Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Werther's Originals Are Laxatives

This week's wise words of wisdom during a random chat? It comes to us from one of the blog readers' favorites, Corndog from Logan County. He's also just recently started to rock the Larry Bird porn mustache. The ladies have to dig that one. Corndog also provides us with this week's topic. Anyways, Corndog out of nowhere gives us these words to live by:

Corndog: i got a new blog title for you worthers originals are laxatives
Corndog: the story...
Corndog: i bought a pack of worthers original mini's and on the side it said something about if you eat too many it could be like a laxative (no joke) i laughed it off.
Corndog: ate the hole box
Corndog: had the poops all night
Corndog: and not just the poops.
Corndog: the poops that 3 ammoiums wouldnt stop

So how did Christmas treat everyone and their brother? It was fine and dandy here, I always get extra pumped up around this time of year. I'm in a good mood almost always to begin with, but you know what I mean. Now it's time for some quick stories from the Christmas Eve bonanza here at my house. The house was packed for the festivities as we have a big crew. Who was in attendance? Mom, Dad, Spank, Cork, Kristen, Kari, Matty Cakes, Ozzie, Maria, Zack, Jill, Gayle, Ashton, Big Max, Ashley, Uncle Butch, Aunt Susie, Mary, Uncle Bill, Angie, Will The Thrill, Aunt Linda, Uncle Jeff, Jimmy, Rick and Rick, Steph, neighbor Linda, and myself. Whew, now I can breathe. In that mix, I'm sure I left out someone, but I hope not.

The food is always top notch when we do our Christmas Eve bash. How can you go wrong with homade Italian food mixed in with a bunch of junk food? You can't, that's the answer. Also during this night, the TV entertainment was the Notre Dame/Hawaii game. It was a split crowd as we had people rooting on the Irish and then we had one in particular who wished their plane would go down after the game and they all died, I kid you not. That's the type of atmosphere it was during the game, can't beat that. You either love the Irish or hate them around here, no in between. It wasn't the Hawaii of recent years who played like a video game, this one was fairly brutal. My boys won their first bowl game since the mid-90s, ugh. At least it's a win. Maybe the Jimmy Clausen jersey I wore that night brought the luck about. Charlie Weis, get in shape big fella. Also, we got to re-create a classic pic from back in the day with the six cousins, that turned out pretty good. Maybe I'll post a pic of the new version whenever I get that. In the pic people were wondering if I'd be able to do my headstand still. Ozzie laughed and said that I've probably done that in the past month alone, so he had no doubt. The sad part is, I have, I'll never grow up, but what fun would that be anyways?

You're wondering who gets "The Award" this year, right? If you've kept up with the blogs of the past few years, either on the trips to the Dirty Dirty of Atlanta or Christmas Eve, we usually crown someone with The Award. It was Gayle I believe that came up with the name and he's usually my partner in crime when it comes to vote time. This year? We all decided that there wasn't a winner. A few were pushing it as to who would be the drunkest of all, but nobody totally embarrassed it up. When Dad busted out the WV moonshine for people to try, I figured it wouldn't be long till someone got mangled like no other. He said he wasn't about to dip into that, he'd stay low key with not many drinks and let the others be fools. He just liked instigating it all. I don't drink at all, but the smell of this stuff I could tell was brutal. I've seen people get straight lit off this in no time, it's hardcore. So due to that, we're not handing out The Award, it happens. Someone will get it again, don't you worry.

An interesting topic came up with the Christmas Eve crew. We're average guys, nothing special, but we still are fairly athletic I think. We were discussing girls basketball. I know, before I even start on this topic, I'll admit I'll be sexist, but you'll have to hear me out. When it comes to physical things, I don't think girls can hang. I don't think that's anything too outlandish to say. Some may be able to, I'm not saying that, but I'm talking about in general. I know my area isn't a good focus group, but even when you take the best girls players in our area that have went on to play college, put them against regular bum whiteys and they're just ok to me at best. I don't think I'm too crazy on that. Sure, they're athletic and good, but you put an elbow into them or get physical and it's tough duty for chicks. Now I'm not a physical player with my style, but you know what I mean, others can be. The debate was how high of a level of a girl's team could the average five guys beat? I think running wise and physicality, the guys would be ok. WNBA? That's steep and I've personally never played with a chick of that caliber to know how she hangs, but it'd be interesting. High school level doesn't count, that level is downright brutal if you ask me. Most of the older guys of the crew said we'd have zero chance at a higher level chicks team though and it was a fun argument. Just something to think about. Put that on TV and you're telling me you wouldn't watch? Girls would be going crazy in the crowd for them to beat down the boys and the boys would have to do their best to hang to hold their pride, the intrigue.

Christmas Day came around and that's always one of my favorites. I still feel like a kid that morning coming down the steps and dishing out the presents and getting some in return. I never ask for anything major and this year didn't do that, but still it's fun to have a little list to give people ideas. I won't ramble on about what gifts I sent out to the crew and what I got in return from everyone, there's no way I can make that too exciting for the people reading. I do think I loaded up well and did the same for the family and friends. I can't see me rambling about religion in here, this isn't the place, but just remember the main point of Christmas to begin with, not many appreciate that these days. It was also the day of the Celtics/Lakers rivalry. Five NBA games that day as I mentioned, I was in heaven. Unfortunately, my boys had their 19-game win streak against Kobe and the gang. I like my crew's chances out East, but not sure that anyone can beat the Lakers this year, but it'll be fun to find out in June.

Christmas Night movie! It's been a tradition, so you know I was in again this year. Along for the action this season was Spank, Alicia, Alicia's little cousin, Cork, Kristen, and myself. The movie in question? That'd be Will Smith's Seven Pounds. The previews looked intriguing and Will Smith delivers much more often than not in movies. I have some bad news to break though with this one. I was on a streak over the past few months of some nice movies with no duds. This one? If you're asking me, avoid it at all costs. First off, it was way too long for what it was trying to get to. It starts out soooo slow. In the midway part of the movie, I told our crew, "This movie is creeping me out." It's strange. It does have some bad unintentional comedy in it though, although it's not meant to be. At the end of the movie, as we normally do, Spank and I looked at each other for our normal grade. We both knew it was bad and said 5.6 at the exact same time, so that's what we're going with. This one gets a miserable 5.6 stomach punches out of 10, a waste of your money. The only good thing is that Rosario Dawson looks excellent as usual.

Since that was such a bad movie, I'm going to give another movie review. Yes, we had to get that memory out of our minds. I'm talking about Death Race. When this came out to the theater, I wanted to see it since I thought it looked good for one, and two, it had Jason Statham in it. I'm not sure he makes a bad movie. My buddies thought it looked dumb though and didn't want to go. One critique is that the effects are so over the top, futuristic, and not really believable, but hey, it's a movie right? Other than that, the storyline really kept me interested. In this movie, outside of Statham, you get Tyrese and Joan Allen (from the Bourne movies) as other key people. Tyrese in another car movie? Imagine that. He does well here though. Allen also has her role down pat too, she's the villain. An enjoyable movie with a ton of action. My final verdict? It's going to be 7.4 cars blown up into pieces out of 10.

Saturday night was spent at the Posey Casa. Posey has a great setup there with a living room that is spacious enough to do a line of multiple backflips if you really chose to. The highlight of this trip to Tank Hill? It was UFC 92: The Ultimate 2008. I'm always down for anything MMA related, so we got our money's worth and then some. Who all was in attendance? Posey, Scherri, Spank, Cork, neighbor Brian, Posey's Work Buddy, Kierstn, Caden (messed his spelling up for sure ), Ashley, and myself. Props to the girls for doing it big with a food spread that was high quailty. How can you go wrong with all the food you can eat mixed in with some head busting inside a cage? I won't ramble too much about the show though, but my predictions were off on this one. Is Rampage Jackson back after he literally went crazy in the head a few months ago? He dominated one of my favorite fighters, Wanderlei "The Axe Murderer" Silva, who I figured would mess up Rampage since he did it twice before. Something tells me if you have a nickname of the Axe Murderer, you are not to be provoked, so I'll stay away. Then we had Frank Mir looking awesome against one of the best heavyweights in the world, Antonio Nogueira. Nobody gave Mir a chance, myself included, even Mir himself admitted the same, but he pulled the upset special to get a rematch with Brock Lesnar (who he beat once already). The main event had Sugar Rashad Evans have his way with Forrest Griffin. Evans keeps proving doubters wrong, this guy is very good indeed, now he has a title to show for it. 99% of the night was great, but I was inches away from attempted murder on both of Posey's dogs. These dogs have to be laced with meth or something, they're nuts and never ever shut up. But overall, props to the Posey Clan for serving things up right on the night.

It's sick, it's demented, but you know the curious nature brings us back again. This will be the 5th year running for Commish Kasher's 2009 #Balls Celebrity Deathpool. This can't be good karma for anyone playing, but it has created quite the interest over the years, both with the guys that play and also the people who follow along with the standings. Our 2008 winner? That'd be none other than Cork who had Bobby Murcer as his lone death, which he got double points for making that his lock pick. I came in 4th as I had Charlton Heston. Here's a wild stat. Let's go back to 2006. That's the year that Neon won it all by having 4 people of his 10 go down, that's messed up, but good insight. TyLaw and our Corndog also had 4 that same year. Another stat? Kasher calls this one his "fun fact", but I'm not sure how fun it is: ManDingo is the only person to have predicted a death in every season we have played. In the next blog, I'll give a rundown of our rules and the 10 people I have selected.

You know how we do the movie reviews? We got that in earlier, but now it's time for a book review. I don't do those much because most of the books I read are either sports or wrestling related, and most reading the blog people could probably care less, I understand. Anyways, I will give a review of one I just finished. When the blackjack movie 21 came out to theaters, you'll remember I went and talked about that here in the blog. In April of 2008 if you go back, I ranked this a 7.2. Ozzie had such high praises on it at the time, he gave it a whopping 8.8. Usually I'd read a book before seeing the movie, but this one was backwards. Instead, as a little Christmas gift, I got a copy of 21: Bringing Down The House by Ben Mezrich. I love to read, but I'm not a speed demon when it comes to getting through things. I go at a nice pace, but I know people who say they read entire books in a day or two, dang. This one I finished in three days, it's that good. If you enjoyed that movie, which you should have, then go out and get the book, it's even better. The book is always better than the movie. Even if you aren't a Vegas person, you'd be interested to see how these genius kids from MIT basically beat the system of blackjack and made millions.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: I think we have a really good submission here. It comes to us again from Arizona Jas. This has some great unintentional comedy inside. First, check out how mangled this girl's face is, mainly when he puts 25 pounds of makeup or whatever that junk is she has on. Cement maybe? Her top half looks fairly normal, and then that bottom half Jas calls the child bearing hips of doom. Then to make matters that much better, you have to check out her pimp man's folder who wants to make it rain with his money that probably isn't even real. You'll get a laugh of that dude, trust me. Go check for yourself:

Bird's Video Moment of the Week: This week's submission comes to us all the way from my boy Dominik in Germany. We're going with a guy named John Lajoie who you've probably seen on YouTube before, he's worth checking out if you haven't before. Another 5-star rating for John on this one. I wouldn't blast this song at work to give a warning, but check it out:

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Birthday time! Let's see who opens 2009 for us. Thursday, January 1st. Rapper Grandmaster Flash, 50, whoa. Model Carol Alt, 48. At 48, she recently posed in Playboy for whatever that's worth. Also, according to Wikipedia (it could be wrong, but we still take it for granted on there), had a Top 10 Models of All Time deal to which she placed #5. Another model, former queen of the internet for a while, Cindy Margolis, 43. NFL baller Derrick Thomas would be 41 on this day, but he left us way too early at the age of 33. What a player he was. Actor Morris Chestnut, 39. Bo Bice of American Idol fame, 33.

2. The coin pocket inside a regular pocket. You all know what I'm talking about. What I'm wondering is, what's the point? It's more hassle than not. My problem is with the change part (although I guess you could put anything small in there). Let's say you're at the store and you pay and get your money back. You throw your dollars in your wallet or just in your pocket like a normal person. Then you also do the same with your change, just throw it in down your pocket. Then when you get to the car or home to empty it, it takes forever to get the change that has fallen down into these tiny pockets out. Maybe it's just me, but I end up having to turn my pockets inside out and forget that mess. I should just cut these things out of my pockets to save myself the agony.

3. This is our last post of 2008. What will 2009 bring us? As usual, people will set these lofty goals of having resolutions. Sure, maybe 10% of the people will actually fulfill these, but let's face it, most end up doing the epic fail. Try to set some lesser standards. You're not going to run that marathon, you're probably not even going to set a foot in the gym, but make yourself happy. Please yourself first instead of others and be laid back with it. The goal as I always have, be positive, since you never know what tomorrow holds. This is the 370th blog I've posted since the beginning, we'll try to add to that number in 2009, have a great new year! And as Kevin Garnett would say, "Anything is possible!"

1 comment:

Ms. Jazzie said...

So typical! Quote the! Anyways good blog to end the year on I really liked it. I am glad you had a kick ass time on the christmas bash. BTW your ass would get creamed by WNBA ladies, why? Because they not only love doing this but they do it for a living. Sorry. Moving on, the dirty hoe killed me this time. I hold you responsible for the stomach ache I got from laughing so hard. Show me your genitalia, men are only good for three things: nagging, sitting on their asses, and making okay blogs. :P You loved that! Im only kidding...there is only one thing men are good at! Ha! kidding again kinda. Well have a great rest of 08!