old songs. Not good times, but oh well. Let’s get it’s on!

Brooke: She’s out with the guitar and people banging on stuff and a violin dude. The hick vibe she brought may work for her, but I thought her past stuff was much better. Randy said it was ok and had pitch problems. Paula says she’s wonderful, then she says Paula’s hair is great. Simon said she didn’t have any emotion in the song. He says the group looked weird together.

David Cook: He also comes out with his guitar and does his own arrangement of a Dolly song. He seems to always start out a little slow, but then it picks up. Not too bad, but he didn’t jam like his normal showings. Randy says it’s another hot one. Paula said it was fantastic and he’s well rounded. “If you can make a song about sparrows good, which actually you did, congratulations.”- Simon



Midget Chick: She seemed nervous to me. This style doesn’t work for her I don’t think. First half and second were totally different. First was bad, second I thought she ended up with strong. Randy said It was 6.5 out of 10. Paula says she connected with the audience. Simon says we won’t remember this one. He said it was cute, but forgettable.

Fidel Castro: The third of our first four people who come out jamming with the guitar. He does a faster song than usual for his standards. He’s not bad at the happy and burnt out songs, but I’m not a fan. He still kinda creeps me out. His face does weird things out there on stage. This was better than he normally does though, so I guess that’s a plus. Randy said it was pretty good and he worked it out. Paula said it was one of his strongest performances and he was confident. Simon didn’t like it at all.

Tattoo Chick: If she cleans herself up, she can look ok. I didn’t say amazing. The end made it for her, she rocked the last few lines. Other than that, to me, even though I’m a fan, it wasn’t one of her best. Randy said it’ll be one of the better performances of the night. Paula said it was glorious and she looked great. Simon thought it was good, but not great. “I also think you should have a word with whoever is dressing you right now.”- Simon. He says she doesn’t look like a star at this point.

Kid David: Dolly is creaming over this kid. It seemed like a church song for me. I think it worked for him though in that goofy sense. He hit his notes, so I’ll give him that. Randy says that is the best performance of the night there and David is back. Paula says he has a beautiful aura about him. She says glorious for the 2nd straight person. Simon said it was absolutely on the money.

Kristy Lee: She’s in her element with country week. She walks out like a WV redneck, bare feet. The hair didn’t work for me at all, gotta leave it down instead of up with a tub of grease in it. It seemed like an easy song to sing with no chances taken. Thumbs down from me, but she keeps lasting. Randy said it’s her wheelhouse and it’s her week. Paula says she looks stunning and it was her best performance. Simon said last week was her best and this week was pleasant, but forgettable.



Syesha: The first song of the night that I’ve actually heard before. She’s looking smokin' here, real nice outfit and look, I’m down with that. She did this one sitting on the piano. I knew Whitney Houston did it, but never knew it was a Dolly song. The ending, dang. She killed it big time I thought. Randy said she took on the biggest song of the night and said she did pretty good. Paula says she looks beautiful and her voice is velvety. What? Simon said it paled in comparison to Whitney’s version. “It was good, but not fantastic.”- Simon. Again, I must not know music because I thought it was solid.

Aussie Boy: The band busts out the electric guitar for him. I still like the grimey voice and I feel is really strong. He’s a cross between some early 80s love song rock or 90s grunge. Let’s give this one a thumbs up for sure. Randy said he keeps up bringing it up a notch and it was blazing hot. Paula says he is a star and he looks gorgeous. Simon said that’s the best he’s ever seen him, nice.

He gone! I’m giving that one to Midget Chick. Kristy Lee hangs on again?? What?

I got the prediction right after missing the last few weeks. I've been kicking Kristy Lee off the past few and she should've been gone a month ago, but Ramiele goes home.

Some last week liked Corndog's words of wisdom. He's back with another good one here that he wrote me out of nowhere with the other day. You might want to take notes on this one as he said verbatim: "dude...someone opened a pack of meatball hot pockets and only ate 1 of them. Who only eats one hot pocket at a time?! i had my heart set on that too!" That ruined his day there. So remember these words, you may need them in a critical situation one day.

We're winding this big episode up and if you've read this far through my ramblings, you either have too much time on your hands too or I must be doing an ok job of keeping your attention. Either way, I'll take what I can get. Yesterday, it was due for another GNC trip. First of the month savings with my Gold Card, welfare style, so I had to get some new things. I ended up going back to one of my favorites, No-Explode. I'm usually not one to hype supplements up too much, but this is the real deal for pre-workout mixes. I've said before, but this stuff will scare you how good it works. I know that's hard to believe, but trust me on this one and go buy it. Aside from that, I ended up getting a product called Leucine XT. These are horse pills that basically serve with protein synthesis to give bigger pumps during workouts and burn more calories as you go. We'll give it a try.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/msandrearenee

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: We have a double feature this time around. First, we go to the mean streets of Webster County from a vid sent by Chrissy. You gotta love this one, plus the song will stick in your head. Kid gets down with it big time and I've probably watched this 10 times so far, Dey Know style: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ma8k9qMlcxs. Kasher is at it again. This one is a video made of WNBA Live 08 if there were such a thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FGI7R0u3TQ

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Happy happy time! Let's try Monday, April 7th to set the tone right as we have a loaded up list, huge. Francis Ford Coppola, director of The Godfather, he's now 69. Football stud Tony Dorsett, 54. Actor Jackie Chan, he's also 54 and still flipping and flopping all over the place, he's a machine. Another actor, this one on the serious side, Russell Crowe, 44. Go see American Gangster if you haven't yet, I've told you people enough. C-level celeb Bill Bellamy, 40. Actor Jack Black, he goes for 39 and School of Rock is still one of my favorite kiddie type movies. My boy Ricky "Running" Waters of Notre Dame fame, he's also 39 and seems like he's been done with football for ages. Posh Spice is slutting it up for her 33rd. The Barber Twins of NFL lure, they go for 33 as well. One of #basketball's legends, DerekHood himself, he celebrates for his 26th.

2. Today's silly fact? A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. So if you were there counting, I've just saved you some time. Don't believe me? Count em out.

3. I went out to eat yesterday with my buddies from work. We hit up Bob Evans for lunch. I've always ate breakfast there, but never went during lunch time. This time, we go during lunch, but I get breakfast anyways, go figure. Raspberry crepes with cream cheese and whipped cream to go with some biscuits and gravy, yum yum. Go get some of those raspberry crepes, they rock it out.

Sip Stealing: The Madness!

Welcome to the last post of March, we're moving along to warmer weather. That means that I have to start mowing grass soon, not fun. Even though my yard isn't big, it's still the point of having to do it on a regular basis. The fans are beating at my door and demanding a new blog, so when the happens, I must get the typing fingers ready before someone chops them off with a machete. What's happening in this edition? We get some Easter chatter, flavored jelly beans, sip stealing, WrestleMania, Corndog with some of his wise words, and much much more..



It's been around for a while, but it's still a commercial that I like. That would be the Coke commercial that deals with sip stealing. For those who are under a rock and don't know of sip stealing, I'll give it a quick intro. You're at some dirty gas station and run to the fountain machine. You're filling up your 44oz fat boy cup with Coke and start to chug some of it right away before you pay. As you drink a fourth of it, you then refill and then go pay for it. I'm sure some reading are guilty of that. I know I am. Some of my buddies give me a hard time on the gas station trips for this, but I don't see it as anything major. As the commercial motto goes, "Not a felony in all 50 states".

Did Easter treat everyone fine? Mine was great, no complaints on my end. As usual, and it's a regular topic around the blog, Cadbury eggs. It's only the greatest candy ever, nothing else can even compare. I loaded up huge on them this season, although I'm pacing myself on eating them a bit. I haven't ate as much junk food through the week like I normally would. Also, Easter is also a time for church-going people to do their thing. I never preach about religion in here and don't intend to this time, but I'll go another route..



I hit up Easter mass early Sunday morning. It's been a long time since I've hit up the Sunday morning mass for Easter because usually it's Saturday evenings (Catholic) for the vigil. It always is funny to see bums you haven't seen all year show up on holidays. You didn't even know they were part of the church anymore, but they want to come a few times a year and still claim to be part about. To each his own, but Easter is a quality time. I was at Monongah for this service and the singing level compared to my regular church is not even a comparison. My home church could be in the running for the worst singing congregation there is, bar none. I'm going in a direction than I wanted, so I better get back on track to my church question. People always say that it's not right to check out chicks at church. Come on now, the rest of you dirty guys can't say you don't do the same. You get the dirties dressing up big time for Easter and you see some sights, that's just how it goes, part of the deal and it can't hurt matters.

I was eating some Jelly Belly jellybeans the other day. You know the ones I'm talking about. It's the brand with the wacky flavors. I'm not a fan of wild flavors and trying different things with candy. Make it simple, I'm easy to please. I bit into one the other day and it was popcorn flavored? You kidding me? Seriously? I like popcorn, jelly beans aren't too bad either, but together? A huge thumbs down from me, that's not a good combo and it was worse than it sounds. They might as well have a roadkill flavored bean. These remind me of the candies that Harry Potter and his crew ate on the Hogwarts Express, it was that far out there.



I was talking to the great Corndog on Yahoo the other day. He was bored and was telling me he was just going through local chicks on MySpace for no reason just to be nosy. Good to know I'm not the only one who does that. I think most people who have the MySpace craze spend half their time looking at people they don't even know. I haven't delved into the Facebook action yet. I know I'm years behind that, but it'd just be something else I'd get ate up with and I'm already ate up on the internet enough. Corndog busts out this gem on us about girls in West Virginia: "I wish all the girls around here weren't alcoholics." Wise words from a dude you just have to respect. He tells it how it is and I couldn't agree more. He also made another funny mention. He says on the front page, you'll see the girls claim they don't drink and party. Then you click on their pics and they're out at some smoke infested filthy bar, being half naked and obliterated drunk. Yeah, that's who I want to bring home, sign me up for that trash, not for me. Not for Corndog either.

A quick sleeping update. For some reason, people like hearing about my weird hours, I'm not sure why either. But if it's what the people demand, I'll update it every so often for no other reason than that. Last Friday night, after no naps the week before, 12 hours of sleep. I went to bed at 10:45 PM on a Friday night, who does that? I did and I wake up at 10:45 AM, all refreshed and ready for a marathon or something. Then the next night, I'm up till 4:30 AM, not too bad for my standards, but I had to wake up early for church. I wake up at 8:00 AM and roll out of the house at 8:30 on a few hours of sleep. Then I come home from church and sleep from 10:30 until 2:00. I eat at 3:00, a nice circle there. Also, believe it or not, I was in bed all this week before 12:30, that's improvement.



This weekend, it's the Super Bowl. How so? The Super Bowl of wrestling is what I'm talking about. If you're a wrestling fan or not, you know all about WrestleMania and I'm getting excited for the festivities. I used to get every single pay per view for years, but I've slacked way back now on that. I'd get a lot more, but most of my crew tapped out on wrestling and aren't fans anymore. I'm still as big of a fan as ever, but I don''t need to be paying $40 a month for it. This Sunday is an exception though. It's pricey, but it's 4 hours of the biggest wrestling spectacle of the year. On stunning HD, it's a whopping $70, that's just nuts. Regular TV is less, but that's a tough decision to make. HD is definitely worth it to me, it's that good, but we'll see. Time for quick predictions while I'm at it:

WWE Championship Triple Threat Match: Randy Orton (Champion) vs Triple H vs John Cena. I'm going a different route here. I say we get a swerve and Orton retains somehow. I know it's always cliche for the "good" guy to always get the win to end Mania, but stranger things have happened.

World Heavyweight Title: Edge (Champion) vs Undertaker. Taker's 15-0 streak at Mania is in question here. I can't see him losing, so Taker will be your new champ.



Floyd Mayweather vs Big Show. The big drawing card for the mainstream media is this match. We get a midget in a sense in Mayweather against a guy that is 7'0"/400lbs in a boxing match. No way Show wins this one.

Flair vs Shawn Michaels. If Flair loses, his career is over. This is THE match I'm most looking forward to. I know Flair is ancient, but he's still my boy and I think this match will be pretty good. After Monday's in-ring segment between these two, if that doesn't get you amped up, Mountain Dew style, then I'm not sure what can. Down goes Flair in this one, in a bloody mess.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match. Due to Jeff Hardy being a druggie and getting suspended, he's no longer in this match. He was the big favorite to win this thing, but not anymore. I like a lot of wrestlers in this one, but 3 have no chance (Benjamin, Morrison, and Carlito). That leaves us with CM Punk, Jericho, Kennedy, and MVP. The smart thinking makes everyone want to take Jericho. I'd like to see Punk or MVP get the win, but I'll still pick Jericho.

Batista vs "Umanga". Please please, give Umaga a big push. Let him beat this guy who can't wrestle, but I figure Batista will win and then act all tough and roar like a lion.



Finlay vs JBL: Belfast Brawl. I look for this to be a real good physical battle. Finaly is going to make the slow JBL look like a million bucks. Finlay takes the win here.

BunnyMania Lumberjack Match: Ashley & Maria vs Beth Phoenix & Melina. This match is basically to hype up Maria showing her naked self in Playboy. I've seen the pics already. She looks nice, but nothing we haven't seen before. Playboy doesn't do a whole lot to me, gotta do more than just lay there naked. Not that I won't look at it, but there's a lot better along that same lines to look at if you ask me, you know what I mean. Ashley and Maria win.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: I never know if these links work if I don't have the direct link, but this seems to work on my end, so we'll get her out there to view: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=56371

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Unforgivable #1 - "Go up there and just give me a chicken sandwich with some waffle fries!" http://youtube.com/watch?v=0dJu1Jj7VTw



3 Quick Thangs:

1. Let's try birthdays for Friday, March 28th. Former Red Sox player and always on the Hall of Fame bubble, Jim Rice, he starts us off with 55. Model Kathy Ireland, 45 already, wow. "Salt" of Salt-N-Pepa fame, she's doing it for her 44th. Basketball analyst, Kenny "The Jet" Smith, 43. Freddie Prinze, Jr, who a few people said I look a bit like, 32. Celeb comparisons are always funny to me. James Van Der Beek of Dawson's Creek and "Mox" from Varsity Blues, 31.

2. Today's Fun Fact: Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

3. I was watching Idol with Cork and his girl Kristen last week. Somehow, something got me and Kristen talking about The Monkees. Out of nowhere, I figured I'd download a Monkees CD and we were all about it. They're goofy, but it's not too bad at all for some 1960s jams. Who else listens to gangsta rap and then the next day puts in some Monkees? Yep, I have too much time on my hands.

"Your momma ain't name you no damn Barack."

We have a lot of action to talk about in this post. It's the height of randomness and as I'm typing this, I'd like to wish everyone a Happy St. Patrick's Day. It's a meaningless holiday for the most part, but with me being a green guy due to Boston Celtics basketball and Notre Dame football in my blood, it means even more. I have more green clothes than should be possible, but that's how I roll. As Felisha always tells me, I'm one of few people who can rock out the green and not look like a total idiot. I guess that's a compliment, I'll take whatever I can get. So what does this blog hold in store for everyone today? You get my thoughts on peeling an orange, the NCAA 64 Tourney, fantasy baseball, Wii online, Super Smash Bros Brawl, The Moment of Truth, and much much more.



You know one thing that has always amazed me? I guess this will show how much time is on my hands, but you've all tried it before, trust me. I'll set it up. You're eating an orange and peeling away at it, right? Have you ever peeled an orange in one solid straight peel and it's all one piece when you're done? It's harder than you think. Another thing to try it on would be a pack of Spree candies. The long roll, start ripping at the paper and then going around till you get to the last piece. If, at the end, you have one solid string of paper, you're the man. Cork always tries this on road trips, but I'm usually horrible at it. One time he got it and we were pumped. Yep, we're morons. I've yet to get either task accomplished, so I guess I'm a failure at the orange/Spree game.

Last week was one of the first weeks in a long time that I had solid sleep during a work week. Usually I get a few ok nights of sleep by going to bed at a normal hour and then I'm up till way late on the others. Last week, for the most part, I went to bed at reasonable hours and wasn't tired come weekend. Anyways, Friday rolls around and I woke up that day at 6:00 AM for work. I do my thing and then come home to chill. As I'm doing my thing, I'm up all night playing video games and being online, my usual. No surprise there. I ended up going to bed on Saturday afternoon at 12:30 PM. 30½ hours, that's me being stupid, but oh well. I wake up at 4:15 PM or so, get a quick bite to eat and get back online. Then I go workout at 7:00 PM, so I made myself useful if nothing else.



The Moment of Truth. I watched this for the first time the other night on FOX. It was on before Idol, so I figured I'd try it out. It's one of those lie detector shows, but with a twist. I didn't think I'd watch much of it, but it's over the top, so I was hooked after seeing a few questions. This dude had to admit in front of his family such things if he hooked up with his friends' wives, his wife's sisters, drug questions, and everything else. Way too many commercials though started getting me mad. He ended up telling this stuff and quit at $100,000.

New video game time and what I loaded up on is Super Smash Bros Brawl for Wii. If you have a Wii, this is a MUST buy for any age. I'm telling you, you'll be consumed in this game. If you were a fan of the older versions, you'll like this one even more. The best part about it, you can hook right up to battle others online with this as well. If you have a wireless connection, you don't even need to buy an adapter. It'll recognize it immediately. I've had a Wii since Day 1 and didn't realize I didn't need any kind of adapter to get online, doh. I battled Walz on Saturday night through the online setup and we were loving it. My favorite characters are the guys that have speed: Link, Pit, Starfox, and even Mario can surprise some. The big burly characters don't do anything at all for me. I'm not sure you want a piece of me when I get Pit out to regulate and crush skulls. Cork stopped out on Monday night to check it out and he was a huge fan as well, we took on bums online. If you do the online deal and have a Wii, add me with this code: 4214-4784-4339



So that brings us to Sunday and that gave us a ton of sports action. In the afternoon, we had the infamous A#BL fantasy baseball draft. This is the #basketball crew and it's our keeper league that I've talked about recently. 18 men strong and the most competitive baseball league I've been in by FAR, free or pay leagues both. The draft took us about 4 hours in mIRC and the chat alone is worth it to me. Commish Kasher rocked it out in style by having everything organized and putting together another impressive league. I'm sure you're bored to hear what my roster is this year. If not, you get it anyways. Ladies and gentlemen, this is youuurrrrrr St. Paul Apostles!

1B: Prince Fielder (MIL)
1B: Daric Barton (OAK)

2B: Brandon Phillips (CIN)

SS/2B: Ryan Theriot (CHI-NL)
SS/2B/3B: Yunel Escobar (ATL)

3B: David Wright (NY-NL)

OF: Matt Kemp (LA)
OF: Justin Upton (ARI)
OF: Kosuke Fukudome (CHI-NL)
OF: Randy Winn (SF)
OF: Felix Pie (CHI-NL)

SP: Johan Santana (NY-NL)
SP: John Maine (NY-NL)
SP: Hiroki Kuroda (LA)
SP: Kevin Slowey (MIN)

RP: Matt Capps (PIT)
RP: Raffy Perez (CLE)
RP: Heath Bell (SD)
RP: Joey Devine (OAK)



As is always my strategy, I don't want any older injury prone bums. In that case, I usually draft more on potential and youngsters that have recently broke through the barrier and are now officially on the rise. I went with Justin Upton (who I'm a huge fan of) of the DBacks with the #9 pick in the draft. Remember, 90 players are already gone before we even begin drafting due to the keeper side of things, so we're talking hardcore fans doing this league. Unfortunately, as I've said before, my area features very few true baseball fans that really know their stuff. My outfield is a little suspect, but it has definite appeal on potential if they do their thing. I did something I also usually never do and that's to get a relief crew. I like my closers and also think I have a few nice middle relievers, look out for Heath Bell.

Now it's time to unveil my NCAA 64 Tourney basketball picks. I'm sure I'll get rocked since I pick too many upsets, but it wouldn't be fun going another route. I won't keep everyone too long with this, but I'll list my Elite 8 and then break it down to who is going to hoist the trophy in a drunken parade the next day in their hometown. My Elite 8: North Carolina versus Louisville, Kansas versus Wisconsin, Memphis versus Texas, and UCLA versus Duke. I then have Louisville, Kansas, Texas, and Duke in my Final Four. That means that I'm going with Texas over Louisville, 82-73. There you have it, book that in Vegas so you can lose your money. Thursday starts the action, time to gear up!



I'm going to end this top section up with another Kasher find. He's all over the blog this week. It gave me today's real life LOL and those are rare. Considering I'm sitting by myself in my room and just started busting out laughing, you'll see what I mean. This from XXL magazine, which I'm a subscriber to for whatever that's worth. It's an interview with rapper DMX. Enjoy and have fun busting out laughing:

XXL: Are you following the presidential race?
DMX: Not at all.

XXL: You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
DMX: His name is Barack?!

XXL: Barack Obama, yeah.
DMX: Barack?!

XXL: Barack.
DMX: What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

XXL: Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
DMX: Barack Obama?

XXL: Yeah.
DMX: What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

XXL: You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
DMX: I ain’t really paying much attention.

XXL: I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
DMX: Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

XXL: So you’re not following the race. You can’t vote right?
DMX: Nope.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/ilovetaneish

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: Kasher comes through again. This is a setup of this chick getting regular bum guys to help her with computer problems. http://www.bofunk.com/video/6537/chick_getting_some_computer_help.html



3 Quick Thangs:

1. How about some birthdays for Wednesday, March 19th? A pretty sad list for the most part, but it still needs to be done. Actress Glenn Close, she's 61. Bruce Willis is throwing f-bombs for his 58th. I'm actually going to stop there. This list is so pathetic it might be the worst day evarrrr. Check for yourself if you don't believe me: http://www.brainyhistory.com/daysbirth/birth_march_19.html

2. For the wrestling fans, how great was Santino Marella this week on RAW? Stealing Jared's sub and then his mic work, incredible. Excellent segment.

3. Today's fact to feast on: If all the blood vessels in your body were laid end to end, they would reach about 60,000 miles. What?? I guess it's true, I won't argue the internet.

Tattoo Chick Vs. Aussie Boy!

It was 70 degrees here on Monday and as I write this, we have some snow coming down. Gotta love how things go around this time of year. That ends up getting bums sick and then the next guy gets sick and so on. Last week I had the fun sinus infection and all of that. I was able to deal though after taking a day off ball and missing some days of working out which I hated. Anyways, Sunday night rolls around. The past 2 nights of the weekend I had slept 10 hours and rocked it out. So I go to bed Sunday and wake up around 4:00 AM just puking my guts up. Just what you wanted to hear, but that's how it goes. I then go back to bed for a bit, wake up at 6:00 and then head off to work without missing a beat. That's a machine. Still, no fun having my schedule all screwed up with a little sickness, but I'm not down with it anymore.



We're down to the Final 12 on Idol, 6 dudes and 6 chicks. What I'll do is give a quick opinion on each of the people left and go from there. As far as the bunch I was rooting for, my girl Asia'h got kicked out and told to never show her face there again, but Chikezie is still hanging on. I am glad that Noriega is off the show though. You can't have that last name and be a little girl like he was, I'm sorry, but he's a bum. I know the Idol haters won't like this next section, but it's going in regardless. I think with the nicknames and me not writing a book on each can still keep the interest. And here we go with the final bunch:

Skunk Hair Chick: She was on the verge of getting booted last week, but bounced back and was Simon's favorite this time around. She's different and has the mean voice to help her out. Her look and style could keep her around for a while longer.

Brooke: This chick is like 25, but looks 40. She's a cute chick, but looks more like a mom than someone that age. She does the guitar and keyboard thing a good bit. I see talent here, but I'm not a big fan.

Tattoo Chick: She's the real deal. It's the Irish chick with an arm sleeve tat if you were wondering on which. Vocally, nobody can touch this girl in my opinion. She should go a long way.



Kristy MMA Chick: She's cute and has the country thing as her style. She also trains for mixed martial arts, so she might be able to bust up the rest of these other girls, even if she doesn't look like a fighter. I predicted her to be gone this week, but she's still here for some reason. Maybe because she likes to hang out of her top, even though she really doesn't have much.

Midget Chick: This is the little Filipino girl, Ramiele. She can't be any more than 4'10" I wouldn't imagine. I dig her look though. She's tiny, but has a huge voice. She's always the biggest cryer of the bunch, she goes way over the top when someone gets kicked off the show, it's messed up, but funny in the same way.

Syesha: This girl has some major talent I think. She can sing really good (like I know anything about singing) and looks really nice. Supposedly she started singing when she was 3 years old. 3? Come on now, let these kids grow up and do normal kid things for a while before pushing them into that.

Chikezie Eze: Yep, straight out of Inglewood and he's even had a blog topic in his honor. Always decked out in a pimp suit and he goes the route of pimpin' music. I thought he was a goner this week, but was glad to see him still around.

Little David: No matter what this guy does, he should be a shoe-in to be a serious contender. The little girls are creaming themselves over this kid, while he puts Paula in tears, so all ages love this little dude it seems. I figure since chicks are a big majority of the votes, he should do fine.

David Cook: He's the rocker of the dudes side and comes out with his guitar to do his thing. I think he's unique enough and depending on the song, can make a name for himself. He seems to be comfortable out there on stage instead of being scared to death.



Hernandez: This is the guy all over the news. The former stripper and people are making a big deal out of it. Like we haven't had crackheads and all sorts of characters on before. As far as this show goes, the dude can sing.

Fidel Castro: Another guy that has his own look. It's a whitey with huge thick dreads. My odds are on him to be the first guy busted for weed off of this show, but he seems like a likeable kid. I just think there's more to him than the innocent look he portrays.

Aussie Boy: My favorite to win this thing. I think he's the Tattoo Chick of the dudes, on a different level. Maybe that's just me, who knows.

I want something to rant on, so I'll just go random. It may offend some people, but so be it, just stating what I think. One thing that fires me up and some people might disagree with me, deals with pregnant chicks. No, not what you're thinking. It's the girls that hook up with some bum and act like he's the greatest thing ever and there are no worries. They're not even a couple. Then the next thing, she gets pregnant and acts like the world is collapsing all around her, bawls her eyes out like a little baby and goes psycho. Her and the dude should've thought about that long before fooling around, but you see it all too often. I don't get it. Am I one of the few that is weird and would freak out if I got a chick pregnant or even the thought of it? I thought they told us that when were like in 6th grade to be all safe and stuff, but none of these filthy girls (and dudes) care until babies start popping up. Oh well I guess. Gotta learn the hard way. Imagine that.



How's the books been treating me lately? I finally finished Harry Potter 7. I'm years behind everyone else reading that series, but glad I did. Going in, I never expected that I'd like any of those books. Once you start though, it's like Lindsay Lohan and her crack, you just gotta do it. I really liked the last book, but it's tough for me to pick a favorite. I'm still partial to the earlier books because it's more simple and you can get attached more. But then again, on the bigger books, there's so much detail that everything is broken down for you and it's great that way too. If you're one of the few like me who have never read Harry before, go out and start now, you won't be disappointed.

Now it's time for new books. As I type this, I recently finished up A Lion's Tale by Chris Jericho. It has to be one of the best wrestling books I've ever read and I've read a bunch. The stories Jericho tells are excellent and keeps you wanting more. I'm biased towards anything old school ECW and that was my section of the book that I thought was golden. Now when I'm done with Jericho, it's time to try another wrestling book, this one not so much mainstream. The book is called Extremely Strange and it's by a wrestler named JR Benson. This thing gets a ton of hype through the wrestling fans who know their stuff. If it's messed up drug stories you want, it has more than enough, if it's backstage environments that you cherish, it has plenty of that too. I'm not sure what it is, but something about reading about how screwed up many wrestlers' lives are and all of the drugs they get mangled on is interesting to a non-druggie like myself. It's not for kiddies, but you have to check out this review which is one of many like it. The book sounds way over the top, which has to make for a good read:

http://www.wrestlingobserver.com/wo/news/headlines/default.asp?aID=21538

Missy Hyatt's review: http://www.wrestlingobserver.com/wo/news/headlines/default.asp?aID=22279

And if you're curious and want to order the book, hit up JR Benson's site: http://jrbenson.com



I know you're just all holding onto your chairs wondering how League Freak went. I'm about to break it down, whether you want to hear or not. The draft went really smooth and this is what I ended up deciding upon. Here are yourrrrr E-Town Junkies!

1. Miguel Cabrera: 3B (DET)
2. Brandon Phillips: 2B (CIN)
3. Cole Hamels: SP (PHI)
4. Carlos Zambrano: SP (CHI-NL)
5. Adrian Gonzalez: 1B (SD)
6. Delmon Young: OF (MIN)
7. JJ Hardy: SS (MIL)
8. Matt Capps: RP (PIT)
9. JR Towles: C (HOU)
10. Matt Kemp: OF (LA)
11. Justin Upton: OF (ARI)
12. Jason Isringhausen: RP (STL)
13. Ryan Theriot: 2B (CHI-NL)
14. Tom Gorzelanny: SP (PIT)
15. Billy Butler: 1B/DH (KC)
16. Homer Bailey: SP (CIN)
17. Felix Pie: OF (CHI-NL)
18. Brian Wilson: RP (SF)
19. Hiroki Kuroda: SP (LA)
20. Andy LaRoche: 3B (LA)
21. Jason Bartlett: SS (TB)

I'm happy with my bunch there. Most are really young and that's usually my strategy in fantasy leagues. Out of my 21 players drafted, only 2 (Izzy and Kuroda) are older than me, that's messed up. Even more strange is when I see these kids that were born on my roster from 1987 and 1986. Born in 1987 (Upton) and this year he'll make more money than I will in my entire life. How's that to feast on? Anyways, I like that I have at least one backup for every spot except catcher. Miggy Cabrera is a fat boy, but dude gets it done in a major way. I think I'm really solid in the infield, minus seeing what JR "For Who The Bell" Towles can ever do. Props to ManDingo for that nickname. I think Phillips, who I also have in A#BL is the real deal since he can do it all. The outfield is loaded with potential and that's always a fine line to walk. Not a single one of my outfielders has proven themselves on the major league level, but I really like all of their games. The starting pitching staff I have brings pure smoke. Just like my batters are led by a fatty, so are my pitchers and that guy is Carlos Zambrano, but my ace is a skinny dude named Cole. Maybe they can be my version of Rob & Big. This guy (Zambrano) is a tub of fat, but he can just sling the ball and he also guarantees World Series berths and they don't happen, he's a character. Cole is no joke if he can stay healthy, plus his wife is way hot. I don't have too much on relief though as I'm relying on a Pirate and Giant for saves, shoot me right now. I had to pick a few Bucs though so I can watch them in person and on TV both.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/OutsideofSociety78

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: How can ya go wrong with ping pong clips? http://youtube.com/watch?v=ga6zAEB9fOM



3 Quick Thangs:

1. Let's try our birthdays for Monday, March 10th. I don't have anyone personal on that date, so if I missed ya, just give me a cussing. Chuck Norris, feared by all, he's now 68, whoa. I knew he was old, but dang. Shannon Tweed, 1982 Playboy Playmate of the Year and B level softcore porn actress, 51. She also has a few kids with KISS member Gene Simmons. Actress Sharon Stone hits the Big 50. Former NFL baller, Rod Woodson, 43. Eva Herzigova, the Wonderbra chick and most have seen her naked, 35. US gold medalist gymnast, Shannon Miller, she's 31. Singer Carrie Underwood 25.

2. From the College Humor dudes, we have the Nintendo Wii Rejected Games Concepts: http://www.iamboredr.com/media/1192/Nintendo_Wii_Rejected_Game_Concepts/

3. I know you're sitting there bored. What to do? Go play some Monkey Kick Off. It doesn't seem like much, but it's not a bad time killer for a few and you'll get hooked possibly. http://www.totebo.com/monkey-kick-off.php

"Cause I'm A Ruthless Villain.."

February is in the books and the people are getting restless. Restless for what, I'm not quite sure yet, but we have them stirring either way. This edition will feature the following: Fruit farmers wizzing on their pickings, getting shot in the butt, hot nurses, Harry Potter is a gangster, Idol, and a lot of new CDs. And of course that's not all, it's just your quick preview to get the feet wet. Now it's time to dive in..



I've been on a big fruit kick of as late. I've always hit up a lot of fruit, but even more than usual the past month or so. I was in the kitchen hanging out on Thursday and eating some green grapes. I opened the package up and started tearing into them. My parents are big on washing the fruit off before eating it. It makes sense and most people would probably do that. Dad was saying how the fruit pickers are out there on the farms just wizzing onto the stuff we eat and we should wash it off. That cracked me up. Besides, it gets sprayed down enough over the time it gets to the store and the stores always spray it down too.

Last week I was due to get some new DVDs. I'm wondering if this next combination has been done before. I like my chances of no on this one. So what did I buy? Last Tuesday was when American Gangster came out, so I had to get that masterpiece. Again, if you haven't seen this movie yet, all hope may not be lost, because you can get it now. I've hyped it up enough in here, that's for sure. To go with that, I also bought the first two Harry Potter DVDs. The guy checking me out probably didn't know what type of person I was. As we say in the blog, I kept him on his feet and had him thinking all night on that one I'm sure. You get a kiddie movie mixed in with a movie blowing off heads and throwing f-bombs every 2.3 seconds, thumbs up from me.



Speaking of Harry, what'd I think? I realize I'm way behind everyone else on this series, but at least I'm still getting it. As far as the book goes, in Harry 7, I'm fairly close to wiping out that boy. Just about 100 more pages and I'm good as gold. With the movies, after reading the books, I didn't have high hopes. Most of your movies can't come anywhere even near what the actual book was like. However, I was definitely surprised by the Harry 1 DVD, it delivered. I've heard other people say the movies aren't that good, but after the first one, it's starting out very nice.

With March here, it's time to get pumped for fantasy baseball. I'm in two big leagues this year and they are both going to be competitive. I'm not in a money league for baseball, but ironically our free leagues are so tight that it's just as good. Unfortunately, in my area, it's tough to get a hardcore group of baseball fans that would stick with it. We have a handful, but that's about it who are true baseball guys. Then again, I'm a weird one that likes baseball much better than football, where everyone else seems to bow down to everything associated with football. I like football, but you know. And as everyone knows, basketball is by far my #1 sport to both follow and play. Anyways, I have 2 upcoming drafts.



One is a newly created league, League Freak with the commish being The_Freak as you would guess. It is a 14-man league and we draft on March 8th. Not many care, but I'm still going to list the people involved in this one. We have The_Freak, TheAnswer, Uncle Wilbur, Posey, Cork, MrsAnswer, Bono, Duce, Neon, ManDingo, Duce's Bro, myself, and 2 boys of The_Freak's. This one starts from scratch and isn't a keeper league, so that'll be fun for something different.

The other? It's the infamous American Baseball League (A#BL). This is ran from the blog's video producer, Kasher himself. This one features a whopping 18 people and it's a keeper league in existence since 2003. Both of these leagues have a lot of overlap, but once again, we'll break down who is part of this extravaganza: Kasher, DerekHood, Cork, Trev, Walz, ManDingo, TyLaw, Neon, Duce, Dack, Kris3, Dom, TMac, Blahah, Uncle Wilbur, Big Play Ray, Big Arlo, and myself. It's not even March and we're around 200 posts on our message board already, we get it done. In our basketball league, the A#BA, we have over 1500 posts from the season. No other Yahoo leagues can compete with us, I dare them to. My five keepers this year are Johan Santana, David Wright, Prince Fielder, Brandon Phillips, and Matt Kemp. The first four of those I feel are true absolute studs, so I'm ready to rock out a good draft on March 16th.



I'm recovered from my sickness of last week. Part of those was from my kids practically throwing up on me at work and the other half was getting a few hours of sleep a night I'm sure. I roll to the doctor on Friday after work since I was a zombie that day. Two good things while I was there. One is that I didn't have to wait at all, that's rare. Two, the nurses were hotties this time, how can you go wrong with that? I go in to get my blood pressure checked and all of that. Not one, but two nurses they send in to do that tough job, hah. I didn't mind though, half sick or not, that doesn't hurt things to look at some filthies. Then the doc was in for about 2.3 seconds and asked if I wanted a shot or just medicine instead. I asked what he recommended and he said the shot works instantly. I said, sign me up. Shots don't bother me at all like some people. I remember one time getting a poison ivy shot and this dumb chick broke the needle off in me. I just sat there and looked as stuff was shooting everywhere and she freaked. And you think I'm making this stuff up, but I'm not. This time,a third nurse comes, who also looks good, and does the honor of giving me a shot in the butt. She was instantly drawn to the Italian machismo oozing out of me as she gave that shot. Well, I'd like to think that anyways. Whatever it takes to get better.

We're now booting people on Idol left and right. This week, we booted 4 more, 2 dudes and 2 chicks. At the moment, I'm still rooting for Chikezie and my girl Asia'h. Who I really think has a shot to win on each side? I'm going with Aussie Boy on the dudes and Tattoo Chick on the chicks. Kid David has the chicks going wild though and makes Paula cry, so he should go far as well. The girls on Thursday, were way over the top drama queens, it was a mess. The Alaina girl that got booted, she broke down and said she wasn't gonna sing. Then she ended up singing, weird. I always like how the other contestants act like the world has ended when someone loses. Hey buddy, that helps you last at least another week, be happy. I'm sure they're friends, but there's only one winner and you have to be somewhat ruthless, Eazy-E style. Or as Eazy rightfully said in Ruthless Villain featuring MC Ren:

Cause I'm a ruthless villain,
Cold tearin' shit up,
Don't come on my face,
Pumpin' no kind of junk,
Eazy-E's in control,
And if you press your luck,
I'll smoke you like that,
And won't give a fuck.

I haven't put any old rap lyrics in here in a good while, so it was time. That leads us into newer things. We're due for some more CD updates. We're going all rap in this one, just bringing it with all sorts.

B.G. & The Chopper City Boyz: We Got This. This is mainly BG's boys doing the work, but he's in some of this as well. I'm big on the Louisiana style of rap anyways, so I wanted to pick it up. He's been under the radar lately, but I feel he's really good lyrically, one of the better ones of that bunch from the original Hot Boys.

Crucial Conflict: Planet Crucon. I've been waiting on Crucial to come out with something new for ages. They were one of my favorites in the mid 90s and this one showed why that is still true. For those who weren't around for their first run, load up on these guys from Chicago, very underrated. If you're into the quick raps with some added meanness, you can't go wrong here at all.

Jim Jones: Harlem's American Gangster. Stolen from Jay-Z's pull on the great movie mentioned above, Jim goes at Jay-Z a ton in this one. To me, and I like them, but all of the Dipset guys are the same. They don't distinguish from each other as much as they should. Not that it's bad, but it just seems like deja vu all over again.

Kool G Rap: Half A Klip. We're going with a legend here. You want some viciousness and straight street rap? This is what you're wanting to load up on for sure. Not a long CD, but it gets to the point and does its job, pick it up.

Pastor Troy: Attitude Adjuster. Troy is a guy you either love or hate. There's no in between. He's from the mean streets of the ATL, but doesn't do the club thing that so many other ATL guys do, so I'm down with him. He's gritty and goes at it, screaming half the time. Some can't get past his screaming, but it works in a mean way if you ask me. This one though, he impresses with more lyrical content. Songs to pick up from this CD? I'm Hot, Put Him On The Scope, and Dom would like to recommend For My Soldiers.



Sumthin Terrible: Turf Tested, Hood Approved. This is one of those times where I don't know the artists, but it's worth a try, what can it hurt? They're from Northern Cali, so of course I'm interested in rap from that area. The title sounded rough enough to see what it was all about. I haven't listened to this one yet except for a few tracks, but it seems worthy.

Young Gunz: Rapid Fire. I liked these guys a lot when Jay-Z brought them out a while back. They don't get a lot of love and I'm not even positive they're still with the Roc. They're now under Young Gunz Media as their label, so I'm not sure if that's a branch of the Roc or if they are on their own. Either way, the label isn't going to change my mind on these guys, they bring some talent and I liked this CD. Pretty crazy this is their fifth album and they're both only 23 years old. Yep, that makes me feel old.

Yukmouth: Million Dollar Mouthpiece. More Bay Area rap for the fans to feast on. If you go way back, Yuk was part of the Luniz. He's also a protege of my boy Dru Down, one of my all time picks. As an added bonus for me, Dru Down is on the track East Oakland. Devin The Dude and Crooked I also appear on this. Apparently this CD was 5 years in the making, did Yuk deliver as he usually does? He brings about the unique voice.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/nessquick

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: We're now ready for Kasher's segment and this one is genius. It's disturbing and something you won't want to watch at work or around too many people however, but it's downright funny. If you're a SuperBad fan, you'll know McLovin and his character. He's part of this vid entitled The Teabag Incident: http://spikedhumor.com/articles/144149/The-Teabag-Incident.html



3 Quick Thangs:

1. Let's start the month of March out right with our birthdays. Saturday, March 1st. Actor Alan Thicke of Growing Pains days, 61. Ron Howard, now director, but most know as Opie on The Andy Griffith Show, he's doing it for his 54th. Daisy Duke is also 54. NBA baller and a guy I always personally thank for my Heels winning the 1993 National Title, Chris Webber, Happy 35th. Zack of Saved By The Bell is now is 34. If that doesn't make my era feel old, I'm not sure what else will. We have a nice mix there, it's worthy of some mentions.

2. Here's today's weird stat: People who ride on roller coasters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain. I guess I'm safe then from my brain exploding into 235 pieces.

3. I was driving home tonight and was behind this car at the stoplight. I'll end with the Potter kick since half the people reading hate that stuff, but I like it, so it's going in. I saw this bumper sticker that says "Republicans for Voldemort". Good stuff right there. I'm a Democrat and don't care one way or another if someone is Dem or Republican, that bumper sticker is creative. Has to be funny to the Potter fans. Also, thanks to Uncle Wilbur for the pics he sent on an email that we used this week.