Tuesday, May 09, 2006


What's happening out there in the mean streets? Things are going great with me and I should have some decent stories to whip up in this post. One week of May is down and we're nearing summer. I'll start things out with Friday night's action and that's where most of these stories will eminate from. Yep, I gotta bust out the big vocabulary every now and then for the fans at home.

I was sitting at the house on Friday, minding my business, and watching the Cavs/Wizards game with Spank. Around 10:00, we get a call from Stevie Buck and he's hanging out at Fortney's. He wants to know if we're interested in sports trivia and of course I can't pass that action up. It doesn't get much better than that. First, I'll name the cast of characters that was in attendance and the 3 teams: Me, Sweet Pea, and Jimmy Mills were one team. Another was Spank, Cork, and Ozzie representing the rugged West Side of Shinnston. The final team was Fortney, Buck, and Mudcat representing Enterprise. On the sports trivia front, my crew won and that's always good times. Everyone there just wanted Mudcat to lose so he'd get fired up and I guess it worked.

We had stories going all night, but two had me in tears. I don't hold too much back in here, so I might as well just type away and go at it with the style that I've done for the past 2 years. The first story was with a guy named Bam that we've played basketball with before. A really good dude first of all and used to play football at Fairmont State. He's been hooking up with Buck's sister and he's a black dude. I'm the last guy to have a problem with that as I see nothing wrong with it at all, but it's part of the story. When you're dealing with my racist area, you get problems with that all the time unfortunately, so there ya go. That's not the funny part. Somehow, they got to talking about Klem, an older buddy of ours. I won't have this story exact, but it will have to do. He was joking with Buck that he was going to "punish" Buck's mom when he got home. Herb (Buck's Dad) then was saying that there was only going to be one person to punish Sue and that was Herb himself, hah. Anyways, this got led into another story and how Herb was saying something about blacks and messing with them, calling them monkeys. Yeah, it's wrong, but it's part of the story so it's going here. That's when Ozzie out of nowhere pulls out this classic line. "He doesn't know that his daughter is getting punished by those guys!" Of course, total chaos erupted and we were rolling. I guess you had to have been there..

Another story with good ol' Herb was when a black buddy of Buck's was over for dinner. The first thing Herb did to try to break the conversation was to say to this guy, "So.. it's a shame what happened to that Tupac and Biggie huh?" Buck said him and his buddy just kind of sat there. Herb was just trying to be his nice self like he normally does, but was out of it with that question. A little behind the times, hah, but that's what made the story.

The second story that had me in tears was one that also involved Buck and Ozzie. This one will only appeal to the locals, but I'll make it short. They've been umping Little League games and always have great stories with that. They said that we have to get down there just to watch Perry do his thing. They'll be doing 9 and 10 year old games and they said this kid overran a base or something to that effect. Instead of just telling these clueless kids in a normal voice to get back to the base, that wouldn't be Perry's style. Picture this little Italian dude in his late 40s who is screaming at these kids at the top of his lungs and that's how he is all the time. That'd be worth being there for that. Only in Shinnston.

After we were done battling in sports trivia, it was about 1:00 or after. Everyone else was done, but me, Cork, and Spank trekked up to Denny's. While at Denny's, we saw this table of nerds having a Magic The Gathering tournament. No joke, right in the middle of the place. It was good entertainment. One actually had to run to Wal-Mart and buy some new packs before the tourney was over. Nothing else out of the ordinary happened inside Denny's, but stuff did outside..

As we stepped outside, Cork said he could throw a baseball from Denny's to McDonald's. Again, that only appeals to the locals, but I'll break it down. Since we didn't have an exact ruling, we had Spank actually step it off to see how many of his steps it took get to from Denny's to McD's. Spank is walking off 4 lanes of highway at like 2:30 in the morning, great stuff. It ended up being 89 steps. We didn't have a baseball to prove this, so we then went to Wal-Mart and bought one. While in Wal-Mart at that time of night, we couldn't resist to launch some footballs to each other in the aisles. Yeah, we'll never grow up. Anyways, we had the baseball, so it was off to Shinnston. Confused? We then went to the football field at 3:00 in the morning. Picture it being about 50 degrees, we're in shorts and sandals and the field is soaked with wet cold grass. We get out there anyways. I carry a baseball glove just to make it official. Spank starts off from the goal line and walks it off. It turned out to be about 270 feet. Cork realized he couldn't get the ball there after Spank started walking out there, but he tried anyways. Spank was waiting to mark the ball, but since it was dark, he couldn't see too well. It took us a while after going through the cold grass in sandals to find it, but we did. Mission accomplished. The next bet to settle is one we've talked about for a long time. Cork swears he can throw a baseball 70 miles per hour. A few of us don't think he can do it, while another side of the crew thinks he can. I can't wait to see that one when we try.

Yesterday was the first day I loaded up on strawberries. My favorite fruit, so I figured I might as well write something about it. They were in good shape too and I'll be tearing that stuff up all summer. Not too much fruit that I'm not into, so there's your healthy food section for today. Eat your fruit kids.

My crew started to play night volleyball the past few weeks. I haven't had a chance to get in on the action as of yet. They've been playing on Mondays and Thursdays usually. Monday is wrestling night for me and I may have to actually tape wrestling to play on Mondays (the thought!). I'd consider it. Thursday is my basketball night, but I could always play after basketball was over and really get the exercise going. The volleyball stuff is more fun than anything because nobody is that much of a talent. Goof around with the guys and you can't go wrong checking out some of the chicks that play with us, not a bad combo if I must say so.

3 Quick Thangs:

1. For the big wrestling fans, I got a full subscription of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and got my first mailing yesterday. The top of the line as far as wrestling news and happenings go and well worth it.

2. For the locals, get a hold of me if you want to go to a Pirates game soon. I'm always willing to do something like that.

3. I haven't done the birthday thing in a good while, so it's time to revisit that.. The birthdays for May 9th? Actress Candice Bergen is 60. Billy Joel turns 57. Tony Gwynn of baseball fame goes for 46, wow. Hockey star Stevie Yzerman goes for 41. The most whipped guy in the world, NBA baller Doug Christie celebrates his 36th today.


Anonymous said...

I think we should definitely check out a Pirates game or ever some Washington Wild Things! this year. Through the week is usually better for me though. Maybe after school lets out or something.

You should have went back to the scene and had Cork hurl a ball across Emily Dr. That would have been good times. We used to play frisbee in the lower end of the Wal Mart parking lot, like down by Staples..in the middle of the night. Yup, we do it up big in WV.

- Mandingo

Kristen said...

Well, missed this one when it came out, but that's cool. Lots of stuff going on a small town. I'm still confused as to why yall actually didnt just throw the baseball across from Denny's to McD's...guess not too safe huh?. The footballs in WalMart are classic. We used to pull the caps off the posts in the front and "play" light sabers with them. Cant beat WalMart after midnight. Well, have fun up there.