And that's realer than Real-Deal Holyfield
And now you hookers and hoes know how I feel
Well if it's good enough to get broke off a proper chunk
I'll take a small piece of some of that funky stuff
It's like this and like that and like this and uh
It's like that and like this and like that and uh
It's like this and like that and like this and uh
Dre, creep to the mic like a phantom
How about that little pimp with some big earnings in Monopoly. He knows how it's done.
Instead of Dre getting on that mic like a phantom, I’ll take reigns of the Blog the rest of the way. Thanks for the help though Snoop. I have to set the scene. Last night, I get a call from my buddy Posey. He’s a local guy, but lives in Maryland now, so only gets a chance to come in a few days a week. His chick lives in Fairmont where they have a place, but he called me up. He asked if I was doing anything. Like I ever do on a weekend night. So I obviously said nope and asked him what was the deal? He asked if I wanted in on some Monopoly action. You just don’t say no to that one. It’s like a sandlot game of baseball. It’s tough to organize nowadays, so when the offer comes, you drop what you’re doing (in this case, me living on the internet 24/7, so it wasn’t like I was busy during the call) and make the trek. Cork was up for the battle too, so I waited on Cork to get out of work to pick me up. My boy Spank comes over and he’s also a big Monopoly guy, so he jumped on the offer. We roll to Fairmont in Cork’s pimped out beast, jamming to some Project Pat.
Once we get there, we have to deal with one of those 2 pound dogs that jump 20 feet in the air and yip and yap. That was a problem from the beginning. What he needed was some Sweet Chin Music to the face to let him know his role. Also, we had to deal with the cigarette action, but since it’s Monopoly, I can handle being around smoke. You have to pull all stops for Monopoly, so you focus out on what is going on around you other than the game itself. We set the game up and it’s myself, Cork, Spank, Posey, and Posey’s girl Scherri. My piece was the hat if anyone needs specific details. During the game, we order chicken strips from Papa John’s. This was my first time getting chicken from Papa John’s and it’s underrated. Me, Cork, and Scherri get one order a piece. Big Spank doesn’t mess around as he can out eat anyone, gets three orders for himself, and has it gone basically in the same time that I finished my one box. Spank also had the move of the night. He pulled the Randy Orton (wrestler; for those who don’t know that move, it’s the funny fake to a person like you’re about to drill them in the face, but come up like an inch short to scare the life out of them) to the dog all gangsta style. That shut the dog up for quite a while. Oh, you wanted to know how the game went? Well, I came in 3rd Place. Respectable, but by no means was it dominating. I always say though, I don’t care if I come in last place in Monopoly, I have just the same amount of fun as if I was winning. I just love long games is my thing. Posey went out first, with Scherri coming in 4th. And TEH WINNAR was Big Cork Dizzle. He hoared all kinds of property and made out like a bandit for a trade early in the game that helped soar him into Donald Trump status. I didn’t get the ghetto properties last night (dark purples), so that was a disappointment. That’s by far my favorite pieces to own. What’d I own? I owned all the light blues, both utilities, and all railroads. You’ll have to check in with Cork (www.corkzilla.blogspot.com) to hear his side of the Monopoly game, as I’m sure he’ll say more in depth of his strategy in his next Blog coming late tonight possibly.
As always when I’m with my boys, I hear a random assortment of chick advice. Not that I’m looking or anything, but that doesn’t mean I’m not paying attention to the pimp game that Cork and Spank put on. A classic quote from Spank last night was, “If ya ain’t a husband, don’t be a husband.” Basically what he’s saying there is don’t be with them 24 hours a day and be their slave. Then he goes on to say that no point of being with a chick unless it’s something serious. He’s not the type to play games I guess, so he’ll tell it how it is. Cork’s chick situation changes by the day, but I wish him the best of luck in his slangin game. If you read his Blog, you’re caught up on his world. Spank’s girl has an Italian/Catholic roommate who likes to cook and clean. There has to be something I’m not seeing there right? That’s the highest of high quality there. Stuff you can bring home. But I’m not looking. Besides, I have no cash flow coming in during the summer. Being a bum is fun.
With July 4th happening this weekend, does it get any more funny (funnier? teh funny?) than rednecks setting off fireworks. I’m not sure how it is in most areas across the country, but necks around here get fascinated by blowing up stuff and setting fireworks off. It’s like the greatest thing evar to them. They can’t afford to buy anything all year round other than beer and cigs, yet they always seem to put more money into their fireworks than the local fire department does. That theory always has me cracking up. As the saying goes, “they don’t have a pot to piss in”, but buddy look out on July 4th. Little kids in the street almost getting lit up by these crackheads, old neighbors not knowing what is going on, and all kinds of madness. It’s entertaining stuff to see. Sad, but entertaining.
After Monopoly last night, I get home around 2:30 or so. I thought the game would go on for much longer than that, but oh well. Then I proceed (“as we proceed” as Puff would say) to talk to my buddies online that don’t sleep such as Cork and Derek, among others that were around in the wee hours. The night was just beginning. Although I didn’t accomplish a thing, I was still up to 7:30 in the morning. Yes, I’m an idiot. I wake up at 2:45 and my sinuses are killing me. At 2:50 as I’m watching the Yankees game, Spank rolls over and is ready to battle in ping pong. Granted, I just walked downstairs and sat down, but like Monopoly, you can rarely turn down a good game of pong. So without eating and being a mess, I battle and battle some more. Between me, Dad, one of my uncles (6’5”/240 who plays a mean power game), and Spank, we had some great matches going on. Spank was at it again, as he’s really been on lately. His spin game really has an advantage on a power player like me. And for the first time evar, he beat Dad, so that’s an accomplishment.
After I’m done ringing wet after hardcore pong action, I get a quick shower, do the shaving thing, and then roll to church. And since Snoop helped us out earlier, I’ll let him in with a few more of his quotes at the end of my post. “Chuuuuch! Preeeeaachhh!” On tap for the rest of the night? As DerekHood would say in his Blog, JACK SQUAT! But that’s ok. I’m sure I’ll still be up all night. Happy 4th of July to all and to all a good night. Or something.