Saturday, December 11, 2004

"This Is Torture!"

It was time to get another haircut. It was getting long for my standards, which really isn’t long at all, but the experience to hang with the world’s greatest barber is always worth it. He had some doozies for me on this trip. Several things went down, so that made things fun. When I get there, he’s cutting this kid’s hair who is about 4 years old or so. My barber has no patience anyways, so this was really getting to him with the kid. The kid asked him if he really knew what he was doing. That’s when he went on this rant to the kid’s Mom about how the kid probably goes to a chick hair person and they don’t know how to cut it and take time with it. He gave a good spiel there and I was loving how he hyped it up. Then once I was in the chair, things got a little more interesting. My appointment was scheduled for 4:00 and I got in the seat around 4:10 or 4:15. Usually he’s out of there on Fridays no later than 5:00 or so, but not this time. He had 5 appointments after mine..

The phone rings, which always is good entertainment because you never know if he’s going to cuss the guy out on the phone or say something else crazy. The 5:00 appointment calls and cancels. Uh oh. Wrong thing to do there with not any notice. My barber hangs up and pulls this one, “Fuckin’ 5:00 fuckin’ cancelled! Now I have to sit around here for a fuckin’ half hour and I still have 3 more haircuts to do!” He drops the f-bomb every other word anyways, but when he’s full of energy, it’s even better. His theory to fix his problem, “Just put me in traffic right now. I’ll wait till cars are going about 40 miles per hour, so when one car hits me, the others can’t stop. This is torture! Fuckin’ torture!”

Yesterday at “work”, it was movie day. Substitutes are basically a glorified babysitter when it comes down to it. Every now and then I actually have to teach something, which I like, but movie days I definitely won’t complain about. Get paid to watch movies? Count me in for that. I was with 8th Graders and the guy I was there for had them watching Tim Allen’s The Santa Clause the day before. We were to finish it yesterday. Sure, it is a kiddie movie, but it’s a good one. I had 5 classes, so I really got to soak it in, besides reading the new SLAM, doing fantasy NBA stats, and running around the place. Doing some research on the great, I find this movie was done in 1994, dang. The second one was done in 2002. I always thought Tim Allen was a pretty funny dude and if you’ve never seen this Christmas movie, it might be worth checking out. I had Johnson Family Vacation for backup. I got to watch about half of that at home and it was pretty funny, but I never got to see the end.

Tomorrow, this Sunday, we’re presented with WWE Armageddon. It’s a WWE Pay Per View, so of course I’ll be buying it. Taboo Tuesday doesn’t count, I’m talking about the ones on Sunday. Here, free of charge, is your preview for the arsenal of matches you’ll be treated to if you order this beast. We get a Fatal-Fourway WWE Title Match featuring Bradshaw as champ, The Undertaker, Eddie Guerrero, and Booker T. Then we get the US Title Match with Cena defending against Jesus. Well, not that Jesus, but a dude with that name, except it’s the “Hey-Zeus” pronounciation. For some reason, we have a Three-On-One Handicap Match as Big Show takes on Kurt Angle, Luther Reigns, and Mark Jindrak. Just let Angle go by himself, he can carry Show to a good match. In what is termed as a em>Dixie Dogfight Match we get the Tough Enough Finals, Dan Puder facing off against Real World legend, Mike “The Miz” Mizanin. How about what could be the best match of the night as Rob Van Dam and Rey Mysterio try to get the Tag Belts away from Kenzo Suzuki and Rene Dupree. The Cruiserweight Title Match has Spike Dudley bringing his gold against Funaki. Lastly, unless something gets announced tomorrow night, is the chick’s match, Dawn Marie (mmm mmm mmm) against Miss Jackie.

Today was the day that I first started putting stuff on my Christmas tree. Maybe I’ll put a pic of it in here once I’m done, but then again, maybe not. The first ornament each year is a must for our tree. We have to put the Larry Bird ornament on there. After all, he is the Basketball Jesus. I have a collection of sports figures and other things that we like to hang. What all is on my tree out of the ordinary? A Derek Jeter figure, Jason Giambi (roided up), a Celtics logo ornament, Yankees logo, Bears stocking, Mankind, Shawn Michaels, an Italian Santa, and on. I won’t bore you all with that, but it’s fun to do that every year.

On a sidenote, check out the Photoshop artwork that DerekHood did on Cork’s latest Blog. Derek does this as good as anyone I’ve seen over the years. It’s some funny stuff for sure. To go there, hit up Cork’s Blog at And hit up DerekHood’s at

Tonight is the SWAC Championship on BET. I always like to call it the Thug Bowl. That title truly goes to Grambling taking on Southern, but tonight we get Alabama State against Southern. The game I’m sure is a big interest, but that’s not the big thing here. During a regular game, most people get out of their seat during halftime to get into other happenings. Not at a thug school’s game. They bust out the Battle of the Bands. For not being a band dude in high school, you’d think I wouldn’t be interested in this, but these guys get down in a major way. They jam to all of the current hip hop joints. If you’ve seen the movie Drumline (highly recommended if you haven’t), you have an idea of what happens during halftime. Although that’s commercialized, it’s not too far out of what goes down. Not only are these guys cranking away their tunes to something like Tear It Up from Yung Wun, but they’re also putting the gangsta steps into it with some dancing. Stuff like this has the redneck whiteys like myself jealous. You also have the Dance Line chicks grinding away and doing things made only for BET UnCut at 3:00 AM. I always liked the dance better than cheerleaders myself, especially the ones at WVU. That’d be great to see whiteys having a Battle of the Bands, but we don’t have enough funk for that unfortunately. To hype up ManDingo High School (Liberty for the locals), on a level around this area, they can put it down pretty good for whatever that’s worth. That also gives me a cheap plug for ManDingo’s Blog at Dingo, you’re due for a new one, heh. The masses are waiting.

Speaking of BET, this week there is a testimony that Nas is giving. He talks about all kinds of topics. On the preview, they ask him about his song Ether from the Stillmatic album. This is the track that trashed Jay-Z and made him know his role. On the preview when asked about Ether, Nas says “It was a sad day for Jay, the Family, and that whole crew.” Speaking of disses, Eminem has a new video out called Like Toy Soldiers. In it, he pretty much says he’s tired of his beef with Benzino, then talks about the problems that 50 and Ja have had over the years. It’s pretty good if you’re into the lyrical aspect of rap. And again, back to Ether. Here’s the last verse of that, which brings some straight power:

Y'all niggas deal with emotions like bitches
What's sad is I love you 'cause you're my brother
You traded your soul for riches
My child, I've watched you grow up to be famous
And now I smile like a proud dad, watchin his only son that made it
You seem to be only concerned with dissin women
Were you abused as a child, scared to smile, they called you ugly?
Well life is harsh, hug me, don't reject me
or make records to disrespect me, blatant or indirectly
In '88 you was gettin chased through your buildin
Callin my crib and I ain't even give you my numbers
All I did was gave you a style for you to run with
Smilin in my face, glad to break bread with the god
Wearin Jaz chains, no tecs, no cash, no cars
No jail bars Jigga, no pies, no case
Just Hawaiian shirts, hangin with little Chase
You a fan, a phony, a fake, a pussy, a Stan
I still whip your ass, you thirty-six in a karate class
You Tae-bo hoe, tryna' work it out, you tryna' get brolic?
Ask me if I'm tryna' kick knowledge
Nah, I'm tryna' kick the shit you need to learn though
That ether, that shit that make your soul burn slow
Is he Dame Diddy, Dame Daddy or Dame Dummy?
Oh, I get it, you Biggie and he's Puffy
Rockefeller died of AIDS, that was the end of his chapter
And that's the guy y'all chose to name your company after?
Put it together, I rock hoes, y'all rock fellas
And now y'all try to take my spot, fellas?
Philly's hot rock fellas, put you in a dry spot, fellas
In a pine box with nine shots from my glock, fellas
Foxy got you hot 'cause you kept your face in her puss
What you think, you gettin girls now 'cause of your looks?
Ne-gro please
You no mustache havin, with whiskers like a rat
Compared to Beans you wack
And your man stabbed Un and made you take the blame
You ass, went from Jaz to hangin with Kane, to Irv, to Big
And, Eminem murdered you on your own shit
You a dick-ridin faggot, you love the attention
Queens niggas run you niggas, ask Russell Simmons
Ha, R-O-C get gunned up and clapped quick
J.J. Evans get gunned up and clapped quick
Your whole damn record label gunned up and clapped quick
Shaun Carter to Jay-Z, damn you on Jaz dick
So little shorty's gettin gunned up and clapped quick
How much of Biggie's rhymes is gon' come out your fat lips?
Wanted to be on every last one of my classics
You pop shit, apologize, nigga, just ask Kiss

Ay yo, pass me the weed, pour my ashes out on these niggas man (no doubt)
Ay, y'all faggots, y'all kneel and kiss the fuckin ring

God's son" across the belly, I prove you lost already
The king is back, where my crown at?
(Ill...will) Ill Will rest in peace, let's do it niggas


Cork said...

Ether might be the greatest diss song evar! If Jon only knew how bad his haircuts were. Yeah he can give a normal haircut to a guy with normal hair, but I doubt I'd ever go back to him. I'm bald enough as it is.

josh said...

It just doesn't get any better than Nas. After seeing his commercial on BET earlier when we were talking on AIM, I ran out to my car and grabbed Stillmatic and listened to that while working out and then while playing some NCAA. I need to cop his new joint.

Ether simply doesn't get old. Got Urself A Gun is rock solid too.

I'm the N, the A to the S-I-R, and if I wasn't, I must've been Escobar.

The Book said...

LMAO at Thug Bowl

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