Circus Sideshow Freaks

It's been a week and I have quite of few interesting topics to mention to the legions of fans out there who read my stuff. I guess it shows that you all are just as bored as me while reading this, so I'll keep pimping it out as usual. In this edition you get stories such as this dude with two parts that most guys only have one of, a fishing trip with Spank, Thursday night ball gone wrong and a shoutout to Shinnston to stop being lazy, video game battles at Posey's, and the Wallace Softball Invitational. Let's get things underway and quit messing around..



An excellent, yet messed up story, I read that was posted from my buddy TyLaw in Lobstah (http://lobsterrodeo.com/balls). Check this out, it's like nothing you've read before:

Are you SURE you want to remove that?
Sat Aug 19, 10:10 AM

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - An Indian businessman born with two penises wants one of them removed surgically as he wants to marry and lead a normal sexual life, a newspaper report said Saturday.

The 24-year-old man from the northern state of Uttar Pradesh admitted himself to a New Delhi hospital this week with an extremely rare medical condition called penile duplication or diphallus, the Times of India said.

"Two fully functional penes is unheard of even in medical literature. In the more common form of diphallus, one organ is rudimentary," the newspaper quoted a surgeon as saying.

I'll just leave it as it is. There isn't a lot more I can add to that story to make it even more freaky. It's like something you'd see in a movie, who has that? 24 years old and he's just now wanting to do something about it? Be in porn or something. A circus sideshow? You're a freak of nature, I'm sure you could make some kind of money having two at once, as mangled as they probably look. What throws me off is that it says "two fully functional". Yep, I'm think the same questions everyone else is, but I'll keep that to myself right now.



Wednesday was a fishing trip with Spank. I start the festivities by picking him up on the West Side at 7:30 AM. We go to Quiet Dell to get minnows, but they were out. We had to wait till 9:30 till the minnow dude came, so we went to the Nutter Fort McDonald's to kill time. Easily one of the worst all time breakfasts I've had in my life. We both took about two bites of our stuff and rolled out. Bad times. But we go back, get our minnows, and head to Stonewall Jackson Lake to set up shop. We finally start fishing at 11:00. We were there for 6 hours, getting out of there at 5:00. We walked a half mile down this trail with our hands full with poles, coolers, chairs, and whatever else we needed.

I figured it had to be a good fishing trip if I brought along some chew. It adds to the whole WV redneck thing. I never got into snuff, but chew I don't mind. I haven't tried it in about 6 or 7 years though, so I was due out of boredom. Red Man Golden Blend. Good times right there. I won't do it hardly ever though since I like my teeth to be pimped out, so I bust it out on the rare occassions. I forgot how dizzy that stuff gets me, it was like I was buzzing from a drink or something if I ever knew how that felt. I always prided myself on the straight edge stuff. Not the punk rock and whole deal, but with drugs and alcohol anyways. I never drink and haven't ever used an illegal drug in my life (weed, pills, etc). Never been drunk, I didn't even drink on my 21st birthday way back when. It's just not for me. Believe what you want on that stuff.



Oh yeah, fishing. I got sidetracked. I didn't get a bite all day at Stonewall, it was rough. Spank got two nice catfish though and we got pics of those. Overall, at Stonewall, it was an uneventful day as far as getting bites go. We go to Weston to eat on the way home. Weston surprised both of us. Been a while since I've been there, but it's no joke for a small town. They got a bunch of things there for that little place. But you can't go wrong with a fishing trip just to be idiots all day and get out of town. We then come home to the East Side and go to Anderson's Pond. We got more action at the pond in one hour than we did all day at Stonewall. We caught some nice bass there.

Thursday night for ball was the worst night ever. That's always our ball night at The Lighthouse. Guess how many people we got this week? 4. Yep, that's it. We called everyone we could think of to play and still nothing. It got to the point we were calling up little high school kids to come and play, but even they had stuff going on. So if you're a local baller and reading this, we need you to show up next week to get some ball in. My town is a pile of garbage for people being lazy bums. You can't get off your couch for 2 hours to play some ball? Ridiculous. I'm not calling anyone out in particular. I'll call out the whole town. Show up to play some ball, get some exercise in ya, it won't hurt, I promise. Weird how we had like 20 guys a few months ago in there and now everyone is missing in action.



Friday night it was video game action at my boy Posey's. We played NCAA 2007 on PS2 and Madden 2007 on GameCube there. Spank owned us as he straight messes cats up in those games. I'm able to hang in Madden though, but I've never seen anyone better in NCAA than he is. We played from 7:00-12:00 and you can't go wrong with that. Nolan stopped up to see the madness, but didn't play. The only downfall to the night? Posey's dog does not shut up. Me and Spank were ready to give it the Chickenwing and make it tap out. But the video game extravaganza overrides that. Also, Posey introduced us to some new chips that I haven't tried. Maybe you have, but if not, check out Lay's KC Masterpiece Hot 'n Spicy chips or Fiery Habenero Doritos.

Saturday rolls around and it's the annual Wallace Invitational Softball Game. This is Cork's reunion crew and I've been going for the past 5 years or so probably. A great time and the night always ends with some good home cooking. My team ended up getting beat, but it was fun nonetheless. I didn't have the game I wanted to play, but I still did ok. My batting was rough today, but I went 2-4. My outs were a line drive shot straight to the pitcher and another I hit to the second baseman and he gunned me. My hits were an infield hit that I legged out Ichiro style and one to the leftfield gap. I just couldn't get anything up in the air too deep though. I played left/center in the field as I like to run around with the speed and try to make some nice plays. I didn't get a chance to dive or anything today, but still always hold my own in the field.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/therealravenriley



3 Quick Thangs:

1. To the gum fans out there.. and I'm sure I've posted this sometime over the years.. but does it get much better than Bubble Tape? Of course not. http://www.bubbletape.com.

2. Birthdays for Sunday, August 27th you want? That's what I'll give you. Pee-Wee Herman goes for 54. Downtown Julie Brown is 45. Jim Thome hits 36. That's not much of a list, but that's all the staff deems worthy. Monday though, my Dad becomes another year older. Yep, Dude turns 57, he's getting up there. Props to him on that one.

3. I'm back on the Ramen noodles kick. Quick and easy eating.

Pornotube

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Year Of The Dog, Again

It's been a minute since I left you. What's on tap for this issue? I got a lot of new CDs that nobody will care about, but I'll write about anyways towards the end. Also, I see that maybe the religion thing in my last post might've scared some people away from leaving comments (0 comments last time, doh!), but I did get a lot of offline comments about that which were nice, so take that however you want. Third week of August and we're officially in the middle of the month already, it's going fast.



The past few days I've been awake at 9:00 AM on a summer day. I know, that's not like me at all. I gotta try to get on a decent sleep schedule since work will be here before I know it. Sure, I'll still stay up all night some, but I can't do that right up till the first day of work. Every year when I start back up, I'm in a few week coma anyways, but I'll adjust. The kids start here on August 28th, not bad. That's also my Dad's birthday for those who like to know little tidbits like that. He'll be 57, getting up there. He still thinks he's 15 though, nothing wrong with that.

Yesterday, it was off to Morgantown. The kids don't start school there at WVU until Monday, so I didn't have to put up with the madness of that crew yet. The dirty chick scene will be rockin' by that time (always a good thing), but this trip there wasn't any traffic, so all was good. I went with Spank and we rolled up to hang with Cork. We meet Cork at his work place, Chili's. We laughed that Cork was here on a day off, but it was to eat, not work, so all is fair. This was my first time eating at a Chili's and it wasn't bad. I got a 12 ounce ribeye cooked medium rare, loaded mashed potatoes or whatever they're called, a salad, mango tea which was something different but I didn't mind, and we snacked on some appetizers of chips and salsa and also cheesesticks. The chips had a crazy amount of salt on them, we could barely eat them. It's kind of a weird place, but my food was fine. They don't have many dressings for salads to pick from (no Italian, dang) nor do they make baked potatoes. You gotta have a baked potato with steak. The first impression I have is that it was fine, but it didn't set itself away from other restaurants to make me want to go on a regular basis. Spank said they'll be out of business soon, hah. I don't see that happening with the kiddies coming to WVU next week as it should be booming.



Then we roll to Cork's crib for some action. Nah, not porn action and unfortunately no chick action, but you can't get that all the time. Instead, we settled on busting out the XBox for some NCAA 2007 battles. I very rarely play XBox, so the controller setup is always confusing to me. Then again, people say the same thing when they come to my place and pick up the GameCube controller. The gameplay is very nice though and this season's version is worth getting. Spank can't be contained in this game, he's mean at it. After playing that for a while, we then settled on a night of watching RAW. It doesn't get much better than that.

This Sunday it's one of the bigger pay per views of the year. Yep, SummerSlam, hailing from Boston. The card isn't finalized, but I'm still going to give my quick predictions at this point. I look for Cena to win the WWE Title from Edge. Edge is really playing his role up and has been a credible champ in my opinion. I have King Booker retaining over Batista for the World Title as I feel that they need to build this feud up a little longer before giving the belt to the injury prone Batista. DX against the McMahons? It's what it is, but it should be entertaining, with DX getting the win. Hogan and Orton, this is a toughie. For some reason, I'm going to take Orton in this one with Hogan getting a win in a rematch. Even though Flair and Foley are past their primes, they still know how to tell a story and hype up this I Quit Match. I have Foley winning this one as blood will be all over the place like none other. Rey Mysterio beats Chavo.



I went a little wild on getting new CDs on Monday. You know me, I go in big streaks like that, but it's fun. Here's my latest rap and R&B albums..

B.G.: Play It How It Go Collection. My guess on this one is that B.G. is trying to get his lesser named boys some recognition. B Gizzle is still featured big on this CD, so I was interested of course.

C-Bo: Money To Burn. This is a story of rising from basically nothing. C-Bo started out as an underground rapper in Cali and then started gaining some big respect. In 1998, he was actually put in jail for his lyrical content, true story. He's a big controversial rapper and tells it like it is. He's not out to be like anyone else and has been in the game for a long time.



DMX: Year of the Dog, Again. You can't go wrong with anything from the self-proclaimed X Da Beast. That gets me everytime. Plus, for those who have BET, make sure you check out his show, it's high quality laughs. Especially when DMX goes golfing or grocery shopping, pure entertainment. Lord Give Me A Sign is the single released from this one so far and it's good. This is good timing to hype up Spank's karaoke performance a few weekends ago doing some DMX.

Inspectah Deck: The Resident Patient. For those in a coma, Deck is a member of Wu Tang. That alone is worth getting the CD for. A lot of the crew is on this one and it doesn't disappoint.

Jin: 100 Grand Jin. Most people that aren't rap fans know this guy as Jimmy from 2 Fast 2 Furious. But that's not what he does best. He saw his claim to fame being the best freestyle rapper in the history of 106 & Park's Freestyle Friday show a few years back. If you can find clips of that, it's pure skill. Anyways, the kid can spit some lyrics. He's someone I recommend.

Lyfe Jennings: The Phoenix. Want a little pimpin' music in your life? Here you go then. S.E.X. is the single released from this one so far. Three 6 Mafia and Young Buck are on this CD. Laid back flow here, destined to get the chicks feeling this music. Lyfe is good.

M.O.P.: Ghetto Warfare. You like mean rap? This is definitely for you. One of New York's finest right here. Their last few CDs have been bad, I admit, but now that they're away from the mainstream G-Unit backing, they straight rip it on this CD. These guys have been around and do it big. If you're into a lot of cussing in your songs, these guys have more than enough for your liking and a style to their own.

Pharrell: In My Mind. Yep, the skateboard freak. A lot of people on this one and you never know what direction Pharrell is going in. I still like him overall though, even if he's definitely a weird cat. Who is on this CD? Snoop of course, Pusha T of Clipse, Jay-Z, Gwen Stefani, Slim Thug, Nelly, and Kanye. Number One is the song released currently with Kanye.

Talib Kweli: Confidential. This is a best of edition here. This is one of the better lyricists out there and he's labeled as a conscious rapper. If you want pure rhymes and what hip hop is all about, Talib is your guy. He's not trying to make fake beef stories with other rappers or talk about him shooting people up. He just goes at it. http://www.myspace.com/talibkweli.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/killakate908

3 Quick Thangs:

1. 8 things that are overrated: makeup on a chick, expensive jewelry, Notorious B.I.G., laying in the sun, Blu-Ray Discs, big goofy sunglasses, Texas Roadhouse, Propel water.

2. Birthday time.. We'll go with Wednesday, August 16th: Frank Gifford, former NFL baller and sportscaster, turns 76. His wife Kathie Lee apparently has the same birthday, hmmm.. She's 53. Madonna goes for 48. To me, she's always been one of those chicks that you know is filthy dirty, but even when she's old, she can sometimes look decent, while other times she looks brutal. Angela Bassett is also 48, dang. No youngsters for this day.

3. By the time most of you read this, my first fantasy fooball league of the year will have been drafted. Yep, the esteemed A#FL, #basketball's big keeper league with 18 members. I'll report on that in the next post. We draft tonight at 7:00 in mIRC, nice.

Shake And Bake!

It's time for a random topic out of nowhere from my budides. This one comes to us from my girl Jenn Jenn. She wants it known that she's single now and to come and get it. Well, that sounded porned out, but you know what I mean. It seems like everyone is on a kick after seeing Talladega Nights, good stuff. Also, download the new Yahoo Messenger 8. It's pimped out.



Any national anthem fans out there? Even if you're not, you'll appreciate this paragraph. While reading one of the Boston Sports Guy's latest columns on ESPN's Page 2, this made me think. He rated Marvin Gaye's 1983 NBA All Star Game performance as the best anthem ever. Of course this is on YouTube as anything you can think of has a video on there to search. Anyways, I'm going to pick #2 on his list for my all time favorite. The Lobstah crew has talked about this before, but a lot of you people haven't seen this one. No, it's not the Carl Lewis one, although that's the first one I think of when someone talks about the anthem as it's so horrendous that it's funny and Charley Steiner's reaction on SportsCenter that night was gold. But I digress. This one comes to us from our friends of north in Canada. It was at an Edmonton Oilers NHL playoff game this year. Just straight up NUTS. If this doesn't give you goosebumps, "you better check yo self and chickety-check yo self before you wreck yo self" as Ice Cube and Das EFX said back in the day on the classic song Check Yo Self. Anyways.. The guy begins the anthem on the mic and then lets the fans finish. It gets rowdy. Check out the reaction from the Anaheim goalie. He's just amazed. Canada has about 10 times the national respect for their country than what our country can ever say. This makes us look like losers, which we probably are. Here's the link, it's a must watch, trust me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meLpuF9UMvk

For anyone not into the whole religion scene, you might as well skip this paragraph. I'm not the type of guy to preach about what people should believe in or not, but since this is my space, I can talk about something I've been wanting to accomplish for a long time. Last night, after about 3½ years of working on it, I completed reading the Bible and every word in it. I know what you're thinking, why so long? I didn't just go through it fast to say I did it. Every night before bed, I'd read a certain amount and then highlighted important parts of each section. By doing it that way, I wanted to let it soak in and understand everything and now I'm in business.



I got a great story from a workout the other day. I was lifting with Matt and he was cracking me up good. We get on the subject of chicks with tattoos and we both aren't fans of it. Anyways, I see him standing in the mirror with his back to it and making jokes. That was funny enough already. We got to talking about dirties who put the tats on their lower back, the tramp stamp or whatever you want to call it. Now I wouldn't mind these things if people got original, but they're all the same. That and little kids are getting them nowadays, it's messed up. He's looking in the mirror and pretending he has a tat back there. He's like, "Hey! I can't even see it! I don't know what that tattoo looks like! How do people even know what's there if they can't see it and what's the point?" I couldn't have said it any better. Not that some tats can't look good on people, but I couldn't agree more on these back tats. It makes the girl look dirty in my opinion. And if I offended you, so be it, I wasn't pointing out any one person. Cuss me all you want. I'm just here to state my opinion. He also asked another interesting one. Ever seen a tennis player with tats? That's rare stuff.

Anyone in the mood for some dirty greasy fast food? It's usually not my thing, but I'm going to recommend some McDonald's. You all have seen the new commercials for things that are called Snack Wraps. What you get is chicken wrapped in a tortilla, with cheese, lettuce, and ranch. You can get one for $1.29 (almost Toll Booth Willie style from Sandler for $1.25). They're small, so load up on more than one. I just got done having 3 for lunch as well as a small fry and that filled me up. Go check 'em out, you may just like these.



As of now, it looks like all of my fantasy football leagues have set a draft date. Sunday, August 20th we have the A#FL. This is a #basketball league and is ran by none other than Uncle Wilbur. 18 teams, a keeper league, it's good stuff. Then on Sunday, August 27th, it's ManDingo's NCAA league. I don't know anyone else around here who runs a college league, so we have one up on everyone there. It's also a keeper league and I'm excited about this one. Dingo does a great job running this one. Then lastly, on Sunday, September 3rd, it's the Shinnston Fantasy League, ran by Sweet Pea and we'll draft that one at 9:00 PM. 10 guys in the league, a money league, and it should be some fierce action. Sweet Pea already is claiming to be champ as he's NEVAARRR lost in a fantasy league he's ran before. Hmm.. Maybe he knows, but that's pretty big odds to talk up in preseason, we'll see if he can handle the bullseye on his back all season.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/annabeezy (Bonus points for her rocking out the Celtics gear in one of her pics.)

3 Quick Thangs:

1. It's Yer Birfday. This time we'll go with Friday, August 11th: Crazy evangelist Jerry Falwell turns 73 if he's still living. Don't you like how I never check if these people are still alive or not? The immortal Hulk Hogan goes for 53. Former NBA whitey baller Craig Ehlo is 45. Melky Cabrera of the Yankees hits 22 and he's going to be a quality player in a few years. My girl Rachel of Point Pleasant, now in Florida, hits 19, have a good one down there in the mean streets. Bonus points to her for liking 80s hair bands.

2. Maurice Clarett, what a fool. You know what gets me on that whole story? The assault rifle. That thing is straight gangsta, what was he going to do with it? It looked like a video game gun.

3. Madden 2007 comes out on Tuesday, August 22nd. For the locals, there's a tourney on Saturday at Eastpointe's GameStop at 1:00 PM. If Spank enters this one, a word to the wise out there, don't even bother showing up. You'll just get waxed. Don't say I didn't warn ya. I hope to be there on Monday night on the 21st to get it early. That's the plan anyways.

Good Ol' Ricky Bobby

Hey there. So what's on tap for us to talk about in this latest edition of my ramblings? It's a new month since our last post for whatever that's worth and time is flying by. Baseball season is getting into full force, fantasy football leagues are forming, hopefully this hot weather ends very soon, and each passing day is closer to NBA Opening Night. I'll let all of that sink into your heads for a few seconds and then you can digest the rest of my random words as I tell the tales of my crew and our happenings..



I've posted this to the Lobstah crew, but it's worthy of putting in here too. The other day I went to Fairmont and strolled into Wal-Mart. After handling my business, I went across the street to Dragon Buffet to load up on Chinese. I walk in and there's this Chinese kid that is about 10 years old or so. He asks where I want to sit and after figuring it out, he's helping his family run the joint today. I was by myself, so I took along a college football magazine so I'd have something to look at while in there. Anyways, the kid peeks over my shoulder and gets all excited and wonders if that's a new college mag. We get to talking and turns out this kid knows his football for that age and is a big Ohio State fan. After talking for a few with him as I ate, he actually sits down at the table and starts looking through the mag. This was cracking me up. He did get my respect when he started bashing WVU for having such a girlie schedule that it's pathetic. Suck it with that cupcake schedule. And this kid was like 10 and knew that. I go to pay and he's the one that handles the money. Kid is a mini Donald Trump. Then he thanks me for letting him look at mag and I go about my way. As Trick Daddy would say, "Trick luuuuuu da kiiiiiids." So that's your heartfelt story today since I'm a nice guy like that.

Friday night was big action in Fairmont. A crew of 7 of us (Spank, Fortney, Abbey, Darren, his chick, Mudcat, and myself) rolled to Muriale's for some quality food. Spank puts the food away like no other. I don't care who you are reading this, you can't hang with him in an eating contest, zero chance. I got the veal parmigiana and it was great. After that, we had 2 hours to kill before it was movie time. That's when we rolled to Valley Worlds of Fun. I haven't been there in like 7 or 8 years probably and they added a crazy amount of stuff. I started out the front 9 on fire, but fell apart in the back 9. I ended up with a 53. Mudcat wins the festivities with a solid 49. Darren's chick (who I don't even know a name of since I wasn't introduced) went off for 2 hole-in-ones. She shot bad, but when you get two hole-in-ones, that cancels out the bad total score and shuts everyone else up. Mudcat, nice job man. I'm up for mini golf anytime.



Ricky Bobby time. Yep, Talladega Nights. The theater was jam packed and it's a very funny movie. It's not "great", but if you're into funny movies, you'll like this one a lot and be rolling. I'll rate it a 7 out of 10. You also can't go wrong with Ali G playing the main "bad" dude here named Jean Girard in the movie. The accent cracks me up good. Along with the 7 that went to Muriale's and mini golf, we were joined at the theater by none other than the Mills Boys (Paul and Jimmy), Paul's chick, as well as Sweet Pea and Aubrey. Speaking of Sweet Pea, I'm along for the ride for Shinnston Fantasy Football that he's running and getting excited for the melee that is about to ensue.

Tuesday night with the crew it was night volleyball action. It's been a while since we've played and we were due. I'm not any good, but it's still fun to go out there and make a fool out of myself and get some nice laughs in while building up a sweat. I do like my serve as I'm pretty consistent with that, but I can't say much about the rest my game. I'm not like a cripple out there, but I'm not talented in that sport either if that makes sense. One game my team got beat 15-1, it was bad times, but fun nonetheless. Who all was in attendance? I'm sure I'll forget someone, but I'll go off the top of my head here: Fortney, Abbey, Buck, Bowers, Barron, Critchfield, Jimmy Mills, Pimpin' Money Mike, Sweet Pea, Aubrey (I probably mangled her spelling, but I do what I can), Darren, Critchfield's girl Laura, and myself.



I'm getting hooked on baseball cards again. I'm not sure what the deal is, but it's enjoyable. I'm working on the Topps Opening Day 2006 set and so is Walz (Happy 26th to him on Saturday!). It's not an expensive set, but I've put a decent bit of money already into buying boxes to complete this one. I'm not doing bad, but it's going to take a while. So far I've bought 5 boxes of this set and several random packs. Walz has bought a good bit too and eventually we'll go old school style and trade our doubles and dreaded triples. I'll update you guys (not that anyone cares) on how the set is progressing.

I had a bunch of other things to type in this one, but I'm not going to ramble on for 85 pages. I'll start to wrap it up. First, let's go with CDs that I recently got for those interested..



Luni Coleone & Hollow Tip: Still Wanted. Hey, I got another Bay Area CD, imagine that. These guys do it big.

Messy Marv: Hustlan.A.I.R.E. Bay Area's King of the Streets is at it again. On this CD you get Birdman, E-40, Keak Da Sneak, and B-Legit. I love the name of this CD first off, but this guy has some talent if you've never heard his stuff.

Oh No: Exodus Into Unheard Rhythms. This was recommended to me by #basketball hip hop guru Don-G. Think of Oh No as someone similar to Talib Kweli. He's one of those lyrical assassins, can't hate on that.

Pastor Troy: By Choice Or By Force. PT Cruiser's 2nd album this year. If you're in the mood for some grimey, mean, and yelling rap, he's your man. He definitely has his own style and voice and I've always liked it. Hop on board.

P-Dot: My Life Pictures. More Bay Area rap here. I can't get enough of it.

Rick Ross: Port Of Miami. Trick Daddy's protege. We have Lil Wayne, Jay-Z, Mario Winans, Young Jeezy, and Lyfe Jennings on this CD. I'm into his stuff and he has a mean edge to him and even looks like a dirty Trick.

Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/dani_fresh



3 Quick Thangs:

1. Normally you wouldn't catch me watching X-Games type stuff during the year. But when it's time for the X-Games, I somehow get sucked in and watch this madness every year. The BMX stuff is my favorite for sure. And Travis Pastrana did the first ever double backflip on a dirtbike in competition for whatever that's worth.

2. "No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either ya got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn."- Smokey from Friday.

3. A low budget WV MySpace, but you might just like it. Something different. Also, on my page there, check out Papoose's Faces of Death in my song box. Easily one of the most powerful chorus sections in a song I've ever heard. http://www.wvpage.com

Harold & Kumar Go To Cleveland

Time for a weekly post. Sometimes they come quicker, other times, not. That's how we roll around here. In this post, we'll talk about a number of things, but only one thing went down that was relevant to my week. As usual though, I'll still come through with a post for you to read through and hopefully it turns out with good reviews.



I'm not the type that posts a lot of jokes and stuff because people get sick of that junk in their emails. Speaking of, what's up with people forwarding stupid emails that you're never going to read anyways? I never did get that. Oh well, they must get a kick out of it. I was bored one day and clicked on someone's MySpace bulletin and actually read the thing for once. So I'll waste your time and post this joke that I thought was kind of clever. I'm not a guy that normally posts jokes because most people skip over them, but this one was new to me, so here you go:

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time. When the teenager had
enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?" The old man responded, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I
was just wondering if you were my son."

Yesterday was a trip to Cleveland with my boy Spank. I've been looking forward to this one for a while. No, it wasn't an Indians game as you might have guessed. This one was for Ring of Honor Wrestling and it was unbelievable. I'll talk about the wrestling part in a bit, but I'll start things off with the actual road trip. You can't ever have enough road trips is my theory.

I did the driving for the festivities. We rolled out of E-Town around noon or so. We hit up some Wendy's action in Bridgeport. We didn't think anyone would be at that one as we thought it was an old dirty dump that was about to be finished. It was packed, a madhouse. After that, we get on Route 50 and go about our business. A road trip with a guy that is a huge rap fan? That makes things better. Those don't happen much. I couldn't take all of my CDs in the car because that'd be a bunch, so I grabbed the case labeled "#-D", meaning all of my CDs that are alphabetically from a rapper starting with a number and going through the Ds. Almost 90 degrees and he's drinking coffee on the way up and I'm chugging some hot chocolate. We're weird cats.



We get into Cleveland which I love the city. Very easy to get to and you can't get lost. I'm a guy that sucks at driving and even I can handle Cleveland with no problems. On the way up for CDs, we listened to DMX, 6 Shot (nobody has heard of him reading this, but he's very good), Benzino, Biggie, and you can't roll into Cleveland without going with some Bone Thugs. As they famously say, "Cleveland is the city where we come from, so run."

So we get into town around 5:00 or a bit earlier and start checking out the area. We park for $10, which wasn't bad and it was close to where we needed to be. The Indians played at 7:05, a few blocks from where we needed to be, so town was hopping. We ate at this Tally place called Alesci's I believe it was. You can eat outside there, so that's what we did. I got a few strombolis (a fancy name for a pepperoni roll is what I always said) and it was good stuff. Also, while there, we saw this hot Tally chick outside working and doing the sales for the drinkers. Beautiful and had it all going on for her or so we thought. Everything was going great while checking that out until she busted out the cigarette. Doh! As me and my cousin Ozzie say, that's when she gets X'ed off our list, no questions about it, it's over for the girl then.

Then it was time to go to the Cleveland Grays Armory. They told us we could get tickets at 6:00, so we were one of the first in line that didn't get their tickets online. An hour later, and we're still in line. I'm talking about dripping buckets out there. Interesting crew we hung with while in line though to say the least. People from all over came to this show, you'd be surprised. Anyways, we get 4th row seats and have a great view. About 500 people were in the crowd. For anyone who is even somewhat of a wrestling fan, do me a favor and check out Ring of Honor, I can't say it enough. It's nothing like what you see on TV that is watered down. You get one of the most respectful crowds I've seen, great chants if they have to cuss people, and the in-ring action is bar none the best there is. My second favorite wrestling show in person ever, hailing only closely behind the CyberSlam 1999 ECW show at the best wrestling arena ever, the ECW Arena.



I won't bore anyone with too much of the actual wrestling part. I know most reading don't want to hear that. I will say though that the claim of Bryan Danielson being the best wrestler in the world is no joke. If he's not #1, he's definitely very high on the list. Just amazing stuff and in person it's even better. At the end of the night, the fans were chanting, "Best in the world!.." over and over. I also got to see a great Christopher Daniels against Christian match in which Christian lost. Generation Next's last night together with that name got beat by newcomers Davey Richards, Jerrelle Clark, and Irish Airborne in an insane 8-Man Dragon Gate Rules Tag Match. Yeah, I realize I'm typing this last paragraph to myself, but I won't go into anymore how awesome ROH was. They return to Cleveland on October 6th and I hope to be there again.

Time to wrap this road trip up. On the way home, we were starving. Spank was craving Pizza Hut, but it was closed, so I saw White Castle and knew that was our answer. I've never been, but I'm a huge Harold & Kumar fan, so that sold me. We ended up ordering 10 cheeseburgers, onion rings, clams, a cinnamon bun, sausage biscuit, and 2 drinks. The burgers are tiny though, but pretty good. I could probably eat 12 of them or so if I had to with no problem and I'm not a big eater. Spank figured he'd sleep the whole trip back, which I wasn't tired, so that didn't bother me. Back to the CDs. I listened to more Bone on the way out of Cleveland just out of tradition. Radio on this trip sucked. I couldn't even pick up a rap station in the area and there were no sports radio stations that would come in good, ugh. Radio, at least I gave you a chance. Back to rap the rest of the way home. I popped in some Clipse (best rap performance I've seen in person) and The Dayton Family for the rest of the trip. Got home around 4:30 and woke up around 2:30. Good times.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: http://www.myspace.com/ebonyjnyc

3 Quick Thangs:

1. CM Punk with his in-ring TV debut for ECW on Tuesday night, sweet.

2. Gum fans, does it get much better than Big League Chew?

3. Let's go with some birthday for Monday, July 31st. Wesley Snipes turns 44. Kevin Greene of the Steelers days is also 44. Superman Dean Cain goes for 40. Former Heisman Trophy winner Andre Ware hits 38. Another QB, Gus Frerotte, best known to me for headbutting the wall and hurting himself, Happy 35th. There ya go.

Redneck Fatties

Sometimes I make you guys wait a few days for a post, other times I make you wait almost a week. It keeps everyone on their toes. Besides, if I had a definite deadline, I'd feel like a bum if I didn't get a post in exactly when I said. I'm weird like that. Well, the week is up and it's time to open up shop and see what kind of stories (all true) I have for ya this time.



First things first. Movie fans, let's give a few quick reviews. Go see Clerks II as soon as possible. Please take my word on that. Me and Cork hit that up on Thursday at midnight in the mean streets of Fairmont. I was surprised of the crowd first of all. Second, at the end of the movie, the theater erupted in claps. No joke people, it was that good. I didn't expect it to be decent as it had high expectations from the original, but it's awesome. And for those who haven't seen the first, get out there and rent it or something. A possible Top-10 movie of all time for me is Clerks II, maybe I'm judging too soon. You get Jay, Silent Bob, the regular cast of characters, and also the beautiful Rosario Dawson. Guys, you need to see her dance scene on the roof, crazy good stuff. The second theater movie I've seen this week was Little Man. I'm a huge Wayans Brothers fan and stupid dumb comedies are my favorites. This one I was bored and just watched online (the joy of the internet) and it cracked me up good. If you like funny stories that you don't have to think about much while watching, here ya go, I recommend it.

Wednesday night I hit up Denny's with Cork. Don't you just love how I can just jump from day to day in here? I gotta keep your attention somehow. The theme of the night was goofy rednecks. This table of fatties thought they were the funniest thing ever. One kept calling the pay phone and it rang off the hook. Then their humor other than that was their big trucks. They'd drive around the lot as the others watched and laughed, then would come back and park their trucks sideways. Then they'd all get pumped that they were rebel enough to park their trucks sideways. I'm all for being goofy and laughing at middle school humor (hey, I just got done watching Clerks II and Little Man), but I'm not much for the whole redneck crowd. Just not for me.



Here's a shaving story for all to laugh at. I've talked in here before and most of my crew knows that I like being all smooth and stuff as far as shaving goes. I can't stand too much hair on me. Anyways, while shaving my chest the other day (not that much is there, but then again, I like the smoothness factor), I was going too fast and nicked up one of my nipples. It happens. Burns like crazy though. Come to find out, another one of my buddies has done that before, so I'm not the only one. Hey, at least I'm not a redneck who parks their truck sideways to fit in. Something different I like to add for anyone bored enough to read this space for each post I make, which I appreciate it.

Anyone internet radio fans out there? I've been trying Winamp Shoutcast Radio as of late. Cork got me hooked on this. I didn't even know about it to be honest. But any kind of music you want and there's tons of stations just for that genre. The rap stuff is where I hang of course and it's impressive. The names of the stations are funny too once you get inside. There's also a good comedy section of stations in there that are worth checking out. If you have Winamp and have never tried this, just click View, then Media Library. After that, go into Online Services and then Shoutcast Radio. Then you're in business to jam.



On the video game front, for now, I'm holding off on getting NCAA '07. I thought long and hard on this one. I'm fired up that they didn't make a GameCube version first of all. I have a PS2 and that was an option, but the PS2 makes me mad in that it takes forever (or as Squints says in The Sandlot, "Forevahhh! Forrreeevahhh!") to load. I'll probably wait till August 22nd when Madden '07 comes out. Yesterday I finally got Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow for Nintendo DS. Some reviews have rated it as the best DS game ever. That's high praise. It's very good though from what I've played in the past day and worth the purchase.

Yep, we're due to add some more CDs to the collection. Most skip through this section, but that's fine. Like I always say, there's a little something in my posts for everyone. My cousin Kari joked the other day that when she sees pics of the rappers, she just moves right along, hah. Fair enough.



Afroman: Drunk 'N' High. The title of the CD has nothing to do with what I'm into, but Afroman is one funny dude, so I might as well get this since I have his other albums. I'm always up for some comedy in my day.

Bone Crusher: Release The Beast. I wasn't big on Bone Crusher's first CD, but I'll give this one a chance. I like that he comes with some mean raps, so that's a plus. Will he just be a one-hit wonder from the Never Scared single of 2003? That one still holds up strong.

Boot Camp Clik: The Last Stand. This one is supposedly a release just for England, but it's coming to West Virginia anyways. These guys started out on the underground scene and seem to keep that tradition. They're big into lyricism and have a real good DJ in Hi-Tek. True hip hop, check it out.

Choppa: Coming Back Home. Da Real Choppa as he claims, as there's also Choppa from Puff's Da Band a while back. This one hasn't released anything since 2003, so he's definitely due. His first CD, Choppa Style was pretty good stuff I thought. "Chop-chop-choppa style". We all remember that chorus.

Pimp C: Pimpalation. This is a 2-disc set, but the 2nd was chopped and screwed which is garbage. Some big time characters on this CD such as Scarface, Lil Flip, Trae, Bun-B of course, Jazze Pha, Mike Jones, Slim Thug, 8Ball, MJG, Webbie, Lil Boosie, Mannie Fresh, Big Mike, Chamillionaire, Jagged Edge, Big Gipp, Z-Ro.. That's a bunch. He's ready to show his stuff after getting out of jail not too long ago.

State Property: The Gang Is All Here. This is what I'm talking about, quality stuff here. Freeway opens it off right from the get-go and straight brings it. That's worth it alone. The whole Roc La Familia is on this one and if there's Freeway tracks, I'm always interested. I'm also a big Young Gunz fan too.



Bird's Dirty Thug Ho of the Week: MySpace is mangled right now, so we'll go another option. It's Buffie the Body time. I've shown her pics on here before, and you've seen her in rap videos, but some legit ghetto booty here: http://www.buffiethebody.com/main.htm.

3 Quick Thangs:

1. Big list here. Let's go with some birthdays for Sunday, July 23rd: Baseballer Don Drysdale (maybe dead?) is 70. Woody Harrelson goes for 45. The Original NBA Big Dog, Antoine Carr, hits 45 as well. Slash from GNR fame is 41, but should've been dead about 5 times already. NBA Champion Gary Payton turns 38. Marlon Wayans is 34, funny how I talked about one of his movies above too. Good ol' Monica Lewinsky is 33. Runner Maurice Greene is 32. And last but not least, #basketball member Kris3, is 27.

2. Can you get a stiff neck and from doing too many crunches? Well, that's what I did. Doh.

3. I'm hooked on Crystal Light Peach Tea. No sugar, but it tastes like it does. Plus, it's easy to make.